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  #1  
Old 12-04-2020, 04:44 PM
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Default Dead Penguins Explained!!!

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

scroll down









"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!

Oh quit whining I fell for it, too
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  #2  
Old 12-04-2020, 04:48 PM
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I like Penguins.
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Old 12-04-2020, 04:50 PM
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I thought this was going to be some BBC-Nature worthy lesson. I could hear the Nature narrator is my head reading this along with me.
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Old 12-04-2020, 04:55 PM
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I thought they kicked him in the ice hole. Dead Penguins Explained!!!

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Old 12-04-2020, 05:02 PM
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Well, it's nice of them to dress up in formal wear for the ceremony.
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Old 12-04-2020, 05:02 PM
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Old 12-04-2020, 05:28 PM
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You should get a time out for this post!
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Old 12-04-2020, 05:31 PM
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You should get a time out for this post!
Who moderates the moderators when they have dipped into Rusty’s stash!!??

I guess the ghosts of Horace Smith and Daniel Wesson? (In honor of our recent ghost threads).
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Old 12-04-2020, 06:23 PM
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Drunk: Officer, I just ran over three Penguins!

Officer: There are no Penguins in NY city !!

Drunk: Oh, then they must have been Nuns...............
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Old 12-04-2020, 06:26 PM
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Ed—This reminds me of a deputy friend that was called out on a one car accident out on a country road. He found a local gentleman—think Otis Campbell—was roaring drunk and had run his old truck into a power pole for a feeder line to a house.

He told the deputy “Deputy, don’t arrest me, arrest the lineman that put this pole so close to the ditch!”
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Old 12-04-2020, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by JcMack View Post
I like Penguins.
Not me. Too fishy and difficult to pluck.
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  #12  
Old 12-04-2020, 06:44 PM
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Guy's transporting a load of penguins to the zoo in the big city. His truck breaks down, stranding him and the penguins out on the lonely highway.

Another truck, no load, pulls up and asks if he can help. First trucker says, "Yeah, thanks man. I gotta take these penguins to the zoo in the big city today, but my dang truck's broke down, so if you could help me out and take 'em there for me, I'll pay ya $200."

Second trucker says sure, no problem, happy to help, hooks up his truck to the penguin trailer and off they go.

Some hours later, first trucker, truck fixed, makes it into the city, He's aghast to see the second trucker standing in front of a line of penguins on a street corner just loitering there. He pulls up, jumps out, runs over, and says to the second trucker: "What the hell?! I paid you $200 to take these penguins to the zoo, dammit!"

Second trucker says, "Well I took 'em to the zoo already, but there's change left over so now we're goin' to the movies...."
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  #13  
Old 12-04-2020, 06:49 PM
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  #14  
Old 12-04-2020, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JcMack View Post
I like Penguins.
Yeah! Me too.

These penguins mostly

Dead Penguins Explained!!!-8e2-jpg
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Old 12-04-2020, 07:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ditrina View Post
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
And what do they sing for female penguins? "Enquiring minds need to know."

Last edited by oldbrownhat; 12-04-2020 at 07:16 PM.
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  #16  
Old 12-04-2020, 08:44 PM
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I never knew there were so many penguin jokes.
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  #17  
Old 12-04-2020, 08:48 PM
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Old 12-04-2020, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
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I never knew there were so many penguin jokes.
There weren't, but it seems the pandemic is driving people to fill that previously-undiscovered void. These are desperate times, and a quick search for "penguin jokes" shows HOW desperate they really are.

Last edited by oldbrownhat; 12-04-2020 at 08:58 PM.
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Old 12-04-2020, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
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I never knew there were so many penguin jokes.
Emu comments and stories went on for pages back in the day!
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Old 12-04-2020, 09:45 PM
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Quote:
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Emu comments and stories went on for pages back in the day!
Even before the Liberty Mutual commercials?
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Old 12-04-2020, 09:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ditrina View Post

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.
That does it!!

I'm taking you off my friends list!
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  #22  
Old 12-04-2020, 09:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by walkinghorse View Post
Emu comments and stories went on for pages back in the day!
EMU comments??? Ye gods.... As they say in northern England (and someone's sig line here), "There's nowt as queer as folk."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Golddollar
Even before the Liberty Mutual commercials?
Apparently I've missed a lot by not having TV.

And speaking of those ads, according to The Columbian,
Quote:
The “LiMu Emu,” featured in ads for Liberty Mutual Insurance, has been a big hit for the company, which has gotten requests for emu-themed merchandise and has plans for more emu commercials later this summer. As for how the emu appears in the ads, here’s the word from Jenna Lebel, vice president, brand and integrated marketing for the company: “LiMu Emu is a mix of a real bird and CGI. Live emus were used during the initial shoot on set. The final images of the emu in the commercials are a blend of footage captured from the live emus and our digitally created emu. Goodby, Silverstein & Partners (Liberty Mutual’s advertising agency of record) collaborated with The Mill LA, a creative technology and visual effects studio, to bring LiMu Emu to life. For the commercials, the team created a digital model based on the live emu, which was used to supplement the footage.”
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Old 12-05-2020, 07:37 AM
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Quote:
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I never knew there were so many penguin jokes.
Apparently there's not .
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Old 12-05-2020, 09:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onomea View Post
Guy's transporting a load of penguins to the zoo in the big city. His truck breaks down, stranding him and the penguins out on the lonely highway.

Another truck, no load, pulls up and asks if he can help. First trucker says, "Yeah, thanks man. I gotta take these penguins to the zoo in the big city today, but my dang truck's broke down, so if you could help me out and take 'em there for me, I'll pay ya $200."

Second trucker says sure, no problem, happy to help, hooks up his truck to the penguin trailer and off they go.

Some hours later, first trucker, truck fixed, makes it into the city, He's aghast to see the second trucker standing in front of a line of penguins on a street corner just loitering there. He pulls up, jumps out, runs over, and says to the second trucker: "What the hell?! I paid you $200 to take these penguins to the zoo, dammit!"

Second trucker says, "Well I took 'em to the zoo already, but there's change left over so now we're goin' to the movies...."
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Old 12-05-2020, 11:11 AM
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Tastes just like spotted owl.
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Old 12-05-2020, 11:34 AM
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Is Pittsburgh's Sidney Crosby involved in this in any way?
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Old 12-05-2020, 11:38 AM
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Old 12-05-2020, 11:42 AM
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Most penguins look like they're wearing tuxedos.
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Last edited by ditrina; 12-05-2020 at 11:46 AM.
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  #29  
Old 12-05-2020, 12:05 PM
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They didn’t always bury their dead. Penguins used their departed comrades as bait to hunt polar bears in Antarctica, but they hunted the bears into extinction.



It was a different story in the Arctic. Penguins once thrived up there, but those northern birds had an odd sense of humor and went the way of the dodo.

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Old 12-06-2020, 03:33 PM
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I'm told they have thumbs..

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Old 12-06-2020, 03:38 PM
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Quote:
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I like Penguins.
Roasted or smoked?
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Old 12-06-2020, 07:02 PM
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I think the Mods are having a party without us...
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Old 12-07-2020, 01:05 AM
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Penguins is Practically Chickens - 8 Ball Bunny
Penguins is Practically Chickens - 8 Ball Bunny - YouTube

I like penguins...lol
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Old 12-07-2020, 02:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessie View Post
I think the Mods are having a party without us...
Yep, a penguin party. All are wearing their tuxedos.
What gun do you carry with a tux??
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Old 12-07-2020, 06:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pawngal View Post
Yep, a penguin party. All are wearing their tuxedos.
What gun do you carry with a tux??
A Walther PPK, naturally. Along with a martini, shaken, not stirred.
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Old 12-07-2020, 07:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quikdraw67 View Post
A Walther PPK, naturally. Along with a martini, shaken, not stirred.
I was sure it would have been a "SARDINI" shaken not stirred

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Last edited by ditrina; 12-07-2020 at 07:29 AM.
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Old 12-07-2020, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
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I was sure it would have been a "SARDINI" shaken not stirred

Well played!
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Old 12-07-2020, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quikdraw67 View Post
Roasted or smoked?
Neither... and you should know better!

The USA and 13 other nations have signed onto the Antarctic Treaty of 1959, which makes it illegal to hunt penguins, disturb their eggs or nests, or harass the birds in any way.

The answer is so painfully obvious...
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Wait for it!
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If you want to eat a penguin, you’ll need to poach it!

There’s even a barleywine ale that pairs nicely with poached penguin.





I’m here all week. Please tip the staff...
Edit: Except for Sal!
Second edit: OK, he liked it. You can tip Sal too!
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Old 12-07-2020, 12:46 PM
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Dead Penguins Explained!!! Dead Penguins Explained!!! Dead Penguins Explained!!! Dead Penguins Explained!!! Dead Penguins Explained!!!  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by s&wchad View Post
Neither... and you should know better!

The USA and 13 other nations have signed onto the Antarctic Treaty of 1959, which makes it illegal to hunt penguins, disturb their eggs or nests, or harass the birds and any way.

The answer is so painfully obvious...
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Wait for it!
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If you want to eat a penguin, you’ll need to poach it!

There’’s even a barleywine ale that pairs nicely with poached penguin.





I’m here all week. Please tip the staff...

BOOOO HIIIIISSSSSSS !!!!!
BUT I LIKED IT
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DAV in honor of POP

Last edited by ditrina; 12-07-2020 at 12:49 PM.
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Old 12-07-2020, 01:13 PM
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oldbrownhat oldbrownhat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ditrina View Post
BOOOO HIIIIISSSSSSS !!!!!
BUT I LIKED IT

Agreed. And to repeat,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rustyt1953 View Post

As to the brandywine ale (which sounds interesting), what we need, vis à vis this thread, is a

Poached Penguin Pandemic Porter
from Alliterative Ales in Anchorage AK

Last edited by oldbrownhat; 12-07-2020 at 06:50 PM. Reason: added silliness
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