Bad Parenting…

twodog max · #51 12-31-2021, 07:56 PM

My daughter is a high school teacher. Her biggest problem children are usually explained on the first parent teachers conference. She has had numerous parents show up drunk, stoned, high on God knows what, one got caught stealing teachers belongings from the teachers classrooms. Is it any wonder why we are in a mess.
Her school district is mostly rural and it seems the chief form of entertainment for high school kids is getting girls pregnant or for girls getting pregnant.
A cycle of self destruction that is rarely broken free of IMO

GypsmJim · #52 12-31-2021, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twodog max

My daughter is a high school teacher. Her biggest problem children are usually explained on the first parent teachers conference. She has had numerous parents show up drunk, stoned, high on God knows what, one got caught stealing teachers belongings from the teachers classrooms. Is it any wonder why we are in a mess.
Her school district is mostly rural and it seems the chief form of entertainment for high school kids is getting girls pregnant or for girls getting pregnant.
A cycle of self destruction that is rarely broken free of IMO

Now that says it all. It's just what I was going to talk about.

My wife is a teacher and you would not believe the stories she comes home with. The bad kids all have bad parents. The good kids all are in 2-parent households where one or both actually have a job. Their houses are well kept and they participate in things that make the town a good place to live.

It's all the parents fault. Sorry if I'm being critical or stereotyping but that's the way I see it.

sigp220.45 · #53 12-31-2021, 10:20 PM

I eat in a restaurant at least twice a week, sometimes more.

I go the the grocery store at least three times a week, sometimes more.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen out of control kids.

I do regularly hear geezers my age talking loudly on their cell phones, disturbing all those around them. They haven’t figured out how to text.

I see geezers my age berating young checkout girls because they have to show ID to buy their beer. They don’t care its the store policy, enforced by a camera above their heads, and the girls doesn’t want to lose her job.

I’ll take today’s kids over today’s geezers any day.

Rustyt1953 · #54 12-31-2021, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigp220.45

I’ll take today’s kids over today’s geezers any day.

We geezers are just watching from the sidelines. It is not our game anymore. Time marcheth on.

Doug627 · #55 12-31-2021, 11:39 PM

I taught my children to follow my instructions from a very young are. I said something once. If they did not stop, I was on them. They got corrected immediately. We were visiting my in-laws one time and one of my children did not stop running through the house when I told them to stop and I immediately put them on the couch and they had to sit there until I said they could get down. My mother-in-law said I was being mean. I looked at her and explained that if my children did not listen to me when misbehaving, they would not listen to me in a dangerous situation either. She asked me to explain that. I said that if I told my children to stop running and they knew that could get away with continuing to run they would not stop if running toward a road with cars approaching. If I am not close enough to catch them they could be seriously hurt or killed. She never interfered with my parenting again.

Xfuzz · #56 01-01-2022, 12:19 AM

George Foreman school of parenting for me....
If I mouth off or messed up my old man
could/would turn into....

George Foreman.

SMSgt · #57 01-01-2022, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigp220.45

I eat in a restaurant at least twice a week, sometimes more.

I go the the grocery store at least three times a week, sometimes more.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen out of control kids.

I do regularly hear geezers my age talking loudly on their cell phones, disturbing all those around them. They haven’t figured out how to text.

I see geezers my age berating young checkout girls because they have to show ID to buy their beer. They don’t care its the store policy, enforced by a camera above their heads, and the girls doesn’t want to lose her job.

I’ll take today’s kids over today’s geezers any day.

Take them all, leave none behind.

BC38 · #58 01-01-2022, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsmJim

Now that says it all. It's just what I was going to talk about.

My wife is a teacher and you would not believe the stories she comes home with. The bad kids all have bad parents. The good kids all are in 2-parent households where one or both actually have a job. Their houses are well kept and they participate in things that make the town a good place to live.

It's all the parents fault. Sorry if I'm being critical or stereotyping but that's the way I see it.

How do you explain my situation then? As I posted earlier in this thread, my kids were both raised in a Christian home with two parents who are working professionals. They received proper supervision and discipline (my wife has worked from home for years). We both participated in all the school events and conferences. My wife was an active member of the PTA, and I was a Cub Scout leader for the whole 8 years they were in the program. Both of them were required to participate in things like the annual Church cleanup, volunteer days, Cub Scouts food drives and community events, etc.

Yet one of them was a bit of a hellion as a teenager. His brother on the other hand was the classic "good kid" who never got into any trouble.

Please tell me where we went wrong.

And BTW, how many perfect kids did you raise Jim?

Just curious.

BC38 · #59 01-01-2022, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug627

I taught my children to follow my instructions from a very young are. I said something once. If they did not stop, I was on them. They got corrected immediately. We were visiting my in-laws one time and one of my children did not stop running through the house when I told them to stop and I immediately put them on the couch and they had to sit there until I said they could get down. My mother-in-law said I was being mean. I looked at her and explained that if my children did not listen to me when misbehaving, they would not listen to me in a dangerous situation either. She asked me to explain that. I said that if I told my children to stop running and they knew that could get away with continuing to run they would not stop if running toward a road with cars approaching. If I am not close enough to catch them they could be seriously hurt or killed. She never interfered with my parenting again.

My dad did that one better.

I remember one time we were visiting my grandparents for the weekend. My sister and I had been fighting and picking at each other off and on all day and Dad had told us repeatedly to STOP IT AND BEHAVE ourselves several times. And we did every time - for a little while, but next thing you know we were at it again. Finally when we had pushed it just one step too far we each got turned over his knee and got our fannies warmed up.

Grandma started objecting and fussing with Dad about how he had disciplined us. He proceeded to pack us up and take us home. He flat out told her to NEVER interfere with his raising or disciplining us, because HE was the one who had to watch over and care for us 7 days a week, not just one or two weekends a month.

BTW, this was his own mother - not his mother in law - and taking us home meant a two hour drive.

We never pushed Dad that far at grandma's house again. Grandma never criticized him for disciplining us again either.

Lesson learned all around.

31FordA · #60 01-01-2022, 01:41 AM

I’ve gotten to see, and arrest, lot’s of truly fouled up parents in the last 25 years. I don’t have to wonder what happened to some of their kids, I am now locking them up. I’m starting to see the grand kids come across my desk, probably a clue that retirement is near. Not all the kids turned out bad, some have managed to beat the odds and have good lives, but they seem to be the exception unfortunately.

I often tell my colleagues “Those kids would be better off if we literally gave them to a pack of wolves. Sure, the wolves might eat them, but maybe not. That’s better odds than they’ve got now”.

twodog max · #61 01-01-2022, 09:50 AM

Some kids raised in good homes and given proper raising go the wrong path because they choose to do so on their own by the poor life choices they make as they grow up. There is only so much a parent can do. I know this from personal experience. Liberal academia can brainwash even the most well based people as it comes along in the most formative years of life.

Chukar60 · #62 01-01-2022, 11:50 AM

I have no issue with kids misbehaving in public. Mine did it, yours did too or are doing it. They are kids, not adults, robots or slaves. They are discovering and testing their boundaries. It is what kids do.
However, it is the reaction of the parents that I judge the situation by. Do they correct it? Do they ignore it? Do they try to wait until out of the public view to deal with it.
When we were raising our kids misbehavior in public was dealt with in public. You do not want your little snot picker to learn they can do what they please in public or any other setting where corrective actions will be delayed or forgotten altogether. Bad behavior needs to be dealt with immediately.
I don’t fault kids, I fault those who are raising them.
The two daughters we raised were very different. The oldest was stubborn, willful, a button pusher and manipulator. The youngest was gentle, sensitive and responsive to gentle correction. You cannot raise two divergent personalities the same and expect good results. Had we dealt with the youngest like the oldest it would have bordered on child abuse. Had we dealt with the oldest like the youngest she would have likely ended up in prison.
The only thing consistent in their raising was what was expected in the way of behavior and hopefully morals. You cannot demand more of one child than another but you can and will often have to employ different methods to achieve your goal.
Despite our best efforts some kids end up down the dark path. They are just wired differently than other people. You do your best with what god gave you to work with and when they leave home you pray that all your efforts and sacrifices paid off in some way.
My two girls turned out quite well and are hard working and considerate adults. Booth make a very good living. I count my blessings every day for that. Thing could have ended up much different.

GypsmJim · #63 01-01-2022, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BC38

How do you explain my situation then? As I posted earlier in this thread, my kids were both raised in a Christian home with two parents who are working professionals. They received proper supervision and discipline (my wife has worked from home for years). We both participated in all the school events and conferences. My wife was an active member of the PTA, and I was a Cub Scout leader for the whole 8 years they were in the program. Both of them were required to participate in things like the annual Church cleanup, volunteer days, Cub Scouts food drives and community events, etc.

Yet one of them was a bit of a hellion as a teenager. His brother on the other hand was the classic "good kid" who never got into any trouble.

Please tell me where we went wrong.

And BTW, how many perfect kids did you raise Jim?

Just curious.

As you previously pointed out, this is a complex issue and there is often more to it than what it seems. I don't have all the answers, but I do have theories. But one thing for sure, good parenting is the right approach, and bad parenting will almost always lead to bad results.

Maybe genetics is part of it. And certainly sibling rivalry. When mental health issues come into play, maybe nobody can offer a completely successful solution.

But really, the fundamental problem in this thread was about the bad behavior of kids out in public and how they treat adults. I took the OP's comments at more than just being a hellion.

BTW, I have 2 boys, 4 years apart, and both were hellions toward each other at the house. But they never acted up in public because they knew what the consequences would be when they got home. Both received accolades from other adults when they were out on their own (but not together...LOL). Now they are both professionals and are responsible adults.

OTOH, they have cousins (half of the same genetics) that were bought up in an abusive drunken house and......well......without berating them, let's just say they didn't turn out too well.

johngalt · #64 01-01-2022, 12:36 PM

Not a story about misbehaving youths, just a funny observation:

I was a Culvers getting a carry out order. The way it works is you order, they give you a number and you take a step back and wait. They will find you and bring it when it's ready.

It was busy that night, I had gotten my order and was waiting in the back with my number. A kid walks in, stands behind me and starts playing with his phone. Totally oblivious to everything around him. He obviously thought I was in line waiting to order.

So I decided to wait and see if he would ever notice where the line actually was. He didn't until I got my order. "Oh man! I thought this was the line!"

CAJUNLAWYER · #65 01-01-2022, 01:00 PM

Lighten up Francis....we're talking about a couple of goofy 8 year olds for cryin out loud. And momma is probably no worse than the carefully coifed Karens running around. If ya gotta get worked up-pick someting that means something-like the price of ammo...or Brandon.

Krogen · #66 01-01-2022, 02:31 PM

Well, I'm not Francis, but I will attempt to lighten things up. My folks told a story of the one and only time I attempted to throw a tantrum during the terrible two's. I guess I was down on the floor kicking and screaming about something of little importance; except to a 2 year old. Dad got a big glass of water and when I looked up, drenched me in the face.

The folks said that was the last time I attempted a tantrum.

BC38 · #67 01-01-2022, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsmJim

As you previously pointed out, this is a complex issue and there is often more to it than what it seems. I don't have all the answers, but I do have theories. But one thing for sure, good parenting is the right approach, and bad parenting will almost always lead to bad results.

Maybe genetics is part of it. And certainly sibling rivalry. When mental health issues come into play, maybe nobody can offer a completely successful solution.

But really, the fundamental problem in this thread was about the bad behavior of kids out in public and how they treat adults. I took the OP's comments at more than just being a hellion.

BTW, I have 2 boys, 4 years apart, and both were hellions toward each other at the house. But they never acted up in public because they knew what the consequences would be when they got home. Both received accolades from other adults when they were out on their own (but not together...LOL). Now they are both professionals and are responsible adults.

OTOH, they have cousins (half of the same genetics) that were bought up in an abusive drunken house and......well......without berating them, let's just say they didn't turn out too well.

OK, I have a lot better understanding of what you meant now. I misunderstood you to be saying that if kids are bad or misbehave it is always the result of poor parenting.

We really have a something in common - my boys are 4 years apart too! They never fought or misbehaved towards each other much - my younger son just wasn't one to act out that way and our older son knew he'd better not abuse his gentler little brother.

Funny thing is, even our older boy was almost always well behaved, well spoken, polite, and (reasonably) obedient in public. Most of his teachers, and his friends parents just loved him. He's always been a real charmer that way. His trouble all stemmed from a spirit of rebellion directed mostly at us. His mental health issues were mostly directed at himself - he repeatedly made suicide threats. Though he did threaten violence against others a time or two as well.

I'm very thankful that he came out of that and is past it all now. He spent some time in a adolescent mental health treatment facility and they were able to instill self awareness, self control, and "mindfulness" techniques and mindset in him that have helped him tremendously.

BC38 · #68 01-01-2022, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chukar60

I have no issue with kids misbehaving in public. Mine did it, yours did too or are doing it. They are kids, not adults, robots or slaves. They are discovering and testing their boundaries. It is what kids do.
However, it is the reaction of the parents that I judge the situation by. Do they correct it? Do they ignore it? Do they try to wait until out of the public view to deal with it.
When we were raising our kids misbehavior in public was dealt with in public. You do not want your little snot picker to learn they can do what they please in public or any other setting where corrective actions will be delayed or forgotten altogether. Bad behavior needs to be dealt with immediately.
I don’t fault kids, I fault those who are raising them.
The two daughters we raised were very different. The oldest was stubborn, willful, a button pusher and manipulator. The youngest was gentle, sensitive and responsive to gentle correction. You cannot raise two divergent personalities the same and expect good results. Had we dealt with the youngest like the oldest it would have bordered on child abuse. Had we dealt with the oldest like the youngest she would have likely ended up in prison.
The only thing consistent in their raising was what was expected in the way of behavior and hopefully morals. You cannot demand more of one child than another but you can and will often have to employ different methods to achieve your goal.
Despite our best efforts some kids end up down the dark path. They are just wired differently than other people. You do your best with what god gave you to work with and when they leave home you pray that all your efforts and sacrifices paid off in some way.
My two girls turned out quite well and are hard working and considerate adults. Booth make a very good living. I count my blessings every day for that. Thing could have ended up much different.

You and I have a lot in common too. Yours were both girls and mine were both boys, but in both cases the firstborn was the strong-willed difficult child and the younger was the opposite - compliant and easy.

You are absolutely right in your statements about having to deal with them differently according to their personalities. Our older son you could scold him until you were blue in the face and it wouldn't even faze him. The younger son if you even raised your voice to him he would practically shrivel and change his behavior immediately.

The analogy we picked up somewhere was this. There are two opposite personalities - there are "dogs" and there are "cats".
A "dog" will practically kill himself trying to please you.
A "cat" couldn't care less about pleasing anyone but himself.

Our oldest is a "cat" and his little brother is a "dog".

BC38 · #69 01-01-2022, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twodog max

Some kids raised in good homes and given proper raising go the wrong path because they choose to do so on their own by the poor life choices they make as they grow up. There is only so much a parent can do. I know this from personal experience. Liberal academia can brainwash even the most well based people as it comes along in the most formative years of life.

All very true. As parents we have to really work at it to just get "equal time" guiding our children. The schools have them around 7 hours per day 5 days a week BY LAW (unless you are qualified to home school them) PLUS they are bombarded by liberal ideology from radio, and TV constantly.

We do our best, but there is only so much a parent can do, especially when dealing with a "strong willed" and/or rebellious child.

BLACKHAWKNJ · #70 01-02-2022, 06:24 AM

One of the Great Unaddressed Issues of the Day is the widespread rejection by men of the role of protector and provider. "Had two, wanted none!"

Jon651 · #71 01-02-2022, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigp220.45

I eat in a restaurant at least twice a week, sometimes more.

I go the the grocery store at least three times a week, sometimes more.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen out of control kids.

I do regularly hear geezers my age talking loudly on their cell phones, disturbing all those around them. They haven’t figured out how to text.

I see geezers my age berating young checkout girls because they have to show ID to buy their beer. They don’t care its the store policy, enforced by a camera above their heads, and the girls doesn’t want to lose her job.

I’ll take today’s kids over today’s geezers any day.

I can't recall where I heard this but I do believe it is true:

"Money does not impart class; age does not impart wisdom."

beach elvis · #72 01-02-2022, 04:05 PM

Such a complicated bunch of factors, ranging from outside circumstances all the way to just deliberate bad choices. The possible permutations of a person’s makeup are almost limitless, seemingly. Thus, their possible outcomes are, as well.

Regarding parenting and kids’ outcomes, I got lucky. Neither of my parents, with very different reasons for each of them, had any business trying to raise a child. And I was it. Haha
As a result, in my youth, I had no clue how to act, coz I never saw it from my folks. Fortunately, I still had a lot of older relatives at that time, all salt-of-the-earth types, who exposed me to a different world than I was growing up in at home. (BTW home didn’t involve any drugs or alcohol, unlike more common dysfunctional households.)

In my teens, I started playing in bands with guys almost twice my age. Rehearsals were my first exposure to the stereotypical musician stuff. Freaked me out at first, but ended up the best lesson that I could have gotten about booze and drugs. “Ok, so injesting [insert substance here] turns you into THAT slobbering mess who was just a normal guy a little while ago. Well, why the heck would I ever wanna turn myself into THAT guy?” Had I not seen it first hand, coulda wound up different. But my folks NEVER talked to me about that stuff even once, coz they themselves had no clue.

Anyway, my point is that I’ve seen certifiable geniuses wind up strung out coz their girlfriends were users, for example. Dumbassery is independent, but parents, man….got a job to do, whether it’s successful in the end or not.

Hope that didn’t come off as preachy coz it wasn’t meant to.
I hate preachy.

Beemerguy53 · #73 01-02-2022, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLACKHAWKNJ

One of the Great Unaddressed Issues of the Day is the widespread rejection by men of the role of protector and provider. "Had two, wanted none!"

And that is the elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about...the actual underlying cause for the crime and dysfunction that plagues so many towns and cities in this country. But we can't discuss it, because it offends some people...

beach elvis · #74 01-02-2022, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beemerguy53

And that is the elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about...the actual underlying cause for the crime and dysfunction that plagues so many towns and cities in this country. But we can't discuss it, because it offends some people...

And to deepen that problem, certain HUGE programs directed toward low-income situations actually PROHIBIT the father being in the home. I’m sorry, but my opinion is that when there were more dads taking young’uns to the woodshed when necessary, things weren’t this bad. Not a remedy unto itself but went a long way toward teaching respect and that screwing up has consequences that you won’t want anything to do with. Not to mention just being able to see how grown men conduct themselves.

Ackley1952 · #75 01-02-2022, 07:56 PM

8 years old

BC38 · #76 01-02-2022, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ackley1952

8 years old

That's the answer? That the kids are 8 year olds?
IMO that is plenty old enough to expect them to behave and show respect.

Rustyt1953 · #77 01-02-2022, 08:55 PM

Well before the age of eight I became aware of my mom's eyes. She had a way of looking at me with profound sadness . Eyes that conveyed hurt and disappointment. It was a soul crushing look that made me feel awful as I knew I had let her down in a big way. Powerful stuff. Mom never had to raise a hand to us. I never wanted to be on the receiving end of those looks.

I learned to do it to my children and grandchildren.

Greyman50 · #78 01-03-2022, 09:11 AM

Wood714 mentioned training kids Not To Touch “ certain things”. Teaching your kids Proper Firearms responsibility is one of The Most Important in life. I taught my son and daughter and my grandson. Never had any problems. Would take my son shooting on the farm, he learned very well. Daughter was only slightly interested but she was taught the same. Having been shot you “ obtain” a very different outlook on being around untrained people and firearms. My grandson was always interested in firearms( wonder where he got it?) and always asked to see any in one of the safes. He would always open the action to check and never point whatever in a dangerous direction. He has gotten quite a few I no longer use as well as my son. Grandson made E-5 in the Navy in less than 4 years and from talking , he knows more than the weapons instructors,LOL.
Children are a reflection of the parents.

PALADIN85020 · #79 01-03-2022, 10:22 AM

Nature or nurture? Each has a role in how a child will develop.

My wife and I raised 4 daughters - each raised in virtually the same environment in our home.

Each one has a distinctively different personality.

First one was an intellectual, risk-taker and charmer - unfortunately now deceased in a tragic private plane crash.

Second was a tomboy who will tell you just what she thinks regardless of who may or not be offended. She was also an animal lover who could not resist a stray dog or cat.

Third one was another intellectual but with a twist - she became a whiz at economics and law. Never wanted children, but concentrated on her career. She's now very well off. She waited until later in life to marry, and her husband is a real jewel.

Number four has been a gentle introspective soul, very reserved and has a big heart for animals and humans with issues. She is very caring and loving - but had to rightfully divorce a really unsalvageable a**. She struggles with economics but is always reliable, loving, smart and analytic.

I'm glad that none of them inherited some wild genes that have occasionally occurred in both their parents' families...

It was a tough job for us to sort them out and balance necessary discipline with letting them be free to develop their own personalities and interests. We tried to raise each of them with traditional values, and in that I think we succeeded. We are very grateful for that sucess and love each of them for their unique qualities as they make their way through life.

John

BLACKHAWKNJ · #80 01-03-2022, 12:59 PM

The late Father Bruce Ritter of Covenant House described the ones who came there as "throwaway kids", a friend who made it to 93 noted that in our society the formal consequences of being a bad parent are non-existent. Men have rejected the role of protector and provider, here in NJ child support is handled by the Probation Department, divorced fathers are required to fill out a form that asks:
"Do you wanted to be notified of 1. Problems in school 2. Problems with the law 3. Serious health problems. Phone number/email or contact address.
The woman I spoke to about this said the majority of men she's dealt with, it's NO-NO-NO-BLANK-BLANK !

Chubbo · #81 01-06-2022, 05:47 PM

Bad Parenting.
Bad parenting, is sometimes confused, with parental love. Both can produce obnoxious, worthless, unproductive, offspring. Misused love, usually comes from parents that don’t want their children to attend the school of hard knocks, that they were compelled to attended. In fact, experience obtained in that school, would shurely, help prepare those children to cope with life’s problems, and be productive members of our society.

I just witnessed a perfect example of the product of this misused love. I just saw an untrained, overprotected, Child of approximately 20 yrs., of age, spend 45 min. trying to adjust the tire pressure in his personal, family, provided late model, BMW sedan. He finally sought his momma’s help. She had to leave the warmth of her home in 20deg. F temperature, her shirtsleeves to do it for him. He drove away, seemingly, perfectly satisfied, to his next destination.

Just imagine, the USA, fighting, a war, with warriors, of this caliber, if they couldn't take their momma with ‘em? God help us.

Chubbo

Doug M. · #82 01-07-2022, 06:14 PM

I suspect that many of the members of this forum are like myself and some of my colleagues - we would much rather that most people did not know the child from whom we evolved. Much of that evolution comes from good parenting and other role models, even if it did not appear that way at the time.

But I have seen some multi-generational job security, too.

Chubbo · #83 01-07-2022, 07:28 PM

I remember my first, and only, display of opposition to my parent's wishes. It was not a tantrum, just a test; I was about 6 yrs., of age, playing with neighborhood children, after attending church, and having lunch, while waiting for my parents, to go on our weekly visit to my grandparents, at their farm. I decided to test my parents’ authority, and just play with the neighborhood kids, for the afternoon. After several soft-spoken, requests from my dad, to ‘get in the car’, he snatched me up and deposited me into our car, drove to our garage, and snatched, me out of the car, and using a convenient wood lath, warmed my posterior. Dad let me squall, loudly, for a bit, and then said, ‘Shut up, or I’ll give you something you can really squall about’. His lesson removed most of my wants, to test his authority.

I firmly believe that his lesson, taught me to respect the laws of our society. I’ve never been imprisoned for any reason, and I will continue to respect those laws, as long as they remain fair, and judicious.

Chubbo

raljr1 · #84 01-07-2022, 10:10 PM

My daughter is on husband #4 and her ex has primary custody of the two kids. Between them, they are working overtime to screw up both of them. I won't even get into details on a public forum. You try to think of ways to help and provide guidance, but how can grandparents have an impact seeing them 5 or 6 times a year for a couple days at a time.

Rustyt1953 · #85 01-07-2022, 10:17 PM

I have never, ever spanked my children or laid a hand on them. They, in turn, have never spanked their children. All are well adjusted, positive, polite contributors to society.

I am well pleased and proud of who they are.

Chubbo · #86 01-08-2022, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigp220.45

I eat in a restaurant at least twice a week, sometimes more.

I go the the grocery store at least three times a week, sometimes more.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen out of control kids.

I do regularly hear geezers my age talking loudly on their cell phones, disturbing all those around them. They haven’t figured out how to text.

I see geezers my age berating young checkout girls because they have to show ID to buy their beer. They don’t care its the store policy, enforced by a camera above their heads, and the girls doesn’t want to lose her job.

I’ll take today’s kids over today’s geezers any day.

With all due respect; When was your vision, and hearing last tested?

Chubbo · #87 01-09-2022, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BC38

Well FWIW, there are a lot of unfit parents out there, and their kids more often than not turn out bad.

HOWEVER, automatically blaming the parents is an easy scapegoat answer to a very complex question.

We have two boys, both adopted at birth. They were raised in our two parent household (married 35 years now) under the exact same conditions. They were raised in the church. They were given appropriate boundaries and discipline, up to and including age appropriate corporal punishments such as a swat on the bottom when little or a bend over and grab your ankles when they were in gradeschool.

Although they were raised the same, they couldn't be more different in terms of temperament and behaviors if they were from different planets.

Our oldest boy has been an independent, hard-headed, "strong willed" child since he was a toddler. His first sentence at 2 years old was "I DO IT". Didn't matter if it was eating, opening a door, getting strapped into his carseat, or just about anything else. HE was going to do it, and do it HIS way in HIS timing. As a teen he had some mental health issues and got into some trouble. He did stupid stuff like sneaking out in the middle of the night and joy riding his mother's car when he was 14. He's 22 now and still determined to do things his way and make his own mistakes. He's an extreme extrovert and always the life of the party. He hasn't gotten into any serious trouble - yet - but I still worry about him doing something to throw away his future.

His younger brother, on the other hand, has always been a very compliant child. He's what is known as a "pleaser". He wants to do what pleases the adults and authority figures in his life. He virtually never needed a swat when he was little, and he still can be counted on to do pretty much anything we ask of him. The worst thing he ever did was not apply himself at school and flunk a class. Even then he went to summer school and made it up. He's an introvert who would rather not even go to the party. He's happiest hanging around home and playing video games. He has never given us a reason to worry about him at all.

All of that to say, even with two parents, doing their dead level best to raise them right, some kids just aren't going to tow the line or walk the straight and narrow. So you can't ALWAYS say it is the fault of their parents when their behavior isn't socially acceptable.

BC38; I believe that you should give yourself more credit, for your efforts in raising your adopted children. Consider two of the greatest, and productive men in the history, of the USA, and their rebellious nature as children; Ben Franklin, and Albert Einstein. That should provide hope.

In the future, you, and your wife, may be happy, or sad, with the outcome of your sons’ works, but there surely will be an outcome for both of them. It’s my humble opinion that you, and your wife, have done your best to provide your sons, with logic, and commonsense. It’s now out of your control, and your sons, will decide how to use it. Prayer is an option. You have mine.

Chubbo

BillBro · #88 01-09-2022, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breakaway500

Youth surely is wasted on the young

Thats one of the best sayings I ve heard in many years

Rustyt1953 · #89 01-09-2022, 09:16 PM

Yep! A truly wise man.

Dave.357 · #90 01-09-2022, 11:15 PM

If I see a parent with well behaved children , no matter
What color there hair is ,I take the time to tell them
how nice it is to see children that are
Well behaved with good manners.

BC38 · #91 01-10-2022, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chubbo

BC38; I believe that you should give yourself more credit, for your efforts in raising your adopted children. Consider two of the greatest, and productive men in the history, of the USA, and their rebellious nature as children; Ben Franklin, and Albert Einstein. That should provide hope.

In the future, you, and your wife, may be happy, or sad, with the outcome of your sons’ works, but there surely will be an outcome for both of them. It’s my humble opinion that you, and your wife, have done your best to provide your sons, with logic, and commonsense. It’s now out of your control, and your sons, will decide how to use it. Prayer is an option. You have mine.

Chubbo

Thank you Chubbo. That kind of affirmation and encouragement really does mean more than you know!
Prayer is always the BEST option and sometimes the ONLY option.

Beemerguy53 · #92 01-10-2022, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug M.

...But I have seen some multi-generational job security, too.

One of the first homicides of 2022 in Baltimore was a 17 year-old, shot a few minutes after midnight on January 1. The news report on his death noted that both his father and his grandfather were also "killed by gun violence".

There are no words...

Vigil held for Baltimore teenager killed minutes into new year

BLACKHAWKNJ · #93 01-10-2022, 06:38 AM

The problem with a lot of kids is not that they are underprivileged but they are under parented. In school for much of the day, on the street with their friends, at home maybe to eat and sleep, "parent" busy with the latest boyfriend, families where the food budget is what is left over from the drinking budget....
I note the number of decent upright people I have known who had lousy parents, who set an example of what they didn't want to be.

Greyman50 · #94 01-10-2022, 08:02 AM

A family that has both parents, husband/ father works and loves his wife and kids shows. Attending church, working in the community also helps kids develop into good citizens. Im basing this on how it was in the 50’s-70’s before all the distractions came along. tv and certainly the internet. Violence in tv, movies and internet have given us what we have today. JMHO.

BLACKHAWKNJ · #95 01-10-2022, 11:00 AM

Men rejecting the role of protector and provider, young males raised solely by women, divorced fathers refusing all contact...

GypsmJim · #96 01-10-2022, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyman50

Violence in tv, movies and internet have given us what we have today. JMHO.

A few years ago a rapper was "singing" about fun raping girls. Video games glorify murder and provide points for killing the most people.

Then, the kid goes home and gets a gun and kills his peers in school. The game was realistic, but not enough after awhile. What did we expect?

I realize first amendment, yada, yada, but when companies continue to market this ****, maybe there aughta be a law!

Doug M. · #97 01-10-2022, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beemerguy53

One of the first homicides of 2022 in Baltimore was a 17 year-old, shot a few minutes after midnight on January 1. The news report on his death noted that both his father and his grandfather were also "killed by gun violence".

There are no words...

Vigil held for Baltimore teenager killed minutes into new year

*
Grrr. The fetish for referring to violent criminality involving firearms as "gun violence" is a result of deliberate disingenuousness in an effort to put forth a narrative that blames guns for the acts of those missing them. (And I know Beemerguy53 was just quoting, not assigning validity to the concept.) I really hate that. And look at this kid's environment. I'll bet it was really bad. I'd bet that much of his life's bad stages were predictable.

LVSteve · #98 01-10-2022, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beemerguy53

One of the first homicides of 2022 in Baltimore was a 17 year-old, shot a few minutes after midnight on January 1. The news report on his death noted that both his father and his grandfather were also "killed by gun violence".

There are no words...

Vigil held for Baltimore teenager killed minutes into new year

The news articles moves me not one jot. It's a commentary, little more. As you say, no words.

Greyman50 · #99 01-12-2022, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsmJim

A few years ago a rapper was "singing" about fun raping girls. Video games glorify murder and provide points for killing the most people.

Then, the kid goes home and gets a gun and kills his peers in school. The game was realistic, but not enough after awhile. What did we expect?

I realize first amendment, yada, yada, but when companies continue to market this ****, maybe there aughta be a law!

First Amendment was formed by Decent men, nuf sed

tops · #**100** 01-12-2022, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLACKHAWKNJ

I note the number of decent upright people I have known who had lousy parents, who set an example of what they didn't want to be.

LIKE!! It's not what happens to a person but how a person reacts to what happens.
You can't pick your family but you can pick with whom you associate. Larry