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Old 07-22-2009, 10:43 AM
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Default The silent treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife

to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he

noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
************************************************************
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies,

and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said:

"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex

here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."


*******************************************************************************************

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,

'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,

'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
***********************************************************************************************************
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,

"What took you so long to answer to the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"
************************************************************************************************************************** A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out

if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,

"Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,

"Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
**********************************************************************************************************************
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:01 AM
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Funny! Thanks for the morning chuckle.
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Old 07-22-2009, 12:21 PM
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On their honeymoon night a husband takes his pants off and hands them to his new bride. He say's "here try these on". The wife tries the pants on but they are way to big and keep falling to the ground. The wife replies " I can't wear these pants". The husband say's "thats right and you never will". A few minutes later the wife flips her panties to her new hubby and say's "here try these on". The husband struggles with the panties but can't get them on past his thighs. In frustration he looks at his new bride and say's " I can't get into these panties". His new wife replies "thats right and you won't til you change that attitude".
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Old 07-22-2009, 12:46 PM
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Many moons ago out here in Wyomin', a couple gets married. They start home in their one horse buggy.

A few miles down the road the horse stumbles.
The new groom sez "That's once!"

A few more miles and the horse stumbles again.
"That's twice!"

On the third occasion, the man pulls out a pistol and shoots the old mare.

The bride is shocked and dismayed and lays into the man with a vengeance.

He sits quietly until the storm dies down and quietly sez,
"That's once!".........................................
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