I was out serving process to the usual deadbeats and future divorcees when dispatch gave out a disturbance call. As luck would have it, I was just seconds away. The deputy on that beat was working a school crossing several miles away, so I took the call. I arrived at the trailer before dispatch completed the call and couldn't tell them I was there until I was out of the car and walking toward the rear of the trailer. The bare ground was muddy from the heavy rain the night before except for last years large clups of last years unmowed grass.
When I got in the backyard I found five very large people talking very loud amongst the chained, barking pitbulls. I could hear yelling inside the trailer and loud banging noises. The trailer looked like it might shake off of the cinder blocks holding it up. I pepper sprayed a couple of the dogs who were a little too close (I got dog bit a couple of weeks ago so I'm probably a bit too cautious now) and stepped over a rotten wooden step and peeped in the back door to see what was going on. I could hear my backups siren wailing in the distance. I cracked the door enough to see two huge fat guys running at each other and "belly bumping" each trying to knock the other down. Then they locked up and were pushing each other around. Caution subsided and comedy set in. I couldn't help it, but this was funny.
There was least 900 lbs. of meat involved in this dispute and I didn't want to be part of some kind of weird sandwich, so I kept my distance and watched as they got tired. They weren't hitting each other and no weapons were involved. They had knocked furniture and dishes all over the kitchen and dining room. Government cheese boxes were everywhere. My backup arrived and we went in. I was doing my best not to laugh. I finally got the two combatants to understand that I was going to hose them down with pepperspray if they didn't separate. Both of them were breathing pretty hard and I really didn't want to take away what little air they had left.
I took one outside while Deputy Chris stayed and talked to the other. I found out that they were brothers-in-law and were arguing over a dead car battery. The sister/wife told me that she wasn't going to stay there with her "crazy" brother and would go back and live under the bridge until they could find something better. We got the names of everyone there and found out the only person there who had warrents on them was the mother who was renting the trailer all of them were living in. The warrant was for a worthless check. I asked Crazy Brother where Mom was and he pointed to a door. I opened it and was blinded by a huge old naked woman sitting on a toilet and holding a cane. I excused myself and shut the door. Upon finding out that Mom just got out of the hospital for gall bladder surgery and was going back in for back surgery as soon as she recovered from that I decided that she wasn't going to jail over a $200.00 fine that might cost the county thousands in medical bills.
Husband and sister/wife (he's not married to his sister) agreed to leave and peace was restored. Understanding what discretion means, I decided not to make any arrests for the fight because half the problem was now gone and nobody got hurt. Besides that, I'm not sure the jail had enough food to feed them.
Sumo Wrestling Comes To Brooklyn,Ms.
There wasn't enough Scotch in my house that night to get me through that one 
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