Revising My Carry Plan To Granola

[Flattop5]

I used to carry a pizza instead of a pistol, as you recall.

But with today's violence, I have re-examined that idea. Now, with all the Marxist antifa thugs about, I needed a new plan. So I'm going to carry granola bars instead of a big, heavy pizza. If I get way-laid by these thugs, I'll just toss them some granola, and presto! They'll leave me alone while they busy themselves with their new vegan treats. Because we all know that Marxists love granola (and salads). I could also go the other way and toss them a steak, and they'd run for the hills because they hate meat. But I digress...



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[dusty3030]

As I get older I think I would prefer just an overcoat, comfortable shoes, and a claymore mine strapped to my chest - nothing else.
That way when the group of thugs just about has me run down I'll spin around, throw my coat open and hit the detonator. We can all leave this world together in one great big flash.

[ContinentalOp]

Why not both? Granola as primary, and meat-lover's pizza as a back-up in case the granola doesn't work. After all, one is none and two is one.

Oh, and make sure it's gluten-free granola.

[glenwolde]

Given you're in Arizona, how about you just throw them a joint...that'll distract them.

[diyj98]

Pistols or weapons of any other kind will no longer be needed. The country will be healed and violence will be a thing of the past. Just know your duty to your county comrade. The government will now take care of you.

[Flattop5]

Originally Posted by diyj98

Pistols or weapons of any other kind will no longer be needed. The country will be healed and violence will be a thing of the past. Just know your duty to your county comrade. The government will now take care of you.

Yes, comrade-ski! We'll all hold hands and sing Bolshevik songs as the government guides our lives from cradle to grave-ski! We'll drink vodka-ski and reminisce about the KGB-ski! Da, comrade-ski! Da! Down with capitalism-ski and that orange Nazi, too...


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[Old_Cop]

Granola gives me gas, but not enough to power my pickup.

[mikerjf]

Become a Violence-Interrupter yourself. That way you’re guaranteed safe. It’s right there in the plan.

[dwh]

I’m just going to ride my unicorn to work everyday under a perpetual rainbow. Because millions depend on me. Snowflakes would never harm a unicorn.

[fredj338]

Raw hamburger may be a better option.

[Ziggy2525]

Originally Posted by glenwolde

Given you're in Arizona, how about you just throw them a joint...that'll distract them.

May be the best choice.

When you look at the mug shots of the rioters arrested in Portland with the glazed over eyes and 1,000 yard stare, there definitely looks likes there’s some substances on board.

[dirty & hairy]

Yoga pants.

I've been told nothing stops a riot faster than a new pair of yoga pants.