02-23-2014, 08:12 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: So Cal (Near Edwards AFB)
Posts: 14,710
Likes: 2,926
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Cop's responses to excuses
I'm not a cop, but I got these from a friend and though y'all might get a kick out of them: - "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
- "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them for a while."
- "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make you're birth certificate a worthless document."
- "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
- "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
- "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
- "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think that it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
- "Warning!?!? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
- "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
- "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on the rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
- Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
- "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."
- "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
- "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We sued to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
- "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
- "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
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