OP, the way you describe your wives general attitude / experience with handguns, I have a feeling any .38 / 9mm is going to be a problem for her the first time she drops the hammer.

If it were me, I would start her out with a good quality .22 RF double action revolver, rubber grips, standard velocity ammo, good hearing protection, and lots of range time. Baby steps as it were, while she learns the fundamentals, and becomes acclimated to firing and handling a handgun.

When her confidence level and abilities improve, time to start looking at a CF weapon. In the meantime, a shooter who is confident in their abilities, and armed with a .22 revolver full of HVHP's is nothing to sneeze at..

Larry