An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

I've been on the receiving end of that lecture more than once. I finally suggested to my Ex that instead of waiting up to recite the same old B.S., just to make a tape and leave it by the door so I could listen to it at my leisure. And that's when the fight really started.

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Always Stay Strong!

Can we get an Amen here?

From the incomparable W.C. Fields:

Ah, yes. My first wife. She drove me to drink. I've never adequately thanked her for that...

John

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- Cogito, ergo armatus sum -

Now that is not only funny but true....God bless wife's, with out their unsolicited corrections on our behavior what would we do and how would we survive..

The wives are wondering the same thing. Hence the unsolicited behavior commentary. Been there, done that, got rid of the T-shirt.

I love my wife...I truly do...and after 33 years of marriage, we really are at peace and content with one another...with one small exception: when we are in the car, she constantly gives me "driving suggestions." I have tried talking to her about it, yelling at her about it (not recommended), pulling over and stopping when she starts "suggesting", and letting her drive and making "suggestions" of my own about her driving. So far nothing has worked...even threatening to get some duct tape for her mouth.

We laugh about it, most of the time...but sometimes it is seriously annoying...especially when she screams and I swerve (and swear) all over the road trying to avoid some unseen danger! I suppose I just need to relax and learn to ignore it...which works OK for the chatter but the screams are startling!

Did ya ever have your dad call you downstairs with the bible flat in his hand and thumping it before he left for work?
Or your mom finding a cigarette in your shirt pocket doing the washing, then get down and pray for your miserable errant soul? Not fun! But I am glad they did so my wife isnt doing it now!

I just look at the Wife and say, "I'm behind the little round thing".
She sighs in an exasperated manner.
When my son got his license and started driving, one day we were both in the car with him. His lovely Mother gave him some unsolicited advice. He turned to her, smiled, and said, "Mom, I'm behind the little round thing."
I was SO proud, I almost cried.
Jim

Maybe I should get her one of those toy steering wheel things, like go on baby cribs and so on...she could think she was in charge! (Thank God she doesn't read this forum! )

Reminds me of the scene in W C Fields "If I Had a Million" movie. Fields's is behind the wheel of the car and his wife is mouthing off and backseat driving. Fields finally gets tired and yanks off the steering wheel and hands it to her saying, "Here, you drive for a while".

Charlie

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SWCA # 2294

This is why single guys wish they were married...

...and married guys wish they were dead.

My wife no longer gives me driving instructions. When we were dating she did that until I slammed on the brakes right in traffic, turned the car off and handed her the keys and politely informed her that if she wanted to give orders that should could now drive.

Of course now that we are married if I tried that she would probably fire the car up as we traded places and I would be figuring out how I just won an argument but lost a car.

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Vaya con Dios

If I did that I'd be standing the in street staring at the tail lights moving away at a high rate of speed! Never, ever yell at your wife, give her the keys, and then get out of the car...

Ken, she does now. Four forum members have called her in the last 30 minutes.

A long time ago I, a GF and my best friend and his wife went to vegas together. Bill and I were cheapskates and went to get rooms at a modest motel. We got the rooms, went back to the car, me being a jokester said "They only have one room, tell ya what, you guys sleep first while marge and me go down to gamble, then judy, you and bill can------ with that judy slid under the wheel and scratched out with marge sitting in the back seat, leaveing me and bill standing there!

I really hate to admit it but if my Wife didn't help me out, I don't know what would happen. I am the absolute worst at directions and landmarks and stuff like that. I have been driving different types of vehicles since I was 8 years old and can drive just fine, but I have a hard time remembering where hell I'm going. But not to worry, She lets me know in plenty of time. Sometimes I turn on my turn signal ahead of time just so she don't feel obliged to start pointing and saying "right here". She doesn't complain about my driving at least! I sure do love that girl/navigator.
Pray for our war fighters,
Gordon

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better have that checked

Thank the powers that be that we have someone caring enough to try to protect us, whether or not we want/need it.

Just my view.

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Incoming fire has right of way

WOW!!! Could it be possible we're married to the same woman???