Wife not happy with my efforts to protect the family.

growr · #51 12-25-2021, 03:17 PM

Would a can of bear spray be a viable solution for your wife?

Wasp and Hornet spray to the face is also very disabling...draws NO attention either.

Randy

Doc1500 · #52 12-25-2021, 03:27 PM

I want to thank everybody for their comments and opinions and ideas I really do appreciate it. Now that I have 2 handgun safes and one big safe everything is loaded and ready to go. The comment of my wife wanting her living room looking nice I totally get that I'm considering moving to handgun safe to another part of the living room.
My wife knows guns and actually shoots my pistols very well. She's not anti-gun , I just think that she thinks I'm a little over the top with my preparedness. And sometimes she mentions "well we don't live in Brooklyn."
We do live in a pretty good neighborhood and most of my neighbors all have guns, multiple guns.
Sometimes I wonder why she doesn't remember a drunk neighbor walking into our house one night about 6 years ago. There wasn't a problem and she talked him into leaving. We are definitely going to have a sit-down and a discussion and she's going to know where I stand for sure . maybe she'll become a little more aware.

Sevens · #53 12-25-2021, 03:27 PM

Coming home when you are away to a house full of unsecured firearms is a horrendous idea.

crstrode · #54 12-25-2021, 05:02 PM

Home carry negates the need for randomly scattered guns.

BE Mike · #55 12-25-2021, 05:05 PM

Unfortunately many people don't feel a need for a gun, until they personally experience a bad situation where a gun would have been a handy tool to have around. She isn't opposed to having a handgun for defense in the house, but is opposed to where it is located, according to your post. Ask her opinion on where she thinks the best place would be for the handgun safe. Maybe you can come to a compromise.

Sikiguya · #56 12-25-2021, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crstrode

Home carry negates the need for randomly scattered guns.

That is one strategy…but would you rather not have a New York reload? Or an Ar at the ready?

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URIT · #57 12-25-2021, 06:59 PM

Ask your wife to read some of the articles at Kathy Jackson's website corneredcat dot com. Kathy addresses this issue in one of her articles.

I doubt you'll get much mileage by using male logic to convert her.

WR Moore · #58 12-25-2021, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc1500

My wife knows guns and actually shoots my pistols very well. She's not anti-gun , I just think that she thinks I'm a little over the top with my preparedness. And sometimes she mentions "well we don't live in Brooklyn."
We do live in a pretty good neighborhood and most of my neighbors all have guns, multiple guns.

I mentioned in another thread I was once the intended victim of an armed robbery right next to a Federal Courthouse. You might mention that to her, along with the fact that it was broad daylight with a traffic cop in sight.

"Safety is mostly a myth" Hellen Keller.

vipermd · #59 12-25-2021, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sevens

Coming home when you are away to a house full of unsecured firearms is a horrendous idea.

I agree, that is why they go in a safe when we leave. Be Safe.

DeplorabusUnum · #60 12-25-2021, 07:44 PM

One night around 10PM, I got a text from my wife asking if I was at the front door. I was 50 miles away, and texted back "get the gun". The dogs were at the front door going crazy, and someone was wiggling the front door knob. My wife calmly went to the bedside handgun safe and pulled out the Glock 19. She sat there patiently waiting for me to come home (I made sure to let her know this time it was me at the front door).

A couple of days later there were pictures circulating from neighborhood security cameras of a homeless guy with a hammer and a knife trying to enter homes through the front door. Fortunately, no one opened their door, so no one really knows what he was planning. It's not hard to guess though.

Later, I asked if she was terrified, and she said "no, not at all". Had he managed to get our door open, our dog Jake would have torn him limb from limb. Had we not had dogs in that situation, my wife would have needed that gun. No use having a gun if you don't know how to use it or aren't prepared to in a dire situation. Also no point in having a gun with the bullets in another part of the house.

Cal44 · #61 12-25-2021, 07:55 PM

Sounds like you need a home defense assistant.

A big dog.

Or two.

RWPBR · #62 12-25-2021, 07:58 PM

My Wife and I have an agreement. She lets me be the Husband and I let her be the Wife.

jubela#4 · #63 12-25-2021, 08:22 PM

If she thinks you’re a “gun nut” she would consider me insane. I’d keep buying a few more guns.
Luckily my wife is a gun nut also so I don’t have issues when I bring another one into the house.

As some have suggested consider a dog if not only for being an alarm by barking when some undesirables are around.

Sikiguya · #64 12-25-2021, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sevens

Coming home when you are away to a house full of unsecured firearms is a horrendous idea.

Hence the dog.

Either the crazed barking or absolutely lack of barking will be an indicator.

Also, you fellas that say carrying your carry gun all the time will take care of anything, what are you worried about?

Just because I have guns at my house, doesn’t mean they are just sitting around where you can find it.

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BlackRhino · #65 12-25-2021, 09:27 PM

If you take the time to understand where she is coming from, you have a much better chance at communicating where you are coming from. Right now, it sounds like neither of you sees the other’s perspective.

Muss Muggins · #66 12-25-2021, 09:31 PM

Did anyone call the police?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeplorabusUnum

One night around 10PM, I got a text from my wife asking if I was at the front door. I was 50 miles away, and texted back "get the gun". The dogs were at the front door going crazy, and someone was wiggling the front door knob. My wife calmly went to the bedside handgun safe and pulled out the Glock 19. She sat there patiently waiting for me to come home (I made sure to let her know this time it was me at the front door).

A couple of days later there were pictures circulating from neighborhood security cameras of a homeless guy with a hammer and a knife trying to enter homes through the front door. Fortunately, no one opened their door, so no one really knows what he was planning. It's not hard to guess though.

Later, I asked if she was terrified, and she said "no, not at all". Had he managed to get our door open, our dog Jake would have torn him limb from limb. Had we not had dogs in that situation, my wife would have needed that gun. No use having a gun if you don't know how to use it or aren't prepared to in a dire situation. Also no point in having a gun with the bullets in another part of the house.

GerSan69 · #67 12-26-2021, 11:17 AM

Women. Can't live with them, can't trade them for more guns.
I feel for ya, Doc. I wish you well and hope your wife turns out to be one of the rare ones that can be persuaded with a thoughtful presentation of the "why" you want to do what you're doing.
I'm fortunate that my own spouse is good with guns. She has her own and likes to get an occasional new one, especially if there's some color to it. Not long ago I picked up a purple SCCY 9mm with the red dot sight. She likes it.
I like the protective dog thing, too. We're way out in the rural part of Metro Phoenix, but it's still not 100% safe. No illegals roaming thru the yards, but we aren't far from where that is getting to be common, so it's probably just a matter of time. We have our own dog pack of 10 (with plenty of room for all) and 3 of the bigger ones, Dobie-Mastiff mixes, have appointed themselves the protectors. They have on more than one occasion confronted folks that come in the yard without calling ahead. They have their own tactics: as long as the person stands still, they're content to simply surround him and wait for Mama or Papa to tell them it's OK or not. If the person gets aggressive or refuses to stop for them, they will (and have) knocked them down and made them wait. (I didn't teach them... they must've seen it on TV , no joke!) Thank God for laws that are pretty specific about stuff like that.
Anyway, best of luck and remember that "Happy wife, happy life" and "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" are two of the truest things ever said regarding marriage.

(That's my appropriately-named boy "Hunter" in the photo.)

BB57 · #68 12-26-2021, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sikiguya

Well, because that isn’t the only gun that is situated around the house. There are more…

I added that one because I wanted to provide anyone needing one in the living room.

I don’t carry at home because there is usually one nearby. Also, I rather be comfortable lounging in sweats..My carry gun is usually set on top of the fridge.

If you have to QuickDraw an intruder, you have already lost. You should have had better locks, doors, dogs, and situational awareness.

Apparently you didn’t read the post I made directly above your response - multiple levels of security etc.

The problem with leaving guns scattered all over the house is that you’ve got guns scattered all over the house, but you still don’t necessarily have one close enough at hand.

If you conceal carry instead, it’s always at the ready, yet still secure. Plus if you are going out to get the mail, gas, groceries whatever, it’s already on you so you won’t get lazy and or be tempted to leave it at home.

Sevens · #69 12-26-2021, 11:56 AM

The problem with guns scattered all over the house is that it’s treasure island for anyone who breaks in to the house, especially if you aren’t home and you arrive on scene when they are still there.

BB57 · #70 12-26-2021, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sevens

Coming home when you are away to a house full of unsecured firearms is a horrendous idea.

One of the unfortunately valid anti gun arguments is that irresponsible gun owners create a source for criminals and prohibited individuals to obtain firearm, primarily through theft. A gun safe for example, would have prevented Sandy Hook as her mentally ill son would not have been able to easily access her firearms while she was sleeping.

Most gun owners probably don’t have mentally I’ll people in their homes, and leaving guns scattered around the house isn’t as bad as leaving one in an unlocked car, but it’s close, as you still don’t have full control of who entered your house when you are out.

I see lots of people getting concerned about having a fire safe but the fact is about 95% of handguns while at home are do to theft, not fire. It makes me wonder why so many folks are fascinated with prepping for the low probability threat while almost totally ignoring the much higher probability threat.

Sikiguya · #71 12-26-2021, 12:05 PM

Two can play the same game.

What if you carry and you get it taken away? perhaps you were surprised or your family is threatened and they demand you surrender your edc. What then?

I don’t think my method is the only way. I do see some validity in carrying while at home. For some of us, we simply chose a different method. But please don’t make it your way is the only way and the rest of us are moron.

There is no telling what scenario will unfold where we have to react.

Some of your description of scattered guns in the home made me laugh because I have seen such a home. A couple of brothers on West Virginia has a farm house. You couldn’t trip over a gun take 2 steps in any direction. There must have been 2 or 3 on every stair leading upstairs. No problem finding a gun…

Wife not happy with my efforts to protect the family.

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Kanewpadle · #72 12-26-2021, 03:22 PM

My wife respects guns and understands their role. But even if she wanted to she can’t handle any firearm because of arthritis.

Some of you know I’m a locksmith. My exterior doors are steel reinforced with commercial deadbolts. We turned our bedroom into a safe room. I replaced the 1 3/8 hollow core door with a solid wood 1 3/4 door. Fully reinforced and a commercial deadbolt.

An old cell phone sits on a charger inside dedicated to that room as well as a few guns. As a last resort she may be able to use one.

I would recommend this approach.

Baltimoreed11754 · #73 12-26-2021, 04:06 PM

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Applies to just about everything we do or event that can happen to us. Storms, fires, floods, a camping, hunting or road trip, an accident, a robbery, breakin or a mass shooting event. The odds are that we will never have a violent encounter in our lifetimes BUT I want whatever edge I can give myself for anything that might happen.

sourdough44 · #74 01-20-2022, 07:35 PM

Good luck coming around here. She may not bite, but nobody’s sleeping through it.

Doc1500 · #75 02-02-2022, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pisgah

Rude/obnoxious/insulting comment deleted.
.

sir you can keep your ignorant comments to yourself.

Valmet · #76 02-02-2022, 09:52 PM

Are there kids in the house? If no, sometimes the best way to secure a gun, is simply to have it out of sight/well hidden (where the two of you know where it is)...I respect your notion that a safe route is to lock away/separate guns and their ammunition but maybe a handgun hidden safely away is a possible Avenue?

rogerwnuss · #77 02-02-2022, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alwslate

Explain to her once in detail why you’re doing what you’re doing and then tell her the subject is closed and you don’t want to hear any more about it.

That never worked for Ricky Ricardo....

Echo40 · #78 02-03-2022, 12:58 PM

Sadly, in my personal experience dealing with family members who are gun-shy, much less anti-gun, there's just no convincing them that firearms are necessary for adequate self-defense, nor that firearms aren't inherently dangerous objects which just go off at random.
Furthermore, I have assessed that even in the event in which they were faced with their own imminent demise, so strong is their aversion to firearms that they would sooner attempt to flee than grab/use a firearm which was right beside them. I know this because I've had family members who just narrowly escaped/evaded an attacker, yet still wouldn't so much as consider carrying a firearm afterwards.

As a result, I gave up on trying to gently convince them, and rather demanded that they respect my decision to carry a firearm as I have respected their own decision not to.

I know it's a shame and that you wish that your wife would only see reason, if not do you the courtesy of keeping a firearm close by for your own peace of mind, but folks who don't like guns don't change their mind or budge from their stance on the subject anymore than firearms enthusiasts such as ourselves would change our stance.

If you want to, give it one final chance, try to explain to her how important her safety is to you, explain how much you worry, and ask that she keep a pistol close by, just in case she should ever need it. If she still resists, then put the subject to bed, because frankly if her aversion to firearms is stronger than her own empathy/consideration towards the feelings of her own husband, then it truly is a hopeless task.

BAM-BAM · #79 02-03-2022, 02:31 PM

Older thead..... but check out a company called "Tactical walls".

Furniture with hidden compartments for whatever

I've got one of their full length mirrors built into a wall.... mirror slides to the side .... to house a 20 gage and M&P 9.

Other companies make furniture with hidden compartments.

black1970 · #80 02-03-2022, 05:30 PM

No further than arm’s length to a handgun if a thug or anything else runs through your front door. That’s all.

Mike_Fontenot · #81 02-05-2022, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heinz

Your wife may not want to shoot anyone.

The interesting question to me is this: If she were actually facing a very bad guy who obviously was about to do her grave harm, would she STILL not want to shoot him?

Mike_Fontenot · #82 02-05-2022, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BB57

I have never understood this approach.

I conceal carry from the time I am up and dressed until the time I get undressed and get into bed. Then the carry gun goes in a holster on the side of the bed and under the bed spread.

A++

Quote:

Today, since it’s Christmas, I asked my wife what gun I should wear for Christmas. I opted for some bling so I’m carrying my nickel plated 39-2.

D--

(I'm not a fan of switching back and forth between carry guns ... pick one and stick with it.)

max503 · #83 02-05-2022, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlHunt

Really, I can't imagine my own wife resorting to name calling and derisive commentary.

Bearing in mind that we only have your perspective, if it's accurate, I'd advise moving on. Or, ask her to jump in here and give us her perspective.

Some people feel like they just got to express their opinion. I let them but OTOH I pretty much ignore them. My wife and I have an unwritten rule not to discuss politics. We disagree 180.

Grayfox · #84 02-08-2022, 05:52 PM

A bit late to this thread, but I'll add my own thoughts.

You wanna change a woman's mind? Yeah, good luck with that.

I prefer small yappy dogs. They alert me to a problem. I deal with it.

My late wife knew guns and could defend herself. But was also a feisty, full blooded Italian girl. Honestly, I'd feel sorry for anybody who dared to confront her.

Chief Wiggums · #85 02-18-2022, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc1500

I'm hoping for some insight from the community.

I asked her why she didn't go grab a pistol from the gun safe in the bedroom before she open the door, she said it was too far to the gun safe.

my .02
a gun in a safe (that you cant access) wont keep you safe
my safe is for storing surplus.
the kids are gone which allows us to "stage"

jewie27 · #86 03-01-2022, 03:28 PM

divorce lol

CouchPotato · #87 03-02-2022, 11:02 PM

Here's my takeaways from what you posted.

1. She's familiar with guns
2. She's not opposed to guns but also not enthusiastic about them
3. She's pissed because you're screwing up the look of her living room.
4. She's not very concerned with having to defend herself.

Number 3 is the important one. I have some experience in retail furniture sales. Most wives are fairly tolerant of most things their husband does until they try to mess around with how the living room looks. Odds are that in her mind, the living room is her room, and she just let's you use it.

Find a lock box that will fit inside the existing furniture without changing the look of anything. If you don't, every day she'll look at that thing, get pissed, and lash out at you in all kinds of ways until she has destroyed your life.

How the living room looks is something she probably cares about more than she'll admit and far more than you can imagine.

sigp220.45 · #88 03-03-2022, 07:14 PM

The thread that won’t die!

Let me offer this -

I used to work with an FBI guy who had killed two people in different incidents. One when he was a Sheriff’s Deputy in MT and once as an FBI agent. He was a SWAT guy and very knowledgable. He hunted deer and elk and was a regular old boy.

He was in Great Falls and I was on the Blackfeet rez so we saw each other often. Once he came to the rez to arrest a tribal guy who had effed up off the rez. We found the guy and he bolted. My buddy was 6’3” and a solid 200 and could run all day. The guy he was after was 5’9” and 240 with a life of frybread eating behind him. My boy could have caught him in a block but just jogged behind him, looking back at me (in my 4wd) and grinning like a madman. Eventually the bad guy ran out of gas and my buddy walked him to my rig with his arm around his shoulder like a long-lost cousin.

He carried a SWAT-issued 1911 which he tossed in the trunk of his ride like a cabbage when he got home every night. His wife was a beautiful farm girl and he had two little kids. He had a 9 iron by his bed and that was all he needed. He never even carried a gun off duty.

Later we both wound up in Denver. He still had the 9 iron and was doing just fine.

A heartfelt plea - don’t let this stuff mess up an otherwise good marriage. The odds of ever needing a gun to defend the homestead are vanishingly small. Just do what you can and move on.

tnmandpshooter · #89 12-04-2022, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BB57

Have all the guns you want, but that’s only a single layer of home defense.

Our house has lighted signs indicating our security company in the front and back yards and stickers on the windows in case they miss the signs.

Talk to any professional theory and they’ll acknowledge those signs work. The service may or may not be active, but there are plenty of softer targets to consider.

There are also security cameras that observe the front door, two views of the front and back yards and entrances and a camera on each side of the house, with one also covering the d rive way and garage door. They are mounted high when possible and are conspicuous. There is also adequate lighting to identify anyone in the drive, or front or rear exits.

Most professional criminals don’t want to get caught and will again seek a softer target.

They display on a small screen in the house and upload to the cloud so it also makes it easy for us to observe who is knocking at the door before we get anywhere close to it.

Then we have properly set deadbolt locks on the doors and 3M film on the back door glass and the easy to access windows. They can still be broken, but they’ll have to work at it and it’ll take time.

Then of course we have the security system with door and window sensors on all the first floor windows, as well as glass break alarms in the windowed rooms.

Once the alarm is activated any their knows it will attract attention from neighbors and that their time is also now limited before police respond. In our case we also live on a circle off the end of a single access road about a malfunction mile long. There’s one way out to a single road with no other intersections for about a half mile each way. It’s not someplace a criminal wants to activate and alarm and then hang around. There are also two police officers who live within a quarter mile of our house, so police cars parked nearby is a majority of the time event.

Finally, we have me and my concealed carry self, as well as an MP5 located for quick access in a bedroom, where my wife is most likely to be if there is a break in at night when I am gone.

We could further improve that by getting a large mean sounding dog. We used to own a Sharpei that was a perfect family dog and would scare the bejeezus out of anyone who came to the door when we were not home.

We have trail cameras around the property the cell tower version ones. We have an 8 camera system that covers every door, vehicle, and yards.

We have those cameras plugged into a 32" tv in the living room.

Front door has a metal entry door. The front storm door is security style with the bars and plexiglass with the dead bolt and regular lock. The front metal door has a keypad lock on the dead bolt and a regular keyed lock on the handle.

We don't have an attack dog just a red tick hound outside who barks when people or other animals are around.

We have no trespassing signs up all over our property. I have a gun safe and guns in it but I do keep a shotgun out in the bedroom for home defense.

I carry everyday. I have a lifetime Tennessee carry permit as well as a off duty law enforcement carry card.

Layering security is always the best option and I to do not open the door without my pistol in hand.

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Rustyt1953 · #90 12-04-2022, 08:47 PM

The OP hasn't logged on in 6 months.

I wonder how he and the missus are getting along.

marct375 · #91 12-04-2022, 08:59 PM

Motion activated video doorbell, dog would be a good idea if your lifestyle permits it. Pepper Spray?

No reason to create a conflict. Find a mutually satisfactory solution to the perceived problem.

"Never teach a pig to sing. It doesn't work and annoys the pig."

Narragansett · #92 12-04-2022, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rustyt1953

The OP hasn't logged on in 6 months.

I wonder how he and the missus are getting along.

Well post #76 may have had something to do with that???

biku324 · #93 12-04-2022, 09:09 PM

I never wonder why women specifically can be unenthusiastic about a ready gun in the house.

Homicide

• 1 in 2 female murder victims and 1 in 13 male murder victims
are killed by intimate partners.
• A study of intimate partner homicides found 20% of victims
were family members or friends of the abused partner,
neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement
responders, or bystanders.
• 65% of all murder-suicides are perpetrated by intimate
partners.
• 96% of murder-suicide victims are female.
• Most intimate partner homicides are committed with firearms.
• Abusers’ access to firearms increases the risk of intimate
partner femicide at least five-fold. When firearms have been
used in the most severe abuse incident, the risk increases 41-
fold.
• While the overall rate of intimate partner has decreased,
intimate partner femicide has increased in recent years,
driven by an increase in intimate partner femicide committed
with a firearm.
(citations omitted for this post; they're on the original doc at the below address)

https://assets.speakcdn.com/assets/2...?1596828650457

murphydog · #94 12-04-2022, 09:13 PM

This thread has more than run its course...closed.