I know we have a few single gentleman here, wether by divorce, widoed, or personal choice.

If a man has been single a while, he may become set in his ways and even possibly develop a few annoying habits.
I'm talking about YOU guys, not meself.

So how about a round of bachelor stories? Serious, humorous, poignant, whatever you feel like sharing.

And ladies, please feel free to join in.



I'll start with one.

After a divorce, I started circulating again.
While living in a small city, I happened to meet a very nice woman. She was lovely. She was intelligent, had a good sense of humor, heck, she was even very pretty.

I finally asked her out and she said yes! Well, we went on few dates. The standard stuff. Dinners, a nice concert (St Saens), art galleries, that sort of thing.

Now, I'm something of a cook. Not a chef or anything, but a pretty good cook.
I felt that the time was right to invite her to my house for a nice dinner. After that, who knew?

I planned and prepared.

Small artichoke goat cheese tartletts. Grilled romane lettuce. Lime basted Cornish hens. Green beans amadine. Blush pears for dessert.

Everything was great! The conversation was easy, there were the small touches across the table, gentle smiles.

On to the main course. Another glass of Bordeaux.

At this point, let me tell you that Ive moved a lot in my life.
The nomadic life, while interesting and mostly fun, precludes certain things. Fine China is one.
I always manage to keep good cooking utensils, but dishware often just gets tossed, to be replaced later.

At this point, I was definitely lacking good dishware.

Anyway, there we were, halfway through the main course, when this lovely woman suddenly asks, "Why is your dog staring at me and whinging?"

Without thinking, I blurted out, "Probably because you're eating off of his dish."

Every so often I still wonder how things would have turned out if I'd had the sense to tell just one little lie.

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Diddums

Now that's hilarious!

I cooked dinner for a nice young woman in her million dollar house and set her microwave on fire

I hated bachelor life so much, I avoid it like the plague! (She thinks she has me trained, but it is actually the other way around) Ivan

Be glad you lost that woman before it was to late. The dog is more important than she is.
Blessings

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TEXAS, by GOD

im still married and we share great dinners together my wife is a really good cook . But i sure like watching a movie with my cat , the cat doesent talk back or tell me what to do i like my alone time in my man cave

Everything happens for a reason so keep on trying and improving your game! If I might make two suggestions, women seem to enjoy white wine better than red and it goes better with your little chicken. Lastly, real men don't make tartlets!

Ah, the good old days...laying amidst my own filth, a blanket of trash bags and Wall Street Journals...a scattering of empty beer and whiskey bottles... faithful pee jug at the ready... J frame .38 strapped to a teddy bear to cuddle with.

Smoking cigarettes in the shower. Eating cold slop out of cans cut open with a knife.

One door held onto my car with glass filament strapping tape. Being able to answer the question "Are those bullet holes?" with a shrug and an "I don't know, probably".

Waking up when mice crawl on you.

Shooting mice in the living room, because the landlord said to.

Cracked and peeling lead based paint, plenty of asbestos, mystery stains on the wall...

Seeing the drug dealers out front, the tranny working girls, the rednecks that cook meth, the weird guy who buried a dead monkey in his yard....

The simple joys of living in a partially condemned crack house in the drug corridor of a decaying midwestern city.

Ha! I think I lived in that neighborhood. Did you have a neighbor get pissed off at a WWF match and blow up his TV with a 44 mag?

I don't like being a bachelor i would rather be married.

Good one! If you were my dinner guest my dog would stare and drool until you finished eating and put your plate down for her to clean. Then I pick up the plate and say, "Good job, clean enough to put back in the cupboard" Son-in-law doesn't like it, too bad, but he does go along with it. Dog is a good judge of character, I could relay some other incidents but hard to do and keep it "family friendly"

Rick, if she doesn't like reds, there is no future for us. I meant Beaujolais, it's light and fruity and pairs well with young fowl, but I can't spell it. Also, I was typing at 1:30 in the morning.

As for men making tartletts, let me tell you: a man will do ANYTHING to further romance.
Ask any poor schmuck that has gone to a Lilleth Faire concert, for a woman!
I actually know guys that did.

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Diddums

Years ago I had a guy working for me who was 55 and never been married, one Monday morning he came into work and said, guess what I did this weekend, I guessed several things all wrong, I finally said I give up, what did you do this weekend, he said I got married, I said Bob your 55 why did you do a stupid thing like that for, he said my mother isn't going to live forever.

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Don

Sort of. Travis the Roofer fired his shotguns into the walls a few times. He did get really into WWE at times too...

I've been married and divorced twice. My first wife was young and didn't know much about household responsibilities. Having been a bachelor for a couple years after high school, I taught her how to cook, wash clothes, clean house and change a diaper on our first born. I always washed dishes, did laundry when needed and cooked as often as I could, meant a more palatable meal. She left me for another guy after 16 years and again I was a bachelor. For three years I was free, girlfriends over for dinner, go out to movies, hunting and fishing etc. The life of Riley! Then I saw the widow of my best friend and she invited me to dinner at her house. Her boys were out somewhere and we were alone. She was beautiful and a good cook, wonderful mother. In a year we were married, life was good! Then my daughter was kicked out of the house by her mother and we took her in. Things went downhill after that! They couldn't get along and no mater how I tried my daughter made her life hell. One day she announced either the daughter or her, make a choice! Well I moved out with my daughter and for 6 months all was good. Then my daughter made up with her mother and moved back. My wife begged me to come back and eventually I did. After 20 years and 3 days, after 1 1/2 years of chemotherapy for the wife, she announced that I should get out, so I did. The moral of the story, if there is one, you'll be happier with girlfriends. I have three, none of which want marriage, who all know about each other and once again life is good!

Nope not gonna happen. Not unless she knows how to take criticism, understand sarcasm and most importantly not have verbal diarrhea.

I get tired of others making my plans for me, having to answer where I've been and what I did, and being told what I can and can't do/see/wear/watch.... Basically I did all that between 0 - 18 years of age. Once is enough.

I once picked a girl up for a first date. She had gone to her company picnic and was drunk. When she answered the door she was laughing and had a 6" string of snot swinging from her nose. Last date.

I once heard a single man say "why have one woman to make you miserable for the rest of your life when you can have so many of them to make you happy?"

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Ephesians 6 (Armor of God)

years before I married, I found a kitten behind my garage one night while wrenching the racecar.
took a while, but I caught that sly little fuzzball and ultimately, she warmed up to me.
well then I met this lady, who'd eventually become my wife.
by this time the kitten was more of a cat, and was well endowed with strong willed personality.
I only stepped away for a few moments to get something for us to snack on.
when I returned, I found my lady and the cat fighting over a place to sit.
My lady would try to shove the cat over a few inches ... and the cat would shove her right back.

yup .... I had to keep the both of them for the years of entertainment value.

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it just needs more voltage

If I had remained a bachelor, I'd be dead by now. Getting married & having a child sure smartened me up!!!

Life on the edge gets pretty risky!!!

I like to quote a column I saw in GQ or one of those magazines:
"It is better to be alone than to wish you were."

I can't find a lady that will put up with me when I'm drunk, - - & when I'm sober, I know better

About the only thing that would make me consider matrimony is if I could find a girl that's too proud to let her old man work.

I enjoyed my youthful bachelorhood.
And I enjoyed being married.
I would get married again,
but all the women I meet are either Hitler's sister or the Anti-Christ.
Lots of mean, nasty women running loose out there boys!

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NRA LIFE MEMBER

I was 31 first time I got married, 36 the second. I was 40 after the second divorce and 57 when I got married the third time. I've "known" a hundred or so women since my teens and I've noticed one thing: They hear everything you say and record it in their heads. Later on, down the road a sentence begins with "You said........" and you know it's been changed slightly but any protest is a fight. One that can't be won. At 62 I'm down to a hundred or so words a week, most of them "you're right" or "yes sweetie." Joe

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Wisdom chases me; I'm faster

The widows I meet have had such happy married lives they could care less. The divorced ladies are still mad!

Hey! We aren't all mean and nasty!

After my wife passed, one of the most often asked questions I got was "Do you think you'll ever get married again?"
I loved my wife. We had our ups and downs like most couples. Hell, we even came close to divorce a couple of times. But we always worked it out. But, overall, I liked being married. I have no regrets for the years we spent togther.
So I gave the question a great deal of thought. I won't go into the details of my reasoning, but in the end I decided no, I do not want to marry again.
What I find interesting is how many women my age suddenly lose interest in me when tell them that.

"Are you married or are you happy?"- Curly Howard

"Women are like elephants. Nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one."- W.C. Fields

"No greater man ever lived than a Widow's late husband."- Unknown

I have to remember that the next time I have company, best laugh I've had in a while

That sounds like it could be interesting, or dangerous

My parents constant bickering cured me of any desire to marry years ago.

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Common sense isn't so common.

After a series of ****** girlfriends and meeting girls who didn't interest me, I decided on what I wanted in a girl and didn't settle for anything less. It took a long time, but I finally found her. We've been dating for just shy of 3 years, and we'll probably get engaged next year.

I had a lot of fun being younger, going out with my guy friends, and trying to pick up girls. That being said, nothing makes me happier than on a Friday night with dinner at 5:30, putting on a movie at 7:00, and going to bed before 10PM. Of course there's some "honeymoon time" at some point, but I thoroughly enjoy my quiet, laidback lifestyle.

I wouldn't trade my girlfriend for anybody else in the whole world. She puts up with my lame jokes, political rantings, firearms obsessions, and simple lifestyle. She's a pretty, smart, good girl who works hard, has a good set of morals, is always willing to please (wink wink, nudge nudge), and is laidback too.

I was married three times. The first two ended in divorce, the second one mostly because of my drinking. The third time I was sober (still am), and so was she, and we were wonderfully close friends first and foremost. We laughed a lot, and people who saw us together immediately sensed that we had something special. Then, much too soon, she died of leukemia at only 62.

I've met some fine women in the nineteen years since I lost her, but none that really clicked. I stopped looking or dating years ago. I like my independence and privacy and enjoy my own cooking (so did wives two and three--I did 90% of the cooking through both those marriages).

I live with an insane ten-year-old rat terrier. The mutual acceptance of each other's foibles and flatulence is enough.

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Oh well, what the hell.

My terminal untidiness puts off many women. Back that up with a love for firearms and all things sci-fi and you can see the field getting pretty slim. My late wife was wonderful putting up with me, and her death hit me very hard.

I finally started dating again last year. It has been...an adventure. So far I have been dumped by different girls for:-

1) Not having got rid of the baggage in the house. (Guilty, probably not really ready for a relationship at that time)

2) Not being sexually assertive enough for her tastes! (That was a new one)

I have run from others because :-

1) First woman from Internet dating got drunk on our first date, asked me to stay but said there would be no sex. Interesting. Bad combo of wine, desperate loneliness and being slightly whacko, I think. That being my first dating experience in a long time had me considering celibacy with occasional Internet porn as the sensible alternative to dating.

2) Fifteen minutes into a second date a lady decides that I need to know exactly how smooth and firm her thighs are. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but we hadn't even ordered appetizers, and I'm not sure the staff in that rather posh steak house were entirely happy with her crawling all over me. One friend suspects she might have self administered a roofie. Well, this is Vegas, after all.

There is an ethnic saying regarding female dogs not being of sound mind that applies, just multiply x10 in this town.

Right now I am dating a lovely lady to whom I was introduced by a mutual acquaintance. No crazy showing so far except for her being pretty keen on motorcycles, which I don't own nor am I ever likely to. We'll see how things go.

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Release the Kraken

Considering some of the dating experiences I've had since I decided to give it a try again, this actually makes sense to me.
A good woman is hard to find. But there are truck loads of ding-bats out there.

I'm not a fan of Beaujolais It reminds me of cough syrup. Many women might like red Bordeaux from the estates like Chateau Margaux or Ch. Lascombes. They go well with lamb.

The wines around St. Julien are a little fuller, but not usually as full as those from Paulillac. (sp?) Ch. Ducru-Beaucaillou or Ch. Beycheville are very good choices and are fine with beef or game or turkey.

If a woman doesn't like Chardonnay, try Sauvignon blanc. Kendall-Jackson has a good one at a good price. And there's always Riesling. If the German ones are too expensive, try Ch. Ste. Michelle from Washington. It lacks the slaty flavor of good German Riesling but is still a good white wine.

Women usually like champagne. I probably shouldn't risk saying here what the heroine in a movie called, "Masquerade" said of it. I think she was played by Meg Tilley, opposite Rob Lowe. But what she said is quite true in my experience of women and champagne. It tends to accelerate their libido.

1st marriage was 20 years of not good at all. d 3 kids we all divorced her.

Single for a while, actually was at the point to quit looking. I developed a list, a cheat sheet for dates if you will, trustworthy and lies were immediate bye bye ones.

The 1st serious lady was the reason I developed the list. There was a movie, JAck Nicholson, One Flew over the Cucoo's nest. Well, it was misnamed, thousands flew over the Cucoo nests wall and all of them girls surrounded me.

One lady said she had not dated nor talked to men much since her husband committed suicide. She passed the Lists, 1st date, coffee in a neutral corner. She passed the List's 2nd step, dinner. She invited me to her house for dinner. Guys kept knocking on her door, they would give me the evil eye stare like what cha doing here, GRRR. One guy called her, she had quite the chat with him leaving me unattended to. I put on my coat and walked out the door. Never responded to her where you going????

I was a single parent. Women would show up at my house with cookies, say crazy things like I thought it would be nice to give your daughter some time with a female. Or I just wanted to bring my daughter over to visit your daughter. Most were single some were married.

I told one of my techs that I guess it boils down to I am the most handsome stud muffin on the planet. His redneck doktor Phil wisdom set me straight. HE said they come by because you are a single man with a paycheck, nothing more. I said, thanks, I guess.

I did meet a wonderful lady, she too had been married once to the male version of my ex. This lady kept our honeymoon candles burning for 7-8 years. Been a great 20 years. She has bought me guns, helps build fence, remodel and she hunts. When I met her the 1st time I could not keep my jaw closed, drop dead gorgous, she and Farah Facet were similar in looks with Farah in 2nd place. She had a grinch for a dad and married one like him the first time, both had told her she was an ugly duckling so many times she believed it.

A beautiul woman that does not know it develops personality rather than the kardashbordian types.

Shortly after we were married we went shopping, a guy saw her ran to the door to open it for her, the lout actually stepped on my foot. As she walked by he started yakking something to her, I hit him full force below the short ribs with my elbow and said don't you ever step on my foot again.

If god forbid anything ever happened, there would not be another for me. When one finds a good match, are still in love after 20 years, and she does wonderful things for the grand kids and me it probably is the once in a life time love and only if one is lucky.

It all boils down to supply and demand.
There is always a strong demand for women but a relatively short supply of good women.
I meet really nice women all the time. They are all usually married.
Let's see - the good ones are usually married? Yes!
The ones out there running amok can be pretty strange.
Some of my buddies have in fact married some of these gals.
Train wrecks from the git-go.
We have decided it's actually better to find a woman you don't get along with and just buy her a house.
Way cheaper and easier in the long run! She will probably also need a car.

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NRA LIFE MEMBER

Attention Mods, this not a solicitation, only asking for ideas

You guys are saying almost all single women are nuts.

How does a reasonably attractive, semi-retired, healthy, active, financially secure, not looking for marriage lady find a gentleman with similar attributes?

On-line dating services???

Have tried that, a whole world of weirdos, scammers, and guys looking for "Mommy"

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Sure you did

And where is your picture?

I look much better in person

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Sure you did

I wish I looked that good in person. I look like the love child of Buster Keaton and Fred Allen.

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Oh well, what the hell.

It's the smile that makes them melt.

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Sure you did

I always looked for 'em at church.
Found some pretty good ones there.
Jim

Been married 4 times. 1st time for 18 years, 2nd time for 8 years, 3rd time for 1 year, 4th time for 23 years. I have one daughter she is 2 years younger than my present wife of 23 years. The one that lasted for 1 year was doomed from the start, she was the sister of number 2. As Augustus of Lonesome Dove said on his deathbed, "All in all it's been quite a party".

Actually not all single women, all women!! As my buddy says, "all women is whack-a-doodle"

but then again, he also says, "most men are dogs" with two brains and only enough blood to feed one at a time....

I'm married twice with ten years in between. Probably the best ten years of my life. The only saving grace is that we don't live forever...

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James Redfield
LM #497

Please consider me, I like the "Financially Sound" quote.

I like levitating on the beach, love gardening, willing to share my potato chips and twinkies with ya.

I'm stable, have no bad habits, unemployed at the moment, but I am willing to work hard for a least one hour a week.

Here is a photo of me:



Hoping for a reply soon.

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Doesn't hasta call me Johnson

Hey, I'm a Project Manager for a commercial roofer.......I think that guy works for us! He thinks WWE is real!