I have a 74 y/o friend who is constantly getting into a kerfuffle on the road. He has a heart condition & diabetes, and a very short fuse behind the wheel. Today he related yet another story where someone did something dumb so he gave a big blast on the horn to signal his displeasure then exchanged a few gestures w/the two guys in the other car. I’ve tried to talk to him before to no avail. He got his ccw last year but only carries his LCP now and then (I didn’t ask if he was carrying today). He’s a super nice guy but I’ve gotten to the point where I won’t get into his car and have begun to avoid going anywhere w/him. If anyone has a similar friend how do you handle this other than cutting off the friendship (not doable here)?

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Old Cop
LEO (Ret.)

Maybe talk to him about it with regards to when you're with him. Express your discomfort with his explosive temper when on the road, and maybe try to cool it when you two are driving together.

Perhaps talking to a therapist could work too.

I've told a couple of people that I'm not comfortable with their driving. If they're a friend they'll get over it.

Tactfully? Just offer to drive or meet them there.

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Dum vivo cano

I predict an untimely death for the old guy in the OP. I hope he changes his ways soon. If nothing else he is going to work himself into a heart attack.

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You're shy a few manners.

If he's your friend, tell him, straight up, what you think and that because of his behavior, you're avoiding him.

If he values your friendship, he'll try to change. If he doesn't, well, there you go... Either way, not much else can be done.

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Thread Killer.

My pop was like that.I never rode with him anywhere.He finally ran out of piss and vinegar around 77 or so

Or he'll get angry and draw on you!

I basically agree with this, but I'm not at all sure that it has gotten that far yet. My suspicion is that in a face-to-face communication, you can communicate to him the more or less predictable consequences of his present way of doing things, and why he would probably live longer and more happily doing things the way most of us know is a lot smarter. You can probably do this more than once, especially if you're not attacking him, or directly criticizing him, but just expressing your opinion on the different reasonably-expected results from different reactions.

Another way of saying this is that you are capable of communicating with your friend peacefully. Instead of YOUR worrying about HIS reaction to your communication, go ahead and communicate peacefully, and let HIM worry about YOUR reaction to HIS actions.

Hope you try it (if you haven't already), and hope it works.

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Formerly Model520Fan

I've got a friend like the guy in the first post. I've tried to talk to him but he won't change .
He even scream's and flip's people off when he is the passenger.
So I just choose to not go anywhere with him anymore.

Responding to idiotic action with idiotic action compounds the problem.

Ask what he is trying to accomplish with his rage response and if he thinks his actions will solve the problem he sees.

What some think is a solution is nothing but the ignorance they look down upon.

That’s kind of where I am b/c I’ve talked to him, quietly one on one, and he seems incapable of change. He’s gotten angry when a passenger in my car too. We both have an interest in classic cars and used to go to shows together but no more. I’m too old for this nonsense, plus I don’t want to be put in a situation where I have to back his stupid play. Thanks for the suggestions, keep them coming.

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Old Cop
LEO (Ret.)

Most individuals with a concealed carry permit are responsible. These individuals are NOT and are destined to cause the rest of us multiple problems. I wish I had an easy solution to offer here!
Jim

You used to be a cop, right?

Explain how the report's gonna read--an elderly aggressor initiating a confrontation.

Is he a veteran? If so tell him to go to a Vet Center for anger management.

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Bob P.

See if you can convince him to take a AAA driving class for elderly drivers. If you need to, sign you both up so it doesn't seem like you are singling him out. They will address road rage and other common older driver moment s and issues.

I can relate. We have an acquaintance, late '60s, who routinely verbalizes her annoyance with other drivers. During a recent traffic kerfuffle, she actually got out of her vehicle and confronted the male driver. She later admitted that she had not been too smart in doing this. She's a retired LEO and should definitely have known better.

A neighbor, late'70s, who according to his wife had a volatile temper and reported his wanting to get out and fight other drivers, told me he always kept his gun in the trunk of his car. I wondered how a gun locked in the trunk could have ever be of any use. I quit wondering why he kept his gun locked in his trunk one day when he exploded in anger at me. Afterwards, I understood, and was very glad, that he kept his gun somewhere other than on his person.

I don't know, but I don't honestly think most adults, Especially older ones, are likely to change their ways......ymmv

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NRA Life, COTEP 640

I thought geriatric road rage consisted of driving in the fast lane at 45 mph during rush hour with the directional on?

Larry

Offer to drive if you are going anywhere.

I use to get annoyed to the point of retaliation when the victim of another drivers aggressions, but many years ago a man much wiser than me,after a road rage encounter, told me the other person got exactly what they wanted: to engrage me and ruin my day. He won. Since then..I have become a different driver..and when confronted by such idiots..remain calm and find a way out of a confrontation. It has worked out MUCH better. Life does not have to be about anger as a solution.

Unfortunately, no. This is a difficult situation on many levels, not the least of which is our wives are good friends (went to HS together). Guess I’ll just maintain my distance and ensure I stay out of his car, and we go everywhere w/our wives as much as possible. Thanks everyone.

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Old Cop
LEO (Ret.)

Road rage is a strange phenomena. I've thought about it a little. I've come to the conclusion that what happens is this:

When we are in a vehicle, any disagreeable behavior of others is depersonalized, because we cannot see their faces easily and we are separated by physical barriers (the cars). We feel a false sense of security to do what we want in terms of expressing our anger, and since we don't see the other occupant as a real person with a face and a life, we are more liable to want to go and do harm.

This is why people who are old, infirm, physically small, or female, who would never pick a fight *in person, face to face, with a young, strong, physically superior male, feel compelled to go and do it on the road.

A more extreme example of this is the sort of 'internet rage' we see in online forums and youtube comments sections.

Life is too short to hang around constantly angry people . . .

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Wisdom comes thru fear . . .

This is a good thought and I agree with most of it. The problem is, I am 68 years old, stand 5' 8" and do not feel the least bit threatened by younger people nor see them as superior in any way. I would have no problem jumping his a**. I may not win but he will not forget the old b****** that did not walk away. But then, I keep myself physically fit and I am one of those crazy Vietnam Vets. LOL

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

This 'road rage thing is out of hand.......


There were two individuals that I knew once, that got into it on a city
street.....Throwing verbal insults and hand jesters back and forth.


End result, one dead and the other wishing he had just driven on down the road.


.

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"IN GOD WE TRUST"

As a senior I have come to accept that there will always be bad drivers out there. If I can, I get away from them. If I'm stuck with them, I roll with it.

Usually, in a few minutes they are out of my life forever.

If the wives are friends, you might just have your wife talk to his wife. If anybody can get him to change, it'd be her.

As others have said, talk to him in kindness. I doubt you two sever your friendship over it.

As far as road rage...To repeat myself, I have the responsibility of three grandkids to support and I am helping Ruthie through nursing school.

The oath I swore to them is to bring my *** home to them by any means necessary. I can't support them if I'm dead, in the hospital or jail.

And, as usual, Muss is right.

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Music/Sports/Beer fan

A coworker gave me some great advice years ago about how to react to bad drivers who annoy you, cutting you off, driving too slow, whatever they may be doing.

Don't take it personal. The guy who cut you off did not cut off fill in the blank with your name, he cut off fill in the blank of the make and model of your vehicle.
The offending driver doesn't know you and didn't commit their offense to upset a specific person. They drove foolishly and though still annoying when you're on the receiving end it does no good to take something personally that was never intended to be a specific personal insult.

HEY! I'm gonna turn eventually. Up to you to guess which way.

with road rage mixing in with texting while driving....driving is really getting to be a challenge..
and when the texters encounter the road ragers….I hope I am clear of the carnage

I assume that stupid people are out there and will do stupid things and I have to be ready to compensate. Mrs. Houston, however, takes it personal and looks for swift vengeance.

He sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Someone should explain to his wife that if he causes an accident, everything they have worked for and saved will go to lawyers' fees and damages.

I have a funny story to relate. I was stuck in traffic in Tampa on the new(ish) connector between the Leeroy Selmon expressway and I-4. There was an accident blocking the ramp onto I-4 in the direction of the airport, so traffic was completely stopped. I had allowed a gap between the car in front of me of about 30 feet or so and was inching along at a snails pace in the left lane. The car that was behind me pulled out and around me. When they got alongside my drivers window, they stopped and the passenger was a gentleman who had to be at least 85. He was holding his whole arm out of his window and flipping me off. I just started laughing my butt off. His wife, driving the rental car, leaned over her husband and screeched: “WE HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH”. I just laughed harder and threw up my hands and was going to say: “I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely nothing I can do to help you”. All I got out was “I’m sorry”, and the old guy started screaming “You’re not sorry. F you, you’re not sorry”. And other things unprintable here. She pulled in front of me and we all went back to waiting. By then, some of the folk had figured out that we were only 100 yards or so from the cutoff to the on ramp to I-4 going in the opposite direction, so those lucky enough to be in the left lane could do a three point turn and head the wrong way down the shoulder back to the empty roadway. It must have taken her a 10 to 12 point turn to get turned around and others further down, who had already turned around and were suddenly blocked for several minutes until she got the car turned around were honking impatiently. I felt sorry for them, really. It must have been incredibly stressful and one heck of an important plane to catch. I’m sure, as a couple or individually, they didn’t normally get their knickers in a wad over things that you just can’t change. That kind of stress would surely kill you at an earlier age than this gentleman had achieved.

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USS Brewton FF1086
SWCA#3597

Unfortunately, we don’t all age well.

Perhaps this gentleman ought not be driving.

If he was 85, the family would be talking about taking the keys: perhaps that’s a conversation that should begin now.

Is this a sudden onset to this behavior? Is it possible that a medical condition (dementia) is causing this?

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Retired Career Security Guard

Of the confrontations I've been in, the one that escalated the most rapidly was a guy who was 70+. Due to the circumstance--my car had just broken down--he caught me completely unawares, and because of his age, he flew completely under my threat radar. I saw him, but all I saw was an old guy.

More or less, the first warning I had was this gentleman yanking my car door open and trying to pull me out.

I see he's more than twice my age, what blows he's landing are pretty feeble, and he's wearing a black fanny-pack. If I'm lucky, that fanny pack has his colostomy bag in it. If I'm not, he's got a J-frame in there.

I can't drive away, my car won't run. I can't defend myself seated and belted in. If he decides to step back and draw a gun, there's nothing I can do except get shot five times (this happened before legal CCW was available in my county, but he might have had one, or was carrying illegally, as a lot of the local old guys did and still do). I can't just get out and leave, since there was no immediate escape or cover if he was armed. And I can't get the car door closed, because he's standing in the way.

This calculus took maybe a second and a half.

So I decide to step out. I didn't raise my hands, just sort of invaded his space and made him back up. While I did this, I issued some choice verbal commands. "Get back", "Leave", and "Get out of here", more or less, with maybe some spice on top of that. The same things you'd yell at a dog--commands to leave, not threats. While this is happening, I'm watching his hands. If he reaches for the fanny pack, then I have to use physical force.

Fortunately, he's either unarmed or decides not to shoot, and further realizes that this wasn't a strategy for success. He leaves, never to be seen or heard from again. I only hope that he learned something from the encounter. If I'd been a bad actor or even a less-controlled citizen, he could have been hurt very badly.

Alert! Road rage is not limited to Senior Citizens. Include everyone in this thread and it would go on and on.

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Mighty 90's,Trying 4 a 100!

If you have to drive anywhere with him and he blows up again, have your phone or camera ready. Show him later and see if it makes a difference.

I expect that my friends will tell me the truth, not only what I want to hear. They expect the same from me.

I'd consider telling your elderly friend that I hope he gets what he wants from his temper tantrums and pray that it doesn't kill him.

He's free to get the point or to continue the bravado and take his chances.

This reminds me of forum rage (generic not any specific forum!!!).
You know someone posts something and a respondant(s) gets offended over content, grammar, spelling, punctuation, all capital, etc. Then the original poster or other posters chime all in a huff. Soon out of hand and then.......!

Yeah I know off topic, but not really! 🤣
Humans and their frailties!🙄

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Wherever my mind isn't
Jim

Was going to Biloxi with our son and his wife, son was driving wife in passenger seat. My wife and I in back seat. Erratic driver cuts us off and then proceeds to slow down. We pass him and daughter in law flips him off. I asked her if she knew he had a gun. She says how do you know that, I said, how do you know he doesn't! With the hotheads on the highways whether they are on drugs or not, it's not a good idea to antagonize them. Life's short enough as it is, why chance cutting into it.

Yup! I call knuckleheads like this keyboard cowards b/c they’d NEVER talk to anyone like that face to face. They’re not welcome on this forum and that’s why I’ve stayed so long. Mutual respect goes a long way to learning from the other person.

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Old Cop
LEO (Ret.)