A little over a month ago, I was asked by the neighbor lady in my old neighborhood to water her lawn, front and back, when I visit my mom in the evenings. She said that she'd pay me. Basically, it's running the sprinklers and hand watering the shrubs that they missed. It's not everyday and not a big deal. I'd do it for free.

Anyway, the lady, I've known since I was a kid. She's in her 80's, a widow, and has mobility issues. She's probably on a fixed income.

I've made that clear to her that I don't want her money. So, I've been lying to her. When she asks me what she owes me for, I've been saying that she's already paid me, that we're starting over fresh and that she doesn't have to pay until next time. Well the next time comes around I start the process over - pay me next time.

Well, she caught on, confronted me and showed me her calendar where she marked the days I've been there. She INSISTED on paying me in full and gave me a check. I tried to get out of it and she says "It's only right, take it". I don't want to cash/deposit it and I don't want to hold it. If I hold on to it, I know she's going to want to know why that check is outstanding...

I felt bad about lying to her and now I feel even worse...

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Thread Killer.

The best time to water a lawn is in the early morning hours. Tell her you messed up so now she owes you nothing.

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Sure you did

you know
unless she is totally destitute cash the check
(and if she is still do it and buy her Food or stuff)
Older folks feel useless and that they can't contribute
and REALLY Hate Charity as it makes them feel doubly useless

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Compact 9mm Just my $0.02

Long ago my mom taught me "never rob a person of a blessing".

If a person is following their heart and being insistent on giving you something then take it. By you receiving and accepting it you give them the satisfaction of doing something kind for you and it makes them feel good about themselves.

A suggestion; In the past when this has happened to me I have waited a bit and then done something nice in return by way of a small, thoughtful gift delivered to their mailbox.

My takeaway from this post is that your heart is definitely in the right place.

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Music/Sports/Beer fan

Cash the check & buy her something perhaps a rose bush or 2 and plant them at her house since you know the place.

But please know the lady who commissioned you wants to pay you. She needs to pay you.

She is part of the generation that wants nothing for which they cannot pay.

My dear Mom, a WW II veteran, insisted she pay me for mowing her grass once I moved back to my hometown. She did not like the way her previous mower did the job. He didn’t mow in straight lines.

She absolutely insisted I take fifty bucks. It was NOT my option. I always smiled and thanked her.

Sadly, I knew she was beginning to suffer from dementia one spring when she began to pay me $5. I always smiled and thanked her.

Be safe...be well.

you are a care giver... she is a caretaker... accept the money and pass it on, pay it forward... find out if she has a cause she supports, donate in her name...

If she insists that you take the money but you really don't feel good about keeping the money, perhaps there is a group that you know she has an interest in that you can donate the money to in her name. Animal shelter, 4H, girl scouts, church group or food pantry. Everyone wins and she gets to retain her dignity.

Robvious is faster at typing than me but on same wavelength.

Take the money and put it aside for her to use later. Hopefully she won’t need it.

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Life Is A Gift. Defend it!

I would take a moment and tell her you are happy to help her but you truly do not “feel right” taking the money. After that, I guess if she persists in paying you, donating the money to a worthwhile charity that actually uses most of their gifted receipts to help others who are less fortunate would be an alternative.

Learned this the hard way with a beloved neighbor....
If you continuously don't let her pay you, she'll quit asking you for your help.

Cash it. You'll hurt her feelings if you don't.

Donate the money to a Children's Hosp., St Jude's or a local animal shelter.

I don't believe that you lied to her. That's not what you did.

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Kenny
Endeavor to persevere.

It sounds like your heart is in the right place. If she'll allow you, tell her you'd rather donate the money to a charity or cause she believes in. As someone else said, "don't rob her of her blessing!"

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Support Israel!

Tell her to donate it to a good cause on yours and her behalf.

I agree about the donation. In the past and at times currently the elderly couple that is like another set of grandparents to SWMBO here will need help such as mowing. They don't as much insist on paying but ask how they can repay. My stock answers are a few home cooked Sunday fried chicken dinners with the trimmings is good or else a donation to St. Judes or with the husband being a Marine to Toys For Tots. They had met my mother before my mom died of cancer so they understand my sentiment there. There is much truth to the comment that older generations like that do feel that a good deed should be repaid somehow.

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KM
S&WCA 3110 S&WHF 625

When I was just a lad {late 50's/early 60's} my father would mow the lawns and trim the shrubbery of two little ole ladies that lived in our trailer park. He never took a dime and would not permit me to either as I helped hold the bushes back from the mower, raked and swept up.

He's been gone for just over a year now and was a good man... I sure miss him.

Take the money .dont be selfish, she needs to feel like shes doing the right thing too.
Kinda different situation,but not really. i have a good friend who happens to be very well healed he picks up the check more often than im comfortable with and wont take my money when i want to square up .
Asked me to go fishing for 4 days .i declined citing financial woes he said " ill pay for everything its not much $4000 .i declined and i could see he was hurt .
What's a guy to do ?
( you are my rich friend in this story lol )

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the rules? there are no rules

The last thing older people need to feel is that they need charity ,we need to be independent . You are showing respect by taking what is offered .
put it away for her later needs if required .

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age is just a number

Its not about the money. Its about her dignity. Allow her to keep it.

You’re obviously a guy who wants to do the right thing. And when it comes to helping others, you do.

But as for the money, I’m with the others: Let her pay. Otherwise, you’re patronizing her and (certainly unintentionally) casting doubt on her judgment.

I discovered a long time ago that you do best by just taking people at face value. If I don’t expect anything in return for doing something, I don’t ask, but if something is offered, I don’t second-guess folks. I take it, say thanks, and move on.

I also never argue with anyone who offers to pick up a restaurant tab

Use the cash to buy her a good hose and rainbird timer to run it.

She won't ask for help when needed if you refuse her generosity.....

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triggers dog-pile egomaniacs

I get what you all are saying, I do. She's doing what she thinks is right and I'm doing what I think is right. We just don't see eye to eye.

When her husband died, I told her that if she ever needed anything to give me a call and I'd try and take care of it - no strings. People say that and don't follow through - (some made promises to my mom when my dad died left her hanging when they didn't follow through). I'm just following through with my offer to her w/no strings.

Here's the thing, while I normally don't care what other people think, I don't want anyone to think that I'm taking advantage of her. I hear all the gossip in the neighborhood from my mom - the neighborhood is full retired folks who seemingly keep tabs on EVERYTHING/EVERYBODY. I've heard of some of the gossip concerning my folks - it was so far from reality it wasn't funny! I don't want to be the subject of the gossip.

You all know what I'm trying to say, no?

Anyway, I'll cash the the check and take care of some of the neglected maintenance issues around her house. I probably won't tell her what I'm doing, though.

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Thread Killer.

Take the money - buy a nice gun with the proceeds.....

Sent from my LGMP260 using Tapatalk

I think this is a more common dilemma than you think. I just told them to help someone else less able than they are as payback and it seemed ok with them.

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9tenz

Right out of the "good guy" playbook.👍

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Music/Sports/Beer fan

A lot of good hearts here.
Lots of good advice.
Great place to spend an evening