looking for a reload recipe for the 165 gr speer gold dot for a m&p .40 4 inch barrel

Check your handloading manual!

there is a reloading section at the bottom of the front page of this forum, probably a better place to find guidance.

__________________
Minimize the variables

I'd use Speer's data for that specific bullet. It's a good idea to pick a powder first and perhaps follow their recommendations for that bullet weight, as well.