I'm a .40S&W guy. I got rid of my 9mms long ago. I just like the .40 a whole lot better... my own personal preference. I've stocked up on .40s.. both ammo and guns so anytime I'm in the market for a new semi auto, it's going to be a .40 (or .45, but that's neither here nor there).
I've never had an issue with the "snappiness" of the .40... I've always blamed the shooter for having weak wrists.
That being said, I would pick the 9mm if I were in your shoes. It sounds like that's what you really want, so I'd hold out to get what you really want. It would be the equivalent of me buying the 9mm when I really wanted the .40. I'd get it and be happy for a day... then I'd be mad at myself for getting something I didn't really want.. then I'd buy some ammo and shoot it for a while... then I'd see a .40 in the shop a month later and trade my 9mm in, losing a nice chunk of $$$.... I'd be thrilled with having the .40 and then annoyed when I realized I still had 200 rounds of 9mm laying around and no 9mm gun.........