I was talking with some friends last night about their vacation plans for this summer. They are going to spend some time on an old sailing ship in Maine. This gave me an idea.

First we get a Letter of Marque and Reprisal from Congress. Then we get a ship to operate off the coast of Somalia. We outfit the ship with M16s, M60s, M79 grenade launchers, M3 50 caliber machineguns (M3 is correct. It has double the cyclic rate of an M2), and any other armament that we chose. Then we charge tourists to sail on the ship and hunt pirates. The Letter of Marque and Reprisal makes it all legal. The tourists can shoot all the pirates that they want, because there is no limit to the number of pirates that you can take. Shoot one or a hundred. It would be like shooting rats. Occasionally we would lose a tourist or two, but that is part of the adventure of pirate hunting.

I don't know how a taxidermist would feel about mounting one of the trophies. How do you explain it to US Customs? "Oh, him. He's just a pirate I shot on vacation. I'm taking him home to stuff and put in my living room."

Okay, getting the Letter of Marque and Reprisal from Congress is about like getting a copy of The Annointed One's real birth certificate; it just ain't gonna happen. The concept may make a funny, if bizarre, movie.

For those of you without a sense of humor, give it to me with both barrels. I can take it.