Over on the I'm so poor I couldn't afford horse apples to add to my pond water for lunch thread I saw lots of humor. It might be nice to help break the snow bound cabin fever with humor.

My 2 favorite Rodney Danger field jokes are:

My Dad used to take me hunting, he gave me a 30 second head start.

My toys were toasters or electric radios, they only let me play with them in the bath tub.

A Man was Hunting in the Forest one day and came across a beautiful Blonde just sitting on a Tree Stump,He asked Her if She was Game and She said Yes So He shot Her.

Kind of like the two friends out hunting & one accidentally shot the other in the leg. The victim was rushed to an ER for help. The shooter asked the ER doctor if his friend would be OK.

The doctor responded, well he would have had a much better chance if you hadn't field dressed him before dragging him out of the woods.

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?"

The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?"

The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"

The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?"

Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?"

The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said, "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"

__________________
Don

Two Aggies who were novice hunters decided to go deer hunting. One of them was lucky enough to shoot and kill a large buck, and they each grabbed one of the deer's rear legs and began dragging it out of the woods. They were really struggling with their burden, and a passing hunter took pity on them and suggested they grab the deer by its rack (antlers) as it would be easier. A while later, one of the Aggies said: "I'm glad that guy told us to drag the deer by the antlers. It sure makes the job a lot easier." His partner responded: "Yeah, it does, but now we're twice as far from the truck than when we started."

Regards,

Dave

PS - "Hook-'em"

A young bride told her husband she wanted to go deer hunting with him. He bought her a rifle and found that she was a great shot. He got her a license. They drove to the lease and he put her in a tree stand and he went over the ridge to his stand. It wasn't long before he heard a shot from his wife's direction. He climbed down to make sure she was OK. As he approached the ridge, He heard his wife arguing very loudly with a man. Just before he crested the ridge he heard the man yell out "Okay lady, it's your deer. Just let me take the saddle off of him."

Rim shot...
_______________
I don't have alzheimers. My wife had me tested.

My favorite Dangerfield joke was his final one. The epitaph on his tombstone is "There goes the neighborhood."


Two drunk hunters are staggering out of a field, giggling and hanging onto each other.

A game warden greets them and asks, "Have you men been hunting in that condition?"

They shamefacedly admit that they have.

"Well," says the warden, "did you kill anything?"

"Yeah," says one of the drunks, "three pints and a damn good bird dog."

__________________
Oh well, what the hell.

A blonde woman is driving her new red sports car in the county when she is pulled over for speeding by a blonde female police officer. The officer approaches the woman in the sports car and asks for her driver's license. The woman digs though her purse looking for her license but can't find it. She says to the officer: "I haven't seen it in a while. What does it look like?" The officer tells the woman it has her photograph on it. The woman finds a mirror in her purse and looks into it and sees herself. She then hands the mirror to the officer. The officer looks at the mirror and says to the woman: "I didn't realize you were a police officer. I'll let you off with a warning."

OK here's another. Below the Mason Dixon you got Rednecks, above the M D you got Hicks, What's an Aggie ? Oh, by the way I'm a Hick

Been to Texas, there is still a little sore spot between 2 schools.

An aggie is usually from Texas A&M being picked on by a University of Texas fan.

A Texas steer is what an aggie usually calls a Texas fan.

If one is in an alcohol establishment the names for each other change for the worse.

Sorry, I should have explained or substituted another term...Model 70 Hunter provides a good start. Texas A&M (Agricultural and Mechanical) and the University of Texas (my alma mater) are long time rivals. Both are good schools, and the rivalry is (generally) friendly in nature...unless alcohol is involved. A&M students are known as "Aggies". It's a traditional nickname and is not considered derogatory. Aggies call University of Texas ("UT") students and alumni "Tee-sips" - which is supposed to be derogatory, but it never impressed me as I've been called far worse.

Aggies aren't supposed to be smart. Substitute the term dumb blond and you'd be in the right ballpark.

I hope that helps.

By the way, most Aggies I know love Aggie jokes.

Regards,

Dave

Seems like these two Aggies were out hunting one day and happened upon some strange tracks that they had never seen before. With rifles ready, eyes on the tracks, they began to cautiously follow the tracks. Unfortunately, they were both killed by the train.

An usher at a movie theater noticed an old sprawled over three seats. He said Sir, your only allowed ONE seat. The man just groaned. Sir, if you do not move I'll get the manager. The man again just groaned. The usher left and returned with the manager. Sir, you'll have to move to just one seat. No answer this time. The manager called the police. The policeman asked the man, Sir, where are you from? The old man groaned, the balcony!