While recoil is very subjective, most people find that a .380 in a small pistol (like an LCP, for example) has more felt recoil than a 9mm. Plus, 9mm is less expensive and more available. If she has tried a 9mm and doesn't like it (although there are a large variety of pistols chambered for 9mm, and felt recoil can vary widely) then it isn't the right caliber for her.

First, I would suggest that she go to a range and try renting a bigger sample of guns, especially in 9mm. Failing that, if she is focused on a .380, I would definitely suggest the Bersa Thunder .380. It is by all accounts a very pleasant shooter, reliable, inexpensive, and Bersa offers a lifetime warranty with good customer service. Other than that, if she wants to go even smaller, there is the S&W BG380 or the Ruger LCP...but many complain of recoil being excessive.

I just bought a Bersa yesterday...it is a new model, the BP9CC, which is a 9mm designed for concealed carry. I would suggest that, but they are hard to find right now (according to all reports; I saw one in my local gun shop yesterday, and bought it on impulse) and I doubt that there would be any available for rent.