I haven't seen this posted here before so if it's been around I'm sorry.
TRUE OR NOT IT WAS A FUN READ
Posted to Craig's List / Personals:
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 A M EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that
I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend threatening
our lifes. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment, I didn't expect
you to actually **** in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket
for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911
.45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster
for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it! I know it
probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that
brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse
walking bare
footed since I made you leave your your shoes, cellphone, and wallet
with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to
come help mug us again].
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and
filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas20station
on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons
and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside
Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made
his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile"
that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side
window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma
Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a
little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed
to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the
FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target... The FBI
guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he
traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not
killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you
try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and
can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Bill
P.S. Remember this motto...An armed society makes for a more civil society!
A Craigslist ad someone emailed to me
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