Smith & Wesson Forum

Go Back   Smith & Wesson Forum > General Topics > The Lounge
Forum Register Expert Commentary Members List


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-20-2010, 12:20 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: KS cattle country
Posts: 76
Likes: 8
Liked 11 Times in 10 Posts
Default Any original you might be a redneck if Jokes?

Anyone have any?
Here's mine.

you might be a redneck if you've ever damaged a vehicle
with a lawn mower.
__________________
I fish, therefore I lie
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-20-2010, 12:30 AM
fat tom's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Central South Carolina
Posts: 5,692
Likes: 3,656
Liked 6,647 Times in 1,745 Posts
Default

You might be a redneck if your grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironin' board.
f.t.
__________________
South Carolina-God's country
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-20-2010, 12:32 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NE Iowa
Posts: 5,065
Likes: 1,350
Liked 2,561 Times in 1,035 Posts
Default

If you've ever mowed the lawn and found the car you lost.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-20-2010, 12:46 AM
649 Bodyguard's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 300
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Talking

Used a bucket to stand on, when theres a ladder 10 feet away.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-20-2010, 01:38 AM
Ron H.'s Avatar
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,533
Likes: 33
Liked 194 Times in 103 Posts
Default

"If you've ever taken out a yellowjacket nest with a can of WD-40 and a Zippo lighter ...."

(Yes. Yes, I have. More than once.)

Hope this helps, and Semper Fi.

Ron H.
__________________
Wishin' don't make it so.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-20-2010, 01:46 AM
2000Z-71's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Phoenix, Az.
Posts: 536
Likes: 0
Liked 9 Times in 5 Posts
Default

Original or true?

If you've ever planned the date of your daughter's christening so that you and her Godfather could go to the NASCAR race in town the next day, you might be a Redneck.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-20-2010, 03:53 AM
JayCeeNC's Avatar
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Back in NC for now
Posts: 2,850
Likes: 3,436
Liked 900 Times in 332 Posts
Default

If you've ever borrowed a set of tires so your car could pass inspection...
__________________
John
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-20-2010, 08:20 AM
s&wchad's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Great Lakes State
Posts: 11,536
Likes: 1,211
Liked 2,320 Times in 801 Posts
Default It’s not a joke to my friend Tom!

If you’re on your way to a gun show and you sideswipe your daughters stored pickup with your pickup while backing around the plow truck that your wife has been telling you to move to the barn… yup, that just might qualify!
__________________
"I also cook."
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-20-2010, 09:10 AM
fat tom's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Central South Carolina
Posts: 5,692
Likes: 3,656
Liked 6,647 Times in 1,745 Posts
Default

Not original by any means,but I love it!

"You might be a redneck if you go to a family reunion to pick up girls."

f.t.
__________________
South Carolina-God's country
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 05-20-2010, 11:31 AM
sipowicz's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Gun lovin\' Hollywood Ca.
Posts: 9,180
Likes: 5,448
Liked 13,884 Times in 2,827 Posts
Default

If you live anywhere between NY and LA.
__________________
Thirty characters. Exactly...
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 05-20-2010, 11:51 AM
DeadAye's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: SW TENNESSEE
Posts: 3,671
Likes: 1,000
Liked 1,896 Times in 884 Posts
Default

If you measure distance in beers .

If your wife and both ex-wives are sisters and all are aware of your long time affair with their momma --- (I really knew this group)
__________________
In dog years I'm dead.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 05-20-2010, 01:33 PM
CAJUNLAWYER's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On da Bayou Teche
Posts: 10,931
Likes: 2,548
Liked 12,893 Times in 3,163 Posts
Default

.....a hot link and a 16 oz from the local stop and rob is a perfectly acceptable way to start the morning.
__________________
Forum consigliere
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 05-20-2010, 02:11 PM
BarbC's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Central FL
Posts: 3,845
Likes: 468
Liked 459 Times in 154 Posts
Default

If the couch on your porch is nicer than the couch in your living room.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 05-20-2010, 02:27 PM
G.T. Smith's Avatar
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: south central missouri
Posts: 1,895
Likes: 490
Liked 994 Times in 316 Posts
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadAye View Post
If you measure distance in beers .

If your wife and both ex-wives are sisters and all are aware of your long time affair with their momma --- (I really knew this group)
I guess that I and many of my friends are rednecks. the one about the distance in beers actually happened. A buddy of mine asked me one time, bout 95 or 96 if I would help him load a motorcycle after work one day,and when I asked how far out of town it was, he actually said "'bout two beers"
You also might be a redneck if you have been married 5 times and still have all the same inlaws.
Wow, I am officially a redneck.
gordon and BTW, I knew exactly how far 2 beers was. (2 miles) in the summer, bout 4 in the winter.
__________________
better have that checked

Last edited by G.T. Smith; 05-20-2010 at 02:32 PM. Reason: afterthought
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 05-20-2010, 03:27 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Unaka Mountains in TN
Posts: 417
Likes: 29
Liked 31 Times in 7 Posts
Default

You might be a redneck if you...

...have a washing machine on the porch.

...have more than one car on blocks.

...have a pool table in the kids' room.

...have a moonshine still in the guest bedroom.

...ever flunked an IQ test.

...take a bowling ball to a funeral.

...light fireworks by sparking your battery cables together.

...drink moonshine from a lemonade can at the church social.

...flip your burgers with a putty knife.

...clean your ears with a screwdriver.

...go deer hunting and miss opening day because of a hangover.

...keep pliers and a wrench in the sun visor.

...hold the fender or bumber onto your pickup with vise-grips.
__________________
You are what you learn.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 05-20-2010, 04:03 PM
DeadAye's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: SW TENNESSEE
Posts: 3,671
Likes: 1,000
Liked 1,896 Times in 884 Posts
Default

Quote:
...go deer hunting and miss opening day because of a hangover.
In that case - You ain't no red neck!
The city boys that come out here *to hunt* might just be so hung over that they miss opening day.....

Miss OpeningDay? Oh My!!!! I think I need to pop a Nitro Pill after reading that...

Miss opening day? Oh My!!

BTW - Doesn't everyone drink their moonshine from a lemonade can at church socials?
__________________
In dog years I'm dead.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 05-20-2010, 05:31 PM
CAJUNLAWYER's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On da Bayou Teche
Posts: 10,931
Likes: 2,548
Liked 12,893 Times in 3,163 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadAye View Post
In that case - You ain't no red neck!
The city boys that come out here *to hunt* might just be so hung over that they miss opening day.....

Miss OpeningDay? Oh My!!!! I think I need to pop a Nitro Pill after reading that...

Miss opening day? Oh My!!

BTW - Doesn't everyone drink their moonshine from a lemonade can at church socials?
Got to agree with you on that one. The day I miss opening of Duck Season cause I drank too much the night before is the day I quit drinkin. Hell, now that I think about it, the last opening day I missed was 28 years ago and the reason for that is that I got Married the night before-still getting grief about that one
__________________
Forum consigliere
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 05-20-2010, 05:47 PM
jframe's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Muscle Shoals, Alabama
Posts: 1,965
Likes: 1,261
Liked 565 Times in 213 Posts
Default

Calling Charlie Sherrill! Somehow, I feel that his contribution to this thread is sorely needed.
__________________
MARK
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:11 PM
DavidA's Avatar
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC, Davie County in the T
Posts: 139
Likes: 77
Liked 6 Times in 5 Posts
Default

Picking up girls at the family reunion is a great idea.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:27 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 379
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidA View Post
Picking up girls at the family reunion is a great idea.
Now wait just a minute! That would mean your own family would be your inlaws! You better think about that!
__________________
Big bang, much smash'em.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:28 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: ohio usa
Posts: 338
Likes: 5
Liked 10 Times in 7 Posts
Default

If'n you got a (UNCLE DADDY)
You might be a Redneck!
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:30 PM
zoom6zoom's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,024
Likes: 18
Liked 281 Times in 143 Posts
Default

You know how to tell if your neighbors are Amish Rednecks?


Dead horse up on cinder blocks in the front yard.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:42 PM
max max is offline
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: illinois
Posts: 3,418
Likes: 221
Liked 934 Times in 380 Posts
Default

If you ever wore a Budweiser shirt to a DUI court appearance.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 05-20-2010, 07:51 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Indy
Posts: 1,168
Likes: 0
Liked 59 Times in 36 Posts
Default

Your firearms are worth twice what your car is.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 05-20-2010, 08:33 PM
sipowicz's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Gun lovin\' Hollywood Ca.
Posts: 9,180
Likes: 5,448
Liked 13,884 Times in 2,827 Posts
Default

Hey, I heard some of these before...he said original!
__________________
Thirty characters. Exactly...
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 05-20-2010, 08:58 PM
Strato's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 1,743
Likes: 755
Liked 1,086 Times in 546 Posts
Default

If you're having your boyfriend's mother's boyfriend's baby.

If you think vinegar is a racial slur used at the tag office.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 05-20-2010, 09:51 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seaside, Oregon
Posts: 1,085
Likes: 28
Liked 657 Times in 306 Posts
Default

I once fixed a Canon AE-1 35mm camera with duct tape. I figure that puts me in the right category.

I also took a load of trash to the local dump, and while I was there, found a load of lumber which I took home with me. I don't think that's original though, I think I remember Jeff saying, "If you go to the dump, and come home with more than you took..."
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 05-20-2010, 10:46 PM
samIam's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Alexandria,MN
Posts: 369
Likes: 48
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default

If you stop at the Pawn Shop on the way to your wifes funeral.
True story
__________________
Garage Logician
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 05-20-2010, 11:28 PM
cowart's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,129
Likes: 64
Liked 285 Times in 189 Posts
Default

If you like watching the movie "Easy Rider" so that you can cheer for the guys in the pickup truck.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 05-20-2010, 11:37 PM
rpbcab's Avatar
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Friendship, Tennessee
Posts: 107
Likes: 0
Liked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Default

If you have ever had a corndog for breakfast......
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 05-21-2010, 12:56 AM
red14's Avatar
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: deep south
Posts: 1,508
Likes: 321
Liked 393 Times in 141 Posts
Talking

Daaaannnng, I'm not say'n how many of these, I do.

I don't see what the big deal is about the reunion thing.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-21-2010, 12:57 AM
DeadAye's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: SW TENNESSEE
Posts: 3,671
Likes: 1,000
Liked 1,896 Times in 884 Posts
Default

Quote:
If you have ever had a corndog for breakfast......
Mmmmm corndogs...

Does cold pizza and beer count as RedNeck? Or is that a pretty universal breakfast?
__________________
In dog years I'm dead.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-21-2010, 03:25 AM
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,462
Likes: 53
Liked 819 Times in 356 Posts
Default

I could always tell when it was going to rain by looking at my neighbors fence. If the laundry was hung on the barbed wire fence I knew rain was coming for sure.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-21-2010, 08:30 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Deepest, darkest, Indiana
Posts: 4,443
Likes: 711
Liked 1,341 Times in 575 Posts
Default

Rebuilding the Chevy 265 in the kitchen.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-21-2010, 09:57 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: virginia
Posts: 1,000
Likes: 406
Liked 109 Times in 69 Posts
Default

this happens in your hometown
Baseball Player Pees On Field During National Anthem

please, please, pray for our youth.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 05-21-2010, 12:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The Unaka Mountains in TN
Posts: 417
Likes: 29
Liked 31 Times in 7 Posts
Default

I forgot to clarify that that would be a NORTHERN Redneck not a SOUTHERN one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeadAye View Post
In that case - You ain't no red neck!
The city boys that come out here *to hunt* might just be so hung over that they miss opening day.....
__________________
You are what you learn.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 05-21-2010, 01:58 PM
jframe's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Muscle Shoals, Alabama
Posts: 1,965
Likes: 1,261
Liked 565 Times in 213 Posts
Default

If you have to clear the carburetor off the kitchen table so you can eat dinner.
__________________
MARK
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 05-21-2010, 01:59 PM
mike from st pete's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: st pete fla
Posts: 1,322
Likes: 846
Liked 404 Times in 233 Posts
Default Redneck = Bubba?

If you take a pristine Milsurp rifle and make a huntin' rifle out of to improve it?
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 05-21-2010, 05:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 575
Likes: 5
Liked 103 Times in 44 Posts
Default

If you duct-taped your mailbox to the post. (down the street from my house...)
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 05-21-2010, 07:30 PM
dacoontz's Avatar
SWCA Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Southern Utah
Posts: 2,409
Likes: 241
Liked 404 Times in 158 Posts
Default

If your lying through your tooth.
__________________
Daniel #2322
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 05-21-2010, 08:38 PM
CAJUNLAWYER's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On da Bayou Teche
Posts: 10,931
Likes: 2,548
Liked 12,893 Times in 3,163 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by max View Post
If you ever wore a Budweiser shirt to a DUI court appearance.
Actually that's what a coon *** does-seen it happen several times.
ALso kinda funny when the guy with the Bob Marley T shirt shows up in court for the possession of marijuana charge. Can't fix stupid-best thing to do is sit back and enjoy it.
__________________
Forum consigliere
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 05-21-2010, 09:53 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,992
Likes: 95
Liked 303 Times in 119 Posts
Default

if you have a flat on the boat trailer so you just borrow one off of the house.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 05-22-2010, 12:52 AM
skeetshooter's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 601
Likes: 576
Liked 172 Times in 72 Posts
Default

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A REDNECK
CHURCH WHEN..........................

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the finance
committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of
a chandelier because none of the members knows how to
play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people ask,
when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used
to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if when the
pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if opening day
of deer season is recognized as an official church
holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if a member of
the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive
truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't
get out of."
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the choir is
known as the "OK Chorale."
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if in a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last
names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if people think
"rapture" is what you get when you lift something too
heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if the baptismal
pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
__________________
NOT SO FAST,,NOT SO FAST
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 05-22-2010, 09:38 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 4,663
Likes: 70
Liked 1,540 Times in 859 Posts
Default

You might be a redneck it the first thing you do with a brand spanking new Jeep is put it up on blocks and start "improving" it. You are a redneck if it never comes off those blocks.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 05-22-2010, 10:05 AM
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 122
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

You might be a redneck if your girl friend beeps when she backs up
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 05-22-2010, 10:18 AM
sea sea is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Port St. Lucie, FL and Waynesville,NC
Posts: 97
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default red neck

If you can't find the rocking chairs on your front porch.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 05-22-2010, 02:19 PM
ABC ABC is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The South
Posts: 123
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Default

Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 05-22-2010, 07:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 384
Likes: 2
Liked 6 Times in 4 Posts
Default


Redneck Fire Alarm

Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 05-22-2010, 11:07 PM
US Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,259
Likes: 21
Liked 273 Times in 81 Posts
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbC View Post
If the couch on your porch is nicer than the couch in your living room.
and it is upon cinder blocks! (o;
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 05-22-2010, 11:50 PM
handejector's Avatar
Administrator
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 13,870
Likes: 898
Liked 10,061 Times in 2,300 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CAJUNLAWYER View Post
Hell, now that I think about it, the last opening day I missed was 28 years ago and the reason for that is that I got Married the night before-still getting grief about that one
Anyone dumb enuff to marry a woman that is inconsidrit enuff to plan a weddin widout considrin opnin day dezervs whut he got.
__________________
Regards,
Lee Jarrett
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
engraved, screwdriver, sig arms, universal

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
The Lounge Thread, Any original you might be a redneck if Jokes? in General Topics; Anyone have any? Here's mine. you might be a redneck if you've ever damaged a vehicle with a lawn mower....
LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://smith-wessonforum.com/lounge/138921-any-original-you-might-redneck-if-jokes.html
Posted By For Type Date
Any original you might be a redneck if Jokes? This thread Refback 03-22-2014 05:34 PM

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I have seen the addict jokes well.. boatboy Smith & Wesson Semi-Auto Pistols 7 02-07-2012 11:53 PM
Speaking of jokes .. Ranger98 The Lounge 10 01-27-2012 10:23 PM
Jokes to offend everyone! fat tom The Lounge 14 04-05-2009 06:22 AM

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3
smith-wessonforum.com tested by Norton Internet Security smith-wessonforum.com tested by McAfee Internet Security

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:51 AM.


© S-W Forum, LLC 2000-2015
Smith-WessonForum.com is not affiliated with Smith & Wesson Holding Corporation (NASDAQ Global Select: SWHC)