Cops--Gotta Love Em

[raven818]

These are actual comments made by Mississippi State Troopers that were taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey ****."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Governor is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

16. "You were told that we never give pretty women tickets? You were told right, we don't. Sign here."

[LVSteve]

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Governor is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

Any cop in this city saying that would be out of a job shortly afterwards. They would be declared a "psycho cop" who "doesn't understand how things work around here". Las Vegas, the biggest small town you'll ever visit.

[mstuhr]

Howdy,
Don't you hate when you get stopped and you really only had two beers?
I enjoyed the post.
Thanks
Mike

[jcjhl69]

I LOL'ed at # 9

[Faulkner]

I actually had a lady I arrested for DWI call the governor from the jail. She got his chief of staff who asked to speak to me. When I got on the phone with the chief of staff he asked that we not let her post bail until the next morning.

[Hugh WW]

I can recall a few of my favorite lines back in the 1970's when I was working traffic. "Well the light dont burn green 4 ways. " or "Yes ma'am I know you are on the city council, please sign here." or "Would you prefer a good old fashioned *** chewing or a ticket?" Most opted for the ticket!! Got re-assiged back to patrol.

[27145]

I think I will call the White House to get bail.

[monet61]

I admit to using number 14.

[kraigwy]

With out a doubt, this one is my favorite.

16. "You were told that we never give pretty women tickets? You were told right, we don't. Sign here."

[Iggy]

My favorite excuse for speeding was a young feller that told me his wife was planning on getting pregnant that evening and he kinda wanted to be there.

[Marshwheeling]

I like #6, because everybody who makes a regular practice of exceeding the speed limit is going to hear the preceding question many times in his life. "No" is obviously not a good answer. Neither is a number, because the number is going to be either an obvious lie or an admission of guilt. If you like to drive fast, you need to be ready for this question, and you need to have a good answer. Just plain "yes" isn't too bad, but what are you going to say to the follow-up?

[Kavinsky]

Originally Posted by raven818

These are actual comments made by Mississippi State Troopers that were taken off their car videos:


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey ****."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Governor is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

16. "You were told that we never give pretty women tickets? You were told right, we don't. Sign here."

sounds like the cop quotes out of one of the grand theft auto games.

11's good though, "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster."

[Steve in Vermont]

Had a young couple speeding on the Interstate. When I approached the car the young man ran up to me stating he was taking his girlfriend to the hospital with "real bad cramps". I told him I'd escort him but he declined stating he knew the way (and him from out-of-state?). I did anyway, not just to the hospital but into the ER (you could tell from the way the girl looked at her boyfriend that it wasn't cramps that upset her). Stayed with them until the admission process was completed and she was wheeled into the exam room. The ER nurse told me later she had a quick recovery. That bill was over $ 500.00. My ticket would have been $ 45.00.

[CAJUNLAWYER]

#13 is my favorite. If a guy says anything other than 2, he's probably telling the truth. If he says 2-he's lying

[cussedemgun]

I was riding with a friend when he was stopped for going thru a red light.

His excuse was "It was only yellow when I went thru".

"In this town, the yellow means STOP" answered the patrolman.

"Then what's the red for?" asked my friend.

The reply "means stay stopped" & the man never looked or slowed his writing.

[truckemup97]

I got a ticket in NM once for 52 in a 45. I asked if he had seen the Volvo that passed me doing 70+. He admitted that he had, so I asked why he chose me over the Volvo. "You're big, slow, and easy to catch." I guess that just about sums it up.

[CelticSire]

Motorist: "But, Officer, other cars were speeding, too!"

Officer: "Do you ever go fishing?"

Motorist: "Yes..."

Officer: "You ever catch ALL the fish?"

[ogilvyspecial]

In the early 80's I used to hang out with a couple of Detroit City PD Officers, who I will call Bob & Bill, that were what you might call, real characters.

One night, while hanging out with both of them, Bob told a story that Bill wasn't too cool with, based on how red his (Bill) face got before it was over.......

They were partners and one night while out on patrol their cruiser developed a problem that required they head for the motorpool. Once they got there and their cruiser was deemed unfit for service they were assigned a brand spanking new unit to finish out their shift.

A few hours later they received a radio call that their unit was fixed and to bring the new one back. Uh oh.........

While they had the new unit, Bill, for some reason, had pulled his duty revolver to check something and while doing so fired a round across Bob's lap, which exited "harmlessly" through the drivers door.

When they got back to the motorpool garage Bob parked the new unit in such a way that the door wasn't readily visible, hoping they could make the switch and no one would be the wiser.

They were almost ready to roll when one of the motorpool officers came up and asked "What the heck happened?"
Trying to play coy and cover his partner's butt Bob said, "What?"

The motorpool officer said, "The bullet hole in the door."

Bob said, "Oh that.......someone shot at us."

Bob said the guy didn't miss a beat when he asked.
"From inside the car??"

Cops, Gotta Love 'Em.