I for one think you are expecting too much as far as recoil and muzzle blast from moderate loadings with a heavy for platform firearm. What you find disappointing is what many folks that shoot .357 desire. Mild recoil from legitimate .357 performance ammo. The magnum suffix in firearm caliber does not stand for brutal, but larger as it pertains to it's parent case. I take many new to handgun shooters to the range and a good medium/large frame .357 revolver is what many of them enjoy the most, even with legitimate .357 magnum loadings. Being pleasant to shoot and easy to acquire accuracy is the reason.

There are are loads that will give you more recoil and muzzle flash/blast. Odds are they will not "wear" the gun out any faster than what you are shooting now. I doubt tho, that they will satisfy your desire to be overwhelmed with recoil and flash in the firearm you have. Big recoil and absolute velocity with my mag revolvers has never been a priority to to me. If I want to see fireballs coming out the barrel of my .357s, my go to H110?W296 hunting loads in low light give me all the show I want. If I want more recoil and more power, I shoot something bigger. The beauty to me in the caliber is the accuracy that can be achieved, while enjoying the shooting experience. While the .357 mag is a powerful caliber, in a long pipe N-Frame configuration, even with legitimate .357 loads, it's gonna be relatively pleasant to shoot if you have decent grips on it and it fits your hand. Nuttin' else to say.