Fast powders vs slow burning powders also play a part in a loads recoil ..........one can be a quick snap and one will roll back on recoil.

I try to use the slowest powders that will give me the fastest velositys...........some really slow powders like imr 4227 are so slow they do not give you top velositys, until you are using the really heavy bullets.

In short barrels powders near the burn rate of Unique should give you the best fps vs recoil, PP or HS-7 if you have it ?

In the 9mm you might try a box of Federal 147 HST if you have the money or can find it..........
medium recoil and a Quality SD bullet !!
The 125 GDot in the .357 is all you will need, even at only 1200 fps, it is close to the Remington light mag factory load.