Last night right as I got to my door a voice from behind said "Brandon Wilde?" to which I replied "Yes?" "You've been served." I thought she would be a bit more civil than this as we had discussed, and leave it be till after the holidays so I could enjoy my son's first Christmas and New Years. I knew she was going to file, but this was earlier than I thought!

Anywho, rant part over. Now I have to deal with the facts of my life, so I am out looking for helpful websites about divorce and perhaps any other tips and tricks you've learned. Lawyers are taken care of, and we are going to do mediation instead of a court battle for custody because neither of us want that. She also claims she wants me in my son's life, so I hope she'll stick to that promise. We'll just have to let it unfold I suppose.

Positive stories welcome!

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Still just a kid at heart

My deepest sympathies go out to you.

My first advice, hire the best divorce lawyer you can find. Get references from people you trust before choosing one.

Get a lawyer on retainer, what's civil now may not be after a trip to the mediator. Believe it or not, even people you think you know will look you squarely in the eyes and without blinking lie to you.

Please don't sign anything in advance of a lawyer reading it. Be wary of what you're told and careful with what you say.

I realize this ain't a very positive post, but based on personal experience there's simply not much I can say that is positive about going through a divorce. CD

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GOA
USA Shooting Supporter

I've never been through a divorce, so I won't comment on it.

I'm pretty sure that if Mrs. Hillbilly ever wanted to divorce, I'd wind up buried in a shallow grave in the woods instead.


Now for an observation....
You said that she agreed to let the silly season pass before she acted, and then she "blindsided" you by not doing what she said she would do.
Think about that. She didn't keep her word.....

1) Seek legal council. ASAP.
2) God gave you one mouth that closes and two ears that don't. Use them.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Mine would not even bury me, just leave me in the yard---no jury in Texas would convict her.

I have never been thru a divorce---I know they are not civil. A lawyer who has hisownself for a client has a fool for a client---is the only advice I can give by way of refrence from those who have been there and done that.
Cover your backside---it is a dirty game.
Blessings

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TEXAS, by GOD

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What they said, I can add nothing and have no disagreements with their posts based on my divorce experience. Find a divorce lawyer based on personal recommendations. It won't be cheap and child support is not tax deductible but will be payable for 17 years.

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S&WHF 366

Expect the worse..
I had a buddy go thru 2 years of living hell..His wife was a professional liar, she dreamed up so much stuff that wasn't true..She told the cofs he pointed a gun at her, not true, but he had to take all the guns out of the house..So there went his FFL license..Long story short, he got full custody of the 2 children, house, cars, belongings..It came out in court that she had made it all up..Little consolation for him having spent attorney fees of 70 grand..Yep he was in court every month or so,

I have never been through a divorce, and I hope to never go through one, put I watched my parents when they went through their divorce. It was messy and they both destroyed themselves in the process and most of the family with them. In the end the only one's who made money were the attorneys. What I can tell you as a child who watched their parents self destruct their lives, the toughest this will be on, is your child. If he is only a year or two old he might not remember, but I can remember when my parents split up, my son was just about to turn two years old and my father walked away from him and the rest of the family and for the longest time (since my father drove a tractor trailer) my son thought anyone driving one was his "Grandpa". So you have to remember, your son is the one who is really going to suffer in this, kids always do when it comes to a divorce no matter who is at fault, who ends up where and with what.

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Vaya con Dios

I went through one and no children involved so should have been painless. Not so as people change during one and quite a battle can start. In the end I let my lawyer handle things and he did well for me.
I wish you luck and get a good lawyer that doesn't mind having to get down and dirty for his clients.

As the others have said, CYA! And always remember the kids had nothing to do with this, keep them number one with you always and try to make it as painless for them as possible, assure them you are still their father and will always be there for them. Good luck with this, thoughts and prayers are with you.

Good luck with all of this. None of it is fun for anyone.

Do not move out of your house! Nothing will hurt your case for custody more than that.

PM sent.

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Because of the metric system?

My divorce is a textbook case of what can go wrong will go wrong. Expect your wife to lie about you and expect court decisions that you consider unfair.

The best advice I can give is find a lawyer who only does divorces. Just because someone is a lawyer doesn't mean he (or she) is any good at it. Some do not pursue things in a timely manner, some let details drop. As others said try and get references.

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Luke 22:36

A civil divorce, that's an interesting thought. I'm thinking if a couple could be civil with one another wouldn't they just stay married?

I've been happily married for 30 years so I can't give any divorce advice. As a cop I've hauled plenty of divorcing people to jail just because they decided to be mean to someone they once vowed enternal love.

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- Change it back -

Just like fingerprints. Every one is different. BE PREPARED! I've seen too many friends who weren't. Good luck,you'll need it.
f.t.

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South Carolina-God's country

You'd be surprised how many people make better "friends" than life partners. And there's nothing wrong with that, especially when kids are involved.

All states are different as well as you're circumstances. Just be smart, use common sense, utilize your lawyer, don't move out until the court tells you, kids number 1, no violence, stay calm cool and collected. Watch money, keep things documented.

It's mostly common sense as things you'd cover when you think anyone's screwing you over.

Don't trust her!

Good luck brotha!

Be aware that many divorce lawyers routinely file for an "order for protection from domestic violence." Even if you have been mr nice guy without a hint of hostility, this can complicate your life in a way that is not easily fixed. I've been through 2 divorces way back and having lost half, twice can make life tough. Best wishes in this tough time. Joe

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Wisdom chases me; I'm faster

The divorce I was speaking of, in addition to lying about him pointing a gun at her, she claimed that he raped her as well..The sheriff's deputy that came to the house to collect his underwear was a close friend, their children were friends and had sleepovers..What an embarrasment, they took him to jail and he had to post bond..There was sex, but it was consensual..What ever you do, don't fall into that trap...

first thing i want to say is sorry i didnt work.
positive stories? i dont know if there are any...
my parents split when i was 6 both remarried to spouses that already had kids-what a mess .i moved off the farm the first chance i had at 17.
i felt abandoned and harboured a grudge against my father that has only diminished in the last few years.
my father wouldnt pay child support because he figured the "new guy" should pay to play.
i guess, if i were to give any advice, i would say be careful of your actions and words. people are watching you and theyre going to remember for a long time.
positive: my father seems happy with his "new" family (he remarried in '80) he didnt bother even phoning his grandson again this christmas.

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the rules? there are no rules

Brandon,

I don't disagree with the responses that you have already received from other forum members. This is certainly a good start as this is "uncharted territory" for you. I've been through about a dozen of these proceedings with my own tax clients, and with friends. The best final outcomes resulted from those who keep their cool and kept it civil throughout the process.

Here's my take:

1. I agree with using the Internet. It's a great source for information, although it may not always be correct or reliable;

2. Utah is not a "community property" state, so that is not a consideration for you;

3. As others have already stated, be sure that you're not "outgunned" with your attorney, compared to hers. You need one that has the skills, knowledge, and experience to satisfactorily resolve cases like yours, in your favor, whenever possible;

4. Attorneys are not motivated towards an early resolution of issues/final divorce decree. The longer that the proceedings drag on the wealthier that they become;

5. Be sure to consult with a good CPA/tax preparer before your divorce is final. Most attorneys can't spell "taxes" or "CPA". Almost all divorces will have income tax implications for both of you, especially if you have filed a joint tax return in the past;

6. Document everything that has or will occur from this point forward. Written documentation is the strongest evidence in legal proceedings. Use it to your advantage!

7. As best that you can, keep it friendly throughout the entire process. You have everything to gain, especially financially and insofar as visitation rights with your son are concerned. Last year I had two clients who had to agree to amend/modify their final divorce decree eleven months after the fact. They were not acrimonious during the divorce process. They each saved almost $5,000 in income taxes;

8. Talk with other relatives, friends, co-workers, etc whom you trust. They may have information or knowledge which you can use to your advantage.

I hope that the information in this post may help you in some way.

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That's what we do!

Three divorces in our "close" family.
(Close enough for us to watch the details)

In all three cases, the couple eventually got back together.

In all three cases, the couple lost a fortune of money.

Make sure you can not make it work, no matter what you "think" it might cost.

Making it work is cheaper than a divorce.

Every divorce we have seen ruins the couples future, all savings are plowed into lawyers.

Sorry for your situation.

1) Hmm. The acronym I was using got * out. SHUT UP. The acronym has two more words between those two. SHUT UP.
2) NEVER talk to her or her friends, or anyone who could be her friend, without a good, credible witness, and even then, only in a very public place. If at all possible, don't talk to her or friends at all. See #1.
3) DO NOT post anything anywhere about this, including here. There are people who specialize in searching for things a party to a case might have said. See #1.
4) If for some reason you have screwed up and have a Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, or anything else account, get rid of them. They are not consistent with personal security under the best of conditions, and there isn't any excuse for having one if you value security. One drunken post and you might have more of a feces sandwich than you can comprehend. See #1.
5) See #1 again. If you have any trouble understanding that, get a friend to buy some duct tape and run a layer or two across your mouth.

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NHI, 10-8.

I learned far more about women during my divorce and the years following than I did in the 50 years prior to it.Watch your back.

Sorry to hear your having a tough time.

The only advice I can offer is for you to read, then print, Doug M's post. Place one copy of the post on your bathroom mirror so you see it every morning as your getting ready for work, and one copy on the steering wheel of your vehicle so you see it each time you drive some place, and one copy in your wallet so that if, for some reason, you can't remember what he said you can pull it out and refresh your memory. All the best to you and remember that this too shall pass, meaning you will live through it.

Pete

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Don't tread on me

You have received good advise so far. Unfortunately I have also been through a divorce. You have already seen that she won't keep her word so you need to expect the worst. If you are on this forum you probably own guns. What would happen if things got ugly and she accuses you of threatening her with a gun. She could file a restraining order and you could loose your CCW if you have one.
If it were me I would take all of my guns out of the house and store them at a relatives house or a buddies. Even the gun you carry. Don't go around her with it. More than likely nothing like that will happen but why not be safe? I am sure there are a lot of guys with a horror story of this happening. Good luck and I hope it works out.

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Tom
NRA Pistol Inst

All I can add is, when it comes to lawyers, when you need one the best is never to good. Spend the $$ and take care of yourself.

Sorry for your predicament. Been there - hated every second of it.

You may have occasion to learn a new language, as I did. I learned in 'Divorcing Female-speak', a phrase such as "I want everything to be fair" translates in normal language to: "I'm gonna screw you out of all I can and make the absolute very best outcome for ME".

I wish you the best - lots of good advice here.

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Ret'd LEO
SWCA #2275

Sorry for your situation. I've never been through it but friends and relatives have. Thebestvadvice I can give Iis to be mature, stay civil, remain credible, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Let me repeat, EVERYTHING! Also, DO NOT GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP UNTIL WELL AFTER THE DIVORCE! You might also consider putting your vauables somewhere safe, I will guarrantee you they are not safe around your soon to be ex. And protect your credit!

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Even older, even crankier....

You may not be able to appreciate this right now but she may have done you a favor. A couple of sayings for the situation. Take comfort in those that apply:

. One one door closes another one opens.
. We can not see around corners so sometimes something good is just around the corner. Stay positive and don't get discouraged.
. and my favorite....Women are just like buses, if you miss one there'll be another one along in 15 minutes.

But seriously it will all be alright. After my divorce the next 6 months was the darkest period of my life. The I met the woman I've been married to for the last 42 years. That has been the brightest and most wonderful time of my life....every single day of it.

I wish you the very best of luck.

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Real men love cats!

This x1000. To use the naval analogy, run silent, run deep, only engage when you have to.

Also get your guns out of the marital home ASAP. As somebody else pointed out many divorce lawyers file a protection order as standard operating procedure.

Also, if you have an order of protection against you, your Concealed Carry license (depending on your state rules) may have to be surrendered...

I wrote a bad post here earlier and deleted it after about 15 minutes. To start with, this is like who gets to the cops first with their story. Truth is few of us know each other here. Human nature is to "believe" the story of someone telling it without hearing the others position. You might have been the best husband in the world, or she might have been the best wife in the world. I have been through the worlds second worst divorce. The worlds first worse is everyone else`s.
Mine started a few days before Christmas of 1985. Until the last few days I didnt know I had a problem. Ex ran off with another married man, our daughter and later, my most precious guns. That was my worst christmas, presents under the tree. This christmas was a close secound. My daughter insulted my wife 15 months ago and this christmas it boiled over to a real split. It is a indirect result from my divorce 28 years ago!!
Try to make it as agreeable as possible. Very, very few ever are. It will haunt all partys for life. Good luck to you BOTH.

Like it may have already been said .Talk to someone you know that has had a divorce and were taken to the cleaners ,Then talk to his WIFE'S lawyer .

We'll finally a subject I know something about !!!! First get your firearms to your best friends safe! Next get you a bank account with a sibling are a good friend as a co owner! Next get a lawyer. You will be under a protection order unless the too of you are sensible enough to settle this mess without a bunch of junk. Remember their are grandparents to this child. Please don't forget us!!!!!! Watch your mouth and watch who your seen with.first emotion is to look for another lady!! This is the horse talking here, don't do it!!! I said don't do it! Did you hear me? Now get your wits together tell your mama the truth and get on with your life. You have some of the best emotional help and people who will pray for you right here. If you ask these folks will help you. I've asked and gotten the help. As I said this is the horse talking. Good luck my friend. Time will heal the Hurt and you'll feel better before you know it. Don't talk trash about the babies mother as it will come back and bite you. Wait till the child turns eighteen. They will know the truth by then.

Thanks Gents,
Guns are hidden away and locked down. I don't carry around her or the wee one anymore. I have a bulldog lawyer, don't worry! And I record and document each conversation (she is aware). I also ask for everything she wishes to discuss in writing, and send my reply back in writing. I'm feeling good about this. I don't want to speak much more just in case, but things will be ok in April.

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Still just a kid at heart

Wildenout. sorry to hear about the forthcoming divorce, but been there done that.

My ex and I are better friends now than we were during the final 8 years of a 26 year marriage. All good advice being put up here for you.

I will say this though, my ex and I ended up hammering out the last details to the divorce over dinner after the lawyers just kept stirring things up. Everytime one of them made changes to the papers it got worse, it felt as if they were trying to pit us against each other to prolong the process and charge more for each call, rework of papers, filing, etc.. So we went to dinner and talked it out. Probably won't work for a lot of people but it did for us.

Good luck and watch what you say and do.

Kinda off topic, but I didn't know a process server can legally serve you through a door. I always thought that they have to see you face to face and hand you the papers, don't they? Otherwise how do they know its really you on the other side of the door? Your saying its you doesn't make it so....

It appears from reading the description that he was just getting home and had not yet gotten in.

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NHI, 10-8.

My divorce was brutal and the process took 4 years to complete.

Looking back on it, I can tell you a couple of things that I know for sure.

- The only thing worth fighting for is your relationship with your child. For that you should take off the kid gloves and go bare knuckles on the mat.

- Whatever it looks like today, it will be entirely different in a few years.

- Never give up your dignity. Tell the truth or say nothing at all.

Good Luck Brother. You'll need it. For sure this is the "E" ticket ride and very bumpy.

Dang, what a thread! I now more fully comprehend why I've remained married for 42 years.... I got lucky!

Been there, done that - have the scars to prove it.

1.Listen to your attorney, he/she is on your side.

2.Never believe anything she (the ex) ever told you or tells you in the future.

OK, I get that now. For some reason when I first read it I pictured him at home and answering the door - with the process server outside the door.

Dunno where I got that idea - maybe from the fact that I've been cooped up at home so much for the last 3 months...

There are days, only days, when I am jealous of those guys getting divorced! This too shall pass, even uncontested divorces have messy moments, and I had "uncontested" clients ( I did not specialize in divorce and do not ever touch it anymore) spend hundreds of dollars fighting over a stack of Playboy magazines that she did not want, but just would not let him have. Have a separate bank account and access to separate living accommodations. Do what you have to do, fight to be in your kid's lives and plan on replacing what you have to. Above all, book that vacation to Phuket and Angel City!

Get a good lawyer let him/her do the talking. Sounds like your son is young unlike my 2 were 13 and 15 had to be careful not to bad mouth mom. Let your attorney do the talking.

SHE????? Wants you in your sons life??? Very big of her. Don't count on it. I have always failed to see where this decision should be the womans alone-- this is BS unless you are a real bas----. I see too many boys raised just by women with way too many problems-- too many to even think about.

The most telling part of this whole rag is that I have not read a single post by any attorney on this board------does that tell you anything ?
Get an attorney---do what the hell he/she says and shut up.
She can't argue if you don't talk.
Blessings

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TEXAS, by GOD

Keep emotions out of the procedure, and it is a procedure, the best you can.

Listen to your lawyer but keep control of the message, iow, don't let the lawyers get bogged down and drag it out, they cost a lot of money.

Lawyers charge not only by the hour, but many charge min fees for calls and emails. Mine charges .2 for each email unless they have a big response then by the hour, also .25 for every phone cal that is less than that, so four 5 minute calls can cost an hour, same with emails!

Take notes, save questions until you have enough to use up at least .25 or better yet save them for a regular meeting (unless it's an urgent question). Stay organized and keep track of your thoughts ,notes, questions, so you don't waste time and money.

Keep civil and don't let either party use the kid as a weapon. If you see this happening put a stop to it immediately.

Johnny Carson once said that you never really know a girl until you've sat across the table from her in a divorce negotiation.

My ex also wanted to be civil and cooperative...until her girlfriends and her lawyer pumped her up, and filled her head full of stories about what she was "entitled to"....

No truer words were ever spoken....

First... There IS life after divorce.
Then...
1. Get a good lawyer. They know the in's and outs of the system.
2. Try to stay calm. Your emotions are running at super-sonic pace right now.
3. Realize that this will cost some money and your lifestyle will change for a while. Please note that I said "for a while".
4. The pain WILL go away.
Last......The IS life after divorce.
I know, because I've been there. Very happy now. New wife & better life.

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It's Alive !!

*
Actually, I am, but I don't do family law for a lot of good reasons. That's why I gave the answer I did - practical, not legal advice.

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NHI, 10-8.