Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy!

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Locks go with bagels and cream cheese, not revolvers.

__________________
I'm with the banned ...

I like #10.

At work we always had a "disaster prep plan"

Every Hurricane, "What are your plans for evacuation, where do you plan on going?"

Well DUH!, I plan on leaving.

If it's the West Coast I am going East, If from the South North. In the case of Hurricane Andrew we had no idea as the forecasters didn't either, same with Charley, and we almost died.

__________________
Still Running Against the Wind

One of my favorites, much attributed to John Wayne, "Life is tough.....it's tougher if you're stupid"

__________________
Even older, even crankier....

Yeah, i'm fat but you are ugly. I can lose weight.


Chuck

__________________
They hold no Quarter

Allegedly Churchill said something along those lines to a British lady who exclaimed, "Mr Churchill, you are drunk!"

His reply, "And you, Madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober."

I do like #5 and #9

__________________
Forum consigliere

I understand #17. Larry

I see a sad number of cases that match #15.

Once I thought I was wrong... but I was mistaken.
John