whw references the Trooper Coates shooting, where the trooper hit the bad guy 5 out of 6 rounds with 125gr .357mag ammo from a 4" duty revolver, but was still killed by this bad guy since he was able to return fire.

Momentum means nothing in pistol bullets, neither does kinetic energy, various power factors, etc. Only hitting the bad guy in a vital structure means anything in real life.

Kieth is someone I talk to on occasion, and we have had long conversations on this and other subjects, and Evan Marshall is a friend of mine as well. Both will tell you that the "one shot stop" is not a tactical philosophy, it's merely one unit of measurement, Evan will advise that one should "shoot to slide lock" when defending yourself (assuming the bad guy is still up and dangerous).

In my personal experience, I know of dramatic one shot stops with the 125gr .357mag Remington load we used to carry back in the wheelgun days, but I also know of failures to stop with the same load, and have been party to an incident where a .45 through a bad guy's chest dead center resulted in a total failure to stop for several minutes.

If I had to choose between the 64 or 65 I'd get the 65 for the greater availability of ammo due to being able to use both .38 and .357 ammo.

At my job the 124gr +P 9mm has been working rather well on bad guys for a long time, so I quit worrying about internet and older rumors to the contrary.
The mid-range loads such as the 135gr Gold Dot or Remington Golden Saber are still hotter than a +P .38, but noticeably more controllable than full house loads, and ballistically very similar to our 9mm +P duty ammo with a proven track record, those would be my first choice for defensive ammo in a 3" .357 revolver.
Past that the 158gr +P LSWCHP, the 135gr Gold Dot, or the Cor BOn DPX are excellent defensive .38 loads.

Frankly, for defensive use you are better armed with your .45, but I carried a K frame wheelgun for duty and defensive use for years so I can't say it's a bad choice.