Have any of you ever lost a friend or failed to deepen a friendship/relationship because of your interest in firearms?

Twenty five years ago I was dating a woman who was a gifted artist. I felt like we hit it off on many levels, but one day after speaking to an old friend on the phone she asked me what we had talked about, not in an rude way, just curious. I explained that my friend and I had enjoyed shooting rifles and reloading, and we were reminiscing about those times. It was like I threw water in her face. She became hostile, insisted I get rid of any guns I might still have, and break off any associations with friends who shared this interest. I tried to reason with her, but from her perspective I had just become the antichrist.

Long story short, I explained that while guns were not more valuable to me than her, my experiences and friendships that had developed around hunting, skeet shooting, and the outdoor sporting lifestyle, were part of who I was and if she couldn't accept them she would not be happy with me for very long. End of relationship. I subsequently met and married my wife and mother of my three children, and couldn't be happier with the way things turned out.

Then, recently, my daughter (7years old at the time) developed a friendship with a classmate who lived a short distance away. Her parents are vegetarian, yoga practicing new age types. I have nothing against any of that, and was happy with the friendship my daughter had found. One day, the child's parents called to set up a play-date. My wife suggested an alternative day because we were going target shooting (as a family). The child's family immediately stated that their child was not allowed to come to our house and they were not comfortable with the relationship any longer. I tried to explain that our firearms were locked safely away, and we teach safe gun handling to our children, but that it was a multigenerational family tradition, not a terrorist activity. Unfortunately there was no reasoning with them. Mention guns to some people and you'd think you just grew horns or asked them to hunt baby seals.

Anyone else have any extreme reactions as a result of normal, responsible gun ownership or sportsmanship activities? It sort of makes you feel dizzy, and disoriented, when hunting and responsible defense of your family are viewed as aberrant and criminal behaviors. And this is in rural Vermont. What's it like in other states? It might help me deal with the total absurdity of it all to know what and how others are dealing with.

Bewildered in VT
Hastings

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Hastings

It's a sad commentary. We've got some of these folks here too, and I find the judgmentalism masked in rectitude and absolute certainty to be very repellant. I am sorry your daughter lost a friend, but she is gaining experience in real values education. You're in the right here. Later your daughter may choose to become an accomplished hunter, shooter, and outdoorswoman. Too bad the other child will not have that opportunity.


Bullseye

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Five screws and 3-1/2 inches.

I'd be willing to bet those parents don't have any male children.

My sister was anti gun and swore that her children would never have any toy guns. That lasted until her first born was about 3 1/2 when she found that anything that bore even a broadly passing resemblence to a gun could be used in "shootouts". When he was 4 or 5 I caught her purchasing toy pop guns for both my nephew and his little sister who was at the tag along stage. When I called her on that purchase I learned that little boys can be quite immoveable in some respects, meaning that acquiring and using "weapons" is probably instinctive and resistance is futile. She felt that pop guns were a lot safer than a stick sharpened on a sidewalk.

hastings, over the years i've passed on relationships with women that had basically the same reaction as the one you mentioned.
if they couldn't or wouldn't understand that just because someone owns guns they're not son of sam then there's no use in investing any time in them.

I grew up in NC and lived most of my adult life in SC. We just don't see that kind of attitude down here ... except for some of the transplants.


Charlie

Good riddance. I only associate with gun owners!
Just kidding. But I do have a buddy who's mother won't let him keep a gun in the house.

The fact this Woman insisted you get rid of your guns and break off any contact with your like-minded friends tells me what she was looking for. She wanted an adult male person she could control. She certainly wasn't interested in a Man.
I'd look her up, she's probably in Congress today.

Been there. If it's a problem, you should know up front. When my wife and I first started seeing each other, she came to visit me at my island cabin. I had an old Winchester '94 hanging on the wall in the loft. When she came up the steps and spied it there across the loft (my bedroom), she said: "Is that a Winchester '94?" When I answered in the affirmative, she said: "I've got two of those". As we moved forward with our relationship, I realized (among other things) that I had bought a gun safe that was too small....

I live in a hotbed of New Age and liberal idiocy -- Santa Fe, NM -- and have had quite a few possible friendships go south once people learned that I have guns and like to shoot. I refuse to hide what I do and if people disapprove, well, that's their problem.

Very early one morning, I was pulling out of my driveway to go hunting when a neighbor (and "kind of" friend) out walking her dog asked me where I was going so early. When I told her, she expressed the hope that I found nothing to shoot. I asked her since when she had become a vegetarian. Funny, she hasn't asked us to dinner since.

And when people learn that I have guns, they often say, "but at least you don't have one on you right now!" That's the only time that I do keep my mouth shut.

One odd thing. Several times I have run into guys at my gun club (about an hour's drive from Santa Fe) who I know in town and who have never mentioned guns or shooting. When I do see them there (sighting in their rifles), they have asked me not to bring up shooting when we are around other people. It's as though I had seen them at a strip club! It's really sad when the anti-gun zealots scare gun people into silence.

Thank goodness I'm married to a woman who likes to shoot!

This is great.

To the original poster...............count yourself very lucky!! Just think how miserable your life would have been if you had married that harpy!!!

Don

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Laus Deo! <><

Yup, she's a keeper!

This brings back memories. When I was looking for a wife I once dated a real nice looking gal that went to UC Berkeley. A better uneducated gal I've never been around. Everyting was Taboo except wild sex & drinking. No smoking, church, guns, violence, etc. Of course she had a baby girl out of wedlock [Not Mine] But that was understandable she said. I wonder where she is today?Probably in Govt. Service.

Want some irony?
I'll try to make this quick.

When I lived in Nashville, a buddy who had his CCW license was starting to date this smokin' hot chick singer. Now, the vast majority of the U.S. musical community is extremely liberal and this chanteuse was no exception. (We came to call her "Sheila Of The Nasty Ol' Gun".) He put up with it because hey, she WAS smokin' hot, c'mon. He never said anything to her about being a gun owner.

Anyway, at one point she noticed that he was carrying when they were on a date and, right there on the street, LOST HER MIND on this guy. A loud, tearful tirade that went on for a couple of minutes about how she didn't want to be within a mile of a gun, and all they're good for is hurting people, and since he had one, he must be another sadistic XXXXXX too.

Ol' bud had a bellyfull and decided,"Date's over." but being the gentleman that he was brought up to be, he decided to walk her home the few blocks from where they were. On the way there, a couple meth heads came out from an alley, pointed pistols at my friend and his former date, and "requested" their money. Chick singer says to my bud, "You have a gun too! Shoot them, you idiot!"

Two non-life threatening 9mm's to his leg and a trip to the E.R. later, my bud told her, "You're proof positive that liberals are more dangerous than any gun could ever be."

Beach Elvis, the only lesson that bimbo took from the encounter was that she was right about guns to begin with, and would never consider her big mouth was responsible for his injuries. People like that are toxic - they hardly ever learn.

Yeppir, can't fix stupid.

Re: The original post. Not to quibble, but I thought clubs were the preferred weapon for baby seals. She probably wouldn't have let you play baseball either

I cannot answer this and not get pinged for sounding all political. So instead I will just put on my tinfoil hat once again and remind everyone that Hollywood may just be winning.

What might surprise you is the number of liberals I know who love to shoot. My wife has eight brothers who all voted for Obama, hate Scott Walker and seven of them are avid hunters and shooters. The only one who doesn't was a combat infantryman in Vietnam, scarred by the experience, and now does not keep guns around. I have another buddy, former state ACLU board member, who owns several guns and loves to shoot. A third, a leftish fine art photographer, is an avid collector. Then I have a law school buddy who hunted as a kid, but no longer has any interest in hunting or guns. But he has a 20-year-old college sophomore son who came back for the holidays, called me up and wanted to buy me a cigar. He and his dad were both tickled when I suggested we go to the range first before sitting down to burn one. Dad declined to accompany us, but I called my son and we three made a fine afternoon of it. OTOH, an ex girlfriend who is the young man's godmother has been heard to say I have corrupted her godson.

But living as I do near a liberal city, and being of a leftish bent myself, I must confess I do run into folks who can't countenance guns. The worst was a granola-headed fellow upon whom my pal Petey and I relied for occasional specialist work on our English 3-speeds. Petey warned me not to bring up guns in front of this guy, but one day Petey was at his house after a trip to the range and some .22 brass fell out of his pants cuff. As Petey described it, the chill was palpable, and he can no longer get his calls returned. I don't know yet if I have been tarred by association.

Marshwheeling,Whats an English 3-speed?

And,Yes you have most likely been tarred.

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Dum vivo cano

A bicycle.
Flickr: 3-Speed Bicycle Lovers

Pretty much what I thought.Nice.

The more I look the more I like.

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Dum vivo cano

I am fairly new to firearms ownership. My interactions with people although few have been very telling. The first type is like talking to someone on the forum, what do you carry and how etc... The second type are those who are not comfortable with fire arms but understand and accept that others have them. The last are the think like I think do only what I do crowd. I get along great with the first two. The last group I really can't do anything about. If I sold my revolver they would see something else that I was doing wrong.

Lets say it this way. I have never lost a friend due to the fact that I have some guns. Now the weird part my lovely wife dont care for guns at all because her grandfather committed suicide with a 22 rifle. I have cleaned the gun and it is in storage in a safe place. Now the bad news. I have a son that is a little **** ball that can outshoot me. He gets to go shooting with his childhood buddies all the time. But my son will let me clean the ones he shoots. I am the person who will also defend my right to have guns when I have to. Most people that I have to defend my rights to are the ones that I call city slickers. They have never needed a gun and nobody else needs one either.

First, I am quite surprised by some (all?) of the foregoing accounts.

Second, I am the one and ONLY gun toter in my rather large circle of friends. Nary a one of them is at all concerned that I CWW; I am not concerned that they do not CCW.

Third, I would NEVER allow an inanimate object determine the course of a friendship(s.)

Be safe.

My story goes the other direction from the OP's. When I met my wife, her stance was "no guns in my house period!" I finally convinced her that nobody was going to break in, load my cap & ball revolver and shoot us in our sleep. Then she started thinking that it wasn't such a bad idea to have a home defense gun. Recently she was very supportive of my decision to obtain my CCW. Now she has "ordered" me to go to the range weekly to practice! I knew there was a reason I married this woman.

My dad had come back from WWII and he and my mother had married. One day she came in and pointed a finger at the bedroom and said, "there are guns in our closet." My dad said that they are and they are his guns. She told him to get the guns out of the house or she'd leave. My dad, who grew up in the Hills/Mountains of Northern Alabama on a farm/ranch went into the closet, came out with suitcase and started packing her clothes. She ask him what he was doing and he said helping you pack to leave. After much tears and snot, she told my father that it was ok to keep the guns, but don't load any of them in the house. He started packing the suit case again and my mother ask him what he was doing and he told her packing her clothes so she could leave. He told her that there was a loaded FN 9mm Short Pistol in his bedside drawer and a loaded 9mm FN GP35 in the closet..

My mother gave up on the gun thing and wouldn't touch a gun.
I had them in my room and ammo for them as a young man. She didn't like it but my father made the man decisions in our home.

We went on a family picknic at a range once. My mother watched my young daughters shoot and she ask how they could do that. They told her it was fun and to come try it.
My mother, then in her late 50s, decided that shooting was fun and she and my dad had many enjoyable times at the local range. She shot my three inch 36 and decided she liked that gun. I gave it to her and that was her gun from then on until she passed and I got it back. Used to have to take her to the range every now and then to shoot after my dad died.

Funny how some folks have misconceptions about firearms and those who use and carry them. All of my daughters and my son are shooters. The wife and husbands of my children are also shooter.
All 9 of my grandchildren are shooters.

The first date my wife and I had was to go shoot clay pigeons.....

Rule 303

Hi:
Back at the beginning of time, I was single and lost a number of girl friends when they discovered I was a "Cop" and carried a GUN!
They thought that I already had two strikes 1. being a COP 2. Owned a GUN.
I had mutual friends that were "Anti Gun" also.
Fast forward to the 1968 riots. These "Anti Gun" friends suddenly wants to "Borrow" a gun and ammo for home defense as the Police was unable to be camped out at their home to defend them.
A favorite quoto of :
"What is a right wing conservative? A left wing libel who has been mugged!"

So, they don't call 'em "English Racers" anymore? That's what we called 'em, back in the 60s when I was growing up.

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I always take precautions

Depends, I reckon. If I have a friend that is not in to guns, that's okay. They probably like to do things that don't interest me - video games, fishing, going to bars, things like that. So their "not liking guns" would not be a problem, for me.

If, however, they are of the "guns are bad, guns are evil, only cops should have guns, if you own a gun you will get killed by your own gun" mindset, that friendship's over. Life's too short to put up with lunatics.

Because it is not the "inanimate object" that's the problem. It's the stupidity of the other person.

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I always take precautions

There's no more closed minded, prejudicial, cognitively dissonant than the "open minded" progressive.

I used a pistol to preserve my family and myself from 2 bad guys and when I told my Mother and sister, they both said I shouldn't have had the gun. Kind of like they rehearsed it.

When I asked them if they'd have felt better if we were killed/mutilated, they repeated themselves.

When a person anchors themself to a belief, they need to protect that belief - all evidence to the contrary is shunned. After all, if they accept the new dynamic, then they need to question other long held beliefs and human nature condemns this as in act of self preservation.

I love my friends and family and I protect those that cannot protect themselves. That said, I have no use for idiotic behavior and will not waste one second on the progressive gladiators that infect society today - except to harass them.

"Third, I would NEVER allow an inanimate object determine the course of a friendship(s.)"

This is all well and good if you are prepared to let other people dictate most of the specifics of your life. I agree with the concept that People are more important than things. Unfortunately, this is not simply about things. It is about family history, political beliefs, life-long hobbies and passions, deep-seated beliefs about personal responsibility, self defense and personal freedom. I also believe that true respect and influence is earned, not demanded.

I afford everyone a reasonable measure of respect just for being human. That is based on who I want to be, not who they are. I reserve deep respect (that allows someone to have significant sway in my life) for those individuals that earn it thru their actions and lifestyle. I have many friendships in various stages of development and depth. Only a handful of these "friends" have earned the privilege to speak into my life and expect me to listen. I hope I have earned that privilege with them, as well, but I would never demand such influence or power.

I guess what bothered me the most about the two instances I mentioned in the original post is that the individuals involved were so dogmatic about the evil of firearms, and by association the evil of those who use them, that discussion was not even an option. I don't usually use terms like "liberal" and "conservative", but in both cases the individuals involved were outspokenly self-avowed liberals. I had listened to them speak about the evils of "intolerance and closed-mindedness" as related to things like sexual preference and alternative lifestyles, but apparently intolerance and closed-mindedness are okay as related to recreational preferences and hunting/fishing/shooting lifestyles.

I have beliefs and convictions regarding ethics, morals, politics, ...etc, but I don't believe I have the right to bully or belittle those who don't share my convictions. Sadly, these "liberals" turned out to be the least tolerant, most bigoted bunch I have ever encountered (qualities they adamantly condemn in others). If they want to be that dogmatic, it's none of my business, as long as they don't insist on enforcing that dogma on me and mine. The level of hostility and intensity they expressed was frightening in both cases, and there is not way in hell I would let someone like that have any influence on my life and what I choose to do or own. I actually felt ashamed, for a little while, of shooting and owning guns. Then I realized my actions and behavior was not wrong in any way. In fact, it was the other way around, and they should be ashamed of their ignorance, intolerance, and intrusion into aspects of someone else's life that are none of their business.

I have found the firearms community to be predominantly respectful, courteous, friendly, tolerant, kind, and generous. I am proud to be a member of that community, and hope to attain to the character of those who were instrumental in establishing, fighting to maintain, and exemplifying patriotism, honor, personal responsibility, loyalty courtesy and self-sacrifice. When someone asks me to abandon all of that for the "privilege" of being their friend, the answer is pretty clear cut.

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Hastings

When my son was in high school one of his buddies spent the weekend at our house, his mother came to pick him up and came inside our house. Her jaw dropped when she saw the numerous game animal mounts on our walls and commented, "If only animals could have guns".
I promptly replied, "Yes, and the first people they would shoot would be the people without guns".
I came to find out that she had been previously arrested for (and I swear I am not making this up) disorderly conduct in a supermarket for releasing LOBSTERS from their water tank onto the supermarket floor.
She is a PeTA member and a true nutcase; I am happy to report that she has moved from Florida to Pittsburgh, PA !

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"Life is short, hunt hard"

I once worked with an individual who spent several hours attempting to "reunite" fallen leaves with their "parent trees". She said they should be together. This occurred the day after she had insisted on relocating (rather than "Murdering") all of the flies that were gathering inside the windows of the building we were renovating. Another PETA member, and now a homeless person on the streets of Montpelier VT.

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Hastings

This is a very interesting thread.

My wife is anti. probably comes from her mother, though I have never pushed those questions very far. We have been together since the teenage years and I had and shot guns then, so she knew all along what she was getting. She does not begrudge me the time I spend on shooting but she will never join me. At least I can not imagine it happening. She does ask, and I try very hard to accommodate, that I not leave gun things out hanging around the house. It's a small price to pay for keeping the peace.

We have a 10 year old daughter that I would like to introduce to shooting but I know this will bee a very delicate and wrenching thing for her mother. I will do so if our daughter decides she wants to go shooting on her own volition. It is imperfect but I love my wife dearly and we have formed this understanding over many years.

I have never lost any friends over guns and it has never been an issue with our daughter's parents.

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All Rights Reserved

Forester,

That's the way it should be. If you don't agree, at least agree to disagree and not let the topic cause division or strife. I hope you are able to work out the situation with your daughter learning to shoot. My wife was originally afraid of guns and wanted nothing to do with them. This turned out to be based on lack of knowledge and familiarity on her part. Once she had a chance to ask questions, and felt safe and informed, she loved shooting. My wife, both daughters, and my son all shoot rifles and handguns, and enjoy it tremendously, but I let them decide how often so I'm not pressuring them into anything. It's usually done as part of long walks or hikes in the woods, so it's part of a larger activity and just adds to the days fun.

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Hastings

To be honest, if my kid was friends with another kid who told me he had guns, I would want to meet the parents and see what they were like and if they had a safe....so many people today are irresponsible so it's hard to blame a protective parent...especially with all the stuff in the mainstream media about accidents involving guns and kids. That said, if my kid said a friend couldn't come around because of our guns, I would let the parents know I have a safe and they are always locked away...one thing that has helped me is that I am a reserve sheriff and the parents all know...I went to school last week and read in uniform..gun and all....guess a gun is okay with a badge for some people...little do they know that many civilian gunners are better gun handlers than some cops...sorry, the P2000 is on the other side....

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Thirty characters. Exactly...

Hastings, there is an old saying that fits your OP. Literally "Stick to your guns!" I really think I would enjoy meeting some of these idiots, just to yank their chain and get them really POed, as long as my blood pressure didn't go up too much. My last line to them would be to point my finger at them and say bang, bang, bang, bang. See, I won.

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Wayne
Torn & Frayed

That doesn't help if you want your kid to have friends...or be hired by an anti...you want to change minds, not reinforce them...

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Thirty characters. Exactly...

sipowicz:

I agree about the concern over how firearms are handled in the home. I invited the parents to come and see how I stored mine. I approached the situation from the standpoint that their fears were reasonable, and I needed to prove that each of their concerns were already addressed. Unfortunately, they simply fell back to the "bad people have and use guns, and we don't let our child spend time with bad people's children". I never try to yank people's chains regarding firearms because that only reinforces their stereotype of gun-owers. I would really like to give them a piece of my mind from time to time, but I figure I need to be the adult in the situation and that usually means walking away from the discussion looking like the loser from their perspective. Usually, winning an argument means losing the battle, so why waste the time and effort.

Don't get me wrong, I dearly love to yank people's chains, but not about topics as loaded as firearms (pun intended). I figure the best approach is that even if they don't agree, they can't find fault procedurally or legally with how I handle firearms.

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Hastings

This is one of those threads which I have difficulty reading; it's that disturbing to me. I'm not one to "yank people's chains", but I think I would attempt to clearly point out to the offending party the hypocrisy of preaching against intolerance, etc. as was mentioned by the OP, then turning around and displaying the attitudes described.

In answer to the original question, I've not(yet) had a relationship go south due to the discovery of my status as a shooter/gunowner. It is clear to me, however, that there are many, many people out there who hate guns. I believe that public opinion still matters in shaping government policy, and therefore that gunowners cannot afford the luxury of merely relying on the NRA to protect our freedom. I believe the future here depends on our willingness and effort to win sizable numbers of at least the currently indifferent to our way of thinking. Many hardened antis may be beyond our ability to convert, but there are still large numbers of people who could become shooters, or at least could understand and appreciate the rationale for gun ownership. Let's take the initiative to talk to them, take them shooting, etc.

Andy

Thank you, Alpo.

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Formerly Model520Fan

Wow. I'd like to actually meet someone like that.

I don't associate with anyone that is opposed to my ownership of firearms. I will tolerate neutral or disinterested, but if I get a negative on their part in this area I pull the eject handle.

End of story.

I was getting ready to say the same about TN.

Hear! Hear! I agree.

its happened that the gun thing caused relationship issues for me.
Sometimes I look up these old flames to see how they are doing ... more often than not, they are all still single and often into some funky things far more damning than any submachine gun a few here might have laying around.
in fact, given the glitch rate ive seen, I'd lay bets that shes got issues and you'd have paid

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it just needs more voltage

Back in 92, I had a girlfriend who was very anti-gun....always freaked her out to see them in my apt. we eventully parted ways. Then Rodney got his *** kicked and the city burned. Funny thing...the first night of the riots she called me and asked if she could stay over. I asked her why (I knew of course) and she said she felt safer with me and my guns. She is married now and we stay in touch...her husband also owns a few Sigs and a pump shotgun....and he takes his boys shooting all the time....

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Thirty characters. Exactly...

I've got to say cjw3 nailed it for me. Why would anyone even want to associate with intolerant people?

Here in PA, in the area I live people would act funny if you WEREN'T into guns. I am not a big hunter, and I actually had some people at my last job who were like "What do you mean you don't hunt?!?"

At my current job I stay neutral and don't mention anything about guns, hunting etc. I work with a lot of women,I figure the less people know the better. When I get asked what my hobbies are I just tell them my OTHER hobbies.......****nning, fitness, hiking, working on my car etc.