My son had a friend.....
- Thread starter rwsmith
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double-dipper
Member
I would not send any money it's not your problem. Never ever enable an alcoholic or drug addict by contributing money to their needs. If he were a close relative (son, daughter, grandchild) I probably would help with rehab.
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dougb1946
Member
If the bank won't front him money, why would I. I worked too hard for what I have, and while I will use it for charity and family, stupid is not in the recipient criteria.
If you have enough money to give to him, I have the address of a Nigerian prince looking for investment capital.
If you have enough money to give to him, I have the address of a Nigerian prince looking for investment capital.
dougb1946
Member
If the bank won't front him money, why would I. I worked too hard for what I have, and while I will use it for charity and family, stupid is not in the recipient criteria.
If you have enough money to give to him, I have the address of a Nigerian prince looking for investment capital.
If you have enough money to give to him, I have the address of a Nigerian prince looking for investment capital.
At least he's safe(r) in jail. He is most likely to die an early death at the hands of someone "defending their castle".
kwselke
Member
Do not help him out financially. He may get mad at you and never talk to you or your son again. That would not be so bad, would it?
In cases as this thread is about, tough love is the best love.
In my younger days, I usta associate with some ne'er do wells. In fact I've had the experience of riding handcuffed in the back of police cruiser.
I don't blame it on a bad upbringing, I just had lotsa "wild" in me. In fact my Dad usta call me his "wild Indian."
My associates would also be in and out of jail. They weren't bad guys, just had interests that could be kinda shady.
Anyway, we never expected anyone to bail us out. We took responsibility for our little lapses in judgement. Paid fines or did time and went on with our lives a bit wiser.
I don't blame it on a bad upbringing, I just had lotsa "wild" in me. In fact my Dad usta call me his "wild Indian."
My associates would also be in and out of jail. They weren't bad guys, just had interests that could be kinda shady.
Anyway, we never expected anyone to bail us out. We took responsibility for our little lapses in judgement. Paid fines or did time and went on with our lives a bit wiser.
nachogrande
Member
GIRLFRIENDS GOOD INTENTIONS???
If you choose to reply to her??? My advice would be, GET A JOB. If you can't feed them/ DON'T BREED THEM. Save the money from said job & get your tubes tied. Maybe the boyfriend could get a jailhouse vasectomy. NOT YOUR KID, NOT YOUR RESPONSABILITY. Congrats for trying, but you can't save them all. (nobody can) You were lucky to save your own.
If you choose to reply to her??? My advice would be, GET A JOB. If you can't feed them/ DON'T BREED THEM. Save the money from said job & get your tubes tied. Maybe the boyfriend could get a jailhouse vasectomy. NOT YOUR KID, NOT YOUR RESPONSABILITY. Congrats for trying, but you can't save them all. (nobody can) You were lucky to save your own.
When I was still practicing law many years ago, my first advice to criminal clients was "I will not post bond for you. Don't even ask." There was a reason for that as asking for bond and playing "poor me" is just another way of manipulating people. My advice is absolutely not.
The way I see it is that the person responsible for the problem is responsible for the solution. Don't do the crime f you can't do the time. If his bail is in the thousands, we ain't talkin' a misdemeanor, here.
OP
When the other kid we were helping.....
Talking about the first kid that we helped, not the perpetual jailbird.
They always have a million friends that will get together and bail them out. When the word was put out that he needed help, NOBODY responded. They are all the same kind of losers.
In that case, I did bond him out, after some time. We were appalled at the prison system here, my wife wrote some state representatives. when we were finally able to get him out, he had a bad case of PTSD. It was so bad that the lawyer's assistant drove me around one night to put together enough to get him out. One symptom was that he thought he had bedbugs. He said he saw them, but I never did, but we treated the. room with everything to kill bedbugs. (besides bedbugs were a 'scare' about how they are spreading). I became sure that he was having hallucinations. He was already 'on the edge' but it looked like he was going to fall over the side
Some notes on the prison system here. In our county it's 'private', owned by people in AZ. I agree with Sheriff Joe on a lot of things, but those guys are convicted criminals, this was a county jail. The jail in Charleston County is called the 'Taj Mahal' in comparison.
The system is rigged so that family and friend have pay (like $30 for a few minutes of phone time. They have restricted visiting hours about 2-3 times/ week that is always changing. You can't visit unless the inmate makes an appointment for you. See how this works? I was trying to coordinate some support and communication with the lawyer, but I had to pay. I never was able to visit for the two months he was there.
The staff are uncooperative about anything. I could write a letter, but we needed to converse about things and it would have taken a week to get an answer back. And I'm sure they charged for pen and paper. When the lawyers paralegal and I went to his bond court at 7 pm and paid, we waited in the car until about 12:30 at night. i went to the exit and asked the guard if he had any word with so and so and he just said, "No". While we were there an ambulance was outside flashing, people get sick and hurt there a lot, something is always going on and that locks down the whole place.. We watched people coming out every few minutes. When he got out, he didn't even know we were there so he took off down the road and we had to catch him. It's sure nothing like TV where they bring them out to the people that are bonding them out. They didn't even have a waiting area. We were out in the parking lot in the dark, trying to see if whoever came out was him.
Anyway, the prison is 'outsourced' to a company for profit, and they essentially hold people incommunicado while they charge family and friends for trying to see them, much less arrange release.
About 'girlfriends' who think they can 'change' or do want to. Some friends in our church had a nephew that was walking trouble. That's how my son go into it. By taking him to church. Anyway, the kid was a bum, but had a nice girlfriend. He's now grown, lives a respectful life and he and his girlfriend are still together. My son said I wouldn't believe the change if I saw him. In this case the girl was right. His uncle, a former Marine (who was kind of notorious himself) when we were all kids said, "You have to let them grow up." and he's right. I guess that's why we have a Juvenile systems. Teenagers are prone to go crazy until their brains develop. I figure that if they don't outgrow by the time they are in their early 20's and have't shaped up, like the guy that is in jail now, his chances of 'reform' are slim to none.
Talking about the first kid that we helped, not the perpetual jailbird.
They always have a million friends that will get together and bail them out. When the word was put out that he needed help, NOBODY responded. They are all the same kind of losers.
In that case, I did bond him out, after some time. We were appalled at the prison system here, my wife wrote some state representatives. when we were finally able to get him out, he had a bad case of PTSD. It was so bad that the lawyer's assistant drove me around one night to put together enough to get him out. One symptom was that he thought he had bedbugs. He said he saw them, but I never did, but we treated the. room with everything to kill bedbugs. (besides bedbugs were a 'scare' about how they are spreading). I became sure that he was having hallucinations. He was already 'on the edge' but it looked like he was going to fall over the side
Some notes on the prison system here. In our county it's 'private', owned by people in AZ. I agree with Sheriff Joe on a lot of things, but those guys are convicted criminals, this was a county jail. The jail in Charleston County is called the 'Taj Mahal' in comparison.
The system is rigged so that family and friend have pay (like $30 for a few minutes of phone time. They have restricted visiting hours about 2-3 times/ week that is always changing. You can't visit unless the inmate makes an appointment for you. See how this works? I was trying to coordinate some support and communication with the lawyer, but I had to pay. I never was able to visit for the two months he was there.
The staff are uncooperative about anything. I could write a letter, but we needed to converse about things and it would have taken a week to get an answer back. And I'm sure they charged for pen and paper. When the lawyers paralegal and I went to his bond court at 7 pm and paid, we waited in the car until about 12:30 at night. i went to the exit and asked the guard if he had any word with so and so and he just said, "No". While we were there an ambulance was outside flashing, people get sick and hurt there a lot, something is always going on and that locks down the whole place.. We watched people coming out every few minutes. When he got out, he didn't even know we were there so he took off down the road and we had to catch him. It's sure nothing like TV where they bring them out to the people that are bonding them out. They didn't even have a waiting area. We were out in the parking lot in the dark, trying to see if whoever came out was him.
Anyway, the prison is 'outsourced' to a company for profit, and they essentially hold people incommunicado while they charge family and friends for trying to see them, much less arrange release.
About 'girlfriends' who think they can 'change' or do want to. Some friends in our church had a nephew that was walking trouble. That's how my son go into it. By taking him to church. Anyway, the kid was a bum, but had a nice girlfriend. He's now grown, lives a respectful life and he and his girlfriend are still together. My son said I wouldn't believe the change if I saw him. In this case the girl was right. His uncle, a former Marine (who was kind of notorious himself) when we were all kids said, "You have to let them grow up." and he's right. I guess that's why we have a Juvenile systems. Teenagers are prone to go crazy until their brains develop. I figure that if they don't outgrow by the time they are in their early 20's and have't shaped up, like the guy that is in jail now, his chances of 'reform' are slim to none.
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hoosierone
Member
Short story: Dad and his brother lived together. I was there for a couple weeks while Dad was in the hospital with cancer. Went out on a date. Before I left I bought a six pack and pint of whisky for alcoholic uncle.
Came home to find TV gone. I had bought it for Dad. Turns out Uncle took it to local tavern and sold it for more liquor. I moved out. Saw uncle shortly thereafter at Dad's funeral. He tried to talk to me but I couldn't stomach him. Never saw him again. My fault for enabling.
Came home to find TV gone. I had bought it for Dad. Turns out Uncle took it to local tavern and sold it for more liquor. I moved out. Saw uncle shortly thereafter at Dad's funeral. He tried to talk to me but I couldn't stomach him. Never saw him again. My fault for enabling.
OP
Definitely not.......
...when my son got out of juvenile lock up the first time, he kept his 'friends', which really worked in. The second time, he thought the same, but he was growing out of that idiotic self destructive mindset so he started to distance himself. Now he stays away from them. They are still around here. I told my son that he needed new friends. He only knew street values so it was tough at first because with that mindset you can't relate to 'real' people, but he's making new 'quality friends' now in his business and he realizes where he needs to polish up. He has STILL gotten phone calls from people trying to get him to sell drugs. They won't accept "I don't do that anymore" as a viable answer. But my son is OUT and has no desire to hang with a bunch of losers any more. We tried to raise him right, but for some years he was possessed by demons but he picked up where we left off after he was 'exorcized'.
...when my son got out of juvenile lock up the first time, he kept his 'friends', which really worked in. The second time, he thought the same, but he was growing out of that idiotic self destructive mindset so he started to distance himself. Now he stays away from them. They are still around here. I told my son that he needed new friends. He only knew street values so it was tough at first because with that mindset you can't relate to 'real' people, but he's making new 'quality friends' now in his business and he realizes where he needs to polish up. He has STILL gotten phone calls from people trying to get him to sell drugs. They won't accept "I don't do that anymore" as a viable answer. But my son is OUT and has no desire to hang with a bunch of losers any more. We tried to raise him right, but for some years he was possessed by demons but he picked up where we left off after he was 'exorcized'.
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I would suspect they have come to their senses long ago . . .
OP
Tough love IS the best love......
...but it needs to be played like a fine violin. Kids with deep rooted anger and abandonment issues, and the tremendous pressure put on them to take up the thug life creates very touchy situations. I signed papers to have my son put in the juvenile system (hardest thing I've done in my life) because he was dangerous to live with. Retaliation is a 'must do' for street thugs. It was moot because he had already accumulated charges that caught up with him before they took other action, but I WASN'T going to let him do whatever he wanted and that was the only way to control him. I TOLD him that I had done it and why and that he would miss having three squares, a soft bed and most of all, a loving home that HE abandoned and rejected.
It's sure different than when I was young. You could get in trouble if you went looking for it. Now it finds the kids.
...but it needs to be played like a fine violin. Kids with deep rooted anger and abandonment issues, and the tremendous pressure put on them to take up the thug life creates very touchy situations. I signed papers to have my son put in the juvenile system (hardest thing I've done in my life) because he was dangerous to live with. Retaliation is a 'must do' for street thugs. It was moot because he had already accumulated charges that caught up with him before they took other action, but I WASN'T going to let him do whatever he wanted and that was the only way to control him. I TOLD him that I had done it and why and that he would miss having three squares, a soft bed and most of all, a loving home that HE abandoned and rejected.
It's sure different than when I was young. You could get in trouble if you went looking for it. Now it finds the kids.
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If you feel like you must help someone...
while the bum is in lock up, help the girl find a decent boyfriend... if a decent guy would have her,
On another note. My sons mother said that he should not be hanging around some of his friends.
Thought about it, new the kids and their parents somewhat, and said why not? These kids could use a little influence from a good kid, our son.
Never got into any trouble that I found out about. And they are all now productive members of society.
while the bum is in lock up, help the girl find a decent boyfriend... if a decent guy would have her,
On another note. My sons mother said that he should not be hanging around some of his friends.
Thought about it, new the kids and their parents somewhat, and said why not? These kids could use a little influence from a good kid, our son.
Never got into any trouble that I found out about. And they are all now productive members of society.
HOUSTON RICK
Member
It is not your fight unless you want it to be
Deuce Caboose
Member
Don't do it.
Custody, or a return to it, may provide a singular moment of clarity, as being denied one's liberty tends to get your attention, eventually.
If it does not, much bigger problems are sure to ensue.
Panhandling for bail money? Just how far down are you that this is the plan?
But...
" there's a sucker born every minute".
"Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest"
Don't be "that guy".
Really, don't.
Custody, or a return to it, may provide a singular moment of clarity, as being denied one's liberty tends to get your attention, eventually.
If it does not, much bigger problems are sure to ensue.
Panhandling for bail money? Just how far down are you that this is the plan?
But...
" there's a sucker born every minute".
"Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest"
Don't be "that guy".
Really, don't.
BLACKHAWKNJ
Member
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He and his girlfriend have a baby ? Sorry. but in my world only married people have babies. While he's inside she'll be on the Dole.
