During the first week of the academy we all walked into a classroom with a table up front with all sorts of weapons. Nightsticks, slappers, brass knuckles, even a set of thumb screws.

The instructor asked the class what our "Most Effective" weapon would be and predictably most of us chose the sawed off shotgun.

He smiled, reached into his starched shirt pocket to produce his department issue ballpoint pen......"Your reports will be written in the third person....." and so it began. We learned and came to appreciate those of us who could "weave the facts" into a compelling tale.

But today we are speaking of something entirely different when we talk about "tactical pens" and of course, since I fly frequently I have learned to love the feeling of the K-9 pressing it's nose in the crack of my britches while I'm minding my own.

Being a Texan I have always had a fascination with Bolo ties. String ties for those who live "up yonder". I always felt that they were something that maybe old men or actors playing a part in a movie wore. One day I glanced in the mirror and decided that it was no longer of any value to be in denial.
Somehow I had slipped into old man territory. Being semi-senile I thought it might even be a good idea to wear one with my Stetson on a recent trip through Chicago O'Hare airport. I thought that maybe my Lucheese boots might have given them a clue since they are all world known for their "profiling acumen".

She points at my solid brass bolo and says "What that?" I knew I shouldn't, but remember I can play the senility card now.......So I told her that if my flight is delayed I'm proceeding to the Men's Room to hang myself. I thought it was pretty funny.....they didn't.