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Thirty characters. Exactly...

You *******! My wife is sitting right next to me and wants to know what I'm laughing at!

Giver her some wine....

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Thirty characters. Exactly...

Yeah, then she'll be drunk and mean.

No thanks!

Mean? Some nerve on you, I remember you trying to sell her on this forum. Now that is mean

She should give you a good whipping but knowing you I won't finish the sentence.

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Doesn't hasta call me Johnson

If you remember it was for a good cause - proceeds would've gone to the forum.

How could I possibly forget that post, which is probably going to follow me into my grave.

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Doesn't hasta call me Johnson

Communicate with women? HA!

Sometime it's best to just leave things alone.

It's flattering (or disturbing) that I could have such a profound effect on a man's life.

You know how women are with tools................


My life got a LOT easier when they invented twist off lids !!

Sort of nice when you come home, not hearing, ...........

"Honey, can you get the cork opener".......

Lesson for all prospective husbands.
Repeat after me:

Yes, Dear.
Of course, Dear.
Right away, Dear.

Repeat frequently.

I'll have to learn Uzbek if I want to communicate with my next ex-wife.

Wasn't it the oft divorced Rod Stewart who, when asked if he intended to get married yet again, said, "Nah. I think I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."

I am hard of hearing, I just nod my head and smile. WHen She asks me why I didn't do something I just say you must of had your back to me and I didn't hear you. Work 90% of the time. Sometimes she tells me to put my hearing aid in, I do but I leave the batteries out and I just smile and continue to say What?.

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Carpriver.

LoL!!! Love that chart.

Unfortunately, my wife doesn't drink! So I need something else to go in the right column.

I'm hard of hearing too. Don't have hearing aides yet. I've told the wife that I probably won't get them. What I think I hear her say is much more interesting than what she actually says.

Sip, I like this one much better. You might want to keep a copy for those times when the wine just doesn't seem to be working. Of course you might have to get 4 more jobs, but aren't we worth it?

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Misty

Actually it was the late humorist and columnist for the Atlanta Journal, Lewis Grizzard who said/wrote, "Instead of getting married again, I'll just find a woman I don't like and buy her a house." He also said, "My first ex-wife took my house, my second ex-wife took my dog and my third ex wife took my Farrin Young albums. A woman that will take your Farrin Young albums will cut you, I gar-on-tee."

CW

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μολὼν λαβέ

Mr. Sip,

There was a time in my life when I would have taken your teachings to heart. I would have reduced your chart to wallet size so I could refer to it often in hopes of a happier(& safer!)life. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm not convinced, because of my life experience, that your original premise is correct. Just so I'm clear: You're saying its possible to communicate with women?

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Lounge Lizard Extraordinaire

Remember, We don't speak the same language.

My wife and I are an interesting pair. I'm American Indian and when I have something to say, I say it without a lot of jibber jabber. My Italian wife is rather expressive both physically (she doesn't just talk with her hands but with her whole body, pacing back and forth) and vocally (we don't yell in the house dear, that's for Italians) and sometimes it takes her about 45 minutes of jibber jabber and pacing around to say something as simple as "the rain stopped," or something like that. Sometimes after she finishes a monologue, I have no idea of what the heck she was talking about in the first place. Then I request a Readers Digest version.
Ya want to make an Italian happy? Feed them lotsa pasta and vino.

see what you started mg357.....

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Thirty characters. Exactly...

Female speak like Latin, is a dead language. Don’t even bother to try and understand it, you will only upset and frustrate both the speaker and yourself. I've found it best to either grunt a reply or simply state "that's a great idea, I wish I had thought of it."

I try to remain non-verbal in most communications with the opposite sex, especially when I want to sleep...

Attachment 110711

Misty has the same list my ex-wives had.

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"Life is short, hunt hard"

doobies

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Forum consigliere

Poison darts. I like elephant tranquilizers. Only once have I needed two. We've been married 32 years.

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James L. "Jim" Rhiner

Men (and women), if you've never read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" get it and read it. It goes into the differences in men and women and why sometimes communicating is difficult.

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Luke 22:36

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Luke 22:36

Kinda makes me glad I stayed single! Dale

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"Long live the S&W 3rd. Gen.!"

My Grandpa Ray always used to tell us grandkids, that he and grandma rarely ever fought or argued. If they did he always got in the last two words "Yes Dear".

A man was walking a Southern California beach when he found an old bottle. He picked it up and as he was wiping the sand off of it a genie appeared and told him "I am the genie of the bottle and I'm here to grant you one wish." The man told him "I've always wanted to visit Hawaii but I'm afraid to fly or sail on a ship, so can you build me a bridge where I can drive there?" The genie told him it would be very hard to build such a thing and asked the man if he had another wish. The man replied "I want you to teach me how to understand a woman." The genie replied " Do you want that bridge two lane or four lane?" Pretty much sums it up.

Never congratulate a fat lady on being pregnant and ask when the baby is due. Run forrest run. Frank