You get home from your shift at 10 and watch TV a bit chat with the wife and your daughters. Around 11 you go to bed because you are tired, about 45 minutes or so later you hear your wife yelling "who the hell are you" "what the hell are you doing here".

You snap out of your slumber, and run up stairs in your shorts with a gun in hand to find your wife yelling at a 16 year old boy in your 13 year old daughter's bedroom. As soon as you show up everything is quiet.


That is what happened at my house on Tuesday this week, my youngest daughter who normally is pretty well behaved has been having a bad few months, she doesn't like to do her homework and her grades showed that so Mom and I put some rules into place that she didn't like. She has been hanging out with some bad kids so I put a stop to that I hope.

On the Thursday before Memorial day she took a lot of tylenol and other pills trying to commit suicide, and spent the next week in the hospital. So we put more rules into place she doesn't go anywhere alone doesn't stay by herself as she used to. She is the daughter that would go to gunshows with me and all of the guys I knew there think she is a great kid and she is.

So far we take it day by day.

I called the 16 year old's Mother and Grandfather and they came to get him, my partner at work was amazed he made it out of the house in one piece.

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Stan

I'm not a father but I could only imagine that experience. A friend of my boss is going through something similar with his 19 yr old daughter. She was a good girl but got mixed up with some bad friends and was caught stealing over $4000 from her dad's business as well as other things.

I hope you're able to turn your daughter's life around soon and get her back to "Daddy's Little Girl"!

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NRA Endowment Member

This will not be easy but I would try very hard to get her to open up to you on what's going on. If this kind of behavior has just started something is behind it. If she will not talk to you or your wife is there someone else that she might talk to? Prayers, patience and lots of love will be needed. I once saw a sign that said "Teenagers are why some animals eat thier young".

I'm a Father of 3 year old. Thoughts of situations like yours terrify me. Good luck with it. Only time will tell I suppose.

Imjin, you just nailed the two biggest parts of the solution. Believe in her, believe in yourself, and one day at a time.

I don't have kids, but have pretty regular dealings with parents who are at their wits' end. Have you looked into professional counseling? Either 1-1 with your daughter and/or family counseling?

Just my nickel... good luck, man. Good thoughts coming your way.

Imjin,
Sorry to hear your problems. From experience, take suicide threats seriously, don't ignor them. Seek counceling now. Lock up your guns so only you can access them. She may be making a play out of this but, by playing the suicide threat game, it is now at a new level. Don't play her game, get help now.
Good Luck,
Stonecove

Stan..
I have a now 23 yr old grand-daughter, that was very similar to your daughter. Her younger sister excelled in everything..Her mom and dad kept pushing her to do better. Bad habits, bad grades, bad everything, you name it. Started at about 13 yrs old.

Without making a very long letter here, my grand-daughter had a lower IQ than her parents wanted to admit or accept. She wasn't capeable of the high expections and was rebelling in her own way......

Ended up pregnent and droping out of school. She somewhat better now. I can't keep from thinking, if my son and my DIL would have accepted her lower IQ and not have pushed her so hard, she would have turned out better.

I love her, but she's not as sharp as some. She's doing ok now. Good luck to your family..

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Regards,
Windjammer

I think in some "free states" no one would question whatever you did to him. I'm glad you kept your head, but I hope you impressed on him that this is intolerable and will not be repeated.

Of course, in some of our more left-leaning states they may jail you for not suppling him with condoms.

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You're shy a few manners.

imjin138,

We were having trouble with my oldest son from 13 to 19. He was in a bad crowd. One of his friends was on the news last night, arrested, again. Only one of my son's friends graduated high school, the rest didn't. Several went to jail, two are still in, one is dead from shootout with police.

He is getting married next month, having graduated from college (along with his brother). Both sons played baseball and got scholarships to college.

The second strongest force in the galaxy is peer pressure. God is the strongest. Find out who her friends are and find someone she trusts to help her (and you). Find something she likes and help her find her way. Don't give up, she needs you. There is a good person in there trying to find her way.

Make sure she knows ya'll love her, but stay strong. No matter what happens, you and your wife must stay together and remain strong. Your daughter is worth everything you can do to help her.

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PC, censorship
with a smile.

Imjin, I agree with Stonecove's advice. Teenagers can be difficult and unpredictable but your best approach is to try to keep the lines of communication open. I worked in the mental health field for 30 years and for a number of years handled the suicide ( and homicide ) threat calls. If you have someone like a pastor or a friend who knows something about this it may help you to have someone to talk to. One thing I used to do with suicidal people was to get a commitment from them to not hurt themselves until they talked to me. I think it helped sometimes and it sure can't hurt. I will be thinking good thoughts for you and your daughter.

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I like Ike.

From personal experience: Daddy's little girl can turn into junior bxxch as soon as they hit H.S.. You're gonna have to lay down the law and stick to it. This may pit you and your wife against each other as kids love to manipulate parents. I'd approach the 16 year old boy as a home invader, and pursue prosecution. Although she may have invited him in, I don't think she as a minor has the right to do so. When news gets around your daughter may be oastrasized within her peer group. So what? Parenting has become a fight against the state.

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SOS USA

You need to get some counselling for her ASAP. Suicide attempts are serious. There is a serious problem somewhere. She seems to be seeking attention, anyway she can get it, and from anyone who will give it. It's not easy being a teen these days. I strongly suggest you seek counselling. My prayers are with you all.

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Misty

I agree with the last two posts.I've witnessed more than one great kid hit puberty and turn into a monster.It's takes patience, a firm hand,and the ability to refrain from yelling.Your limits will be tested again and again.

If she really wanted to commit suicide she'd be dead. We coddle our kids with the result of a life long dependence on "counseling" How doe's this produce an independent, self sufficient, thinker? Physiologists begin EVERY sentence with "how you feel about (problem X)". We have to teach kids from the begining how to handle life through their own self examination and self sufficiency. Women seem to form an extremely strong life long relationship with daughters. Talk to wife in depth about how to approach this problem. Make sure you both agree on the approach, and stick to it.

As a Christian I believe in GOD and hope that he will forgive my many transgressions. I also think GOD presents us with problems that we must solve on our own, to prove we are worthy.

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SOS USA

Imjin, you truly have my prayers and sympathies.

Rules alone aren't going to cut it, although they must be enforced.

Counseling alone isn't going to do it either, but it would be good for her to agree to go, and good for your wife and you to go get some support even if she won't.

Your daughter also needs a full medical evaluation too. Her hormones might be out of whack, she might be doing drugs, she might be depressed, she might just be going through the teen-age drama years. But a full screen couldn't hurt and if something is amiss, better it comes out now at the beginning so it could be dealt with before something permanent or difficult to fix comes along.

With all due respect, the old saying "If she really wanted to commit suicide she'd be dead", is not only untrue, but dangerous thinking. Can you honestly say that a 13 y/o knows just what pills to take, and how many, to make the difference between live and die? Or how deep to cut so as to not slice the artery? I also believe that kids are "coddeled" too much. And I also agree that not every situation warrants counselling. Instilling in young people a sense of right and wrong, self sufficiency, and how to handle life's rough spots on their own is an important part of raising a child. But there are times when professional help is called for. And there is no shame in it. This young girl has something eating away at her emotional and physical well being. It can happen in the best families. It doesn't mean Mom and Dad are to blame. But if the child won't open up to the parents, it's imperitive to seek professional help. I'm a parent. And if I found myself in this situation, I would never go into it with the thought that "if she really wanted to commit suicide, she'd be dead". You may not be able to say that the next time. And that's a chance I don't think any parent should take. Tough love is fine. But to ignore a warning sign such as a suicide attempt, whether she meant to kill herself or not, isn't tough love. It's dangerous. God does present us with trials. And with His help we get through them. But we don't have to do it alone. I'm sure He won't judge anyone unworthy because they sought counselling for a potentially dangerous and confusing situation within their family.

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Misty

I put forth my thoughts/argument. I don't expect anyone to agree. Just what has worked for me. Treating kids as adults with adult procedures as in psychological intervention, produces kids less able to guide the next generation without ever progressing mind bending. I base my suggestions on my personal experience raising my own by myself. We as a society need to fix what's on our mass media. I apologize if I offended anyone. I'm done, soapbox put away.

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SOS USA

I wish I had the right answer for a brother Imjin Scout.......Just show her all your love and be there for her...Good job on the quick judgement not to fire on the kid.....

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4th SQD 7th CAVALRY

Thank you guys and gals for the support, she is going through with counselling and seeing a Psych doctor. Working in the prison I treat all suicide threats as real "just in case". We all went down to the library today and drug her along. we walked through downtown racine which isn't that big but stopped for ice cream.

She has tried the manipulation already and Joanne and I have both told her that we are going to get through this, I thought about charges against the boy, but when the police did show up they didn't seem all that interested but I filed the report anyway.

We just go day by day to see how it works, the Pysch put her on anti-depressants and I am opposed to meds, but agreed to let her try them. She focuses most of her bad attention on my wife, which is really hurting her but I and her sister get our days too I suppose.

Thanks again for all of your support

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Stan

Stan, God bless all of you. Having gone through the teen years with four, three of them girls, I know what a challenge it can be. It sounds to me like you're making all the right moves and will get through this.

Bob

Stan, know you arent alone, and good luck! I went through a bad divorice when my daughter was six. Maybe partialy due to that she turned into a real rebel for quite a number of years. Quit school in 6th grade, ex nailed her windows shut, black lipstick etc. I have many war stories, but the end result is today she meets herself comeing with working a couple jobs, is christian and things are looking up! Yes, she is divoriced with a couple of girls and its a hard life for her, but she turned completely around. She did get bruised, and I am extreamly proud of her!

I think gunlovingirl gave you some good advice as well as others. Don't be afraid of the meds. There is a time and place for everything. With the blessing of your counselors I would also consider a restraining order against the boy.

Young girls, hormones, and young boys. Good luck. I hope she makes it to the other end in one piece. FWIW I have three daughters and seven grandchildren. You are not alone.

The anti depressants might be part of the problem. Most of them were required to change their labeling, and many are now specifically not suggested as suitable for younger folks. They tend to increase, rather than decrease, the risk of suicide below a certain age and have all sorts of other ill effects that don't show up when given to adults.

If somone - and I'm not saying this happened - smokes dope or drinks (esp someone younger) while taking anti depressants, even more bad things happen.

One place to start might be "talk" style counseling, based on the simple idea of furthering communication and asking someone what is wrong. Pharmaceutical based treatments are often have risks that outweigh the benefits in teens. If your mental health professional didn't go into depth on that subject, you might want to solicit a second opinion.

I've heard of a number of younger females who've made "cry for attention" suicide attempts via Tylenol.

You might want to balance intervention measures against the potential damage that having a record of them will do to someone in later life.

You might also want to look at discussing birth control pills. They can balance out hormones and also... well you can't watch kids all the time and sometimes a crack down just makes things worse.

Best of luck with things. And it was probably best not to shoot the kid however much you may have wanted to so kudos on restraint.