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  #51  
Old 09-15-2011, 07:34 PM
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Barb, (if I may use your first name) I didn't mean to stir up bad emotions in anyone with this thread. Maybe more to air out the dirt some. I'm just always in shock how often this type of thing happens. And much like how you describe your situation, one of them doesn't even know the negative that is going on with the other until blammo it's ultimatum time. I don't know why we suffer in silence only to finally blow up like that and it may be telling that someone is able or willing to do that to their other half. The need for attention from a partner can be a touchy issue to talk about I guess. I'm no expert, I just hope your situation has gotten better since that time.
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:15 PM
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If they like weapons, domestic animals, can cook from scratch,drink alcohol, have wealth,and sleep nude then they are "Keepers"
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:17 PM
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Well, 3 out of 6.............maybe that's a problem.
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:31 PM
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Yes, the no more guns rant is part of the daily mad ravings that I endure. Fortunately she does not know the difference between a Mossberg and a Luger, so the safe somehow slowly keeps getting more crowded. Must be all the ammo?

Last edited by HOUSTON RICK; 09-15-2011 at 09:34 PM.
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:43 PM
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I'd never go on a date without a gun, so it tended to be something people would notice. (The one time I violated that rule, I was raped by this Amazonish woman who'd just got off the plane from Germany. Later she made me bundt cake.)

I suppose was the sort of guy who wasn't going to change and didn't seem particularly malleable. I was just going to do what I thought was best or needed to be done. One of those things that is both charming in some ways and annoying in others.
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:01 PM
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I got 5 out of 6 with mine ... gotta help her with the wealth part
so off to ebay to sell all her ... umm what dear?!?!? just kidding dear ...
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  #57  
Old 09-15-2011, 10:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OKFC05 View Post
...She just wanted her friends to think it was his fault.
Almost invariably the case. And maybe the judge too, in any subsequent divorce case - so she can ask for more than "her 50%."

Good, mature women (and men) do not dictate to their spouses. When they see something they are uncomfortable with, they try to discuss, to reason, to persuade. Sometimes both have to compromise. Sometimes a little "education" alleviates the problem so that one view or the other can prevail and both are comfortable. But they do not threaten, and they do not indicate they are willing to throw away a relationship (that they value) over something like the otherwise responsible ownership of a gun, a motorcycle, etc. - especially if they were well aware of that before they were married. (Not the case in your example, but I have seen this elsewhere.)

A friend, over the course of his rather long marriage, has put up with five marital blow-ups (legally-forced separations) resulting from temper tantrums driven by things like this. He and his wife are still married. I admire his devotion to her, but I think she has treated him very poorly, and I do not understand how he can trust her. But he does. Not all human beings are cut out to handle a relationship involving constant irrational demands and extreme reactions. The situation can very easily become dangerous beyond the previous experiences of both parties. As I young fellow I did not "believe in" divorce, and I am still very concerned about it, but I was also not aware of how quickly and easily a marginal relationship can deteriorate into a dangerous situation, until I started carefully observing some of these problems in others I actually knew. Divorce is a horrible mess for any children involved, but it beats murder-suicides. Sometimes, much as we may deplore the vehicle, academically, it is a life-saver.

Ultimatums are a "kiss of death" - the mark of an emotionally unstable, immature individual, IMO. I would be very concerned about an ultimatum-giver.

Last edited by M29since14; 09-15-2011 at 10:18 PM.
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  #58  
Old 09-15-2011, 10:11 PM
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yeah M29 ... I have seen a lot of cases where the giver of ultimatums went on to some Jerry Springer lives.
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  #59  
Old 09-15-2011, 10:41 PM
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My wife and I have an arrangement:

My job is to provide the money, food and shelter.
Hers is to supply the abstinence and verbal abuse.

Sorry, couldn't keep from posting that.
In reality, she's not only a fine shot but has 5 guns of her own.
In fact, she's quite the pistol herself so if she ever lost it on me, I couldn't run far or fast enough to keep her from pickin' me off.:-)

After being widowed once and surviving a marriage that went disastrously bad, it became very obvious to me that all two folks have to do for a marriage to work is to be willing to accept each other's humanity. If one's partner's humanity is too much for the other to accept, then a bad choice was made. Try as they might, they got a highway ahead of 'em.

It's been said that a marriage is hard work. I submit (and this opinion I only apply for myself, not anyone else nor their relationship.)
that marriage is only hard work when it's bad.
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Old 09-15-2011, 11:47 PM
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removed PC

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  #61  
Old 09-15-2011, 11:53 PM
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re Jeeps: "So he just calmly told her how much he loves her. But then followed it by pointing out if she got away with it, she'd just pull it again and again. Then he told her he'd miss her, but the jeep stays, and he really wanted her to stay, too. They're still married."

After 30+ years with Old Blister, my Sweet Bride, it seemed we had pretty much worked it all out. She puts up with stuff, I put up with stuff. Pretty much we get along after all this time.

I let her know I was looking for a Jeep.....took about a year to find the right one. She feigned indifference in any details, options, plans or etc...."didn't want to be bothered" as I recall the phrase.

Brought it home, she seemed surprised despite her opposition, there it was. Suffice it to say, she's a strongly opinionated woman of Irish ancestry.

Day 1 she wanted it parked behind the barn.
Day 2 I took her for a ride and then parked it behind the barn....it was really hard for her to get out. I left her there to work it out. Told her surprised look, that it was no harder for her to get out on her side than it was for me. The ground was very soft from rain, and it was inclined a bit. And the doors are...well.....Jeep doors take a bit of understanding especially swinging uphill that way.

Now 10 months later, she still won't actually drive it, but does like to go for short rides in it.

It's parked in the drive way since Day 2.
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  #62  
Old 09-16-2011, 12:42 AM
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I had a buddy that used to shoot in the local high power matches. Had a beautiful M1A all tricked out, ammo, reloading gear,spotting scope you name it he had it. Didn't see him for awhile and was in a friends gun store. Since a lot of us shot together I asked him where our mutual friend was. Answer, got engaged and the wife to be did not want any guns in the house. He came into the store and put up everything gun related for sale. Frank
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  #63  
Old 09-16-2011, 06:57 AM
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If my wife or girlfriend told me to get rid of my guns my response would be...NEXT!
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Old 09-16-2011, 07:45 AM
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One word "Adios"
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  #65  
Old 09-16-2011, 08:03 AM
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It will be 39 years Sunday. So far, guns ain't been much of a problem.


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Old 09-16-2011, 08:18 AM
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I *think* my wife gave me one of those ultimatums years ago, but it wasn't about guns. I forget what it was about.

She announced the ultimatum with great fanfare and pomp and circumstance. I responded, after great thought and deliberance (about .000000004958 seconds): "Ok".

I forget the details of what happened right after that but it wasn't anything to write home about.

We're going on 19 years next February.

Last edited by FTG-05; 09-20-2011 at 11:16 AM.
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  #67  
Old 09-16-2011, 08:32 AM
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The Hen and I have been married 48 years.
I learned from day one that she was as opinionated as I was.
She ignors me just fine and I do her also.
Even a private has the right to *****.
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  #68  
Old 09-16-2011, 08:38 AM
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I've never had that problem because one of the first discussions I had with woman I met when I was single so long ago was their feelings on hunting. If they were against it or said they didn't know why I hunt then that was enough to look somewhere else. Of course I also mentioned that I owned lots of guns as the two sort of go together. Once I got the response I wanted then things were good to go until the relationship went somewhere or it didn't.

If the relationship went somewhere and then lady changed her tune on the subject it was an instant signal to run and not walk away from the little love fest because then it is all about power and control and that wasn't going to work with me. I'm a reasonable guy and I pretty much easy to get along with but that's the one thing I won't tolerate because at that point it's called entrapment or worse.

My wife and I were married 30 years when she passed away 6 years ago. When I brought up hunting and guns when we met all she said was as that long as you eat what you hunt then I would have no problems.
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:49 AM
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About 7yrs ago , when I started my current job , one of my co-workers said he heard I was 'into guns' , and asked if I was interested in buying an AR-15. It was a Bushmaster with case , scope , sling , Deweys cleaning rod , 3-20rd and 3-30rd mags and 800rds of ammo. Seems he was showing it to another friend and said within earshot of his pregnant wife that "this is the same rifle the DC sniper used!" Well , that statement got him 'the ultimatum' , and got me a great deal. $700 for everything.
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:58 AM
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It will be 39 years Sunday. So far, guns ain't been much of a problem.
Early but sincere congratulations, you two!
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  #71  
Old 09-16-2011, 09:07 AM
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I *think* my wife gave me one of those ultimatums years ago, but it wasn't about guns. If forget what it was about.

She announced the ultimatum with great fanfare and pomp and circumstance. I responded, after great thought and deliberance (about .000000004958 seconds): "Ok".

I forget the details of what happened right after that but it wasn't anything to write home about.

We're going on 19 years next February.
Yep. This is a good strategy. My 17 YO son get's maxed out by his momma's admonitions and I take him aside and say: "Son, this is what women do. They do it because they love us. Yeah, I know it is a major pain in the butt, but look. Here's the key. Just say, 'Yes, Mom!,' and then just do whatever you want. That's what I do. Saves a lot of wear and tear."
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Old 09-16-2011, 09:58 AM
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I like guns, I like boats, I only keep a car for a few years, I used to buy and sell motorcycles as a hobby. I stay single so I don't have to hear any guff about my hobbies.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beach elvis View Post

It's been said that a marriage is hard work. I submit (and this opinion I only apply for myself, not anyone else nor their relationship.)
that marriage is only hard work when it's bad.

I'll add to this by offering "even a good marriage is like combat. countless hours of boredom separated by moments of raw abject terror"
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Old 09-16-2011, 01:35 PM
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My first wife hated firearms - and had a short fuse. I only had black powder cap & ball guns during our first nearly twenty year marriage - keeping the caps, balls, powder, and revolver in different parts of the house. After most of a year apart, we remarried (I'm a bit of a slow learner some times...). Not even a bp c&b revolver was thought to be safe then. It took me most of three years to see the error of my ways - again.

I married someone different the third (... and final!) time - and she came with a handgun! She bought me my first S&W over nine years ago - and has bought me more firearms, too. Nothing to change with her. Our biggest arguement in 12+ years of marriage? Where to go out to dinner. We each try to please the other - ending up at a place neither of us like!

You cannot change folks. A smoker won't quit 'for you'. Making a marriage contingent on ridding one's self of firearms - or cats - or a seemingly silly hobby - is pointless. If they give up something that is part of them, they will resent it - and you. Of course, some things are health related - like an asthmatic marrying a chain smoker. Some are just not wise - like a pyromaniac night walker - or a crack addict.

It could be Jennefer Love-Hewitt's clone - or one of a young Sophia Loren - she could own a Mex eatery - and a micro-brewery. No guns, no dice. Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't be so hasty - can I have an air gun?

Stainz
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Old 09-16-2011, 02:47 PM
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Dating is a game, nothing more, nothing less. You are on your best behavior while wanting to impress her. She is on her best behavior while wanting to impress you. Both puts up with the enjoyment of the other.

Then marriage. Once married, the fish has been caught. No need for game playing or pretending or continuing to bait the hook. One or the other will eventually say they put up with such and such when dating thinking the other will change. Divorce is so expensive that someone gives in, usually the man. Marriage is the cause of 100% of all divorces. Each of my exes had the same idea. They all backed a truck up and loaded up all my stuff with theirs. One took 63 guns that I had before marriage and got my Cadillac convertible while leaving me with an older Chevy Biscayne that she had before marriage.

Then children. Children are not what they are cracked up to be. If they are, then why is everyone so happy when they leave the house? Children are expensive to raise. Once children are entered into the fray, marriage gets to gnawing on both parents. Divorce then becomes a lot more expensive so there is more leeway in what is allowed or forbidden in the marriage. One attorney I know pays $3,800 monthly in child support to an ex-wife that does not work simply due to support being based on income. His ex freely admits to having kids so she could get a divorce and live off the child support.

Once gone, the children has grand kids. Then grandchildren are great. The reason being they are great is because, unlike children, they can be sent home and not underfoot daily.

It is always the man that has to give up things in marriage. I am now in that bracket for the last 39 yrs. I have no opinions on anything other than what she tells me my opinion is. I live in a room in this house that has my tv, my gun safes, my computers and my cameras. She lives in the rest of the house, furnished as she wants and lives in luxury, not working but making sure I do so she can afford the medical treatments, the medicine, the cars and the trips she wants.
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Old 09-16-2011, 03:03 PM
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Was married for 28 years to a woman that fought me at every turn.She was determined to be drunk,poor and complaining.Kids grew up and I left.Cost me plenty and it was worth every cent!
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Old 09-16-2011, 04:02 PM
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I don't like ultimatums. If she told me, "It's me or the" anything - gun, dog, TV, computer, beer - then it's, "Bye bye".
THIS, WITHOUT QUESTION.
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Old 09-16-2011, 06:56 PM
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from Beach Elvis,

It's been said that a marriage is hard work. I submit (and this opinion I only apply for myself, not anyone else nor their relationship.)
that marriage is only hard work when it's bad.

I totally agree, if you have to work at it the relationship, either marriage, work-mates, or "friends" is NOT good.

At the same time if you live with anybody for any length of time after a month or so, differences of opinon will occur. It's how you offer them and respond to them that tells you whether or not there is "respect" in the relationship.

The War Department and I occassionally fight, but we fight fair.

The best advice I got when I was divorced was: "Find someone the next time who THINKS like you do." It worked for me so far.
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Old 09-17-2011, 05:30 AM
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I don't know... we had a really good marriage and friendship until he retired and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere except to the garage and drink. Everything I did to entertain myself, he had a problem with because it took attention away from him. So after two years of him screaming at me to quit whatever I was involved with at the time, he demanded a divorce in a drunken snit fit and then refused to take it back because he "didn't want people to think he didn't mean what he said" and he "has his pride."

He also has my house, my furniture, my safe, my dog, my friends. Oh, and I had to quit the job I love because I couldn't afford to live where I worked on the income I was making part-time. He refuses to keep me on any of his insurance once we're divorced. For all of this, he said I could have $20,000. He wanted the divorce over with in 90 days. I have balked and the proceedings are stalled at this point.

So I left and went to do some work in a far away place to stay busy, make a difference, and be completely out of my element so I don't get depressed.

And that's where we stand.

And it's a shame.
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Old 09-17-2011, 05:48 AM
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Its like the old song says, you better shop around and not settle on the very first one.

and like all marriages, its give and take and like everything else in life you have to balance it out but you shouldnt even try it if something as key to you like a car or a gun is on the table of things she wants gone.

I mean so many billions of people on this planet and your dating one whos anti gun? check please!

although like anything else you cant just come out and say that otherwise you will obviously rase a few eyebrows and that's not to say that ignorant person whos been raised to fear guns wont grow to like them once their properly educated about them and they stop watching fox news

plus hell I myself was scared of guns till I got used to them as a 10 year old when I went to the range with my dad and I gradually got used to them and grew fond of them and whats to say that that cant happen with someone I'm dating down the line.

I guess the best thing to do is try and find one that's either for them or neutral in the matter and if their trying to get rid of the **** I like... hell with'em
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Old 09-17-2011, 06:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venomballistics View Post
I'll add to this by offering "even a good marriage is like combat. countless hours of boredom separated by moments of raw abject terror"

But the rewards are out of this world!

My marriage started with a blind date, being told by her "If you touch me before marriage you will lose a hand and me!" and she started with me saying "I'm a Borne Again Christain and do not believe in sex before marriage!". 11 months later we were married.

We celebrated 18 years last Sunday (9-11). There have been some rough times but the "D" work has never came up, and we can both honestly say we are more in love today than 18 years ago. The biggest reason we get along so well? I can't post it as it could be a rule violation (discussion of religion), but I will say it is the main comman element in our relationship.
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Old 09-17-2011, 09:24 AM
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Any woman I dated "seriously" also got taken to the range.

Problem solved right there.

I've had my wife disagree about my desire for some things, but never got any ultimatum.

The "ultimatum" is the sign of a bad relationship, IMHO.
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Old 09-17-2011, 09:33 AM
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Dateing is done for two basic reasons:
Sex
Desire to find a parnter.
If it is Sex--don't marry her or anyone.
Partners are a search/investigation/communications/complicated.
Some folks enter a relationship to find a marriage partner and are not honest---they think they can change the other AFTER getting married.
Marriage based on feelings is dangerous---those feelings change or disappear to be replaced by different feelings/desires.
I have been married for a number of years and I am glad I did not marry for sex--not that the sex is not good.
I wanted a good/solid woman of sound mind and serious.
I wanted to marry another before her--I thought she was exciting (and she was). Boy am I glad I changed my mind.
Now I am a stoic & I knew that I needed someone very stable to handle my personality.
It did not take long for me to determine that Ann was suitable---maybe not as exciting---but a woman made for marriage.
If I were her I would not have married me---she is a heck of a woman---I call her the Hen---always tending-which leads to some amount of conflict but we are both hardheaded and we have a way of ignoring each other.
Blessings
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:10 AM
mg357 mg357 is offline
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After reading through all of the replies to this thread i can honestly say that i have a lot of decisions to make before i get married.
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:01 PM
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I have been married for 37 years. The most important thing that I learned was the ability to ignore her complaining and to do what I wanted to do whether she like it or not. I try not to complain about what she does. If I had to do it again, I would be living by my self out in the middle of nowhere with a range in my back yard.
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by mg357 View Post
After reading through all of the replies to this thread i can honestly say that i have a lot of decisions to make before i get married.
less about decisions and more about rules of engagement really.
what constitutes a fair deal must be well defined
the hot topic of sex is sure to pop up as well as other things
the hardest part of that is determining whether or not you really want to keep what your going to shoot.
We all tend to blow off a good number of bad signs along the trail, we are kinda used to the little manipulations and chess like maneuvering and all too often just come to accept it as part of a relationship. look for the absence of these head games and you will fair far better than most. You might be waiting a while for your future mate to grow up before you find her, but its worth it. You yourself need to be a complete person beforehand. expecting another to fill in your blanks is a failure waiting to happen.
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:33 PM
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Some of these stories make me appreciate even more what I have. My wife, Robin, is great. She just doesn't have any hangups about stuff. Whatever it is, she's ready to rock and roll with it.

Here's Robin sending one down range with an AR-50.



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Old 09-17-2011, 06:16 PM
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I am assuming she missed you.
Blessings
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Old 09-18-2011, 07:47 AM
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My friend had a bumper sticker saying.....
my wife definatly,
my dog maybe,
my guns NEVER
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Old 09-18-2011, 12:54 PM
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Dear Barb C,

I am sorry your situation has become what it is. You have been an entertaining and interesting asset here on the Forum.

However it works out I hope it works for your benefit.

Regards.
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Old 09-18-2011, 09:45 PM
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heading with my wife to WI for a good blastathon with friends and family.
Shes still baking cookies of all shapes and sizes... including these
http://www.venomballistics.com/media/KIF_5285.JPG
I found a good and clever one
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Old 09-18-2011, 10:02 PM
DOEBOY1 DOEBOY1 is offline
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About 5 years ago my wife came to me and said that she would submit to me and my decisions. Well didn't that just take the wind out of my sails. There was no need to win a fight there was no purpose in fighting. What it did was give me time to realize that I'm not always right. I pick my battles no matter how easy they are to win because she is 9 out of 10 times right. I'm at the top of the pecking order and have no more wind mills to defeat. If I want a gun, unlike before, I would weigh the options carefully. Would she give me a ultimatum? Nope that would start a fight. She would never do that she is as good as it gets. Not say I haven't bought a few that she just bit her toungue but I know by the look in her eye that I messed up. I wouldn't have anybody else. Doeboy
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Old 09-19-2011, 12:42 AM
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Old 09-19-2011, 08:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbC View Post
I don't know... we had a really good marriage and friendship until he retired and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere except to the garage and drink. Everything I did to entertain myself, he had a problem with because it took attention away from him. So after two years of him screaming at me to quit whatever I was involved with at the time, he demanded a divorce in a drunken snit fit and then refused to take it back because he "didn't want people to think he didn't mean what he said" and he "has his pride."

He also has my house, my furniture, my safe, my dog, my friends. Oh, and I had to quit the job I love because I couldn't afford to live where I worked on the income I was making part-time. He refuses to keep me on any of his insurance once we're divorced. For all of this, he said I could have $20,000. He wanted the divorce over with in 90 days. I have balked and the proceedings are stalled at this point.

So I left and went to do some work in a far away place to stay busy, make a difference, and be completely out of my element so I don't get depressed.

And that's where we stand.

And it's a shame.
Hi, BarbC:
Just woke up and came on the post.
If you have an attorney-get a better one!
It sounds to me that you are being taken to the cleaners.
Just my opinion.
Jimmy
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Old 09-19-2011, 05:58 PM
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BarbC, I would agree with Jimmy. I think you're getting a raw deal and need a really good attorney. I also agree that it is a shame, sadly some people change in a bad way and hurt those around them. I hope things work out for you.
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Old 09-19-2011, 07:28 PM
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It doesn't matter what he wants---get a good attorney.
Men should be beat with a baseball bat on a regular basis when they get into those days. Men are really stupid when it comes to getting older.
I think I should prefice this with "SOME MEN"/all men sometimes.
Blessings
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Old 09-20-2011, 07:47 PM
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How about...it's your job, or me? I went through 2 wives ( out of three ) before I retired. Both knew, obviously, before we married that I was a cop. But, being gone 9 hours, to around the clock, turned out to be to much for them. Snitches knocking on the door day and in the middle of the night..stoned..munchies, stink..etc., I had to deal with it ( no, that's wrong, I wanted to deal with it ) and they couldn't.

I was totally up front with them BEFORE the marriage about all of it.

I worked out of uniform, and when I made Sergent, it only got worse.

Yes, I was in control of the home front, but I WAS honest with both of them.
I'm sure I'll get different opinions. But my job was my job, and there was no doubt about how much I loved it for anybody who knew me.

The wife who stuck it out has been with me for 32 years..I think what happened before her was just basic training...
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Old 09-20-2011, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbC View Post
I don't know... we had a really good marriage and friendship until he retired and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere except to the garage and drink. Everything I did to entertain myself, he had a problem with because it took attention away from him. So after two years of him screaming at me to quit whatever I was involved with at the time, he demanded a divorce in a drunken snit fit and then refused to take it back because he "didn't want people to think he didn't mean what he said" and he "has his pride."

He also has my house, my furniture, my safe, my dog, my friends. Oh, and I had to quit the job I love because I couldn't afford to live where I worked on the income I was making part-time. He refuses to keep me on any of his insurance once we're divorced. For all of this, he said I could have $20,000. He wanted the divorce over with in 90 days. I have balked and the proceedings are stalled at this point.

So I left and went to do some work in a far away place to stay busy, make a difference, and be completely out of my element so I don't get depressed.

And that's where we stand.

And it's a shame.
he may have his pride but his common sense and decency are absent. It's not like you were doing anything that anyone else doesn't do. And your entertainment was a lot better than what he was doing. personally I think he's going to have to look long and hard to get anyone half as good. maybe he will wind up with the kind of woman his kind deserves.

In the meanwhile you need to get a good lawyer and get a decent settlement instead what he thinks you should have.
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Old 02-10-2017, 01:22 PM
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Second date I told my wife about the guns. "There here to stay". 20 years later a Harley shows up. She was PISSED. Same story. It wasnt about the money, it was talint time away from her. CONTROL! Never give up your liberty but also don't neglect the lady. Mine has guns of her own and a seat on the bike if she wants to participate
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Old 02-10-2017, 02:09 PM
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Zombies walks this forum.
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