I've been a respiratory therapist for close to 20 years and between that and many years in LE not much bothers me any more. However, today is one of those days.

A 91 year old man came in the ER first thing this morning. He was unresponsive and not breathing. We intubated him and got him stabilized and went for a head CT. He had a huge bleed, the kind you don't come back from. We took him back to the ER and I put him on a ventilator (life support) and went about my business while they brought his little 88 year old wife in to see him. The doctor and clergyman tried to explain what had happened and that there was nothing we could do to save him.

She seemed to be a little confused and was trying hard to understand everything. They were telling her that the best thing to do would be to take him off the ventilator and let him go quietly. She asked for some time and they left the room so it was just her and her husband and me tending the vent. At times like that I try to give people as much space and privacy as I can but sometimes it's pretty tight quarters.

She got up from her chair and moved close to her husband and stood there crying while she rubbed his shoulders and touched his face. She leaned in close and gave him a long kiss on the cheek and said, "I wish I knew what you would do if it was me. Would you be able to let me go?". Then she left the room. It broke my heart.

I just took him off life support.

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Don't kiss smiling dogs!

I was a respiratory therapist in the 80s. I have been in your shoes. I've silently prayed form many a patient and with their permission opening prayed for some of them. I had to make the decision not to place my father on life support this past April. My mother and brother couldn't do it. I feel for the widow. It is a rotten situation. I do not know what it would be like to live the rest of my life without my wife. I pray that God comforts this woman and you.

I will add you and that poor widow to my prayer list.

Man that's tough, really tough. Hard not to relate to that on a personal level.

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SWCA #1917

My heart is now broken.:-(

I also hardly ever cry at work. But I just did, reading that. She is in my prayers sir.

Roger

What stings worse?
the heartfelt acts seen and told, or the underlying truth that either we, or our better halves will some day face this ourselves?
Most will hold silent the words she spoke, though I dont think we will avoid them.

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it just needs more voltage

What happened to my screen? It went blurry on me.
I've been in LE, dealt with dying in my family, and animals and it always tears me up.
Bless you for what you do and may you have continued strength to do it.

My condolences to you and the widow.
To avoid that condition I have made an Advance Directive disallowing any life support.My relatives, doctors and hospital all have copies.

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USN WWII Korea
NRA

So sad a story, but indicative of a lack of communication on the part of the couple. Each of us should know what our family would do in a similar place. Death would be so much easier for all. Vaya con Dios.

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Term limits!

Yup, me too.

What is sad to me is that they felt the need to put him on a ventilator to start with. Seems kind of like killing him twice. No wonder his wife was confused. What seems unkind to me is having her make the "decision" for one she had spent her life with, when the decision had already been made by God, or if you don't believe in that sort of thing, how about medical circumstances, instead.

I admire your ability to help others, no matter how much it hurts you.

My condolences to all.

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Gerry

There is not much that bothers me but that story made me cry. It is hard to let go when you love someone. Larry

11 years ago I had to inform the docs to let my dad go because his wife, and my older brother could not speak the words. It stil haunts me to this day, yet it also gives me peace.

Man, that is hard hard. I doubt that I would be strong enough to do your job. My Great Aunt went through basically that same scene with my Great Uncle last year. I was there with her when he went. They were married right at 70 years.

I believe the hardest part of being a LEO is death notifications, at least is was for me. Walking into a kitchen at 2AM to tell a mother and father their 17 year old daughter will never be coming home, or holding a dying teenager (killed by a DUI) while his sister is standing next to us screaming his name (it was Bobby). God, just writing about this brings tears to my eyes. That's enough for now, but I take some solace in knowing I have many brother officers out there who understand. There is some comfort in a shared experience. We are not alone.

Me too.

Armyphotog ~ I have also worked as a resgistered respiratory therapist for more than twenty years now in a level 1 trauma hospital. Sadly, in this line of work, I / we are exposed to this situation on a daily basis (sometimes several times a day) with people as young as neonates clear on up to and including the very old. Unless the patient or the person that will make decisions for the patient is present to tell the resus team what they specifically want done, it is absolutely not "unkind" to do everything humanly possible to "stabilize" the patient's vital signs, find out what's wrong with the patient, and then make difficult decisions on what should or should not be done. Medical professionals are sworn to protect the sanctity of life at all costs until such time as a patient or the patient's next of kin tells us to stop, period. In the end, the Good Lord's decision is final anyway.

So, I'm with you "WC145". Keep up the good fight as best you can. Sometimes we win and other times we lose but, never stop trying my friend!

Airman is RIGHT!

Don't put this burden on your loved ones. It is not fair. My wife and I have already settled this question in our lives.

God Bless to all involved.

medxam

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Doc Garrett
Dead Man's Doctor

Haveing been married for 55 years to the same wonderful woman I can't even imagine at my aqe what either one of us would do....WOW And I thought I was a tough old geezer, and have seen plenty more than some would take.....This darn thread made me take a deep breath.......and deep thought!!

Sad to see something like that...but in this age of the 12 hour celebrity marriage, it warms me a bit to see a couple of that age so in love. They must have had something special that most don't and never will....

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Thirty characters. Exactly...

God bless you and the couple. Hard job my friend.

It's true, that every day is a gift.

I hope for you and your wife's sake the need to answer these difficult questions never comes your way. Did you know, you could be carried into a hospital E.D. with your living will in your pocket and, if you are incapable of telling someone your wishes or, if your P.O.A. or next of kin is not there to answer questions for you, the resus staff will do everything possible to stabilize you UNTIL someone does answer said questions?!?! The ONLY possible way to avoid this situation is if you answer the questions when admitted and make yourself a "no code", "no resusitation (CPR)", and "no intubation (DNI)."

Scenario ~ Mr. Smith is admitted to a hospital and answers all pertinent questions regarding his care. He signs a form that states "no code" but marks other questions as undecided (it happens all the time). The next day, Mr. Smith goes unresponsive because but his heart continues to beat. Guess what? Mr. Smith ends up intubated on a ventilator and undergoes a battery of tests only to find out he has had and unrecoverable stroke. Mr. Smith will stay intubated and on life support until someone with the authority to do so makes the very difficult decision and says "stop everything."

Moral of the story ~ Make damned certain you understand all the "hospital lingo" and that your wishes are known without a doubt!

I had to make this decision on my father year and a half ago. He was a 20 year Marine who had a stroke w/bleeding on the brain. Doctors said if he came back he would be maybe incoherent/vegetative state. Myself and my mother knew he would'nt want that. Not easy but it was the right choice. RIP gunny. I could not do your job day in and day out sir. God Bless you and prayers for you and the family mentioned.

Thanks for all the responses and support. It turned out to be a really long day, that old couple was only the beginning. I won't go into any detail but I got to work at 0700 yesterday and I just got home half an hour ago.
I'm getting too old for this stuff.

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Don't kiss smiling dogs!

End of life issues are difficult. Many folks can deal with it rationally when it is the life/decision for someone other than a close family member or themselves. Many folks can make good decisions when they are not actually facing the event. But once they find themselves in the batters box and they've actually got to take the pitch, it gets hard. My father was thankfully spared such a hard decision with my mother. She had a series of strokes culminating in a devastating one that left her virtually paralyzed. He cared for her at home for almost 9 years. She died on a Friday morning at home shortly after I'd visited with her. When four years later my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer he found it very difficult to discuss his wishes. He delayed talking about the will, finances, etc. And he simply would not discuss anything remotely concerned with his actual death. He died on a Friday morning at home in a coma. We were thankful for the help of hospice. And I am deeply proud of the fine way my little brother conducted himself in his care first of our mother and then of our father. My other brother could not seem to bring himself to deal with the everyday care and end of life issues for mother. I was 128 miles away... a little far for daily attention. With our father, he and his wife saw to it that father was never alone for even a moment. I applaud and praise him for his devotion. It was hard on everyone. I would urge everyone to give thoughtful attention to this matter. With an aging base population it will most assuredly be a more significant issue for everyone. JMHO. Sincerely. brucev.

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<><

Very difficult and very sad. My thoughts and prayers go out to the couple. I've seen too much of this over the years - it never gets easier. Each time I've said a prayer for them. May they go with God.
And bless you for what you do.

Don

Very tough decisions to make on the spur of the moment.

To hopefully prevent this kind of situation, I have prepared a binder that sits on my desk at home labeled "IN THE EVENT OF MY DEATH" and it contains instructions to my family regarding my funeral desires, all my insurance and financial holdings, listings of all guns and other collectibles, names of my brokers and advisers, property deeds, all of the details they will need when the time comes. I have told my wife and both children about this book and they all understand what's in it.

I'd advise evryone to consider doing something similar. I wish I had had this information when my parents passed away. It would have made things much easier on everyone.

Nothing I can add. God be with you.

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Even older, even crankier....

You did the right thing.

My dad and I had the "conversation" a few times.
For him it was related to his age, for me it was related to my job...

The thought being, if quality of life, was severly compromised,for one of us, the other was to turn the "switch" off...

As it worked out HE went first, and I had to make the decision.

That's a beautiful and poignant story. I was touched as l read it. Blessings to you for your compassion. Prayers to the wife and their family for peace in his passing. He is made whole and young in the presence of our Lord.

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Isaiah 55:8-9
Phil. 4:13

Wow...thats a heart breaker.




Once upon a time I was as hard as a rock and cold as a dagger. I can still be that way when need be, but the love of a good woman has certainly tamed and tenderized me from the man I once was. I can't imagine the pain of loosing her and I will certainly admit it makes me misty eyed just thinking of it. May God bless and keep this woman and her family during this time.

I have worked in the hospital lab going on 16 years and have seen a few things that still haunt me. For the most part I can detach myself from the people I have to work on. We generally have better skills at getting vein access than most of the hospital. I was called one night to the er because no one could get an iv started on a baby that came in. Not knowing much about symptoms I noticed this baby's color was light grey with what looked like pink spider webs (mottled). I was pre child at the time but had a lot of experience drawing from babies and knew well what to expect when I pushed the needle in. I pulled the skin tight as I usually do and pushed the needle in. I was expecting the infant to pull away but nothing. Nothing, no flinch, no cry, no movement what so ever. I got the iv started, taped off, and give way to the nurses. I thought I could make it to the bathroom till I heard the mother crying. She was crying so hard I could still hear her in the bathroom. It was a deep moaning cry that I had never heard before or since. I heard the baby made it after they shipped it off to the neo natal unit at the bigger hospital. I bring this up because you never know what position you will be in as a child of an elderly parent or the parent of a sick child. There is no way to prepare for the sudden onset sickness of your child but know your parents wishes, know your spouses wishes. Be informed as to what a code incompasses. Is it worth crushing your loved ones ribs during chest compressions or intibation tubes being forced down their throat while they are taking their last breathes at 70, 80, 90 years old. Ask the hard questions better yet tell your wishes save your loved ones the head ache as to how they are going to find out. Without feeling like they are waiting on you to die. My Dad told me in no uncertain terms what his wishes are in which I relayed on to my sister and brother. Take that step we aren't going to live forever. Doeboy