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04-25-2012, 05:57 PM
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I was asking my wife, 55, about this. I am surprised that there is so much drama, such temper tirades, associated with menopause. I think the onset has begun with my wife, based on her irregularity, but so far nothing like what is described here in this thread -- tantrums -- is happening.
My wife says that she thinks that women who are high strung tend to have these temper explosions and that those who are calmer by nature do not.
Anybody out there whose wife got through menopause without all this drama?
And I am glad to have read this thread so that I wil be prepared if my wife does have an adverse reaction, so to speak.
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04-25-2012, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onomea
I was asking my wife, 55, about this. I am surprised that there is so much drama, such temper tirades, associated with menopause. I think the onset has begun with my wife, based on her irregularity, but so far nothing like what is described here in this thread -- tantrums -- is happening.
My wife says that she thinks that women who are high strung tend to have these temper explosions and that those who are calmer by nature do not.
Anybody out there whose wife got through menopause without all this drama?
And I am glad to have read this thread so that I wil be prepared if my wife does have an adverse reaction, so to speak.
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yup ... mine.
oh yeah you could sense the moody disturbance in the force but its her nature to keep herself in check.
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04-25-2012, 06:10 PM
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Thanks, VB. That is good to hear.
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04-25-2012, 06:11 PM
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Alcohol and a large house.
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04-25-2012, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venomballistics
yup ... mine.
oh yeah you could sense the moody disturbance in the force but its her nature to keep herself in check.
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I thought you were a little younger than most here. How old is your wife? .... If you don't mind me asking. I'm just trying to gain prospective.
Mine hasn't changed much in the 16 years we've been together. She's 51 and I'm 52.
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04-25-2012, 06:35 PM
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It is different for every woman. Some get it bad, others not so much. It all about hormones really. And remember, hormones are incredibly powerful drugs of sorts, manufactured inside our own bodies.
When us guys were young teens, suddenly one day testosterone pretty much took over our lives. Embarrassing things happen to young teen boys when this happens, as we all probably can attest to. Things you have no control over. As the teen years go by, these events pass, not because the testosterone level in your body decreased, but because we adapted and learned how to cope with the levels of it in our bodies.
Now take the female of the species. She doesn't deal with a single hormone, like us males; she has to deal with several of them. First as a teen, like us. But then later on, when the change comes, she has to deal with decreasing levels of the same hormones-multiples again-in her body. And yeah, it can make them downright nutty. Its not fun to be in your shoes. Its not fun to be in her shoes either. No woman can learn how to deal with changing levels of these multiple hormones in a few months, and in fact the amounts of the hormones themselves might take a few years before they are finished changing, and thus going through the whole process. Its not a quick process.
Stevie, try to stay focused on, and remember who you married. You might not see her, but she is in there somewhere. Thats the person you must deal with. Wether she is raging at you, or happy, or somewhere in between, deal with the woman you married. Varying degrees of depression is also very common in women going through menopause. Treat her like the woman you married, even when she is at a bad moment, and raging. Try to make her feel good. Suggest going out. Bring home some flowers every week. Tell her that you love her.
What ever road she chooses, just support her as best you can. Her choice (denial stage right now, not an uncommon stage btw) will likely change as she transcends through this stage of her life. Remember, its not really her, its changing levels of multiple hormones in her body, and against such a foe a mortal man has little chance, if he uses some form of aggression against them. Watch your tongue!
Above all, the advice given about not doing or saying things that will be hard to cure is great advice. Remember who she is inside, the woman you said "I do" for. She will be back, in time.
Your son should understand all of this as well.
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04-25-2012, 08:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathGrip
I thought you were a little younger than most here. How old is your wife? .... If you don't mind me asking. I'm just trying to gain prospective.
Mine hasn't changed much in the 16 years we've been together. She's 51 and I'm 52.
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no problem .. shes 50 and yeah Im a bit younger at the 40 mark ...
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04-25-2012, 09:32 PM
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So I guess neither of us are out of the woods yet. My wife is pretty levelheaded most of the time.
I've noticed certain things are depressive to her and have to be careful to remember she's a long ways from Germany. Her Mom is all she has left. We both miss her Dad...Her Mom is crazy.
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04-25-2012, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onomea
I was asking my wife, 55, about this. I am surprised that there is so much drama, such temper tirades, associated with menopause. I think the onset has begun with my wife, based on her irregularity, but so far nothing like what is described here in this thread -- tantrums -- is happening.
My wife says that she thinks that women who are high strung tend to have these temper explosions and that those who are calmer by nature do not.
Anybody out there whose wife got through menopause without all this drama?
And I am glad to have read this thread so that I wil be prepared if my wife does have an adverse reaction, so to speak.
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I think that your wife is right. My wife had some physical manifestations that we believe were related to menopause, but basically no mental or emotional issues.
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04-25-2012, 10:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathGrip
So I guess neither of us are out of the woods yet. My wife is pretty levelheaded most of the time.
I've noticed certain things are depressive to her and have to be careful to remember she's a long ways from Germany. Her Mom is all she has left. We both miss her Dad...Her Mom is crazy.
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she has neither left so I let her borrow mine
Her mother died of cancer last year, so Ive seen her under the influence of extraordinary stress. If I were to make an exception for blowing a gasket, that was it. Im quite proud of her for maintaining an exceptionally even keel.
Her mother was also nuts .. paranoid manic depressive. I believe that growing up with that issue forged her resolve not to become that what tormented her through youth.
Might be something to that. The girl is tougher than I'd ask of anyone
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04-25-2012, 10:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venomballistics
she has neither left so I let her borrow mine
Her mother died of cancer last year, so Ive seen her under the influence of extraordinary stress. If I were to make an exception for blowing a gasket, that was it. Im quite proud of her for maintaining an exceptionally even keel.
Her mother was also nuts .. paranoid manic depressive. I believe that growing up with that issue forged her resolve not to become that what tormented her through youth.
Might be something to that. The girl is tougher than I'd ask of anyone
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I know what your saying. I'm thinking we have the same issues. She was Daddy's girl until he passed. I mentioned Moms a nut?
I'm gonna leave it here. It's too much of a drift.
I've got problems with aging parents of my own. I get to play mechanic on Dads '91 Cougar in the morning.
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04-25-2012, 11:41 PM
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Been through all of the above for at least 10 years or more.
Yes dear and no dear, I love you, I am going shooting or I am going to cast bullets. She would not get on hormone therapy or any drugs so yea that was fun. Still love her, and we did get through it but man did I ever eat a ton of aggravation and smile.
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04-26-2012, 12:23 AM
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The thing is, I think a lot of guys get married and now we have to deal with PMS and the monthly visitor on a regular basis. Ladies (I know you're reading this), you need to understand, we have NO idea what that is all about. Then, after 20 years or so of marriage, we're kinda used to it. So now what happens? It all stops, and BOY, what a change!!! I doubt there's a man in the world who can fully understand this process. We still love our Wives, but it's hard to cope. We care deeply about what is going on, and remember, we want to fix the problem, but unfortunately we can't. I have found the only thing that helps is if I cook, clean out the dishwasher, take her out to eat and be gone as much as possible. I have had a few nights when I have had 12 hour surveillance assignments recently. It's very profitable, which she likes, but I'm also not hanging around the house. That helps us both.
Oh, one more thing I'm seriously considering. I think I may get "I'm sorry, I was wrong" tattoed on my forehead.
Yeah, that may help. I'll post the picture when I do.
Jim
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04-26-2012, 12:49 AM
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Quote:
Anybody out there whose wife got through menopause without all this drama?
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Yeap, my wife jokes about it, biggest problem is Hot Flashes.
I swear that Global Warming is caused by all the Baby Boomer Women and their hot flashes.
From reading this, I thank God for my wife.
I kid you not, we joke about her hot flashes. I keep a RayTeck MiniTimer (laser temp gage) on the end table, when I see her getting a hot flash I zap her. You'd be supprise how much of a temp change she gets when she has a hot flash.
Hit her with the laser on her forehead, then when she gets a hot flash hit her again, normally the fluxatiion is about 6 degrees.
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04-26-2012, 12:49 AM
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All l gotta say bout this topic is: grin n bear it, men... this, too, shall pass!
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04-26-2012, 01:01 AM
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Somebody better spell me soon!!
Brother, it sounds like you and the kid need to have a guys bonding weekend out of the house. You sound like you really need a break and time to collect yourself. After that hopefully you will be able to find the START of a solution to the problem. If that does not work, well let me suggest lots of good Scotch.
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04-26-2012, 01:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kraigwy
Yeap, my wife jokes about it, biggest problem is Hot Flashes.
....
Hit her with the laser on her forehead, then when she gets a hot flash hit her again, normally the fluxatiion is about 6 degrees.
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Good to hear that she can joke about it, and handles it well, but Good Lord! Six degrees of temperature variation! Holy smokes!
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04-26-2012, 09:40 AM
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It's better today....was a bit better yesterday....I'm no longer the sorriest man in the world...
I re-read my original post where I stated I've suspected menopause for a couple years....this isn't true. Really I've known we were headed for menopause for maybe 5 or 6 years. I have quite a bit of experience dealing with it...but this last bout of it has been long and bad!
My son and I discussed recent and past events last night...and decided menopause is a bit like combat. Combat where you(men..sometimes daughters too) have no tactical advantage. You must manuever defensively and keep yourself under cover...and shooting back leads to casualtys on your team. You just keep moving and keep your head down accepting your casualtys as you take hits.
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04-26-2012, 09:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kraigwy
Yeap, my wife jokes about it, biggest problem is Hot Flashes.
I swear that Global Warming is caused by all the Baby Boomer Women and their hot flashes.
From reading this, I thank God for my wife.
I kid you not, we joke about her hot flashes. I keep a RayTeck MiniTimer (laser temp gage) on the end table, when I see her getting a hot flash I zap her. You'd be supprise how much of a temp change she gets when she has a hot flash.
Hit her with the laser on her forehead, then when she gets a hot flash hit her again, normally the fluxatiion is about 6 degrees.
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We knew I had a problem when I would open the freezer door and stand there.
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04-26-2012, 12:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevie
It's better today....was a bit better yesterday....I'm no longer the sorriest man in the world...
I re-read my original post where I stated I've suspected menopause for a couple years....this isn't true. Really I've known we were headed for menopause for maybe 5 or 6 years. I have quite a bit of experience dealing with it...but this last bout of it has been long and bad!
My son and I discussed recent and past events last night...and decided menopause is a bit like combat. Combat where you(men..sometimes daughters too) have no tactical advantage. You must manuever defensively and keep yourself under cover...and shooting back leads to casualtys on your team. You just keep moving and keep your head down accepting your casualtys as you take hits.
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I am reminded of this time I was sitting with my friend in my old Pinto at the ripe old age of 17.
He was rather distressed ... his girl was really putting him through it. Then I told him "Its a case of boy meets good sweet girl. Girl turns bitter and you start missing the one you met doing all you can to have her return. She never does"
I have yet to poke a hole in that one, or give it a word of revision beyond some paraphrasing due to being so long ago.
Its a question of value assigned to the relationship.
You have it tagged at a handsome sum. This is made evident by your effort. Your kids seem to have done the same. the question is, just what value does she hold to it?
I like the idea of recording the tirades. Perhaps she really is unaware. Hearing the blow out would remedy that. But be prepared for the fact that she could be fully aware and that a large portion of the behavior is a control game rather than an affliction. If so, the family relationship holds little value in her eyes and will eventually dissolve.
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04-26-2012, 12:42 PM
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Long Story Short:
1. Run away from home.
2. Join the Foreign Legion
3. Hire a Hit Man.
4. Keep on Trucking-this will pass.
5. Don't listen to Jimmy-He is old and crazy as a Loon.
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04-26-2012, 01:26 PM
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I was real lucky, my wife didn't have much problem and knew what was going on and took care of it, but then again she's been an RN for over thirty years.
I've worked many suscides of women who destroyed their family and turned them against them by not getting treatment for this. The family left and they had no one to blame for evreything that was wrong. Everything from pills to shotguns to the head.
One lady lived in a mansion and offed herself when she realized what she had done to herself and her family. When we contacted the family, they told us to do with her what we wanted, they would have nothing to do with her even in death.
Women, who all want equal rights, should wake up and smell the coffee. There are medical treatments for this and if they refuse to use them, then they deserve what they get.
No one should should be forced to live in an insane assylum
unless they belong there.
No one is perfect, but crazy is crazy and I wouldn't put up with it from someone and I would not expect anyone to put up with it from me.
Rule 303
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04-26-2012, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevie
It's better today....was a bit better yesterday....I'm no longer the sorriest man in the world...
I re-read my original post where I stated I've suspected menopause for a couple years....this isn't true. Really I've known we were headed for menopause for maybe 5 or 6 years. I have quite a bit of experience dealing with it...but this last bout of it has been long and bad!
My son and I discussed recent and past events last night...and decided menopause is a bit like combat. Combat where you(men..sometimes daughters too) have no tactical advantage. You must manuever defensively and keep yourself under cover...and shooting back leads to casualtys on your team. You just keep moving and keep your head down accepting your casualtys as you take hits.
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Now you're talkin' Face it-it's a small price to pay for the privilege of being the alpha male
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04-26-2012, 01:41 PM
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How do you spell, HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY......................?
I know, I know, it's almost politically incorrect lately. Tiny increases in some health risks. Some advantages.
BUT, if your women doesn't take them, she has a 99% chance of becoming a five letter word.
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04-26-2012, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rburg
And,
If you wonder why the husbands occasionally just pack a bag and go fishing or hunting (or drinking), wait until its your turn being the target. Kind and understanding plays no role and doesn't help an unprovoked rage directed at you. It just try's your patience.
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Yup,
Dick's on top of this one!
I always kept a roll of gun money stashed in the pick-up and a grocery bag of duds...
When things got too hot,,,
Jest went S&W buyin' or a new Harley or Vette for myself.
Hey, it kept me from havin' to take them "Happy Pills" !
Best of luck to the OP.
Su Amigo,
Dave
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04-26-2012, 05:09 PM
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I don't know.
I don't know how I did it.
I am very serious about this though---it aint easy.
Blessings
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04-26-2012, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by williamlayton
I don't know.
I don't know how I did it.
I am very serious about this though---it aint easy.
Blessings
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If you think it isn't easy for you guys to live with a woman at that stage in her life, imagine actually going through it for yourself!
My husband says guys do have the equivalent. He says "if you ladies go through menopause, I must be going through womenopause." (and yes, you do have your change, but it's not nearly as dramatic. so mild that most people don't even know about it)
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04-26-2012, 06:00 PM
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In the USSR if Mrs. Igonovich was going thru the change, Mr. Igonovich would take the horse off the plow thus giving the Mrs. more opportunity for exercise to work off her issues.
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04-26-2012, 06:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by captorquewrench
If you think it isn't easy for you guys to live with a woman at that stage in her life, imagine actually going through it for yourself!
My husband says guys do have the equivalent. He says "if you ladies go through menopause, I must be going through womenopause." (and yes, you do have your change, but it's not nearly as dramatic. so mild that most people don't even know about it)
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Please understand, I'm not trying to minimize it. I know it's a really tough time for you Women. I pray my Wife goes through it quickly.
Missus P&R Fan, 4 1/2 years my senior, says I'm going through the male version. I don't think so. Still have a thick head of really good hair (although it's going pretty grey, which I like). I can still do everything I could do at 16, and I can actually do all of them better now, and I don't ever expect that to change. (Go ahead, laugh, then read Numbers 14:28- God says "as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you"). I stay in good shape by playing racquetball about three times a week, and am wearing size 31 jeans right now. I refuse to acknowledge the male version of menopause, at least for myself.
OK, OK, I will make ONE concession to aging. I can't remember what I just did yesterday. But I can immediately recite who played in all 46 Super Bowls. Some things are important, you know.
Now, what were we talking about?
Jim
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04-26-2012, 06:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by P&R Fan
Please understand, I'm not trying to minimize it. I know it's a really tough time for you Women. I pray my Wife goes through it quickly.
Missus P&R Fan, 4 1/2 years my senior, says I'm going through the male version. I don't think so. Still have a thick head of really good hair (although it's going pretty grey, which I like). I can still do everything I could do at 16, and I can actually do all of them better now, and I don't ever expect that to change. (Go ahead, laugh, then read Numbers 14:28- God says "as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you"). I stay in good shape by playing racquetball about three times a week, and am wearing size 31 jeans right now. I refuse to acknowledge the male version of menopause, at least for myself.
OK, OK, I will make ONE concession to aging. I can't remember what I just did yesterday. But I can immediately recite who played in all 46 Super Bowls. Some things are important, you know.
Now, what were we talking about?
Jim
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Got any pics of yourself? Whats your sign?
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04-26-2012, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by JcMack
Got any pics of yourself? Whats your sign?
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Sure do. Check out my Easter Sunday thread "Me and my M27-2 in our Birthday Suits".
Jim
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04-26-2012, 07:20 PM
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Oh, P&R, I didn't think you were trying to minimize it. But I know it's easy to focus on what a %IOU$@ the woman can be and how unpleasant she can be. But some people, I speak in a generality here, focus solely on that without thinking about what she is going through to make her that way.
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04-26-2012, 07:25 PM
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I think it depends on how nutty ( male or female) they are to begin with.Add in some drug or booze abuse and look out!
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04-26-2012, 07:44 PM
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I had to hide the kitchen knives every night at the end of my 29 year marriage. Ex became a worse alcoholic after daughter suicide. Traded in for a much newer model.
New model has better design for getting thru this common problem.....she apparently solved it by becoming more affectionate.
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04-26-2012, 08:35 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Wellington FL Aberdeen NC
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Dang! Maybe that is the answer for the sudden temper tantrum she threw this week! I never suspect that, she is 53. is it time? I tried to get her to talk, said, "Honey, I think we have a problem." She assured me that we did not and that was it!
If there is a male change, I hope to heck I've passed it already, I'll be 70 in September!
__________________
Old paratrooper in NC
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04-26-2012, 08:50 PM
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Yep,it's time.
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04-26-2012, 08:54 PM
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I just went thru it with my wife. It was about the same time as I developed problems with my hearing.
All and all, from some of the stories i've heard over the years, we did good. My hearings getting better too.
It's not called "change of life" it's "change of wife".
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04-27-2012, 01:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moosedog
I just went thru it with my wife. It was about the same time as I developed problems with my hearing....
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Lucky break, huh?!
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04-27-2012, 05:27 AM
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Location: earth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onomea
Anybody out there whose wife got through menopause without all this drama?
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My wife was doing chemo at the time. Breast cancer has a way of distracting a couple from such things as the "change".
She just as cute and mean as ever, now...
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04-27-2012, 08:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CAJUNLAWYER
I hear that eating pineapple changes the taste
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You still married? I don't believe it.
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04-27-2012, 09:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chadwimc
My wife was doing chemo at the time. Breast cancer has a way of distracting a couple from such things as the "change".
She just as cute and mean as ever, now...
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God bless. I hope we can be as fortunate.
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04-27-2012, 09:14 AM
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Been there, done that, got the divorce papers to proof it.......
The ex went through it for several years before she went on hormone therapy. It took 2-3 different types to finally find the right combination. Shortly after, she decided that she didn't want to be my wife anymore. She crushed me.
The new wife is 25 years younger than the first wife, so it's not all bad.
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