Changing Oil...Women vs Men

[ridewv]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.


Money spent:
Oil Change: $30.00
Coffee: $1.00
TOTAL: $31.00




Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38. truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.



Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00

[Erich]

That's pretty funny.

[therevjay]

I hate it when that happens.

[Harrison]

A man's got to do a man's work and thats all there is to it. Real men change their own oil, no matter what the price. Some things you just can't leave for others to do.

[truckemup97]

If you can get out of Jiffy Lube for $31.00, I'd like to see it. Wal-Mart, where they use an impact wrench to tighten the drain plug on your Benz, might be that cheap, if you don't count having to have your car towed to the Benz dealer to have a new pan and plug installed.

[HCD]

I understand the/your frustration but it is still more reliable than the high school drop outs and meth heads that they hire where I took my wife’s little truck. New engine!!!!! I did make them pay for it but it took me 2 months.

[Vulcan Bob]

One step for the man that needs modified. Forget to put drain plug in and watch the entire five qt's of new oil drain onto the ground, get more kitty litter!

[FTG-05]

Originally Posted by truckemup97

If you can get out of Jiffy Lube for $31.00, I'd like to see it. Wal-Mart, where they use an impact wrench to tighten the drain plug on your Benz, might be that cheap, if you don't count having to have your car towed to the Benz dealer to have a new pan and plug installed.

It.....................Was.......................A............................Joke

[truckemup97]

Originally Posted by FTG-05

It.....................Was.......................A............................Joke

Yeah, I know. But I wasn't laughing when the guy at WW said, "Sir, um, sorry, but, I think there's a problem."

[ridewv]

What's sad is I can actually relate to some of them!

[glenncal1]

You forgot the part where you are at the autoparts store and realize you need, hand cleaner, some of those spiffy blue paper towels, wiper blades, some wd-40 and lastt but not least an overpriced pack of beef jerky to eat with the beer. Hit the debit card for another $50-60.

[Maximumbob54]

A good joke was when Jiffy Lube didn't put my cousin's skid plate back on her Xterra and it was gone when she went back... Very not funny.

[gregintenn]

Reminds me of the time I offered to change my aunt's oil. I went to the parts house and got the correct oil and filter for the car. I drained the oil, replaced the filter, and put in the new oil. After I saw all the oil I just bought draining out on the ground, she remembered to tell me she had the engine replaced with a different engine. The filter screwed on, but sure didn't come close to sealing....back to the parts house!

[Munsterf18]

Also,
-Spill the old oil trying to get it back into the bottles to take to recycle.
-Knock over an opened quart of the new oil.
-Have the funnel slip and pour new oil all over the top of the engine.
-Have the truck drip miscellaneous old oil running off the motor on the driveway for the next 2 weeks.

I bet this thread could go on and on.....

[zoom6zoom]

Left out the emergency room visit.

[Hermann]

Originally Posted by Harrison

A man's got to do a man's work and thats all there is to it. Real men change their own oil, no matter what the price. Some things you just can't leave for others to do.

I couldn't have said it better !!

[David LaPell]

I can remember in auto shop class the one girl we had. She drove an El Camino with a 350 V8 that had headers and a 650 holley. She did all the work herself. My kind of girl.
I remember taking my father's truck to Jiffy Lube, for some reason they kept overfilling it by a quart. I never took any of my cars there.

[CAJUNLAWYER]

You forgot the part about going to Lowe's (or Home Depot) just because "you're in the area" and spending an hour wakling abound looking for stuff you might need and wind up buying that pack of chain saw chains that is marked 50% off because the package is torn.

[CelticSire]

Originally Posted by CAJUNLAWYER

You forgot the part about going to Lowe's (or Home Depot) just because "you're in the area" and spending an hour wakling abound looking for stuff you might need and wind up buying that pack of chain saw chains that is marked 50% off because the package is torn.

And realizing when you get home that you don't own a chain saw.

[OK Hog Shooter]

Aww but for the good ole days... when I was a kid I grew up in the country in North TX... used to pull over a ditch by the house, crawl under my '64 Chevy and change the oil right there! The worst part about it was gettin the goatheads outta the back of my t-shirt.

[Fishslayer]

Originally Posted by ridewv

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

4. 50 miles down the road the plug falls from the stripped out drain hole.

5. 80 miles down the road the oil-less engine seizes.

6. Calls Jiffy Lube. "Who?"


Money spent:
Oil Change: $30.00
Coffee: $1.00
New engine: $4,300.00
TOTAL: $4331.00

Fixed...

Originally Posted by OK Hog Shooter

The worst part about it was gettin the goatheads outta the back of my t-shirt.

Ugh! Goatheads...

[venomballistics]

Originally Posted by truckemup97

Yeah, I know. But I wasn't laughing when the guy at WW said, "Sir, um, sorry, but, I think there's a problem."

tell me about it ...
last time I had to take a car to WW I thought it was taking a bit too long.
I brought it in for a flat tire... the noticeably STONED as the rock of Gibraltar wrench jockey pointed out the flat and said I might want to fix that with the oil change
so in my wanderings I kept checking on my car and ultimately ended up supervising the work with a blunt heavy object in hand to ensure the right work was done correctly.....

I think there is too much safety equipment built into cars lately ... these sorts walked away from too many wrecks that should have gotten them out of our hair long ago