meaneyedcatz
Member
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the judge dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.
The best part about waking up is not Folger’s Coffee in your cup but knowing that Chuck Norris did not kill you in your sleep.
Ghosts are caused by Chuck Norris killing people before Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris play the violin with a piano.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris-experience.
Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris doesn’t take **** from anyone.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books but rather stares them down until he gets the information he needs.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because the word “hunting” implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris can run Windows Vista on his Etcha-Sketch.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five hours of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago but the Grim Reaper can’t work up the courage to tell him.
When the Boogyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” for every answer. He got an A+ because Chuck Norris solves all of his problems with violence.
Chuck Norris put the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer; too bad Chuck Norris never cries.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.
Chuck Norris goes from March 31 to April 2; nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300 in bowling; without a ball; he wasn’t even in a bowling alley.
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.
Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
A handicapped parking space is not for the handicapped, it is for Chuck Norris. The sign is actually a warning sign; warning you that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Bret Favre can throw a football 50 feet; Chuck Norris can throw Bret Favre even further.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a Cyclops between the eye.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future simply does what Chuck Norris wants it to do.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live; however, he does know where you will die.
Chuck Norris does not play “Hide and Seek”; Chuck Norris plays “Hide-And-Pray-I-Don’t-Find-You.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch; Chuck Norris decides what time it is.
People created the car to get away from Chuck Norris; not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the car accident.
Chuck Norris cans and sells his own urine; we know it as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris once went sky diving but promised never to do it again; one Grand Canyon is enough,
Chuck Norris must use a stunt double for his crying scenes.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by pointing his finger and yelling, “BANG!”
The only thing going through the minds of Chuck Norris’ victims was his shoe.
If you spell “Chuck Norris” in Scrabble, you win.
The following is a list of what Chuck Norris cannot do: .
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver; and won.
When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror the mirror shatters; because the mirror knows not to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris X 30 = oblivion.
February 29 only occurs once every fours years because Chuck Norris wills it to do so.
Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
When Chuck Norris falls into water, Chuck Norris does not get wet; water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris found Waldo.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up he is not lifting himself up; he is pushing the earth down.
There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK Assassination. When Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard. JFK’s head exploded in sheet amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; hence there are no signs of life there.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard, but rather another fist.
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out; it failed.
A Grizzly bear once tried to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris showed the bear his fist. The bear then proceeded to eat itself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris often donates blood to the American Red Cross; just never his own.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the judge dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.
The best part about waking up is not Folger’s Coffee in your cup but knowing that Chuck Norris did not kill you in your sleep.
Ghosts are caused by Chuck Norris killing people before Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris play the violin with a piano.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris-experience.
Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris doesn’t take **** from anyone.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books but rather stares them down until he gets the information he needs.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because the word “hunting” implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris can run Windows Vista on his Etcha-Sketch.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five hours of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago but the Grim Reaper can’t work up the courage to tell him.
When the Boogyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” for every answer. He got an A+ because Chuck Norris solves all of his problems with violence.
Chuck Norris put the “laughter” in “manslaughter.”
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer; too bad Chuck Norris never cries.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.
Chuck Norris goes from March 31 to April 2; nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300 in bowling; without a ball; he wasn’t even in a bowling alley.
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.
Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
A handicapped parking space is not for the handicapped, it is for Chuck Norris. The sign is actually a warning sign; warning you that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Bret Favre can throw a football 50 feet; Chuck Norris can throw Bret Favre even further.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a Cyclops between the eye.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future simply does what Chuck Norris wants it to do.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live; however, he does know where you will die.
Chuck Norris does not play “Hide and Seek”; Chuck Norris plays “Hide-And-Pray-I-Don’t-Find-You.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch; Chuck Norris decides what time it is.
People created the car to get away from Chuck Norris; not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the car accident.
Chuck Norris cans and sells his own urine; we know it as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris once went sky diving but promised never to do it again; one Grand Canyon is enough,
Chuck Norris must use a stunt double for his crying scenes.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by pointing his finger and yelling, “BANG!”
The only thing going through the minds of Chuck Norris’ victims was his shoe.
If you spell “Chuck Norris” in Scrabble, you win.
The following is a list of what Chuck Norris cannot do: .
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver; and won.
When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror the mirror shatters; because the mirror knows not to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris X 30 = oblivion.
February 29 only occurs once every fours years because Chuck Norris wills it to do so.
Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
When Chuck Norris falls into water, Chuck Norris does not get wet; water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris found Waldo.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up he is not lifting himself up; he is pushing the earth down.
There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK Assassination. When Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard. JFK’s head exploded in sheet amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; hence there are no signs of life there.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard, but rather another fist.
The Great Wall of China was built to keep Chuck Norris out; it failed.
A Grizzly bear once tried to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris showed the bear his fist. The bear then proceeded to eat itself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris often donates blood to the American Red Cross; just never his own.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
