Yep. I agree. All of my kids were instructed to never consider Deer season as an option for nuptuials as me and my check book will be in the woods.

Would a 2nd gen red neck be like if your dad and his sister moved to LA during the dust bowl and you only call mom aunty when you're mad at her?

My wife says I am the original "You might be a Redneck if..."

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Insert short witty words here

Do we qualify? My wife sharpens a chainsaw better than I can.

Damn...no dening it I guess

I don't know if I should start on this or not. This is from actual experiences. It could last awhile. All of the stuff below should start with "you might be a redneck if"....

1-You've duct taped the spoiler on your rusty groundslide that is riding on four "doughnut" spare tires.

2-You move in your baby momma's momma to get even with the baby momma for sleeping with your room mate. They're still together sorta..he's been in jail since October, but she still comes to see him when she's sober. She actually came to visit drunk once and was convinced not to do that again.

3-You call in a complaint and when the deputy gets there you have a meth/crack pipe sticking out of your pocket. This has happened more than once.

4-You ask a LEO to jump-start a stolen car.

5-You leave your state ID card at the scene of a burglary. He didn't qualify for a driver's license.

6-You've been married to your first cousin for 50 years and can't figure out why your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren act so stupid.

7-You won't keep your alligator, pitbull, rattlesnake, bull, goats, or children on your own property.

8-You give all eight of your children the same first name (George Foreman did not invent this) and call them by the second name.

9-Your children have visable tapeworms. I actually called an ambulance and DHS at the same time on this one.

10-Every house you've ever lived in burned down. I know several like this and they don't necessarily benefit financially when it happens.

11-None of the cars you own that still run have mufflers...or insurance...or a tag that matches the car.

12-Your idea of eating out involves vienna sausage and orange soda in the parking lot of a gas station.

13-You go to a gunshow for the free snuff samples. (I did this yesterday)

14-Moonshine is harder to get than meth.

15-Your wealth is perceived by the number of junk cars in your yard.

16-You are considered uppity if you mow your lawn.

17-A virgin is also the star on the track team.

18-You chastise your 14 year old daughter for smoking in front of her children at the dinner table.

19-Everybody loads up to go visit Momma on Mother's Day...at the prison. She got there for killing Daddy so they go to the graveyard on Father's Day.

20-You spend a lot of money on a chandelier (sp?)....for a doublewide trailer.

21-You get three DUI's in four days and don't think there is a problem. My ex-wife called me about this last week concerning her brother.

22-You get most of your wardrobe from gunshows. I'm guilty of this.

23-You have a roofing hammer engraved on your headstone. He died of an overdose.

24-You consider yourself a CEO just because you sold a lot of dope before you got caught.

25-You have chickens in your yard to teach your kids how to walk.

26-You throw your kid in the creek to see if he knows how to swim and he doesn't.

27-You've ever had an explosion in a house or a trailer because you were too screwed up to follow the directions.

28-You are first cousin to your girlfriend and have a couple of "practice kids" to see if they turn out OK and they don't and you marry her anyway.

29-Your ragged trailer/shack has a trampoline with a slit down the middle, a Camero on blocks, and one of those old gigantic metal satellite dishes in the yard.

30-Yard ornaments are previous appliances.

31-There's not a sign on your road that doesn't have bullet holes in it.

32-You think you are making a profit every time you take beer cans to the scrapyard.

It's bedtime now.

Whew!

Mr. Sherrill;
You may have cross the boundary.
I think a few of those are slanderous to Redneckdom.

No truer words than "Stupid is as Stupid does."

#8 rings true. Grandma always called me Richard, my middle name. Jimmie was the first name of most of the males in my family. My father and one uncle were picked up "by the side of the road" and added to the family during the depression. My father got lucky at the namin. My uncle was named "Cloise Nemo". Cloise rhymes with Joice. First and second name. He was always called CN. Truly badass folks. Grandma was the one of the nicest people I've ever known. She was a church goin lady. Me an my cousin Jimmie Joe would play in the barn and gramma would always warn us if she saw a copperhead in the barn when she milked the cow that morning. She took those lumpy green things that look like oranges (only green) I think she called em hedge apples, cut em in half and dryed them out. Then she painted them like flowers. She put a coat hanger stem in them and "planted" them in the claw foot bath tubs in front of the house. I remember the storm celler had 3 feet of water in it and turtles swimming around down there.

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SOS USA

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK WHEN.......

* YOU LET YOUR 14-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SMOKE AT THE DINNER TABLE IN FRONT OF HER KIDS.

*THE BLUE BOOK VALUE OF YOUR TRUCK GOES UP AND DOWN DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH GAS IS IN IT.

*YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES AND STILL HAVE THE SAME IN-LAWS.

*YOU THINK A WOMAN WHO IS "OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE" BOWLS ON A DIFFERENT NIGHT.

*YOU WONDER HOW GAS STATIONS KEEP THEIR REST ROOMS SO CLEAN.

*SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED RIGHT AFTER SAYING, "HEY, Y'ALL, WATCH THIS."

*YOU THINK DOM PERIGNON IS A MAFIA LEADER.

*YOUR WIFE'S HAIRDO WAS RUINED BY A CEILING FAN.

*YOUR JUNIOR PROM OFFERED DAY CARE.

*YOU THINK THE LAST WORDS OF THE "STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" ARE "GENTLEMEN START YOUR ENGINES."

*YOU LIT A MATCH IN THE BATHROOM AND YOUR HOUSE EXPLODED RIGHT OFF IT'S WHEELS.

*THE HALOWEEN PUMPKIN ON YOUR PORCH HAS MORE TEETH THAN YOUR SPOUSE.

*YOU HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE FRIDGE.

*ONE OF YOUR KIDS WAS BORN ON THE POOL TABLE.

*YOU THINK LOADING THE DISHWASHER IS GETTING YOUR WIFE DRUNK.

Wow! Charlie, you outdid yourself with those! Wish I knew Foxworthy's phone number; he'd use those in a MINUTE!

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MARK

You know you're a redneck when you use your hunting and fishing license as ID to get your marriage license.

There are no original redneck jokes.

They are all recycled aggie jokes.

:-)

rayb

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"cumplo pero no obedezco"

You meant "only twice," didn't you? As written, probably most of us qualify.

Anyway, you might be a redneck if you tell your wife you're going to get her car painted, and then send her out for a six-pack and a can of Rustoleum.

you're a redneck if the blue book value on your car depends on how much gas is in the tank.

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Forum consigliere

A fella walked into my store last Sunday morning and his first words to me were "Where's yallzins bathroom at"?

"Yallzins"?

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VIVERE MILITARE EST

If you have weeds growing in the dirt that's in your pickup bed, YMBAR.

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VIVERE MILITARE EST

....If all the liberals you know have guns.

Oh wait, that may just be a Wyoming thing.

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2 Blessed 2B Stressed

Here is a truly original redneck (me) joke,
I know I'm a redneck 'cause I have more new posts on the S&W forum than I do in the 1/8th mile of fence I built last year.No, really!

Peace,
gordon

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better have that checked

Jeepers Gordon do you have to be so blunt. Me too. I wrecked out a 1/4 mile between me and the neighbor last year and put in about 85 posts with 5 strands of new barb wire. This year I start on the south 1/2 mile along the highway. South central MO, close to FLW? Yep wees rednecks.