Shot placement is king, penetration is queen, everything else is just angels dancing on the head of a pin(I don't own this, but it is true).
For a 9mm I use the Federal EFMJ, Expanding Full Metal Jacket. It looks like a FMJ with a flat metplat, but it does penetrate and it does expand. For a .38 Special I still like (after about 40 years) the 158 gr SWCHP, known as the FBI or Chicago load. It works, even out of a snub. With a .380 ACP I use the Buffalo Bore hard cast lead flat point, with the 380 you need penetration, a mag full of the above will alter anyone's concentration. Just about any .40 round above 135 gr will give both penetration and expansion (unless its FMJ). The 10mm and .45 ACP both will stop just about anyone. My personal favorite is the .45 Colt from Buffalo Bore, a 300 gr flat point at about 1,000/900 FPS. It is a hard cast lead slug and will get the absolute attention of anyone or anything if you do your part.
The .357 SIG and the .357 Mag revolver round are about the same with the 125 gr JHP, the .357 Mag with the 158 gr JHP is better, AFAIAC.
Take your pick, if you do your part, any of them will do the job. If in doubt about your ability to get a CNS hit (brain or spinal cord) do a pelvic cradle shot, a broken pelvic cradle will put anyone down, but not necessarily out, but they will be immobilized. The you can retreat, of do some anchor shots.