As many here know, I do custom leather work. Not as a job or to make a living but occasional one offs of things people may find difficult or impossible to find.

Anyway, there's a fellow that likes to collect really big Bowie knives and can't find any with left handed sheaths (he's left handed) so he's had me make left handed knife sheaths for him.
With the passage of time, we've become friends.

Only problem is he'll stop by unannounced and stay for a while. Usually not a problem but sometimes my wife and I will have plans and he tends to stay for a while.
If we knew he was coming, we could include his visit in our plans.

Today, my wife and I went for a nice mountain hike and when we got home we planned to grill a coupla plump chicken breasts we had marinading in a garlic herb white wine marinade for three days.
Shortly after I lit the chimney starter full of charcoal we hear a car horn blow and there he was.
That's groovy, the coals'll take a while to light.
But he stayed after my cigar was done, the coals were in the grill and I was ready to cook.
If we knew he was coming, we coulda planned around his visit and ever cook supper for him.
He's a good guy, kinda quirky and we do enjoy his company but sometimes, his visits can be a bit inconvenient.

How do I tell somebody that I actually like that it's time to leave without hurt feelings?

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Keep on Chooglin'

"Hey, I've got to cook dinner now for the wife. You'll have to excuse me. Thanks for stopping by!"

Some people are just tone deaf to social signals and need to be told.
There's an old family friend that's pulled this on everyone he knows for years and years.I finally just excluded him from my own family altogether,but he's still buds with another part of the family and will pop in and monologue for hours ��.Its sad,his own family just avoids him

"We appreciate you stopping by and I'll shoot you an email tomorrow."

Be honest with him and tell him whats going on and why it bothers you. If he doesn't understand or gets upset by it he isn't really your friend. Friends don't get upset at friends when they are told that if your going to stop by for more than a few minutes give a call so we can either make it a joint event or inform you that we have plans for a couples outing. That simple. If I am doing something that bothers one of my friends I would want to know about it. Your keeping quiet about it isn't going to end well. You sound like a heck of a nice guy just by the way you explained this., but over time the sour feeling this part of your relationship with the guy is going to make it hard to keep friendly.

Tell him what you just posted here, and shake his hand.

You might tell him to call next time before coming over because sometimes you have made plans for the day. Catch ya next time but call first please.

this is tactful, courteous and to the point.....don't be afraid to use it.....

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There's nowt so queer as folk

In "Days Gone By" I was most probably like your friend
Too much so (Though i believe i have changed)

Honesty & Firmness but as a Friend is the Best Course of Action
if he does it to you he does it to others and they may not be as tolerant as you

If you tell him the truth you will not only save his friendship with you
but will help how he relates to everyone else too

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Compact 9mm Just my $0.02

Tough call!

In your case, I probably would have scrounged something to grill for him so he could eat. I'm okay with the pop-in, and my friends all know it, but they realize that they're eating whatever I can come up with.

This summer, we had a situation that was somewhat related to that. We had friends come and stay, and then stay several days past when they said they'd leave. (Who can blame them? Everyone loves the beach!) And, we've been friends for a long time, so they're really more like family. So I printed these up, and told my wife I was going to hang them in the kitchen. I was kidding, of course, but it was still therapeutic for me:

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Hi snubbyfan,

I’d bet your dilemma is not an uncommon one. I think it’s especially common among folks who are in business (no matter how small or elaborate). Some of your customers view you and your place as a business – even though I’m sure you don’t have a sign posted with your business hours, and maybe you don’t have a business sign at all. Once they’ve “done business” with you their mindset changes, and “you’re there for them” whenever they feel the desire to pop in. My personal experiences as a country inn keeper taught me this lesson.

As a herd animal I am a social creature, but most of my socializing happens outside my cabin. I don’t like folks stopping by simply because they have time for that. I must be pretty good at conveying that concept to folks because nobody just drops in on me, even though I’ve never told anyone that behavior bothers me.

Perhaps, now that you’ve gotten me to think about all this, nobody drops in because of how I treat them when I want to see them for some reason. I always call them first and ask whether it’s convenient for me to stop in, and if it’s not right then I ask them to tell me when it would be. They’ve all come to extend that same courtesy to me. (We’re such a congenial lot!)

I’ll take this to another level, too. Even if I’m only calling to talk I always ask the person if it’s a convenient time to talk.

Here’s one thought. Do you know where your friend lives? His phone number? If not perhaps you could ask him. My thinking is this: you call him and ask whether it’s convenient for you to stop by his place to talk. He might get the hint that you prefer that sort of relationship and return the courtesy when he wants to stop and see you and your wife. Some folks don’t catch on that quickly so it might not work.

To me his stopping by at the time you’re fixin’ dinner offers you a great opportunity to let him know you’d appreciate knowing when he’s going to stop in. Tell him what you’re doing and tell him, just as you told us, that if you had known he was coming you would have made provisions for him to eat with you (if and only if you would really want him to). This gives you the chance to take control of your time and your schedule and still come across as the nice guy you are. If he’s got an ounce of common sense and understanding your being open with him should cause his immediate departure.

You don’t have to tell folks why “Now is not a convenient time for you to stop in to visit.” You do not owe them an explanation. Folks should respond to your words and depart post hast!

Let’s say nothing works along the lines of getting him to call first.

Plan B. One time – when you have time – when he stops in, have a frank conversation explaining your thoughts and feelings. You explained the dilemma very well in your post. I found nothing out of order or offensive. Everyone deserves to control their time and not have it controlled by others.

Best of luck finding a solution that works for you.

Bob

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Wrangler of stray Chiefs
Bob

Snubby, you're going to either have to invite him to supper and beyond, invite him to supper and explain how you weren't prepared for it and you'll get together later after supper or tell him it's great to hear from him again, but you'll call him back when you're ready for company.
Some people are attuned to these things and some people need a gentle hint.

Tough situation to handle tactfully, especially considering that people like your friend are often so grateful for having an acccomodating friend and host, they gravitate to you for the company. There's a degree of social ineptitude in this, of course, but then again, not everybody had a chance to learn the right ways to behave in social situations, and in other cases, people have a hard time making friends and tend to overcompensate.

I agree with others who recommend honesty as the best policy. There are tactful and humane ways to do that, which should always be the first option. I think most times, it works. Sometimes, though, it might take a bit more firmness to get the message across.

Interrupting meal times for other people is a no-no, especially when there is an attempt to perhaps wrangle an invitation in the process. Up to you if you want a dinner companion under those circumstances, but it's hard for someone to argue with you if you say something like "my wife and I had planned to have a special evening for just the two of us -- hope you understand." If it happens again, the same response will work, and might get through to the other person in the process.

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Ukraine -- now more than ever

Start charging him rent. It made my grown kids leave.

I met him at a 3 day music festival at a local resort. I had a vendors table set up with some samples of my work and a pile of some simple soft sided leather shoulder pouches.
The pouches sold out. He told me that he was left handed and needed some knife sheaths.
That's how it all started.
He comes out here to the local resorts and sometimes he'll drop off another knife in need of a sheath.
I have no idea where he lives or what his phone number is.
I do have his email address but he rarely replies.
We have asked several times to let us know when he plans to stop by and reiterated the request today.
I have no signage and I have no desire to make leatherworking a business. Sometimes I get overloaded just from word of mouth and havta turn people down.

Everybody's giving some excellent advice.
Keep it comin'.

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Keep on Chooglin'

He's ignoring your request for advance notice.Is he really worth the trouble?

Snubby, the best advice I can give is just be honest with him.
It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it will always be the best thing to do.

Tell him exactly the same way. Trying to be over polite with a "white lie", (no offense) and you have to keep track of it & risk getting caught lying to him, which could turn out worse. Like a stray dog, if you feed him he may never leave. If he's a member here, well played sir.

Geez Snubby, all you had to do was to tell me go home. You didn't have to post it on the Forum. See if I bring you any more see-gars.

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John 3:16
WAR EAGLE!

96 Hours (you know it's bad when you count in hours) in a shuttered house & no electric/ac for 1/2 of it with my sister & her 2 big destructive dogs, IT GETS EASY. After the umpteenth "I'm sorry, I'll pay for it", I was like, "you do know I have lots of guns, right?" The wife kept a running tab & we got our first check the other day. It took EASILY twice as long as her stay to decompress, still working on her & her dogs damages.

When something like this scenario takes place, invite him in and tell him up front you have an hour (or whatever) to spare, so he can hang out for that long, then you have things to do.

Look at your watch in front of him as time draws to a close, tell him you need to get ready for whatever it is, and when the time is up, walk him to the door.

Get his address and phone #. Doesn't feel right to me somehow otherwise.

If he can't handle these things - move and don't leave a forwarding address.

Here's your sign : We like seeing all of our friends.
Some coming and some going.

Post it in the driveway, where he blows the horn.
Automobile horns = noise pollution

Make up lies: "my wife is sick with the flu, she been doing a lot of projectile vomiting for hours. Don't want you to get sick."

"Watch it, you're standing in it!"

Snubby,

you must be friends with the same guy I know! We have a friend that could be his twin - as he will do the same exact thing!

In the beginning, I'd tell my wife to grab an extra Steak, a few more Burgers or what ever was the fare of the evening. After a while my Wife was not a happy camper as this became a regular event - sometimes my friend would bring his wife too - totally unannounced and always at dinner time. Now we entertain often and love it, but like your situation, this was totally unannounced. It got so bad that one time we decided not offer him dinner and just started eating ours as it was already on our plates. Believe it or not he just pulled up a chair, sat there and continued to blab. After 2 hours he finally left. WOW!!!!

Oh, as a side note - his favorite brands of cigars are the one's in MY humidor - never brings his own!

Now my friend is basically a descent guy but this routine behavior was just not acceptable to my wife & I and I had to distance myself from him. In the beginning I had to make a few excuses and called less often but eventually he sort of got the message. I still see him once or twice a year at the Gun Club and maybe once a year we'll go out to dinner with them and other couples but no longer have them over because they never know when to leave. It's a real shame, but I did not know how else to handle the situation. Funny thing is we have never been invited to their house - and it's not because they can't afford it! Once he came over and I told him he'd have to leave because we were planing a romantic evening - and that did not include him! He just laughed and after 20 minutes I shuffled him out the door - but had to really be insistent!

I saddens me but I know in the long run we are better off. While he has never officially said anything to me, our friendship has drastically changed and I just recently found out he has pulled this with many others over the years too! BTW this man is quite well-off so it's not like he needs a freebie meal.

I sympathize with ya !!! Let us know what happens. As much as it is difficult, ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Good luck!

HI my name is NG and I'm a free buffet during happy hour bandito.There's no Halo over my head. As a bachelor I never said no to a free meal. A high school friend, into his 30's used to know when each family had dinner & would show up unannounced at 2-3 houses at dinner time most nights. We all caught on, & would call each other with the warning after he left & try to outdo each other in what we could feed him.

When that happens to me I just keep doing what I was doing. Whether I'm changing the oil, working on the bike or working in the yard. One day I jumped on the lawn mower and said "I have to finish this before it gets dark". By the second round he was gone. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Two plump breasts divided by 3 is 2/3rds of a plump breast each.
Welcome him and share. Good friends are hard to find.
Do you know where he lives? Start showing up unannounced at
his place.

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In Omnia Paratus

After I married your situation became mine also. My wife was much younger than me plus a "Looker" plus a great cook and baker. Friends and neighbors dropped in regularly.
Jimmy (aka wimp man) had wife to always have extra food to feed the company.

*** In my part of the world (South) when folks was present at meal time, a place at the table was set for them

Shows up at dinner time??? Tell him to pull up a chair to the dinner table. Tell him he's lucky, today is liver and onions night and we're having Brussels sprouts and tomato aspic with it. I'd be out of there at warp speed.

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LIVE FROM THE DAWGHOUSE

In Minnesota, we have a tradition of slow goodbyes. Start talking about how nice it was of them to drop in, usually a half hour before you start them towards the door. Maybe a cookie or coffee in the hallway. Get the inside door open and slowly back them into the door way, all the time explaining how nice it was to see them. After 15 to 30 minutes, get the outer door open and slowly step into their personal space. They will back thru the door and onto the stoop. Maybe a refill on the coffee is served. Talk hunting or fishing on the way to their car. The mosquitos will help speed this part up A hug or two as they get into the car and get the coffee cup back before the windows roll up. Back away slowly, while talking about Ole and Lena. Tell a few Iowegian jokes, wave, and if they start backing up the car, turn and walk to the house, looking over your shoulder and waving.

Otherwise, put your pajamas on, tell them where the clean bath towels are, and plan breakfast for company.

Good friends are sometimes hard to find and I'm not about to wear out my welcome.The single life i live is by choice just like married life is for others.You have to cherish the few times you get to enjoy the company of others and respect the times they want their privacy.

When I was a kid my parents would invite a couple of "uncles" over for dinner and drinks followed by some poker. On one particularly long night I remember my mother suggesting to them that it was starting to get late. No response. She then emptied the ash trays and started washing the dishes, they still didn't get the hint. She finally announced that the evening was over and it was time for them to GET OUT!

Whenever they were invited over after that they would always joke about the time my mother kicked them out. On future visits they always took the hint and would say goodnight once my mother started cleaning up for the night.

Sometimes people don't realize they are imposing on you until you tell them. If he is a real friend he will understand.

Just don't answer the door, he will get the message after a couple of times.

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Semper Fi until I die

Tell him you appreciate him calling beforehand so you can plan and prepare. And set up some meetings just with him at a rendezvous place.
Some people are simply not socially in tune, out of synch, not on the same wavelength, however you want to put it. If he is basically a good and decent type, then he deserves proper treatment.

"Listen I don't mean to be rude ...... but it's my ( Birthday/ Anniversary/ fill in the blank) and I'm hoping to get lucky...... if you get my drift" wink wink


sorry couldn't resist.................

How about........................

"I don't mean to be rude .... but the wife and I have planned a quite dinner,glass of wine......then watch "50 Shades of Gray".

I'm thinking snubby's friend is like Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory"... Thinks the whole world is there to be at his beck and call.

Have you tried discussing string theory with him?

We offered to feed him and get him something to drink, he declined saying he's gotta get heading on home, then he stayed a while longer.

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Keep on Chooglin'

Sounds like a lonesome soul. Why don't you introduce him to the forum?



The GLOCK forum!

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PTLAPTA!

There is a fine line between being a descent human being / friend and being a person taking advantage of a situation. Why some people can't deduce that on their own is puzzling. If the friendship is worth keeping I'd sit down with him and just be honest. Maybe he just doesn't get it and might think it's OK to constantly do this.
In the short run you might ruffle his feathers but in the long run honesty is always the best policy. Otherwise you will constantly have to cringe every time he pops over.

Can't help but think of this.......

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So many S&W's, so few funds!!

Well, Snub...
I don't know just how to say this, but....
I think, no offense intended, you know, but you see...
I kinda feel like maybe this thread has gone on long enough...
But that doesn't mean you can't post again, you know...

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Do or do not. There is no try.

From your writings here, I have you pictured as very laid back and easygoing. Maybe the guy just doesn't have many friends, and you must be the ?lucky? one.

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Just a shooter

That nite, you could have leaned in close, and said "well Joe, tonite's date nite for me and the old lady," and gave him a
wink and a smile.

Sounds like it's an infrequent thing. Unless it's some type of special occasion I'd grab a third plate and a cold mug. No one leaves my home hungry or thirsty.

Cheers

But you can't slip out the back when it's your house!

Either of those could head in a direction you didn't expect...

Tell him you plan to watch "The Notebook"!

I had the same issue with a B-I-L. Just couldn't take the hint and never would leave on his own. I just ended up always telling him that its time for you to leave. Some people are just like that.

I like this approach. A ''cigar moment" is long enough for a visit.

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"He was kinda funny lookin'"

the thing that wouldn't leave snl video - Bing video

Actually, it makes a pretty strong statement!

Best,
Rick