I'd settle for either Schlitz or Falstaff.
Little one gallon kegs with the tapper. They fit perfectly on the fridge shelf.
PBR draft isn't bad either.

Oh, I get all the beer snob lingo.
I went into a college bar near Tulane. The whole wall was full of beer taps. They must have had 100 different brews. I asked the server which was the biggest seller.....She pointed to the drain in the bar sink and told me that more beer goes down the drain than gets drank. They have 100 different beers because the kids are looking for beer that tastes like anything other than beer.