One glaring error in this discussion is that Newton's third law does NOT say that ENERGY is equal or conserved in action-reaction.
The Force is equal on both bodies, and since from second law F=ma, it is MOMENTUM that is conserved, and is equal and opposite.
Recoil calculator:
Recoil Calculator
"Felt recoil" is subjective, but tends to be more with increased energy or acceleration (sharpness).
So if you keep the MOMENTUM (power factor in USPSA) the same in two loads, the heavier bullet traveling slower will have less energy and probably less felt recoil. That's why nobody uses 100gr bullets in .45 to achieve Major Power in USPSA.
Of course, if you don't have to meet any power factor and just want a hole in paper, you can get away with light bullets and just enough fast powder to get the bullet out of the barrel.