I had a dear drive me home one night. But I was too drunk to finish her off.

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SOS USA

There's a gun shop not far from where I live, and the staff there are about as full of bull as anywhere I've ever shopped. A few examples...


They had a Tokarev 1941 rifle on display, which they claimed was from the personal collection of a "contractor" who had just returned from Afghanistan. What follows is the back-story on the rifle told to me while I was inspecting it.

" This rifle was the personal weapon of the contractor's local guide, which he carried with him during the year they worked together. When his tour of duty was over, the local guide gave him that rifle in appreciation for having done such a "good job" while in-country..."

The sales clerk promptly shut up when I flipped the rifle onto its side and showed him the "Century Arms St ALB VT" stamp on the receiver. I suggested he dial back the Bravo Sierra in his sales pitch, especially if it becomes obvious that the potential buyer knows a little bit about the firearm being inspected.

There were several rifles from the aforementioned "contractor's" personal collection there, a Chinese MAK-90 with a 6-position CAR-15 stock attached, several well-used Romanian AKs, all with similar stories. " That rifle was probably cruising the streets of Kabul this time last year", and stuff like that. I understand the need to embellish a little to make a sale, but such outright BS makes it impossible to take anything they say seriously. What's going to happen when they tell that to someone who really HAS "seen the elephant"?


As it turns out, I am related to the owner by marriage, and he loves telling a tall tale as much as his staff! Even though I get "family" prices, I rarely stop into his shop, except for an occasional box of bullets. I can get FFL transfers for less from a friend in the business, someone who doesn't insult my intelligence. It's a shame how this shop is, because, if I've figured them out, I'm sure many other shooters in town have, as well. Crazy stories might work on impressionable newbies, but we're not far from Ft. Campbell, which has many, many veterans from both Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't think they enjoy having their cranks yanked any more than this civilian shooter...

A close friend seriously believes his 357 Sig fires "smart" bullets in that they can tell if they are penetrating hard or soft material and behave accordingly. Who knows he may be correct but I'm skeptical.

Yeah, it's easy to deal with gunshop idiots. You can just walk away. My former father-in-law once cornered me. He brought out an ordinary Remington 11-48, or maybe an 11-58, 20-gauge, probably a full-choke barrel with bead front sight. No sooner had he handed it to me for inspection than he starts in with a story about how he can hit a dime with it at fifty-yards with deer slugs. (No telling how many dimes he has wasted. )

So what do you do with that situation?

Even dumb bullets can do that- they know when something is soft and go deeper.

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Regards,
Lee Jarrett

I had no idea I would need muck boots to read this thread. This is my contribution to this thread: I always thought noodling for catfish was right there in the Bravo Sierra file. Until one day I was talking about it and a guy said hold on… And walked a ways down the creek… and in front of us walked in… leaned over and pulled out a rather large catfish on the end of his arm… !!! I thought for sure he was going to be missing fingers and there would be a well fed snapper under there. He just tossed her back in and had a huge smile while we were all rolling on the ground laughing. Never doubt some of these country boys. They may just not be lying!!!

I've seen noodling on TV. I thought with my luck, If I tried that the fishes just prior meal would have been a cottonmouth.

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SOS USA

Last summer a semi-frequent customer was in the GS where I work at lunchtime. Had on his usual 'tactical clothing' and his work badge photo-ID on from the nearby plant where he works.

As he prepared to leave, he stated 'Well, I'm not sure when I'll see you again - let's just say I'm 'out-of-country' for awhile in a place that can get really hot, working for an agency that doesn't exist."

It made for a Hollywood-dramatic exit. Diet Coke came out of my nose.
Where do these guys come up with this stuff?

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Ret'd LEO
SWCA #2275

If you really want to hear some BS, you need to sit at the counter in a truck stop for a while....

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Insert short witty words here

Once worked with a fellow who had a bodacious collection of military stories, middle east pipe line stories, skyscraper construction stories, high bridge construction, Dam construction, Burma railroads, Indianapolis racing, etc, etc...you name it, he had done it. Any one of the stories by itself would be told in great detail and be reasonably believable, and usually quite interesting and entertaining. My favorite story was one of his less believable tales about being caught in a Korean War artillery barrage and the hits were so close they blew of all his clothes except his socks and BVDs and he walked away unscathed except for loss of hearing for a couple of days. One of the guys finally started taking notes of when and where these stories were taking place, and after a few months worth of stories, determined the storyteller was something over 90 years old not counting being born and raised and that he was also capable of being in more than one place around the world, at the same time....

Aww man you guys are cracking me up. Keep them coming.

I work with a guy who just told me that all the modern and even old motorcycles out there have magnesium blocks. Apparently, that was the reason his buddy wouldn't weld on his block. (this is a 2000 SRAD mind you) Because it was an all magnesium block. Giggity.

When I told him I picked up a .22lr he was so unimpressed because it was a, "girls gun" or some such nonsense. Then we went to the range and I loaded up a 25 round magazine and brought the rifle to his lane. Yeah, he loved it...then went on to tell me that the DE .50 he was going to buy would be so much more accurate because of the larger caliber. Ohh, and the .50's don't kick either...you can get back on target instantly compared to my ****** .22. And he has been looking for one for months and can't find them (I have already sourced about 4 of them without even trying in the last week or so)...and they are the most powerful pistol on the market...and he had no interest firing one of a friends .50's because he wants a black pistol and the one my other buddy owns is ss. (so of course shooting a ss version is a horrible idea)...and you need a special license/permit to own one because, "they didn't serve a purpose because the caliber is so large"

I don't even know what that means LOL

Maybe I'll pick up the M&P .357 I have been eyeballing and we can see who gets the tightest group. Afterall it will be my little girly .357 against his hand-cannon LOL

I think he must have forgotten that I have been around pistols/rifles most of my life...and that is not me tooting my horn because I have no illusions of grandeur. The guy just makes me laugh.

Two of my co-workers are the biggest BS artists I've been around in awhile. A couple of months ago they were stuck on mids together, I heard the 1 bs'er got up and slammed his door because they other guy didn't quick talking for a solid 8 hours. Later the door slammer, who can tell some tall tails his own self said " a little embellishment for entertainment purposes is fine, but I can't take out and out lying." We all chuckled because this guy can tell some whoppers.

A couple of my favs, he once shot an antelope so far out that he shot, ejected the empty, had time to pick it up and pocket the brass, before the round hit and the antelope fell over dead!

He once had a GTO whose favorite snacks was corvettes, and he made it from Great Falls to Shelby in 16 minutes, this is a distance of 90 miles, mind you it is Montana and it is on I-15, but we figured his mean speed one time and unless he had an afterburner, no way of course.

I don't mind a whopper told with a twinkle in the eye so everyone knows it's a joke, but the guys that tell 'em with straight faces and really think you're gonna believe them are the ones I have no patience with, and will usually walk away. Worse yet are the motor mouth know it alls who WON'T shut up, because then it's not even a conversation, it's a lecture.

Good thing I'm so perfect...

We had a guy like that at my work once. He always had something outragious happen over the weekend. Every Monday, he had a new story to tell. The one that sticks out the most was his trip back from Georgia when he rolled his truck 16 times, of course we were all shocked and asked how he made it to work and if he was in the hospital. He said no, his truck landed on all fours and drove it home. The guy had no scratches and his truck looked fine out in the parking lot. Last I heard he was being kicked out of the Navy for mental issues, he was considered a pathological liar.

I'm a guessin' Y'all are so hung up on lies and false stories you aren't ready for a true one. Way back in the 1970s I picked up a trusty M19. Its still a great gun. But to compliment it one day I was gun show browsing and found a real nice M1892 Winny. The problem with it was it had been kind of shot out in the past and had been re-bored to .357 and chambered for that caliber. I turned out to have a minor problem with feeding rounds beyond the second one in the tublar mag. It was still a fairly nice looking old gun, and it did shoot pretty accruately. Meaning I could hit a fair size target at close range with it.

One day we were out at our local plinking place and a hot shot young'n came along with is high performance ugly black gun. He was having trouble keeping his shots on paper. Some would, some wouldn't. For whatever reason those enamored with black semi-autos just must prove their manhood by showing rapidfire performance to us oldies. Its not impressive when they fire 8 or 10 times and only put half that many holes on a foot square chunk of paper.

Well that day I had along the old M92. So I set about twisting a yarn about how it was the early version of a full auto. But of course it did have the problem of not feeding more than 2 shells after the first.

And I admitted my poor ability to fix it, but then firing 3 quick shots on target, and doing it so fast you only heard one boom was good enough. After all, we'd spent an hour or two watching the finest in foreign black guns having trouble keeping half its shots on paper. I assured the guy that even in my middle age (then, now I'm old) I could manage to work the action faster than the eye could see and put 3 pretty well aimed shots at the same size target.

Of course the guy's BS detector was going off and he insisted I prove my ability.

And in an unrelated event (well, kind of) one of our local promoters put on gun shows down in Paris, KY. Jerry Taylor put on small shows and he usually displayed half the tables with his odd ball ammo. I'm a known sucker for that stuff. One of his liquidation specials was 3 ball loads of OOO buck in a 357 shell casing. Its kind of a home defense buckshot load for a 357 chambered round.

So when the above hot shot insisted I prove my ability and the worthiness of my ancient M92, I agreed. And I did load up 3 rounds out of my shooting bag. The first one was one of the special loads. The other 2 were just oddball loads. OK, the guys I shoot with knew the game and were smiling, congratulating me on how fast I worked the lever. And sure enough that target had 3 holes in it, probably spreading maybe 5 or 6" at the short distance we'd been shooting. When the guy called my bluff and wanted to bet me I couldn't do it again, I just agreed to try. Of course, no guarantees.

But loading it up again was simple, and all that was heard was a second quick 3 shot string. And my friends all were hooting and hollaring about how good I was with that ancient full auto Winchester. And sure enough, the target paper then had 6 holes in it!

The sucker in this example knew he was being horn-swaggled, but he wasn't sharp enough to figure out our trick. Guess he'd never seen or heard of multi-ball loads. Who cared that my 2nd and 3rd shots went wild into the hillside. All I had to shoot was a target with 3 holes. Any fool could do that (with the 3 ball loads.)

No one ever accused me of playin' fair and square.

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Dick Burg

haha thank you for that story, i will be passing it on for years, may even use my own name in there a time or two.

*UPDATE*

Guy at work told me that he saw the "thrilla in Manilla" LIVE this man is 40 years old. He said how hot it was, had details. this is the same guy with the 300 foot tall oak tree.

Should have told him to turn the a/c on next time he watches it on tv.

bump, i need more humorous reading material

My nieghbor up the street has a mount room filled with all different types of animals he has "hunted". He has a story about each one taken and I noticed the story is different on each one everytime. One day I was talking with his son and I brought up his fathers hunting and he said the only thing my Dad ever "hunts" is the auction and garage sales 'cause thats were they all came from.

First off I dont have many cause you know what they say about "Birds of a feather" But I do have one.

I was at my local hiring hall it was winter and a bunch of the retirees were hanging out play'n dime quarter draw poker drinking free coffee. When one of the old timers saw a fellow of our acquaintance coming in, now we all knew this fellows penchant for telling bigger and betters. (You know the type if you got one, he's got a bigger one.) Now the old timer said to us “watch this I’m going to get this guy going”. Well bigger and better came down stairs and we were sitting there and the old timer starts talking like he was in the middle of a story and soon B&B says ,what you guys talk’n bout? The old timer says he was just tell’n us about his dad’s double barrel pump shot gun. Well ol’ B&B says ya I got 2 of them at home in the closet. Now the old timer has him. “Will you sell one to me he asks”? No can’t do that. “Well how about you run home and let us at least look at them” No he doesn’t have the time. So the old timer says he will run home with the guy just to look at’m. “No old B&B had kids asleep and he didn’t want to wake’em up getting in the closet. He just kept digging himself deeper and deeper. And then he went on to tell us about his 45 lb house cat.

The best hunting dog I ever had was the result of an accident by my grandfather.

We were all asleep in the hunting tent one night, including our rabbit dog, Lady. Something stirred Lady and she went for the door barking like all get out. Grandpa, still half asleep, grabbed up an axe and headed for the door to see what was up. Unhappily, he tripped over me and the axe fell and cut Lady in half, right across the middle. Grandpa, a quick thinker, grabbed the two halves and stuck them back together. Well, Lady healed just fine, but seeing at how it was all dark and everything, Grandpa didn't get the two halves lined up right. So she had two front legs that were right side up and two back legs that were on the opposite side of her body.

It weren't no problem chasing rabbits though. She'd run on the front legs until she got tired and then she'd flip over and run on the back two. The rabbits just couldn't get away.

And that's the truth.

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You are what you learn.