My Dad passed away 5 years ago the 25th of this month. I've been kinda sad all week just going over the memories. We laid brick together for 25 years until his health began to fade. Anyway, my younger sister just called from Oklahoma and told me our Dad's brother has taken it upon himself to have Dad's headstone replaced. Can he do that? I have never heard of such a thing!

__________________
Recycled Bricklayer

Im not sure if he can or can't. I'm sorry about the loss of your father.

About the only suggestion I have is since you laid brick with your dad for many years, and are familiar with stone work, maybe contact your relative and see if he is amenable to you having a hand in the design.

Replaced with what?
Sorry to hear you are down in the dumps thinking about
your dad passing away. I lost mine, "pops" February 2010
and i still think about him about every day.
He was my hero and best friend. Retired 20 year Marine.
I'll never get used to him being gone.
Can't help you on the legality issue of the headstone situation
my friend. Hope it works out OK.

Chuck

__________________
They hold no Quarter

I designed the present stone. Trouble is, I live in Georgia now and Dad is buried in our home state of Oklahoma.

__________________
Recycled Bricklayer

Maybe it's a good thing? At any rate it does not necessarily sound like a bad thing to me. How about call up your uncle and discuss it? Why is he changing it?

Fathers and sons are, of course, close relatives, but a brother sure qualifies as close, too.

Edit: Ah. I just saw that you designed the stone. Still, I suggest talk to your uncle about why he wants to change the stone.

Did he not even have the common courtesy to even consult with you? I'd be taking a trip down to OK and having a "private" chat with the brother.

No consultation, no courtesy, no phone call, my sister said it is going to be this week. He already ordered it.

__________________
Recycled Bricklayer

Sorry about your father.
I've learned that some people cannot handle the death of a loved one very well. They do strange things sometimes. Not out of spite, but just out of an irrational outlook.
Please keep that in mind while dealing with your uncle. A "headstone war" may make things worse in the whole family.

Anything you know of happen to the original one? Cracks, damage?

If you let the brother go ahead with it, and don't say anything, it will eat you up for a long time. The complete disregard for your input and feelings is shocking.

Take the one you designed and bring it to your home find a place in the garden for it. That way you can visit with him anytime. Sorry for your loss, I am dealing with the same loss. Mine died 3 years ago, and I still can't believe he's gone. I hope it gets easier for us. Ed

You could contact a local attorney about getting an injunction against the new stone. You could also keep the stone you designed and replace the uncle's stone with yours when your uncle passes.

You and your sister are the next-of-kin...
it would be you and your sister's say so!

Who has title to the burial plot?

However, get an attorney in Oklahoma.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My father passed away to cancer back in 1989 and it's still fresh for me.

I find the fact that your brother is going to attempt to replace the head stone without discussing it with you reprehensible. If I were you, I'd confront him on the subject.

Now that I've said that, let me say this...does it really matter? Your father is not there in the dirt. He lives on in a better place. His legacy is alive in your memories.

This is a poem that always struck a note with me:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

__________________
Freedom isn't free.

bricker...

Did your sister say WHY he was going to replace it after it's been there for 5 years?

This isn't something that one family member should decide unilaterally. If he's not willing to share this civilly you need to bring in the guns.

__________________
"He was kinda funny lookin'"

Sorry for your loss and the situation you are now in. Has your uncle always exhibited this type of behavior or is this out of character? Sounds like behavior of someone suffering from early stage dementia.

My uncle said he never liked the stone my sisters and I put on Dad's grave. Maybe he is just a senile old codger, he has always been an irritating individual. You guys are right, Pop isn't in the dirt there. Upon further review, I probably ought to let this go. Just seems like the timing stinks.

__________________
Recycled Bricklayer

I think you've got it right Bricker.I never cared for how my old man was treated at the end,but I let it go.It will be sorted out eventually.

Keep the present stone in a safe place, when his brother joins him put it back.

bob