|
|
|
05-19-2010, 11:20 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: KS cattle country
Posts: 308
Likes: 189
Liked 472 Times in 125 Posts
|
|
Any original you might be a redneck if Jokes?
Anyone have any?
Here's mine.
you might be a redneck if you've ever damaged a vehicle
with a lawn mower.
__________________
I fish, therefore I lie
|
05-19-2010, 11:30 PM
|
|
Absent Comrade
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Central South Carolina
Posts: 7,215
Likes: 6,581
Liked 12,383 Times in 2,810 Posts
|
|
You might be a redneck if your grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironin' board.
f.t.
__________________
South Carolina-God's country
|
05-19-2010, 11:32 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NE Iowa
Posts: 5,450
Likes: 1,956
Liked 3,499 Times in 1,287 Posts
|
|
If you've ever mowed the lawn and found the car you lost.
|
05-19-2010, 11:46 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 298
Likes: 0
Liked 2 Times in 1 Post
|
|
Used a bucket to stand on, when theres a ladder 10 feet away.
|
05-20-2010, 12:38 AM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,521
Likes: 33
Liked 249 Times in 118 Posts
|
|
"If you've ever taken out a yellowjacket nest with a can of WD-40 and a Zippo lighter ...."
(Yes. Yes, I have. More than once.)
Hope this helps, and Semper Fi.
Ron H.
__________________
Wishin' don't make it so.
|
05-20-2010, 12:46 AM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Eagle River, AK
Posts: 569
Likes: 1
Liked 87 Times in 23 Posts
|
|
Original or true?
If you've ever planned the date of your daughter's christening so that you and her Godfather could go to the NASCAR race in town the next day, you might be a Redneck.
|
05-20-2010, 02:53 AM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,006
Likes: 18,958
Liked 3,523 Times in 1,126 Posts
|
|
If you've ever borrowed a set of tires so your car could pass inspection...
__________________
John
|
05-20-2010, 07:20 AM
|
|
Moderator
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Great Lakes State
Posts: 29,903
Likes: 12,808
Liked 34,036 Times in 7,994 Posts
|
|
It’s not a joke to my friend Tom!
If you’re on your way to a gun show and you sideswipe your daughters stored pickup with your pickup while backing around the plow truck that your wife has been telling you to move to the barn… yup, that just might qualify!
__________________
"I also cook."
|
05-20-2010, 08:10 AM
|
|
Absent Comrade
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Central South Carolina
Posts: 7,215
Likes: 6,581
Liked 12,383 Times in 2,810 Posts
|
|
Not original by any means,but I love it!
"You might be a redneck if you go to a family reunion to pick up girls."
f.t.
__________________
South Carolina-God's country
|
05-20-2010, 10:31 AM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Gun lovin\' Hollywood Ca.
Posts: 10,238
Likes: 7,741
Liked 18,707 Times in 3,792 Posts
|
|
If you live anywhere between NY and LA.
__________________
Thirty characters. Exactly...
|
05-20-2010, 10:51 AM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: GVL TN
Posts: 3,937
Likes: 1,359
Liked 2,549 Times in 1,098 Posts
|
|
If you measure distance in beers .
If your wife and both ex-wives are sisters and all are aware of your long time affair with their momma --- (I really knew this group)
__________________
In dog years I'm dead.
|
05-20-2010, 12:33 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On da Bayou Teche
Posts: 18,456
Likes: 18,544
Liked 58,865 Times in 9,669 Posts
|
|
.....a hot link and a 16 oz from the local stop and rob is a perfectly acceptable way to start the morning.
__________________
Forum consigliere
|
05-20-2010, 01:11 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Central FL
Posts: 3,829
Likes: 468
Liked 527 Times in 181 Posts
|
|
If the couch on your porch is nicer than the couch in your living room.
|
05-20-2010, 01:27 PM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: south central missouri
Posts: 2,396
Likes: 987
Liked 2,270 Times in 654 Posts
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadAye
If you measure distance in beers .
If your wife and both ex-wives are sisters and all are aware of your long time affair with their momma --- (I really knew this group)
|
I guess that I and many of my friends are rednecks. the one about the distance in beers actually happened. A buddy of mine asked me one time, bout 95 or 96 if I would help him load a motorcycle after work one day,and when I asked how far out of town it was, he actually said "'bout two beers"
You also might be a redneck if you have been married 5 times and still have all the same inlaws.
Wow, I am officially a redneck.
gordon and BTW, I knew exactly how far 2 beers was. (2 miles) in the summer, bout 4 in the winter.
__________________
better have that checked
Last edited by G.T. Smith; 05-20-2010 at 01:32 PM.
Reason: afterthought
|
05-20-2010, 02:27 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Unaka Mountains in TN
Posts: 457
Likes: 234
Liked 122 Times in 36 Posts
|
|
You might be a redneck if you...
...have a washing machine on the porch.
...have more than one car on blocks.
...have a pool table in the kids' room.
...have a moonshine still in the guest bedroom.
...ever flunked an IQ test.
...take a bowling ball to a funeral.
...light fireworks by sparking your battery cables together.
...drink moonshine from a lemonade can at the church social.
...flip your burgers with a putty knife.
...clean your ears with a screwdriver.
...go deer hunting and miss opening day because of a hangover.
...keep pliers and a wrench in the sun visor.
...hold the fender or bumber onto your pickup with vise-grips.
__________________
You are what you learn.
|
05-20-2010, 03:03 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: GVL TN
Posts: 3,937
Likes: 1,359
Liked 2,549 Times in 1,098 Posts
|
|
Quote:
...go deer hunting and miss opening day because of a hangover.
|
In that case - You ain't no red neck!
The city boys that come out here *to hunt* might just be so hung over that they miss opening day.....
Miss OpeningDay? Oh My!!!! I think I need to pop a Nitro Pill after reading that...
Miss opening day? Oh My!!
BTW - Doesn't everyone drink their moonshine from a lemonade can at church socials?
__________________
In dog years I'm dead.
|
05-20-2010, 04:31 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On da Bayou Teche
Posts: 18,456
Likes: 18,544
Liked 58,865 Times in 9,669 Posts
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadAye
In that case - You ain't no red neck!
The city boys that come out here *to hunt* might just be so hung over that they miss opening day.....
Miss OpeningDay? Oh My!!!! I think I need to pop a Nitro Pill after reading that...
Miss opening day? Oh My!!
BTW - Doesn't everyone drink their moonshine from a lemonade can at church socials?
|
Got to agree with you on that one. The day I miss opening of Duck Season cause I drank too much the night before is the day I quit drinkin. Hell, now that I think about it, the last opening day I missed was 28 years ago and the reason for that is that I got Married the night before-still getting grief about that one
__________________
Forum consigliere
|
05-20-2010, 04:47 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florence, Alabama
Posts: 2,070
Likes: 1,894
Liked 1,146 Times in 306 Posts
|
|
Calling Charlie Sherrill! Somehow, I feel that his contribution to this thread is sorely needed.
__________________
MARK
|
05-20-2010, 05:11 PM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC, Davie County in the T
Posts: 138
Likes: 77
Liked 6 Times in 5 Posts
|
|
Picking up girls at the family reunion is a great idea.
|
05-20-2010, 05:27 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 379
Likes: 0
Liked 13 Times in 10 Posts
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidA
Picking up girls at the family reunion is a great idea.
|
Now wait just a minute! That would mean your own family would be your inlaws! You better think about that!
__________________
Big bang, much smash'em.
|
05-20-2010, 05:28 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: ohio usa
Posts: 503
Likes: 131
Liked 117 Times in 71 Posts
|
|
If'n you got a (UNCLE DADDY)
You might be a Redneck!
|
05-20-2010, 05:30 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,018
Likes: 18
Liked 303 Times in 153 Posts
|
|
You know how to tell if your neighbors are Amish Rednecks?
Dead horse up on cinder blocks in the front yard.
|
05-20-2010, 05:42 PM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: illinois
Posts: 6,296
Likes: 1,850
Liked 6,685 Times in 2,117 Posts
|
|
If you ever wore a Budweiser shirt to a DUI court appearance.
|
05-20-2010, 06:51 PM
|
Banned
|
|
|
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 1,164
Likes: 0
Liked 109 Times in 53 Posts
|
|
Your firearms are worth twice what your car is.
|
05-20-2010, 07:33 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Gun lovin\' Hollywood Ca.
Posts: 10,238
Likes: 7,741
Liked 18,707 Times in 3,792 Posts
|
|
Hey, I heard some of these before...he said original!
__________________
Thirty characters. Exactly...
|
05-20-2010, 07:58 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pensacola
Posts: 1,839
Likes: 979
Liked 1,432 Times in 663 Posts
|
|
If you're having your boyfriend's mother's boyfriend's baby.
If you think vinegar is a racial slur used at the tag office.
|
05-20-2010, 08:51 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seaside, Oregon
Posts: 6,336
Likes: 25,041
Liked 12,586 Times in 3,792 Posts
|
|
I once fixed a Canon AE-1 35mm camera with duct tape. I figure that puts me in the right category.
I also took a load of trash to the local dump, and while I was there, found a load of lumber which I took home with me. I don't think that's original though, I think I remember Jeff saying, "If you go to the dump, and come home with more than you took..."
|
05-20-2010, 09:46 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Alexandria,MN
Posts: 368
Likes: 48
Liked 4 Times in 3 Posts
|
|
If you stop at the Pawn Shop on the way to your wifes funeral.
True story
__________________
Garage Logician
|
05-20-2010, 10:28 PM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,797
Likes: 192
Liked 1,112 Times in 558 Posts
|
|
If you like watching the movie "Easy Rider" so that you can cheer for the guys in the pickup truck.
|
05-20-2010, 10:37 PM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Friendship, Tennessee
Posts: 106
Likes: 13
Liked 19 Times in 9 Posts
|
|
If you have ever had a corndog for breakfast......
|
05-20-2010, 11:56 PM
|
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: deep south
Posts: 1,598
Likes: 773
Liked 777 Times in 230 Posts
|
|
Daaaannnng, I'm not say'n how many of these, I do.
I don't see what the big deal is about the reunion thing.
|
05-20-2010, 11:57 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: GVL TN
Posts: 3,937
Likes: 1,359
Liked 2,549 Times in 1,098 Posts
|
|
Quote:
If you have ever had a corndog for breakfast......
|
Mmmmm corndogs...
Does cold pizza and beer count as RedNeck? Or is that a pretty universal breakfast?
__________________
In dog years I'm dead.
|
05-21-2010, 02:25 AM
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,463
Likes: 800
Liked 3,052 Times in 1,009 Posts
|
|
I could always tell when it was going to rain by looking at my neighbors fence. If the laundry was hung on the barbed wire fence I knew rain was coming for sure.
|
05-21-2010, 07:30 AM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Deepest, darkest, Indiana
Posts: 6,195
Likes: 3,375
Liked 6,188 Times in 1,895 Posts
|
|
Rebuilding the Chevy 265 in the kitchen.
__________________
SOS USA
|
05-21-2010, 11:50 AM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Unaka Mountains in TN
Posts: 457
Likes: 234
Liked 122 Times in 36 Posts
|
|
I forgot to clarify that that would be a NORTHERN Redneck not a SOUTHERN one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadAye
In that case - You ain't no red neck!
The city boys that come out here *to hunt* might just be so hung over that they miss opening day.....
|
__________________
You are what you learn.
|
05-21-2010, 12:58 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florence, Alabama
Posts: 2,070
Likes: 1,894
Liked 1,146 Times in 306 Posts
|
|
If you have to clear the carburetor off the kitchen table so you can eat dinner.
__________________
MARK
|
05-21-2010, 12:59 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: st pete fla
Posts: 2,871
Likes: 5,648
Liked 2,763 Times in 1,213 Posts
|
|
Redneck = Bubba?
If you take a pristine Milsurp rifle and make a huntin' rifle out of to improve it?
|
05-21-2010, 04:10 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 631
Likes: 10
Liked 192 Times in 84 Posts
|
|
If you duct-taped your mailbox to the post. (down the street from my house...)
|
05-21-2010, 06:30 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 2,826
Likes: 368
Liked 1,171 Times in 373 Posts
|
|
If your lying through your tooth.
|
05-21-2010, 07:38 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On da Bayou Teche
Posts: 18,456
Likes: 18,544
Liked 58,865 Times in 9,669 Posts
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by max
If you ever wore a Budweiser shirt to a DUI court appearance.
|
Actually that's what a coon *** does-seen it happen several times.
ALso kinda funny when the guy with the Bob Marley T shirt shows up in court for the possession of marijuana charge. Can't fix stupid-best thing to do is sit back and enjoy it.
__________________
Forum consigliere
|
05-21-2010, 08:53 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,973
Likes: 95
Liked 336 Times in 138 Posts
|
|
if you have a flat on the boat trailer so you just borrow one off of the house.
|
05-21-2010, 11:52 PM
|
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 883
Likes: 958
Liked 431 Times in 185 Posts
|
|
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A REDNECK
CHURCH WHEN..........................
1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the finance
committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of
a chandelier because none of the members knows how to
play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people ask,
when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used
to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if when the
pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if opening day
of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if a member of
the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't
get out of."
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the choir is
known as the "OK Chorale."
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if in a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last
names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people think
"rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the baptismal
pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
__________________
NOT SO FAST,, NOT-- SO-- FAST
|
05-22-2010, 08:38 AM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 6,926
Likes: 179
Liked 4,301 Times in 2,112 Posts
|
|
You might be a redneck it the first thing you do with a brand spanking new Jeep is put it up on blocks and start "improving" it. You are a redneck if it never comes off those blocks.
|
05-22-2010, 09:05 AM
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 116
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
|
|
You might be a redneck if your girl friend beeps when she backs up
|
05-22-2010, 09:18 AM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Port St. Lucie, FL and Waynesville,NC
Posts: 97
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
|
|
red neck
If you can't find the rocking chairs on your front porch.
|
05-22-2010, 01:19 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 123
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
|
|
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
|
05-22-2010, 06:47 PM
|
Member
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 383
Likes: 2
Liked 10 Times in 7 Posts
|
|
Redneck Fire Alarm
|
05-22-2010, 10:07 PM
|
US Veteran
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,663
Likes: 762
Liked 2,879 Times in 417 Posts
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbC
If the couch on your porch is nicer than the couch in your living room.
|
and it is upon cinder blocks! (o;
|
05-22-2010, 10:50 PM
|
|
Administrator
|
|
|
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 27,003
Likes: 8,981
Liked 48,749 Times in 9,255 Posts
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by CAJUNLAWYER
Hell, now that I think about it, the last opening day I missed was 28 years ago and the reason for that is that I got Married the night before-still getting grief about that one
|
Anyone dumb enuff to marry a woman that is inconsidrit enuff to plan a weddin widout considrin opnin day dezervs whut he got.
__________________
Regards,
Lee Jarrett
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
|
|
|
|