A jacketed bullet usually has a soft lead core, but is covered with a hard shell. Your understanding that jacketed bullets upset easier is not correct. Plain soft lead, such as a hollowbase wadcutter, upset (seal) the easiest, and must be used with very light loads.
The only safe way to use either lead or jacketed is to follow established handloading procedures and proven load tables, preferably from at least two sources. Or just buy commercial ammunition.
Any attempt to guess at a load from a load for another type of bullet is a recipe for disaster.
As far as strain on the gun, maximum loads of slow powder with either hard lead or jacketed strain the gun more than moderate loads and can loosen the action over time.
Barrel wear is distinctly less with lead bullets than with jacketed bullets. However, modern pistol barrels will last for many tens of thousands of rounds of jacketed bullets.
