Uh Oh, Weasel Trouble Coming

[steamloco76]

Just what I need for the Christmas Season, an old weasel of a woman trying to manipulate my wife into being her personal servant.

I've known this particular woman and her less than upstanding family for a lot longer than my wife. The Mrs. met her through a ladies auxiliary to which they both belong. The woman is a mid 60's age widow with four adult children and a couple grandkids.
Her favorite activities are gossiping, smoking, drinking and gambling.

Last year she lost her house to Sheriff's sale due to years of back taxes. She poor mouths all the time, tells that she can't heat her apartment and sits in the dark and doesn't eat, and can't afford her meds and, and, and. Funny, she always has a few dollars to smoke and drink, with a fair amount more money to gamble! If she runs out of gambling money, she sponges a few dollars off some of the 'soft touches' at the club.

Now her Chevy Blazer blew-up because she never checked the oil. She's been all over my wife with her tales of woe every time we go to the club. Now she got our phone number and has been calling with updates to her 'situation'. She has my wife feeling bad and now the Mrs. says "Don't be surprised if I start giving Weasel Woman rides to the store, doctor and the club."

I put my foot down- my wife is now on disability retirement and wears a molded cast/shoe on both feet. She is supposed to stay off her feet as much as she can. Taking care of our errands is just about the maximum before she starts having problems. So I don't need her doing all kinds of stuff for Weasel Woman. Also, this sponge is famous for pulling money from anyone whom she can graft onto. I can see her grocery shopping and taking a $150 order to the counter knowing she only has $80 or so, then laying the doe eyes guilt trip on my wife to "Pick up the tab just this once". We are NOT rolling in money these days, as my income is very much tied into to health of the local small business economy, which isn't so good these days!

My wife thinks I'm being a bit of a mean spirit for saying no way, but I've witnessed the Weasel Woman sponge her way from person to person over the past decade.

[bamabiker]

I don't mind helping someone in true need but when there is a history and they don't try to help themselves...

[25elk]

I don't know how long you and your wife have been together, but I have found that in my marriage if I have the audacity to tell my wife not to do...or I think she should not do...something, it is tantamount to a command TO DO that thing I think she shouldn't. You are a brave soul or have an extremely compliant spouse if you get away with forbidding her to help this other woman. Good luck.

[Jinglebob]

The world has its share of Weasel women and men.

When I was a kid, we had a neighbor like that. Both she and her husband were alcoholics. They sponged off everyone in the neighborhood. My dad said enough when several loans were never repaid. When the neighborhood folks finally quit helping them, they moved—or more likely got evicted.

[blujax01]

Originally Posted by steamloco76

...
Her favorite activities are gossiping, smoking, drinking and gambling.
....

And her S&W Forum Username is...?

[030201_S&W]

There are some that pray on the handicapped, beware of this but use truth. 3 lies tell U the truth of it all. Many need to learn the truth the hard way. Hope not. One neighbor, lost his job, sat around for 2 years complaining of a bad back and riding his Harley, found a job, abandoned his house, backed into the front of it with the moving van and took a week to get moved out. The place is now fixed back up with new owners that complain about race all the time. Don't figure, wish to move ? And these are highly educated people doing this. Should one believe over educated in all the wrong places ? Seems in the toilet !

Merry Christmas _ Happy New Year & disregard the above. LOL

[shouldazagged]

Check YouTube for Weird Al Yankovic's "Weasel Stomping Day", just for S&G.

You don't help people that deeply rooted in the habit of sponging by continually bailing them out. The term most often used is "enabling". I'm a pretty soft touch, but my resources are extremely limited. If I'm going to help someone it had better be someone who is at least trying.

As for putting your foot down with your wife...good luck!

[gdnagle]

The woman is a mid 60's age widow with four adult children and a couple grandkids.



And where are he kids to take care of her?


Her favorite activities are gossiping, smoking, drinking and gambling.


It ceases to amaze me how many people on low or no income always have money for this and drugs.

Me I help people who need it when I can but I tell the little lady charity begins at home, take care of your own, I didn't work my whole life to go on disability to support someone that doesn't want to help themselves.

You don't have any Wal-Marts around there they are always hiring, maybe you wife or you could take her there so she can put in a application of employment.

[Bekeart]

You and your wife should check the net for information about being an enabler. (AA of other 12 step programs will have the information)

An enabler is a person who by their actions make it easier for an addict to continue their self-destructive behavior by criticizing or rescuing. The term codependency refers to a relationship where one or both parties enable the other to act in certain maladaptive ways. Many times, the act of the enabler satisfies a need for the codependent person because his or her actions foster a need from the other person or persons in the relationship.

An enabler is highly skilled at putting guilt on anyone who does NOT contribute to enabling their habits/actions.

[chuckster57]

Originally Posted by bamabiker

I don't mind helping someone in true need but when there is a history and they don't try to help themselves...

That's for sure. Wife's friend has a sister, never worked a day on her life. Found out we have a few dollars left at the end of the month, and had the nerve on face book to ask us specifically for a couple of gallons of milk. She always has cigarette money. A couple of years ago my wife went soft and bought all the kids Christmas gifts.

[tomtheturner]

Steamloco: I probably shouldn't be giving advice, because my wife is the same way. She can't tell the difference between people who are truly needy, and people that are just using her. I have gone along with many of her attempts to help, but I have put my foot down a few times with a very forceful -NO-

Since I have done the "no" thing few times in our many years together she backs off. She may not stop completely, but it stops her from getting carried away. It is hard to get real upset with a woman with a heart of gold.

Good Luck.
Tom

[BC38]

If she has family she is their responsibility. Is she their fiscal role model - meaning they waste their resources too - so much so that they let mom/grandma starve in an unheated, dark apartment?

Smokes - $5 a pack
Booze - $15 a bottle
Gambling - $$$ down the drain

Sorry, but if you have the money for those non-essential items, then you don't need or deserve charity IMO. Encouraging someone to make better choices, rather than making it easy for them to make poor choices (enabling) is not hard-hearted. Its in their best interest.

[shouldazagged]

An enabler is a person who by their actions make it easier for an addict to continue their self-destructive behavior by criticizing or rescuing. The term codependency refers to a relationship where one or both parties enable the other to act in certain maladaptive ways. Many times, the act of the enabler satisfies a need for the codependent person because his or her actions foster a need from the other person or persons in the relationship.

You're right, and I've seen it from the perspective of the addict, the enabler and the professional who treated both kinds of people for over twenty years. But let's keep this just a little simpler, shall we? Like most alcoholics, I didn't sober up until enough doors had closed in my face. People who made it easy for me to continue destroying myself were unintentionally helping to kill me. I don't know if this weasel is an alcoholic or compulsive gambler or not; but she is not being helped in any true sense by being carried by folks with kind intentions who are vulnerable to her pitch.

That doesn't assure that Mrs. OP will stop saving the woman's bacon, but it's the cold truth.

[Coaltminer]

I thought all Weasels lived in Washington, DC.

[timn8er]

Sounds like you need to drive a stake through the weasel's heart, because she sure sounds like a vampire to me! Constantly leaching off all around her. Like gdnagle mentioned, if she has four adult children, why aren't they helping her? She probably drove them away with her constant panhandling, or they are just as shiftless. If you could get your wife to do it, I would tell her to start asking the weasel for loans & stuff the minute she sees her or calls. Turn the table! I think that once she sees the well has run dry she'll move on. Good luck!

[carpriver]

your wife well continue to enable this women and reward her behavior. if your wife decides to provide help to this women she will get used and abused and then learn the hard way. The weasel women has done this for years and has the talent to suck people into her life and problems. she has probably burned her children out and all of her friends. This is why she has glommed on to your wife ; she is the next victim.

All you can do is tell your wife how you feel and ask her to try not let herself get used. It may help to remind her of your own financial situation.

I have found the best way to avoid people like this is when it's shopping time and they get to the check out tell them you are going to get the car and bring to the exit. that way you aren't there to mooch off when the final bill it rung up.

Don't get me wrong I will help people when they are down , but when someone makes a loving mooching off society.

[BearBio]

I'm lucky. My wife is my best friend and we have a really great relationship. She has been in that situation several times. Usually, pointing out the problem is sufficient. Sometimes, I have to point out the "facts" a couple of times. My wife is also the most intelligent woman I know (BA with honors, a graduate degree). For good or bad, I am autistic (high functioning) and observe relationships from the outside.

[Grayfox]

I go along with everything that's already been said.
But I can also add that I've been in a similar situation. My wife was a good hearted woman too. And there were people who tried to take advantage. Despite my warnings, she would help those who she considered in need. She finally did wake up and learn to say no, but in the meantime it cost us.
I hope your wife can learn that lesson before its too late.

[DCWilson]

Originally Posted by Coaltminer

I thought all Weasels lived in Washington, DC.

Some, to be sure, but not all.

Weasels are randomly distributed throughout all of society and every identifiable subgroup. People who see them in only one context may benefit from turning their heads and pointing their eyes in other directions.

I hate to break it to you, but you are surrounded. The only good thing is that the widely distributed weasel population is thin on the ground compared to people who actually pull their own weight.

[030201_S&W]

I give $5 a year to one standing on the corner panhandling. LOL

[steamloco76]

Well, the Mrs. and I went to the club for the children's Christmas party. Weasel Woman had her five day old granddaughter there to share and made sure my wife held her for a long time. Then she said she'd be in touch to go shopping
My wife and I argued about Weasel Woman and the wife's growing club gambling problem most of the afternoon today. Christmas is going to SUCK this year. My wife wants to help the human sponge, and she wants to drop $25 to $100 gambling on games with $100 payouts. I don't see an upside to this and I can't post what she just told me she felt about my opinion of Weasel Woman and my Mrs. gambling.

How do I get myself into this garbage?

[steamloco76]

Originally Posted by Grayfox

I go along with everything that's already been said.
But I can also add that I've been in a similar situation. My wife was a good hearted woman too. And there were people who tried to take advantage. Despite my warnings, she would help those who she considered in need. She finally did wake up and learn to say no, but in the meantime it cost us.
I hope your wife can learn that lesson before its too late.

I deeply love my wife, but when she gets an idea inter her head, she's about as logical and easy to persuade as a prime Jack Mule. One pain in the posterior stubborn old ....

[LVSteve]

I read the original post and Minnie the Moocher popped into my head. Good luck, OP.

[PatAz]

Where are the kids? They have probably already learned their lesson.

[DeathGrip]

Originally Posted by steamloco76

I deeply love my wife, but when she gets an idea inter her head, she's about as logical and easy to persuade as a prime Jack Mule. One pain in the posterior stubborn old ....

I fully understand.

[Damn Yankee]

God helps those that help themselves,





And God help those who get caught helping themselves.



It' a good thing that you are not required to renew your marriage license like drivers license, I see their would be a few bachelors on this site.

[H Richard]

I would drop my membership in that club that seems to be the source of all your trouble and find a new place to associate.

[Old Seabee]

Social justice: The concept of charging the government to take wealth from those who have been productive and redistribute it to individuals who have not been productive in order to prevent them from ever being motivated enough to attain social , economical or mental independence . ( Modern Slavery)

[BrianE]

Originally Posted by H Richard

I would drop my membership in that club that seems to be the source of all your trouble and find a new place to associate.

Agreed!

Then, I'd answer the phone when the DB calls and tell her how ya feel! The wife will be happy you did, cause she may not be able to say those things in knowing it may hurt her feelings.

[John F.]

In my line of work, I've seen waaaay too much of this type situation over the years. I'd turn off Weasel Woman in the sharpest terms possible, and get the heck out of that club NOW. Don't leave it up to your wife to do -- apparently that's not in her nature. Some people get a feeling of "self-worth" from helping others. That's fine, except when they haven't got the ability to use proper judgement, consider the overall situation, and set limits.

Your wife's reported beginning signs of possible gambling addiction are extremely serious. I'd talk to her openly, but not judgmentally or harshly about your concerns and ask her most seriously to quit -- to nip it in the bud. If she can't or won't, at some point down the line, you may well be needing a lawyer. Yes, it's THAT serious. This is no time to hold back, your marriage may depend on it. If she persists on this path, at least you have been warned and can take pro-active steps accordingly, as you see fit.

Sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes "blunt" is what's needed.

Good luck, and all best wishes!
John

[030201_S&W]

If gambling is what it is lock down the accounts. The ship has sailed.

[030201_S&W]

Happy Holiday ?

[wbraswell]

Try to find a way to contact her kids. Ask them if they know the supposed dispair their Mother is in. They should give you the straight story.

[bgrone]

Originally Posted by John F.

In my line of work, I've seen waaaay too much of this type situation over the years. I'd turn off Weasel Woman in the sharpest terms possible, and get the heck out of that club NOW. Don't leave it up to your wife to do -- apparently that's not in her nature. Some people get a feeling of "self-worth" from helping others. That's fine, except when they haven't got the ability to use proper judgement, consider the overall situation, and set limits.

Your wife's reported beginning signs of possible gambling addiction are extremely serious. I'd talk to her openly, but not judgmentally or harshly about your concerns and ask her most seriously to quit -- to nip it in the bud. If she can't or won't, at some point down the line, you may well be needing a lawyer. Yes, it's THAT serious. This is no time to hold back, your marriage may depend on it. If she persists on this path, at least you have been warned and can take pro-active steps accordingly, as you see fit.

Sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes "blunt" is what's needed.

Good luck, and all best wishes!
John

AMEN!!!!!!!!

[030201_S&W]

How are thing hanging now ?