Any fiction writers on the forum?

[policerevolvercollector]

Let's see what you've got.

We could make this interesting by starting a short story in this thread and everyone who would like to contribute can throw in a few paragraphs or so. This could be entertaining.

I'll start.......

Old man Woods was "acting up" again. There wasn't actually any harm in him most of the time.But,he'd scare his neighbors pretty well when he'd go off the deep end. This was 1962 in south Georgia and folks were not as inclined to accept behavior like his as being eccentric. He was just plain crazy or at least that's what people thought. Since I could usually calm him down and get him indoors,his "fits" became my problem. Today,he was standing in his front yard screaming at the top of his lungs that he was "ready to go home" and trying in vain to put out the blazing summer sun with his garden hose.......

Who's next?

[sipowicz]

and then.......

[DeathGrip]

"The Guess Who"?

[westcoast362]

up pulls a van full of gypsy roofers. They say...

[walkin jack]

...they are looking for a certain address and he point's out the house across the street. One of the workers is a beautiful raven haired dark eyed beauty. She catches him looking at her and initiates a conversation with him.

It turns out that she is a fortune teller, She reads palms and she offered to tell his fortune. He freaks out and turns the water hose on her. Her father and 2 brothers see this and come over to see what's going on and....

[Hillbilly77]

....the sound of his alarm clock wakes him from a fitful sleep.
He had dreamt of her again. This time she was a gypsy roofer.
Crazy....how do you roof a gypsy?
He sits up and reaches for his....

[westcoast362]

pants and glasses. He has to see if...

[palabman]

the beautiful gypsy woman was just a dream or was she actually roofing the neighbors house...

[A10]

Suddenly, a.....

[palabman]

strange noise is heard in the attic...

[tork'd]

No wait, it's on the roof!
a strange scratching sound. it makes the hair on his neck stand up.
could it be.....

[mg357]

The gypsy roofer on his roof

[ImprovedModel56Fan]

or a perfect time to shave his neck without using up his last can of shaving cream?

[Stonecove]

You wanted a fiction writer... I have filed US Income Tax for 48 years. Does that count?
Stonecove

[ladder13]

Plenty

[Hillbilly77]

"Suddenly, a shot rang out."

[RonJ]

Old man Woods dove behind the old stone well. Behind it he found his little black and white beagle in the throes of a seizure.
Nearby was a suspicious copper pipe dripping a green liquid around the base of the well.

[cavsix]

Meanwhile, the senior dispatcher looked up from her scrumptious broccoli-and-stinky-cheese lunch, clutched her throat, and stated "Arrgh"!

[mg357]

Then she dropped dead due to the poison that was in her lunch.

[keith44spl]

.

As the coroner turned to leave the scene...
To no one in particular, he sez's, "It's always sad, she was so young and pretty.

Who's buyin' lunch?"


.

[thomasinaz]

.... Once inside the restaurant the coroner asks the lovely Gypsy waitress about the lunch special. After trying to sell him a roof she suggests the broccoli and cheese....

[ladyT]

any wonder people dont eat their veggies

[P&R Fan]

I'm Sam Spade, PI. I was sitting in my office, waiting for the phone to ring, when she walked in. A Raven haired beauty with a cleavage a small boy could have gotten lost in. She stepped in on stilletto heels 5" high. She got my attention. "Are you Mr. Spade?", she asked in a throaty voice. "Yes Ma'am, what can I do for you?" She cleared her throat and looked down, I was trying to be a Gentleman and make eye contact, but it wasn't working out. "Mr. Woods is my uncle, and I think his ex Wife has been poisoning him. He is acting strangely, and has been totally out of character lately. He is worth a couple million dollars, and I think she is trying to bump him off. Can you help me, Mr. Spade?" I lit a Camel for us both and said "possibly.......but I will require a retainer in advance". She reached into her handbag and drew out a stack of C-Notes. "Will this do?" I kept a straight face and said "yes, Ma'am, that will do fine. I think we both need a drink".
After that.....it got interesting.
To be continued......
Jim

[oldbill]

Nice job P&R Fan..............
I want to read the rest of your version

[Nframecollector]

You didn't say good fiction writers!

[shouldazagged]

Meanwhile, back at the stage robbers' hideout in the old asphalt mine, Filthy Jack O'Houligan angrily asked, "All right, which one o' you sidewinders has been usin' my curlin' iron?"

"Well," said District Of Columbia, "why don't ya ask yer damn Gypsy fortune teller?"

[vigil617]

(You dang writers give us editors fits, you know that? Time to rein this thing in again.)

But before things could get really interesting with the raven-haired beauty -- she reminded me of the dame in Bob Seger's old song, with points of her own settin' way up high -- a scream rang out from the deli downstairs from my office.

"The coroner's been poisoned!" the manager shouted to no one in particular.

The moll in my office never blinked, just took a long drag on her Camel, coughed the cough of somebody whose lungs look like what was left of Fallujah -- or maybe, just maybe, the top rotor in an asphalt mill -- and smiled slyly at me.

"I like you," she purred. "You remind me of an old Irish client of mine, from years ago. Guy name of Filthy Jack O'Holigan, who had the nicest hair of any asphalt-mine operator I've ever known."

This chick's crazy, I thought, but then, I've always been able to overlook crazy if the view was good enough.

But over and over in my mind, not a Bob Seger tune, but a line from Bruce Springsteen kept repeating, like an old vinyl disc with a scratch in just the wrong place.

"Maybe, baby, the Gypsy lied...."

[red feather]

"Any fiction writers on the forum?"



Most of the people on the forum are fiction writers.(at one time or another}

[Rintimtin]

I didn't mean to use the curlin iron, I saw it there next to the sink, and thought to myself I would look good with a little bounce.

[carpriver]

so I removed my wig and proceeded to burn the skin on my head. "Sorry Dirty Jack for the smell of burned flesh" I said as I thought about ordering a Whooper at Burger King.

[pharmer]

And then he resumed wooing the raven haired waitress with sensuous trombone music....

[ladder13]

Originally Posted by Stonecove

You wanted a fiction writer... I have filed US Income Tax for 48 years. Does that count?
Stonecove

[Onomea]

Kinda reminds me of Nick Danger, Third Eye.

[P&R Fan]

Originally Posted by P&R Fan

I'm Sam Spade, PI. I was sitting in my office, waiting for the phone to ring, when she walked in. A Raven haired beauty with a cleavage a small boy could have gotten lost in. She stepped in on stilletto heels 5" high. She got my attention. "Are you Mr. Spade?", she asked in a throaty voice. "Yes Ma'am, what can I do for you?" She cleared her throat and looked down, I was trying to be a Gentleman and make eye contact, but it wasn't working out. "Mr. Woods is my uncle, and I think his ex Wife has been poisoning him. He is acting strangely, and has been totally out of character lately. He is worth a couple million dollars, and I think she is trying to bump him off. Can you help me, Mr. Spade?" I lit a Camel for us both and said "possibly.......but I will require a retainer in advance". She reached into her handbag and drew out a stack of C-Notes. "Will this do?" I kept a straight face and said "yes, Ma'am, that will do fine. I think we both need a drink".
After that.....it got interesting.
To be continued......
Jim

Continued....

I asked the Raven haired beauty her name. She once again looked down and said "Do I really have to tell you, Mr. Spade? I'd like to keep this as confidential as possible. I took a long drag on my Camel and said "If that's how you want to play it we can......for now. But sooner or later I'm going to have to know". Her azure eyes flashed and she smiled. First time she had done that, and it captivated me. She said "Oh, Mr. Spade, thank you. I knew I could trust you". "Alright then, Ma'am, so tell me your story. Why do you think this Woman wants to bump off your uncle?" She looked down again (I was trying to look her in the eye, but the view was too tempting). She said "Because she wanted me to help. Offered me half of his estate. But I love my uncle, and I DESPISE that Woman. Can you understand, Mr. Spade?" I took another long drag, exhaled, and said "Yes I do, Ma'am. But I'm not the one droppin' C-Notes on the desk of somebody I just met. I often operate in the shadows, but sometimes you have to show your cards. I think it's time I called this hand, and you showed yours to me". She smiled again, a come-hither smile this time, and said "Mr. Spade, I guess the stories I've heard about you are true", as she stubbed out her cigarette. Then she reached up, loosened her head band and let her Raven hair fall across her shoulders.
"I really think we need to get to know each other better, Mr. Spade.......MUCH better".

To be continued.
Jim


Note for those interested. I'm a real life PI, and this kinda stuff happens to me all the time.

[Old TexMex]

"the last jerk that tried that line played a fluglehorn...and he wasn't half bad," she mused, " but flamenco doesn't work with brass."
"looks like it's gonna be a long lunch," the coroner mumbled to the detective
"yeah, but we got all day...I'd say that pretty dispatcher's 10-7 permanent, Doc."

[policerevolvercollector]

I followed her at a casual distance until she entered a shabby office building that might have been stylish in another life. I pushed my way through the partially open opaque glass door to find her inside. "So, this is where you went? To see a Shamus?" Lydia started to rise from the chair then thought the better of it and decided to play it ice cold. "How dare you follow me!!" she raised her voice a full octave. I looked at her and then at the money on the desk. "You hired this guy after I told you not to bring in outsiders. I can take care of your uncle. We're going." She saw the rage in my eyes and reluctantly stood and walked toward me ....and the door. Spade sat silently with a deer in the headlights look on his face.

[tork'd]

and that's when the fight started..

[keith44spl]

.

The dame whirled and slapped the interloper across the face...Turning her attention now to Spade,

"Some kinda man you are!

Well, don't just sit there wettin' yourself, come on let's go!"

.

[cavsix]

The new (and quite undead) dispatcher then calmly radioed to all cars, "Be on the lookout for a raven-haired flamenco dancer in company with Sam Spade. They are wanted for violation of smoking-in-public-buildings ordinances."

[carpriver]

The morning sky was blue as turquoise with cotton ball clouds, but the breeze was dragging the gray black clouds that would sat the tone for the rest of the day. Evil was a foot.

[shouldazagged]

Originally Posted by carpriver

The morning sky was blue as turquoise with cotton ball clouds, but the breeze was dragging the gray black clouds that would sat the tone for the rest of the day. Evil was a foot.

I stubbed out my Camel on the doorman, checked the big .45 in my waistband, and headed for the docks. I knew the Gypsy would be meeting Günther Dreckhammer to arrange to pick up the plans of the

[mg357]

Detective Sam Spade woke up and wiped his eyes, then he checked his revolver, got out of bed and got some coffee. After drinking his 3rd cup of coffee Sam made himself some breakfast.

[Hillbilly77]

Originally Posted by shouldazagged

I knew the Gypsy would be meeting Günther Dreckhammer to arrange to pick up the plans of the

... SPAM accounts that they planned to use to Troll on Smith-Wesson Forum.

[mg357]

After breakfast Sam got up from the table washed the dishes then he grabbed his jacket and was getting ready to leave for his meeting with his latest client a woman with beautiful raven colored hair. when he realized he had forgotten something that was in his nightstand.

[keith44spl]

.

As Sam neared the docks, he spotted Rosa's Crab Shack and the Taco Casa ahead on the left.
He was conflicted as to which to choose.

Thinking that a nice brunch would be in order, as the pop tarts he had for breakfast just didn't stick to a hard driving PI's ribs like a big bowl of clam-broccoli and cheese does..........A man good.
He always liked seeing Rosa...

.

[RonJ]

In the mean time old man Woods finished giving CPR to his beagle. He peeped over the well and saw a rifle barrel sticking out of a window in the distance. He drew his Charter Arms snubby and took careful aim. His bullet entered the rifle barrel just as his assailant fired. The rifle and the shooter were now history. Not bad for a 300 hundred yard shot he thought.
Sneaky the beagle started barking, all the hairs on his back standing up as he stared at the house.

[mg357]

Sam went inside the eatery and he said to Rosa the owner. "Rosa I will have a big bowl of clams broccoli and cheese." Then he sat down at the table with his back to the wall.

[mg357]

A few minutes later Rosa Brought Sam his lunch and after saying grace Sam began to eat. When Sam was done eating he paid for lunch and then he left the eatery and headed out for his meeting with his Client the Raven Haired beauty.

[cavsix]

Who simply adored beagles, especially those just returned from the dead.

[mg357]

Sam waited and waited at the docks for his client at one point he started to get cranky because she was late. So he took a pack of camels and a zippo lighter out of his coat pocket put a cigarette in his mouth and he lit it.

once it was lit he took a drag off of the smoke and he remarked

"were is she at I don't have all day to stand here and wait"