Seeing the postings from board members on the anguish they feel when a parent is ill or dying, or the fond memories they have prompts me to demand equal time for those of us on the other side that fence-the "I Had Lousy Parents" Club.
I was a Member in Good Standing. My parents divorced when I was 6-my old man ran off with his girlfriend, started a new family with her, my brother and I didn't see him again till I was 10 and that was only because my grandmother wanted to see us again. We spent a little time with that side of the family, getting re-acquainted, then she departed this life-and that severed all ties between us. My final memory of him is unpleasant-he was two-faced. Nice to us in front of the second wife and other family members, when they weren't around, he showed his real face.
My mother thought so little of men that when I graduated college and got my 2nd Lieutenant bars through Army ROTC she refused to attend-didn't even buy me a graduation present. That weekend I had to break a date to take her shopping. She ruined college for me. I had to work continually and often excessively because she wouldn't make the sacrifices necessary-like taking a second job and quitting smoking. I recall something a classmate said-a pre-med student. When I asked him why he wasn't a commuting student because I knew he didn't like campus life and I thought it might be good if his recently widowed mother had him at home, he replied with considerable weariness in his voice "I can't get any studying done at home." And that's exactly what happened to me. I did make the Dean's List once. I attribute that to two factors. One, I was collecting unemployment so my income was adequate and I didn't have the strains imposed by working, the other-my car wasn't running so I wasn't constantly chauffeuring her around. My post
college education didn't go smoothly for the same reasons-no financial support and NO moral support.
I later figured out that between 1957 when I was in the 2nd grade and 1976 when I graduated from college, she attended ONE school event I was in-my HS graduation. I was in some in some revues and plays in high school-she boycotted them all. (We lived about a half a mile from the school.) When I was in the 3rd grade we lived across the street from my grammar school-she and my grandmother sent me over by myself for the holiday pageant.
I was in the Boy Scouts, earned my Eagle Badge-she attended only one Court of Honor-the one where I got my Eagle Badge. Which I didn't-I was in the Army at the time. Some of the other parents literally dragged her there.
She also boycotted my SIL's college graduation, so I wasn't the only one.
A year after her passing I was spending the evening with mutual friends.
After dinner we settled in the living room, and the man gave me a long, hard look and said:
"Your mother didn't think much of you. You were the type of son a lot of parents would have been overjoyed to have, all she ever did was complain about you. I never heard her say one kind or complimentary thing about you."
At that moment, the scales fell from my eyes, the clouds opened up-and I felt a pair of long grey ears growing out of the side of my head and I realized that I Had Been Had.

Obviously you have moved on and recovered. God bless you and heal your scars.
Cathartic to vent. Hope all is well with you!

It's a shame. Some people just don't deserve children. But you made it through it all, it only made you stronger. If you have children, make sure to be there for them

I had a strange upbringing. My father was a cop in a small town, kind of like Mayberry but slightly up market. I recall growing up for a while with my two older sisters which was different as we all never did anything together. They would do stuff at school together and I would do something myself. I remember going fishing or after frogs of Lake Champlain when I was about 5 or 6 years old. My father and I were close, I would say. I recall when my mother worked my father taking me along in the police car when he was on duty (try that now). I remember brush fires mostly, that was about all that ever happened in town. Well about the time I was 8 my parents split up for a while, I didn't know why, my sisters did but they never said. Then they got back together for a while. I remember one night when my mother said we were leaving. We packed up a U-haul and left town with our belongings and moved two hours south to live with my grandparents. I never got to say good bye to anyone I knew and have only been back home a dozen times over the years. It turns out that my father was cheating on my mother and wanted to marry his girlfriend.
After that my father would visit on weekends occasionally and sometimes take my sisters and sometimes me. Then when I was nine we had a miscommunication and we missed him. The last time I saw him he was driving the other way. I have never seen him since.
My mother hooked up with a truck driver who at first seemed like the nicest guy. My sisters and him did not get along so they moved north with my father and his new wife. I have only seen my oldest sister four or five times in the last twenty something years. We never got along well anyway.
My mother married my stepfather, and the nice guy turned into a verbally abusive con man. Over the years he cheated on her many times, stole money from people including me and conned many others along the way into giving him more. We never got along well as I didn't care for his perverted nature and awful temper. He offered to have me take over his business when I got out of high school, well that business was sinking in debt, he owed (still does over 100K to the IRS) money to everyone and no one respected him so I refused. He really disliked me after that. My mother would leave and go back, don't know what she ever saw in the man. He used to beat me until I got big enough where he realized he would get hurt if he tried it some more. After that he left me alone. I worked all the time after school and he was on the road so I never saw him. A few years ago they had a pretty bad break up and I thought he was gone for sure but she took him back. I knew it wasn't going to last deep down. Then after my son was born he really took to him, or so I thought. Almost two years ago the wife and I and the boy were down at my parents and we went to a local fair, but something was wrong and you knew he was his old self. When he didn't want to be somewhere he rushed you through all the exhibits. He used to do the same thing when he took me places. We walked whole car shows in 15 minutes. The next day we got a call from him that he had enough and was leaving but wanted to make sure that he could still see us. The wife made an attempt to get together and called him so we could see him, and we never heard back. My mother said he called and wanted nothing to do with me, the wife and what's worse, my son who he had pretended to fawn over for nearly two years of his life. I told my mother he would not be welcome around us and not near my son as I would not let him confuse a little boy who had done nothing to deserve to be shut out. They finally got divorced but only after he got physical and hit her. She tried to have him arrested but the cop would not arrest him. She had an OOP for a while and when it expired he started following and harassing her, something that still continues. She is trying to get another OOP and had called the cops, they have done little since he lives nearby. Hopefully she gets the jerk on video as I have suggested.
Good parents can help shape a kid's life but bad parents do not mean the kids need to turn out bad. I knew I did not want to be life my stepfather or my father in many aspects. I know that what I have learned will hopefully make me a better parent to my son. Life is not fair and it is never easy when you are a kid.
Life has a way of making the expected that which never happens and the unexpected that which your life becomes.

__________________
Vaya con Dios

BlackhawkNJ, you sound like you have done very well for the circumstances you grew up in. God bless.
It is good to talk about it.
My father was an abusive drunk, I won't even bother with the details. Thank God my mother was an honest, hardworking mother.
Good post David.

Man I feel for ya. I had two parents at home and even though I had a rough childhood, they loved me and cared for me.

Just remember, you are who you are today because of it. You made a negative a positive.

__________________
Life Is A Gift. Defend it!

My parents wernt 'bad' they just didnt do parents - kids things so i felt more babysitted than anything. We would take vacations sometimes but overall my dad didnt play sports with me nor take interest in anything i was into....you know ...father/son time. We never played catch or go fishing or shooting. His idea of father/son time was for me to sit quietly while he watched hockey. Eventually he tried to bond, talking about girls and drugs and stuff you talk to your son about as he's growing up, but by that time i was 18-20 years old and had enough friends and wasnt looking for any more. I see my dad often but we dont talk much....not much in common. We could be in the same house for a week and only say "hey" every so often. Within the last few years he tried to get me to go with him to a bar for a beer or to his local poker game. After much nagging i finally gave up and went to a bar with him. We ordered and just sat there with nothing to say. After that i was done. I know what he's trying to do but im not 10 anymore and dont need a father figure. I learned about life without his help or guidance. To be fair he was and is a nice man, just not much of a father.

My mom was better but also not much time for my sister and I. No one had time or desire for us to do anything or go anywhere. My summers and school vacations were limited to going to a friend's house down the street. Once they did what i wanted and signed me up for minor league baseball but no one could ever drive me so i had to find rides which ment i played only a few games.

It didnt help that my parents are immigrants and thought a lot of things were "dumb".

My childhood was not a horrible one, there many kids who had it worse, it was just not much of a childhood unless you consider tv and monopoly with your sister fun. They did sign me up for an away camp once. I spent 2 months in the mountains of Monticello NY. That was fun but looking back at it it was more of a "get him out of our hair for the summer"

When i became a teen my dad got real strict. I wasnt allowed out late if at all because he was afraid that everyone would have a negative influence on me. Made for a very awkward high school years. No proms, no nothing. Weekends home by 9, 10 at the latest.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2

Family life was rough, but my folks were dedicated and I had both of them up until a few years ago. My father drank too much, but I never blamed him because he had to work so hard, except when he took his frustrations out on others which was kinda often. We didn't have much but they fed us really good.

I can relate to all this.

Long story short, until I went on vacation with a high school friend and his family when I was a teenager, I thought it was normal for parents to not talk to their kids or each other. I mean LITERALLY never in the case of my dad and me, him and my brother, and me and my brother. It stunted my personal growth and makes it hard to develop personal relationships. Girlfriends in college would say "it's amazing you're as normal as you are" LOL. When I went on vacation with my friend I was amazed that all the family members not only talked to each other for hours on end but actually ENJOYED spending time with each other. I had never seen anything like it.

A lot of people had it worse, but being practically ignored during your formative years will mess you up.

Blackhawk, tough story, I'm sorry you have that situation to deal with. So much damage when parents don't provide a child with a loving/trusting environment. Do you have children?

I know that everything I am in life is because I have two parents that did their best for me and my three siblings. They were not perfect, but we know they did their best, taught us core values of respect, honesty, and what it means to work hard and be thankful. My Dad also taught me to be kind, but also tough, and not to take any **** from anyone. These things have served me well.

I worked my way through college. During the school year I worked full time M-F on the 3:00 - 11:00 shift, I was a custodian. I was embarrassed by the job, and nobody that I went to college with knew what I did at night, but it was decent money. On the weekends I worked at a truck rental business, pumping trucks full of diesel, washing trucks, and filling in on the front counter doing rental agreements. I worked all day Saturday and Sunday at that job.

I arranged my school schedule so I had early classes, and got out around noon. I would go to the library and study until I had to get to work at 3:00. It was a grind, but I had the energy (I would run at night, or play hockey, after work...). I graduated college with honors.

During the summer my custodian job switched to 7:00am - 3:00 pm shift M-F, and I still did weekends at the truck rental business. Through contacts made at the truck rental company, I started my own little business detailing cars; did that in the late afternoon/early evenings, and made some good money. After a while, I started detailing boats, and made even better money. I also did side jobs with my father.

I worked this much because I could never reconcile asking my parents for money for school, car, insurance, expenses, etc. My dad worked his butt off, made good money, and we lived well, but I just hated taking their money when I could make my own. Plus, I liked having $$ in my pocket. My mom did give me a gas card to use, when I needed it, but I never really had the heart to use it. They also paid some tuition. They did what they could, and I did what I could...

I wish I could have screwed around more in college, like so many other kids, but I have no regrets, and no complaints. This experience helped me excel in my career field, and I have done well...

Again, I thank my folks for establishing a work ethic, and set of values in me. I realize I'm fortunate to have this, and truly feel bad for people that have irresponsible parents. I've got two young children, and I love being their dad. My wife and I spend every chance we can with them. I have to admit, I enjoy spoiling them a bit...

__________________
NRA Life Member

Ya had me until that part. Now I'm just reminded of a saying about where to find sympathy in the dictionary...

My parents weren't 'Ward & June' clones nor modeled after 'Ozzie & Harriet' so I guess I got short changed also.

I grew up during, & post WW II years when all were expected to pull their own weight. My folks didn't have time for play, they worked to put food on the table for us. I was 3rd of 4 & first worked for farm wages when I was 8.

If I had known then what I know now, life could have been different, but I expect it wouldn't have worked. My dad & mom both would have SLAPPED me silly if I suggested welfare or any other hand-out program.

Boy-oh-boy have we come a far piece, no longer are kids taught to earn their own way. Somewhere along about post teen years & pre-adulthood, the responsibility for their every need transfers from parents to the GOV.

Edit: I posted the above with a little sarcasm intended. I dearly loved my parents & miss them terribly,

My father passed in 1956 at 64 & worked his bunns off for us all 'till his final days.

He took very little leave time & his usual week in the summer was to take us boys fishing & camping. My fondest memories are of those outings

My mother was a worker bee, I don't remember her taking any personal time. My aunt (mother's youngest sister) lived with us & graduated High School about the time I started grade school. She was a stay-at-home mom & took in any or all who needed care. I don't remember in my childhood years of ever having a babysitter!
My Mom was always there & DAMN do I miss Her.

'Scuse me now, I gots sumpen in my eye - -

I learned early to enjoy what I had and to make it last. Since new stuff wasn't a vast occurance around our house, I developed an imaginiation and learned how to meet people and get along with them. I can get along with almost anyone even if I don't want to. The older I get, the less I want to get along unless a brain is present.

__________________
Go big or stay home

Mine weren't bad, just indifferent.
I learned at an early age how to feed (and shop), clothe, wash, and take care of myself.
They had things to do, and I was always quite happy on my own.

__________________
Hold my beer and watch this!

My mom died when I was 6, and my dad was the product of WWII, German born.

He spent the ages 16--18 fighting in Russia and being a Gulag prisoner of war, escaping, making his way back to the family farm where his brother was shot in the head by drunken Russian soldiers, his father captured by Americans and his mother, aunt, and sister gang-raped daily. They made it to Berlin, and had to cross a bridge to the Allied sector (wall was just barbed wire then) under machine gun fire at them, as well as cross-fire between the allies trying to provide cover fire, and the Russians.

He is a damaged person, and while he did his best, he was overwhelmed by being a single dad, and working his rear end off trying to stay afloat.

I spent most days during grade school walking to the neighbor's house for breakfast, walking to school with their kids, and after school I let myself in and put myself to bed. I don't even remember how or what I managed to eat. I had a piece of yard around my neck with a housekey, and whenever it broke (and the key lost) I would get all heck unleashed at me because I was so irresponsible, while at my age my dad had to do x,y, and z.

I was emotionally a wreck from the loss of my mother, the only stabilizing and nurturing force in my life, and had incredibly bad nightmares for years and years. Dad did put in a fish tank which helped a lot, but I was ridiculed again for being irresponsible and not cleaning the tank (as an 7-8 year old...)

He had no time for playing with me. I was in plays and played trumpet in band, but he never came. I would sit alone listening to his jazz record collection, and learning Louis Armstrong songs that had octaves I could play for hours and hours.

On weekends he went out, drinking with hard-core men and German friends with very fascist and radical political beliefs. He drank a lot.

I did very poorly in school, and he never once helped me with homework, made sure that I did mine, or helped me develop good academic habits. When the report cards came in, I got the belt. I got the belt very forcefully for any number of reasons....

During high school I was left to my own devices. I stayed out all night, drove around drunk as a skunk with easy girls and was arrested a couple of times, once for B&E, but the cops had mercy and let me go with no charges after a few hours in the local pokey (I never did that again...never arrested since!). I was a total party animal and graduated only because my girlfriend (whom I loved dearly) withheld sex unless I did the school work required to graduate.

Not once did my dad act like he cared about anything I did.

At 17 and within two weeks of graduation I left the house after joining the Marines (dad signed the papers). I turned 18 in bootcamp. I learned a trade (aircraft mechanic), learned that I was punk kid that didn't know jack-squat, and counted the days until I could get to college because cleaning toilets, pulling KP and guard duty SUCKED. Being enlisted, SUCKED. I traveled the world and it opened my eyes.

After my hitch I graduated college with honors, got my pilot certificate and ratings, and now fly a Boeing 757.

Dad mellowed over time, thank God. We are very close now, and I have been able to chip through the bitter and tough wall he has around his heart. He is a very tender-hearted guy who had a bad hand of cards and did the best he could.

He did manage a few very good things with me. He taught me to be good. He taught me to work hard. He taught me to never, ever give up (he is, and we are, survivors). He taught me to keep my head up, and think positive.

The best thing he taught me was to visualize. Before any of the talk these days of visualization, dad was preaching it to me. He taught me to visual an outcome, and to go over in my minds eye what the reality of a goal is like, for real. It always works. All of my goals that I have intently visualized have been achieved. To this day I can wake up at any desired time just by visualizing what time I want to get up, no alarm clock.

These days he has a huge respect for me, and for my life. He brags about me to everyone who will listen and even those that won't!

It took a lot of work on my part, but he even tells me he loves me sometimes, and gets choked up thinking how happy he is for me.

One thing I learned myself, and from watching my dad's life, is that no matter what life brings you, you have to MOVE ON. You can't get stuck.

So despite being an absentee father, he did manage to get some stuff into my head that has served me well.

Imagine if I had had is full attention!!!

I could have been President

Some people just aren't cut out to be parents and despite that fact do it anyway.

When I got married and had kids I vowed to myself that I would be a better parent to my kids then mine were to me. I also tried and succeeded for the most part in correcting many of the mistakes my parents had made with me. I hope I was successful!

My Mom was 23yo with 3 boys to raise. My Dad walked out. She was glad to see him go. I had very good Grandparents that stepped up and made sure my brothers and I had a roof over our heads and food on the table.

Reading some of these posts make me realize how blessed I've been to have the parents I have. I mean, I knew, but this thread really drives the point home for me.

__________________
Lounge Lizard Extraordinaire

When judging one's parents it is important to remember that the goals, aspirations and dreams of the parent are often worlds apart from those of the child. Many of our parents, especially for those of us born during WWII, were young and often having children under difficult and trying circumstances. The massive social services network we are surrounded with today just didn't exist. Many of them were children having children with no blueprint.
Being part of that generation, I learned at a very early age that I was essentially responsible for myself. Yes, my parents had a legal and moral responsibility for my wellbeing, but I was responsible for my own happiness and still am today. I can certainly empathize with the OP but it sounds as if very early on he started to compare his life to those of others around him and judging his parents by that standard and he found it lacking. There is a back story there he has never considered, but if uncovered might provide a lot of answers and perhaps some peace of mind. Perhaps your father found your mother as difficult to live with as you did. Maybe he left to prevent an even greater tragedy. Who knows? Certainly worth considering before writing off your entire family as worthless.

Nah, I don't think so...you sound like an honest, and decent man.

Regards,

Dave

*Gigglesnort*

__________________
Truth always reveals itself.

Gigglesnort?

__________________
Dum vivo cano

My dad was an abusive drunk and a gambler. My mom was just abusive. When my three brothers weren't getting beat it was my turn. After being told over and over I was a mistake and a unwanted child I kind of went into my own world separating me from them. I learned at a very young age to stay out if sight. As I got older I realized what I wanted in life I had to work for. When my parents divorced my dad seen me off and on. I found an awesome lady and married her and been with her for almost 40 years now. Then my dad refused to see me but I tried to make up with my dad but he didn't want to see me. After two decades on his death bed he wanted to see me and I refused. I tell my kids I love them and try to go them out every chance I get, I'm there for them. I worked very hard and my misses did too. We worked for everything we have and I like it that way. When I was younger I knew right from wrong and never got into trouble. I'm ok now it was what it was. Now I just make sure my wife and kids are ok. The kids are all grown and have there own homes.

When my parents got divorced I got tired of picking up soda bottles to get the five cent return to buy a loaf of bread so we could eat. I quit high school and went to work fulltime so we had some money to live on. But I had to get away from my mom too. Thank God my misses came along.

I'm sure there are a lot more like me too out there. Just stay focused, pick a trade you like to do and work hard. All of a sudden things will workout and doors plus opportunities will open up for you.

GOD BLESS, BILL

Not an original thought, but this thread makes me question the wisdom of requiring someone to pass a test to get a driver’s license but not to have children

My mother is the best, my father the worst. Enough said.

My birth father was a very lousy man he became an alcohol addict and ran off with a wild woman when I was a little kid. I have not seen that miserable rotten man Since 1992 when I was 7 years old.

My mother is a wonderful woman, my stepdad is a wonderful man who should be receive a medal for all the wonderful things he has done for me and my family over the years.

My parents weren't really bad, per se. Just cold.
Dad was a milkman, worked early morning and went to bed early. Mom was the 1950's suburban parent. A bit overwhelmed I think by 3 boys (I was # 1 in time but not affection). #2 was Dad's favorite and #3 was Mom's. #3 was spoiled rotten. He had "problems", and was "misunderstood" according to Mom. #2 was the Boy Scout, Dad was Troop Leader, went to his school functions, etc.

I remember several times when I was punished for something #3 did. Mom would find out but never apologized. He got rewarded for "C's" and I got punished for "B's".

As I've told before, I went back to school in my 40's, earned a BS in Marine Biology and an MS in Biology (Black Bear Behavior), all with honors or high honors. Mom went to graduation, but paid more attention to #3's kids. I remember trying to show her my Thesis (all bound so pretty) and all she wanted to talk about was the kids doing a skit for the Fourth of July. She never told me once that she was proud of me (I'm still the only one who graduated college).

Just before she died, she asked us to go back to SoCal. She asked for some tortilla soup and I made her some home-made soup according to my recipe. My wife took her into the shower and washed her and her hair. She died that night. #3 had lived with her, rent free (he was "disabled"), for 5-7 years. Never cleaned the house, never did the lawn, never helped out financially. #2 is executor of the trust and he had to literally get #3 evicted and move in just to get the house into shape where a realtor would show it. #3 was caught stealing wrapped presents Mom had left for the grandkids.

Many of you will remember the post where I disclosed the pains of growing up as a functioning autistic. You can imagine the pain that added to the situation.

Oh well, he's disabled, on welfare, and I'm the other side of the country. I have a very loving wife who's put up for me for 25 years now and things are better but a lot of pain remains.

I was raised in a low income family, Both of by parents quit high school in the ninth grade to help there families. My dad was raised on a farm, my mom was a city raised girl. both born and raised during the Great Depression. My father was a only son and 4-f and could not get into the military during WWII. He worked in a Rio truck factory and farmed. My dad was married before he married my mother. I don't know much about my mother up bringing she and her brothers and sisters never talked about there child hood; but they were a close nit family. My early years were pretty good, my mother was a stay at home mother, My father worked in a factory.

The family home burned to the ground when I was about a year old. That was a terrible loose to my parents.

My dad was a hard worker, but not a man that played catch with you or took you fishing very often. He did teach me the value of hard work and taking care of your tools and equipment, to be respectful of others.

My mother was a good mom until I was about 11 years old. She became abusive both physically and emotionally. I have 2 bothers both younger then me. one is 3 years younger the other in 4 years younger. I was her target, and I would lie to her and say I did things to keep her from hurting my brothers. she tried to kill herself twice within a months time frame. She was committed to a state mental hospital for 3 years. During that time I was responsible for my brothers care. I feed them, did the laundry, shopped for the food. cleaned the house; made sure they got up and ate and got to school on time.

When my mother was released from the hospital; she came home and expected everything to be as it was before she was commented. She was a different women then I new as a child. She was now controlling, distant, verbally abusive. She still targeted me as being the reason for all her pain and trouble. I was no good, lazy, a liar, and thief.

In high school I started working to stay away from home. The money I earned was taken from me by my mother. In the 10th grade I opened a checking and saving account to be able to have some of my own money. In my junior year of high school I bought all my own school clothes, my mother didn't like the clothes and threw them in the trash. I got them out of the trash, but made it clear to both my mother and father I was not going to be putting up with her ****. I moved into the summer room ( and unheated porch at the back of the house and lived there until I finished school. I joined the Air Force after high school. I was 18 and didn't need there permission. I didn't tell them until the day before I left for basic training.

We had a strained relationship up until they pasted, They met my wife and sons and I made sure the got to spend time with my sons. but they were not going to influence them. I am now developing a relationship with my brothers. I am finding out how much they love and respect me for what I did for them.

My mother had more influence on me in a positive way them she ever knew. I became a Social Worker, mental health counselor. I have a good relationship with my wife who is a great support and friend. I have a good relationship with my sons and my grand daughters. There are times I think about the Johnny Cash song A boy Named Sue. She made me tough.

__________________
Carpriver.

Just wow. It does kind of change my perspective on things. It seems we all grow up kind of thinking we're abused or whatever. While I had 2 fairly normal parents, they were products of the great depression. I now know they were just cheap. I did grow up worried that we were the poorest family in town. I even wondered if we might need to move, and where an even lower place might be. We were surrounded by families who were living at a much higher standard than we were. The ones that took family vacations for a couple of weeks each summer, some camping vacations. My dad said he had enough camping in the army. There was no way he'd spend the kind of money required for motels.

It was after I'd left home and gotten married that I realized there really wasn't that much difference between us and our neighbors. If anything, my dad had a better job and was never out of work. He was just cheap. I guess that's why my mother is still living pretty well at 92. He saved every cent.

It certainly had an influence on my life. For us a new car was one used and 4 years old. Back in America of the 1950s and 1960s how well you were doing was judged by the vehicle you drove. From that yard stick the others were doing well. For most of them, it was not just new, it was often a Buick or Olds. Kids are fairly cruel to each other, or at least to the kid who was thrilled his dad just got a 4 year old Chevy. Yes, we do buy new cars now on a regular basis. I can afford it and I'm going to do it.

What is missing are any reports from a modern family. How will the welfare families reflect upon their lives? Ma was a crack ho and I have no clue who my baby daddy was? I know it could be one of a dozen guys who came around? The government was my sugar daddy?

__________________
Dick Burg

As the eldest of five to parents of the Great Depression I have carried their respect for:
Food, it's precious, don't waste it!
Water, it's precious, don't waste it!
Friends are precious, don't lose them.
Family, take care of each other, love.

I'm finishing 63 this year. I've never owned a new car.

Some things are just more important.

Calling all psychiatrists! Calling all psychiatrists!

Dysfunctional family spill in Lounge area

Not even going to go into mine.

Listen to your kids and try to understand where they are coming from. Physical abuse is not the only kind.

Spot on, bishopm14.

Be safe.

Well I grew up in an orphanage in Ohio so I am sorry if I can't spare you any tears.

Lord! reading this has reinforced for me how truly blessed I was. My Dad was career Army/AirCorp Air Force and was a way much of the time. He was a good man though but he had his demons. He was a young man when he entered WWII. It was tough on him. He saw some terrible things at Bastogne and at Attu. Maybe that is why he drank. He wasn't a mean drunk or anything, just couldn't function without booze. My Mom was truly an angel. She was also everyone's "Nana". My sister and I grew up all over the world but our house always had loving parents. All of my family on my Mom's side has always been super close. Family on my dad's side always lived far away and we weren't so close. Today, we all are. Mom and Dad are gone, I'm passing thru 62. I hope my son and daughter can write something similar in 30 years or so. Thank ya'll for sharing.

__________________
War Eagle!!!

I am touched and impressed by the sheer honesty of the various posts.
My heart goes out to all who experienced the angst of growing up with
a dysfunctional parent(s) -- I grew up with a very abusive stepmother
and I will leave it at that -- as strange as this may sound, it actually made me a better person -- my mechanism of dealing with her abuse, was to try to be the perfect" child, to excell academically and athletically, then somehow she would love me -- graduated top 3 from one of the best high schools in the country, college athlete, law review,
solid military career -- she was not there for most of it and I did not "earn" her love -- but I "earned" my life -- and am most thankful for it. I married a really good woman -- we have had a very good marriage (22 yrs so far) -- the typical ups and downs but would not trade for anything else -- 2 very good sons -- life is good. I do have my faults (I carry a Springfield or a Kimber but I do have some nice Smiths) -- and I have learned the value of humility.

True story: As a newly-minted major, I was walking down a line of troop buses carrying a clipboard with troop manifests -- freshly-starched BDU's, intent and focused on the upcoming mission array,
"trooping down the bus line" and the brave major walks into a bus mirror (the bus weighed about 7-8 tons and did not budge) -- it put a pretty nice gash in my forehead -- as I mount the bus steps to check off the troops on the bus, the bus load of troops (E-1's - E-7's) is stifling snickers and laughter at the "fearless" major that is to accompany them into a combat zone -- I told them: "I know that move really instills confidence in you regarding my leadership abilities but wait until you see me head-but* a tank" -- and I started laughing --
they all laughed and we moved on -- but I felt like a total doofus.
Good news is that they really knew that I knew my profession and that their well-being was my major concern.

Life is a crucible that tests all of us -- it is finding the inner strength
to stay the course and to try to do better with our own families that makes the difference. God bless all of you.

__________________
Gunner, Sabot Up!

Pretty good family right here! God bless!

I think the col has it.Many of us have had plenty of bad examples in our lives and our "job" is to set a better one.

Moral fiber. If you have it it doesn't matter what your parents were like. You will survive. Do I have a story? You bet, but I'm not going to share it with you. There is no reason to do so. Life is tough. Live it.
DW

__________________
"NUTS"

Imagine a childhood in which both of your parents are committed to each other (and today have been married for 45 years). Both are college educated; dad is a chemist for a famous American steelmaker; mom is a stay-at-home mom to raise four sons and a daughter, of which I am the oldest. You attended church every Sunday; your father read a passage of Scripture to you before bed every night; and you talked openly about your faith. Meals were plentiful and wholesome; the house was large; and the backyard was big enough to play neighborhood ball games. You attended private school from fourth through twelfth grade and graduated first in your class; you took nine years of piano lessons; you won high school speech meets; and you had all the academic credentials to study anything you wanted after high school.

I had it so much better than so many others, including some who have posted in this thread. But I could fill page after page of this thread with stories that, after a time, would make you wonder if I'm just making it all up.

Since I think it a poor idea to post such details on the internet, let me describe my reality today:

My three sons have never been to my parents' house despite a mere 65 miles between us.

My parents never call my children for any reason. They never send letters. They never send email. They don't text. My children see my parents about three times per year and that seems to be a lot of hassle for my parents. Turns out this is how it is for all of the children/grandchildren except for the brother who lives only a few miles away from them.

My parents bought a house in Tampa, FL -- a cool 1,000 miles away from their Ohio home -- and have yet to call either me or my wife to tell us about it. Think about that. My parents plan to move 1,000 miles away for part or all of the year and have not bothered to tell me or two other of my siblings about it.

I had parents. I know because I remember them. But the *concept* of parents is something I dismissed by my mid-20's as a defense mechanism. My wife, who is an only child and who was/is close to her parents (who are model grandparents, simply fabulous) struggles to understand and accept this despite knowing me for almost 20 years. I have very few close friends, but I have told a couple of them what childhood was like in great detail and they stare in stunned silence with each new story that I tell. When I tell them that I fantasized about being the child of friends' parents, they say they can understand why.

Now that I am older, I recognize some generational tendencies. And now that I have three small sons of my own, I am driven to break this vicious cycle of emotional distance and systematic cruelty that can roil lives behind the facade of an ideal American family. I strive to understand each of my sons personally and to have a relationship with each of them, and when they grow up, I hope they *want* to be my friend because of the emotional intimacy to which we will all have contributed. God game them to me and I to them for a purpose and we're going to learn it together. Sadly, it won't be long before they realize the nearly nonexistent nature of my parents. I hope they contrast their own lives favorably with what they observe.

Father was great, mother was abusive, manipulative, neurotically maladjusted and a royal pain-in-the-@$$. When she died, I shed about three tears. No one left to really give a rusty damn.

Life goes on.

Scott

I thank God for the parents I had. They are both gone now and someday I will get to see them again!

I join with longhorn, I had it so much better than I realized and now that
they are gone I really miss them.

My parents were raised/survived the great depression. Mom was farm raised, Dad started out on a farm but they moved to town when his Dad lost the farm.

Dad bought a 200 acre farm, he was a college graduate engineer, DOD, US Army Civil service. He kept my little brother and I knee deep in work. We grew up thinking we were poor farm boys, Dad was pocketing the money from our farm work and his job. Mom worked also.

I know our parents loved us, sometimes it was hard to peel the onion deep enough to find it. I guess we were middling dysfunctional. My sister and I obtained a college degree. All of us left the farm after high school, my brother ended up with his own farm, I bought one to retire to. Both our parents have passed. Last year we 3 siblings were talking about our youth, my sister who hated the farm with a passion said as I now look back those were the best years of our lives. We were close, there was hard work, Dad and us boys worked the farm, Mom canned gallons and gallons of our garden produce. Usually my brother and I would have to peel Dad loose from work to go fishing, which he loved. Did not have to work at getting him to Deer hunt, but he went with his friends and did not take us. We learned on our own.

One of my favorite stories from our younger years on the farm came from Dad's favorite saying when we were working in the truck patch. We would be sweating like oinkers and Dad would say, "You boys will be glad you have all this food when the snowballs hit you in the butt this winter". We heard that daily and multiple times a day.

We burned wood, Dad would not cut our winters wood in the fall, nope we had to go every Saturday Morning, rain, snow, bitter cold and mud.
My Brother and I tried to convince him to no avail. One nice bitter cold January in about 15" of snow we put the chains on the pickup and headed to the back of the farm to cut wood, the trees had been ringed, were dead and dry and still standing.

Dad had a bad case of the stomach flu, he took a roll of toilet paper. Every 5 minutes he would set the saw down and run behind a tree to relieve the stomach flu. My Bro and I were pretty ticked.

My little Brother always leaned a little to the wild side. He picked up a double handful of snow and packed up a nice snowball while staring me in the eye. I told him I'd wax him if he threw it at me. He made a couple more. Then he charged the tree Dad was squatted behind and busted Dad in the behind with a couple of snow balls yelling "If we'd cut wood last fall these snowballs wouldn't be hitting you in the butt. Dad squalled and tried to out run my Bro while holding up his britches. Bro reloaded on the run and whacked Dad several more times. Repeating Dad's phrase over and over. I laughed so hard I hurt. My Bro was laughing and finally Dad in all his misery laughed.

My wife and I have made it a point to spend some quality time with our kids, watch ball games etc. It is OK to work but not at the expense of isolating your children.

Some people survive BECAUSE of their upbringing.

Some people survive IN SPITE of their upbringing.

This is very interesting. I think that the parents of the 1950's - the WWII generation are different and this topic is proof of that theory.

My parents are were loving growing up, but not cuddly. No sugar and spice, but we had food and didn't need anything. We were well taken care of. I am the youngest of four. My parents have been married 65 years. 152 days ago I moved them into a nursing home, together, in the same room because I cannot imagine separating them now.

My Mother doesn't recognize who I am any longer. My Father is very angry with me sometimes, and other times he is fine. They both have advanced dementia.

Today, I was granted permanent unlimited guardianship and conservatorship by the court for both of my parents.

A word to parents of younger children; be kind to your children, they choose the nursing home that you will live in and make your end-of-life decisions.

Who I am is influenced by my parents, my in-laws and my 24 years of military service.

__________________
Doug "N Frame Addict"
CO

But, despite the stories, we all turned out all right.

My childhood was certainly not privileged but we weren't deprived!

Shows the resiliency of the human soul!

A friend who made it to 93 said "Those who insist on being bad parents had better plan on perfect health or dying young, since the moment they start to slip or stumble they will find those children they treated with such disdain and contempt now can't be bothered with them."
She was involved with an elder abuse task force, she quickly realized that much if not most elder abuse came under the heading of retribution and retaliation-payback time, as we say today, "As ye sow so shall ye reap." The first cas she dealt with was the most typical-a 60 something man repeatedly showed up at the local emergency room-black eyes, busted nose, broken ribs. Investigation revealed he had been a horrid parent-alcoholic, ill-tempered, violent and abusive. The son with whom he was living was some 30 years younger, several inches taller, about 20-30 muscular pound heavier-the old man was fighting way out his category.

But like Bill Crosby said that woman (mother) who raised me isn't the same woman to my kids. My kids think my mom was awesome. As she got older she was nice to my kids. I think she was being nice, trying to score points to make it into heaven. But she still hated me for some reason. I do not let it bother me when It comes to my kids.

I it's a shame! I treat my two sons like princes

__________________
Rob