You actually are in a very good position. The 9mm Parabellum has become the most popular self-defense cartridge for both police and civilian use for some very good reasons. The same reasons, in fact, that once made the .38 Special revolver the overwhelming choice of police and civilians: moderate recoil and moderate cost. The market share means that you can go into any gunshop and find a decent load. It's really not an either/or situation: "This load will always work and this load will never work". Get any major brand 115 or 124 gr hollow point. Shoot a box to make sure it works in your pistol and you're good to go.