MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.

Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans - The New Yorker

The fact-resistant humans may be newly discovered by the scientists
but they are not new.

People are the same its the so called facts that arent and thats a fact.

if you need a bunch of lab rats just head to Washington D.C.....I believe it's to late for them tho.

Stupid is as stupid does..... just that simple.

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always trust your cape...

Again if I posted what I thought I'd get dinged because Washington D.C. is involved as well as the electorate.

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LIVE FROM THE DAWGHOUSE

At some point society devolved into believing that opinions are facts. People see their opinion as fact and can therefore only accept as fact other opinions that agree with theirs. A major reason that we cannot gain consensus on many things and Washington is so partisan.

almost sounds political

And further investigations have uncovered scientists who will say anything to generate funding. The most credible witnesses are those scientists who, when overwhelmed by their own conscience, have testified against their own subterfuge.

Honesty ain't political, it's moral.

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Halfway and one more step

I agree! I think that the mainstream news had a large part in all this, as they started to report their opinions as facts, sheeple followed along. This may be why folks that think for themselves are out of fashion these days.

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Stay safe people!

That's your opinion.

It is not at all political because no sides were taken.

Seems these people are the same as what Rush Limbaugh calls "low information voters".

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I'm 67. I don't do timeouts.

Further scientific analysis is required. I have developed a similar scientific hypothesis.

After all, what that OP's article is reporting on is a "hypothesis" rather than fact. The bad news is further study is now hampered by this same "fact resistant" trait beings as it is prolly contagious & has easily infected the researchers.

The modern common term for this condition (which has been known to exist for ages) is "mental laziness".

FWIW, I run into so many of these types and I have a theory.

I was born in the mid 50's. Times were good, but I had Depression Era parents that believed bad times could return and as a result, they made my life difficult, tossed roadblocks in my path, made me figure it out along the way.

As a result, I had to see what was, not what I wanted it to be, overcome things.

Too many insulated people today, folks that always want it their way regardless.

This is the issue IMO.

We've gone soft and the results are on parade in the form of these morons.

An important point is that the referenced article is satire and was meant as humor. But what makes humor funny is that there is some truth to it.

It is my opinion that in order to rise to the very highest and loftiest levels of fact-rsistance, one must also be a conspiracy theorist.
The conspiracy theorist is master of the art of twisting coincidence into factoids (an assumption or speculation that is reported and repeated so often that it becomes accepted as fact).

Seriously--I thought the thread would have something to do with the letter elle but,glad it didnt.

I was born in 1945. I got the Great Depression, chapter and verse from my parents and grandparents. I was brought up to work hard, scrimp and save for a rainy day. The depression might return. Today, kids don't get this.

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Can my S&W Mdl 10 shoot +P

There is nothing new about these "Fact Resistant Humans". The symptoms are most readily identifiable in the segment of the population known as "corporate management."

MB

In these parts we call 'em "dumbasses" and they usually have a .gov at the end of their websites.

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paws for friendship

"The stupid is strong in them." :Yoda

And it's gonna hurt.

There's another Internet gun forum that's crawling with 'em.

How many tests will it take before some people believe childhood vaccines DO NOT cause autism. There are putting their own children as welln as everybody else at serious risk. Lack of vaccines caused the recent measles outbreak, a disease that was virtually eradicated in the 50's. Also artificial sweeteners, apples and movie theater popcorn are NOT going to kill you.

I think Bigfoot would disagree with you.

As I read the op I couldn't help but think that folks on BOTH sides of a given argument would equally support that theory as applied to their opponent.

True. And considering that the article appeared in The New Yorker,it is safe to assume that the author is referring to US,not them.
f.t.

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South Carolina-God's country

To be fair there is "fact resistance" in all of us including myself. Drinking, smoking not exercising etc. The list is endless. However I think they put an extra dose of fact resistance into those giant sodas which turn people into chronic sufferers of this disease

What's truly worrisome for our society is how many of these "fact resistant humans" are PROUD of there ignorance. They REVEL in it, wearing it like a badge of honor.

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~ S&W aficionado in training ~

Not making this up and no politics involved. I know a guy who had a conniption fit when his daughter enrolled at a university to study biology, because the biology dept. at that school was part of the "College of Liberal Arts".

Hey, that's good stuff there. Let's call them generation "I".

I'd imagine many are very dependent on their "I" phones too.

Watch enough nattering nitwit talking heads on TV news and you'll eventually be convinced there are no facts.

You can say that again.

"Don't confuse me with the facts, I like my position." - Jane Fonda, an early fact resistant human.

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Halfway and one more step

These folks and their offspring are now educating your children and grandchildren.

Part of my job as a mechanical designer was to troubleshoot and solve problems with systems. I was approached by a guy who was known that in spite of having a Phd. he he had very poor aptitude, knowledge and people skills. He came up and asked me a question that I knew the answer to but he kept yammering about how he didn't know what the problem was, maybe it was this, and he didn't know what the problems was, maybe it was that. My lord he went on like a jackhammer. This went on for a while until I was able to shut him up long enough for me to give him the answer in not much more than one sentence.

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"He was kinda funny lookin'"

Ah, but that's not being fact resistant, that is the modern morbid dread of having to say, "I don't know". I had a little rant about this about three years ago. Saying "I don't know". A philosophical rant.

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Release the Kraken

There is no hope. The fact resistant humans will continue to thrive and multiply, unfortunately aided by a parallel evolution in technology. All of them are now aided by their ubiquitous "smart" phones, which evolved from calculators in school. Why absorb, retain, analyze, and derive insights from facts, when they could look it up on the fully "factual" internet?

Not mine,thank God! Private,CHRISTIAN school.
f.t.

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South Carolina-God's country

I'm bettin' that those Minnesota researchers are collecting data in Seattle, this week. We have one of those virulent strains that likes to paddle kayaks.

My Nephews know better. All their kids are home-schooled or will be in trusted private schools where liberalism isnt rampant. Also,when my two great nephews are old enough--both will be attending the Marine Military Academy in Harlingen.

What is going on??? This article was listed as humor and satire. Why is everyone taking it so seriously?

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Bill

good question

It might be listed as satire, but it is 100% true. That's why we're taking it seriously.

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Release the Kraken

Please see your doctor immediately you may be suffering a serious case of fact resistance. It's contagious so you may need to be quarantined