The dreaded “It’s the gun or me” gauntlet...

venomballistics said:
I'll add to this by offering "even a good marriage is like combat. countless hours of boredom separated by moments of raw abject terror"
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But the rewards are out of this world!

My marriage started with a blind date, being told by her "If you touch me before marriage you will lose a hand and me!" and she started with me saying "I'm a Borne Again Christain and do not believe in sex before marriage!". 11 months later we were married.

We celebrated 18 years last Sunday (9-11). There have been some rough times but the "D" work has never came up, and we can both honestly say we are more in love today than 18 years ago. The biggest reason we get along so well? I can't post it as it could be a rule violation (discussion of religion), but I will say it is the main comman element in our relationship.
 
Any woman I dated "seriously" also got taken to the range.

Problem solved right there.

I've had my wife disagree about my desire for some things, but never got any ultimatum.

The "ultimatum" is the sign of a bad relationship, IMHO.
 
Dateing is done for two basic reasons:
Sex
Desire to find a parnter.
If it is Sex--don't marry her or anyone.
Partners are a search/investigation/communications/complicated.
Some folks enter a relationship to find a marriage partner and are not honest---they think they can change the other AFTER getting married.
Marriage based on feelings is dangerous---those feelings change or disappear to be replaced by different feelings/desires.
I have been married for a number of years and I am glad I did not marry for sex--not that the sex is not good.
I wanted a good/solid woman of sound mind and serious.
I wanted to marry another before her--I thought she was exciting (and she was). Boy am I glad I changed my mind.
Now I am a stoic & I knew that I needed someone very stable to handle my personality.
It did not take long for me to determine that Ann was suitable---maybe not as exciting---but a woman made for marriage.
If I were her I would not have married me---she is a heck of a woman---I call her the Hen---always tending-which leads to some amount of conflict but we are both hardheaded and we have a way of ignoring each other.
Blessings
 
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I have been married for 37 years. The most important thing that I learned was the ability to ignore her complaining and to do what I wanted to do whether she like it or not. I try not to complain about what she does. If I had to do it again, I would be living by my self out in the middle of nowhere with a range in my back yard.
 
mg357 said:
After reading through all of the replies to this thread i can honestly say that i have a lot of decisions to make before i get married.
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less about decisions and more about rules of engagement really.
what constitutes a fair deal must be well defined
the hot topic of sex is sure to pop up as well as other things;)
the hardest part of that is determining whether or not you really want to keep what your going to shoot.
We all tend to blow off a good number of bad signs along the trail, we are kinda used to the little manipulations and chess like maneuvering and all too often just come to accept it as part of a relationship. look for the absence of these head games and you will fair far better than most. You might be waiting a while for your future mate to grow up before you find her, but its worth it. You yourself need to be a complete person beforehand. expecting another to fill in your blanks is a failure waiting to happen.
 
Some of these stories make me appreciate even more what I have. My wife, Robin, is great. She just doesn't have any hangups about stuff. Whatever it is, she's ready to rock and roll with it.

Here's Robin sending one down range with an AR-50.



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Dear Barb C,

I am sorry your situation has become what it is. You have been an entertaining and interesting asset here on the Forum.

However it works out I hope it works for your benefit.

Regards.
 
About 5 years ago my wife came to me and said that she would submit to me and my decisions. Well didn't that just take the wind out of my sails. There was no need to win a fight there was no purpose in fighting. What it did was give me time to realize that I'm not always right. I pick my battles no matter how easy they are to win because she is 9 out of 10 times right. I'm at the top of the pecking order and have no more wind mills to defeat. If I want a gun, unlike before, I would weigh the options carefully. Would she give me a ultimatum? Nope that would start a fight. She would never do that she is as good as it gets. Not say I haven't bought a few that she just bit her toungue but I know by the look in her eye that I messed up. I wouldn't have anybody else. Doeboy
 
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BarbC said:
I don't know... we had a really good marriage and friendship until he retired and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere except to the garage and drink. Everything I did to entertain myself, he had a problem with because it took attention away from him. So after two years of him screaming at me to quit whatever I was involved with at the time, he demanded a divorce in a drunken snit fit and then refused to take it back because he "didn't want people to think he didn't mean what he said" and he "has his pride."

He also has my house, my furniture, my safe, my dog, my friends. Oh, and I had to quit the job I love because I couldn't afford to live where I worked on the income I was making part-time. He refuses to keep me on any of his insurance once we're divorced. For all of this, he said I could have $20,000. He wanted the divorce over with in 90 days. I have balked and the proceedings are stalled at this point.

So I left and went to do some work in a far away place to stay busy, make a difference, and be completely out of my element so I don't get depressed.

And that's where we stand.

And it's a shame.
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Hi, BarbC:
Just woke up and came on the post.
If you have an attorney-get a better one!
It sounds to me that you are being taken to the cleaners.
Just my opinion.
Jimmy
 
BarbC, I would agree with Jimmy. I think you're getting a raw deal and need a really good attorney. I also agree that it is a shame, sadly some people change in a bad way and hurt those around them. I hope things work out for you.
 
It doesn't matter what he wants---get a good attorney.
Men should be beat with a baseball bat on a regular basis when they get into those days. Men are really stupid when it comes to getting older.
I think I should prefice this with "SOME MEN"/all men sometimes.
Blessings
 
How about...it's your job, or me? I went through 2 wives ( out of three ) before I retired. Both knew, obviously, before we married that I was a cop. But, being gone 9 hours, to around the clock, turned out to be to much for them. Snitches knocking on the door day and in the middle of the night..stoned..munchies, stink..etc., I had to deal with it ( no, that's wrong, I wanted to deal with it ) and they couldn't.

I was totally up front with them BEFORE the marriage about all of it.

I worked out of uniform, and when I made Sergent, it only got worse.

Yes, I was in control of the home front, but I WAS honest with both of them.
I'm sure I'll get different opinions. But my job was my job, and there was no doubt about how much I loved it for anybody who knew me.

The wife who stuck it out has been with me for 32 years..I think what happened before her was just basic training...
 
BarbC said:
I don't know... we had a really good marriage and friendship until he retired and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere except to the garage and drink. Everything I did to entertain myself, he had a problem with because it took attention away from him. So after two years of him screaming at me to quit whatever I was involved with at the time, he demanded a divorce in a drunken snit fit and then refused to take it back because he "didn't want people to think he didn't mean what he said" and he "has his pride."

He also has my house, my furniture, my safe, my dog, my friends. Oh, and I had to quit the job I love because I couldn't afford to live where I worked on the income I was making part-time. He refuses to keep me on any of his insurance once we're divorced. For all of this, he said I could have $20,000. He wanted the divorce over with in 90 days. I have balked and the proceedings are stalled at this point.

So I left and went to do some work in a far away place to stay busy, make a difference, and be completely out of my element so I don't get depressed.

And that's where we stand.

And it's a shame.
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he may have his pride but his common sense and decency are absent. It's not like you were doing anything that anyone else doesn't do. And your entertainment was a lot better than what he was doing. personally I think he's going to have to look long and hard to get anyone half as good. maybe he will wind up with the kind of woman his kind deserves.

In the meanwhile you need to get a good lawyer and get a decent settlement instead what he thinks you should have.
 
Guns and Bikes

Second date I told my wife about the guns. "There here to stay". 20 years later a Harley shows up. She was PISSED. Same story. It wasnt about the money, it was talint time away from her. CONTROL! Never give up your liberty but also don't neglect the lady. Mine has guns of her own and a seat on the bike if she wants to participate
 
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